Author's note at the bottom.
Disclaimer: Merlin is not mine and I own nothing.
Chapter 3: Sinking and Rising
"The crops are doing fine, my lord," the councilman briefed. "And I expect their to be an excellent harvest this year."
Arthur just grunted from his place at the head of the table. He was surrounded by twelve or fifteen council men, along with his knights, minus Elyan and Gwaine. The meeting had been going on for about thirty minutes, but the words that were being spoken went right over Arthur's head. He sat staring into the distance without seeing, absentmindedly twirling his wedding ring in his hand.
The men around the table all looked at each other, concern written on their faces. The man who had been talking about the crops sat down slowly, uncertain if he should remain standing or not. A few of the older members looked each other knowingly. They remembered how Uther had been after Igraine had died, and they only hoped Arthur would pull out of it before it was to late.
"Perhaps we should end this meeting and reconvene tomorrow?" Leon suggested, standing.
Arthur nodded slowly and waved his hand in dismissal. The council wasted no time in scurrying to their feet and exiting the room. Leon and Percival started to stay behind to talk to Arthur, but Merlin had stepped forward from his spot against the wall and motioned for them to leave. Nodding gratefully, the two knights did as they were told, closing the door behind them.
Arthur didn't move or even seem to realize that he was now alone with Merlin. He just continued to stare absently, twisting his ring around. Merlin watched his friend and felt a pain of grief for his friend. He knew how Arthur must be feeling for he to had lost the one he had loved, but he knew that Arthur would be feeling the grief two times over.
Merlin sighed, remembering how he had been after Freya's death. From the looks of it, Arthur was going to be even worse then he was. Already, his friend had started sinking into depression. It was to be expected of course, he had lost his wife and daughter after all. But it had been over a year, and he was the King. Merlin knew he had to knock Arthur out of his depression, even if he himself still felt the pain of Gwen's death every day.
Arthur, for his part, knew he had to snap out of his depression for the good of the kingdom. But he couldn't shake her face out of his mind. He couldn't forget her laugh, her smile, the way she had always been their for him. Anytime he closed his eyes he could see her as she had been, and then as she had looked as she died. He felt the pain of her loss every second. He couldn't even go near his only son. He had Gwen's eyes, and looking at him only worsened the pain.
"Arthur?" Merlin started hesitantly.
Arthur gave no response.
"I know you're listening, Arthur." Merlin said. "You have to snap out of this."
Still nothing from Arthur. Merlin took a deep breath, really not wanting to have to talk about this. It hurt every time he even thought of Gwen, much less mentioned her. But he had to knock Arthur out of his depression. What good was a king who could only lead during war, like he had five months ago against another one of Morgana's failed attempts at the throne? Merlin knew Arthur had taken his pain and grief out during that battle, and once Morgana had been defeated yet again he had hoped Arthur would go back to normal, but he had fallen into an even bigger hole.
"I know you miss her," Merlin said quietly. "We all do. But being so depressed that all you can do is stare at the wall isn't going to help you or the kingdom." He paused, waiting for any reaction. When there was none, he continued. "Gwen wouldn't want you wasting your life thinking of her."
There was silence. Merlin's shoulders drooped in defeat. There had once been a time when Arthur would have jumped to his feet and thrown the nearest object at Merlin's head for even suggesting that he knew what Arthur or Gwen or anybody else was thinking. But that Arthur had died with Gwen. Now all there was was silence. Merlin sighed and started to turn, no idea what to do now. For the past year he had tried to talk to Arthur, but each time he was met with silence. Merlin wasn't one to give up easily, but the past year had been to hard, to difficult, and it was wearing on him.
"You don't know how it feels to lose the one you love, Merlin." Arthur's voice stopped him in his tracks. "You have no idea what it feels like."
For a second, Merlin wasn't sure he had heard Arthur. But when he turned, he saw that Arthur had turned slightly to look at him. Hope flared up in Merlin.
"Oh, but I do know." Merlin said softly, stepping back toward his friend. "It feels like your heart has been ripped from your chest. Like you'll never be happy again and that you're life is meaningless without her there with you. It's as if a part of you has died and will never come alive again until you're with her again."
Arthur's eyes widened as he stared at his friend.
"How did you...?"
"I lost someone once, a long time ago." Merlin inturrupted, not wanting to talk about Freya. "But believe me, Arthur, it does no good to spend your day staring at a wall wishing she was here. It's good not to forget her, but spending day after day doing nothing isn't the right way to go about it." He paused and Arthur looked down, thinking about his friends words for the first time in a year. "What do you think Gwen would say if she saw you like this?"
"She'd tell me to remember her, but live my life" Arthur said quietly, fighting to keep the tears back.
"Then do what Gwen would want you to be doing." Merlin paused.
Arthur sighed and nodded slowly.
"I guess I haven't done a very good job as king, have I?" Arthur said sadly.
"It's understandable," Merlin replied, not able to deny it. "You went through to much and it got to you. Everyone gets hit hard in their life."
Arthur looked up and Merlin nearly yelled for joy when he saw the spark of light in Arthur's eyes that had been missing for the past year. Everything would be all right now, he knew.
"Thank you, Merlin." Arthur said, much to Merlin's surprise. "I don't know what I'd do without a friend like you."
A smile came to Merlin's face as he heard that. He knew Arthur must be extra emotional after talking about Gwen, otherwise he never would have said that, but he couldn't help but feel proud to be called Arthur's friend.
"Oh probably just go around half dressed with dull armor being a bigger prat then you normally are." Merlin joked, the smile still on his face.
He ducked as a goblet flew at his head and he ran to the door, laughing as he did. He turned to shut the door and saw a smile on Arthur's face for the first time in a year. Merlin shut the door, hearing the clang of another goblet hitting it, and walked off to do his chores, the smile still planted goofily on his face.
o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-Three hours later-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-
Arthur walked down the halls, nodding every so often at the servants and knights he passed. They all stared at him in shock, not use to a non-depressed Arthur after over a year, before hastily bowing and going on their ways.
Arthur's mind wandered back to the conversation he had had with Merlin. He shook his head, wondering how such an idiot could be so wise at times. It didn't happen very often-or at least, he didn't like to think it did-but earlier had been one of those times. He knew his grief and depression had lasted far to long, but it was understandable he thought.
But it had lasted long enough. Arthur remembered the promise he had made Gwen before she died and already he had broken it. He hadn't been a very good father over the past year, even missing Gwydre's birthday because he had been to depressed to do anything but stare out the window.
It didn't take Arthur long to reach his son's room. He started to barge right in but then remembered his manners and started to knock quietly, but he stopped when he heard laughter from inside the room, followed by a fake roar and the sound of running feet. Arthur frowned in confusion, not sure what was going on.
He heard more laughter and guessed that three, maybe four were in his son's room. Gwydre's laughter was the most evident of all. Frowning slightly, Arthur opened the door and walked inside quietly. To his surprise, he saw Merlin on the ground acting like a horse with Gwydre on his back holding a wooden sword and swinging it at Elyan who was play acting that he was a bandit. Gwaine lay on the floor, laughing with a wooden sword stuck between his arm and his side.
"Die Uncle Ewan!" Gwydrie screeched, mispronouncing Elyan.
"Never!" Elyan laughed swinging gently with his wooden sword.
Gwydrie laughed and stuck his sword out, missing Elyan by a landside. The three year old boy began to lose his balance and swung out to catch himself, hitting Merlin on the head with the wooden sword. Merlin let out a grunt and instinctivly reached for his head, causing him to lose his balance as well, sending himself and Gwydre crashing to the floor. Elyan noticed a second to late and fell hard as Merlin and Gwydre tumbled into his legs.
Arthur watched the whole proceedings from the doorway. It wasn't until then that he realized how much he had missed in the past year and he suddenly felt jealous, for it was clear that Gwydre had gotten on just fine without him. He didn't say anything and just watched as Merlin, Gwydre, Elyan and Gwaine all sat up, laughing their heads off. He started to turn and leave the room when the laughter stopped.
"Daddy!" Gwydre shouted, noticing his father standing there for the first time. He untangled himself from Merlin and Elyan and ran toward Arthur, who bent down and picked him up. "What are you doing here Daddy?"
"I came to see you." Arthur replied, feeling guilty as his own son asked what he was doing in his room.
"You came to play bandits?" Gwydre asked, his eyes lighting up eagerly.
"Of course." Arthur said hestiantly, his voice anything but sure. "How do you play?"
Gwydre started struggling and Arthur reluctantly put him down. His son grabbed onto his hand and pratically dragged the King into the room. Elyan, Merlin, and Gwaine had gotten to their feet and all seemed to be blushing slightly, embarrased at being caught acting like children.
"See, I'm the pwince and I have to go and wescue the pwincess." Gwydre explained, motioning to where a broom stood with a dress on it halfway to the ground. Arthur raised his eyebrows, but made no comment. "And Mewin is my howse and Ewan and Gwaine awe the bad guys that I have to kill with save the pwincess."
"A horse, huh?" Arthur teased Merlin and grins lit up on all of their faces. "And here I always called you a dog."
"A dog!" Gwydre repeated happily. "That a gweat idea! Mewin, you can be my twusty dog and Daddy can be my horse!"
The two knights and Merlin burst out laughing at the look on Arthur's face. Gwydre looked up at the four men, not understanding why they were laughing. He waited impatiantly for them to stop laughing and when they didn't, he grabbed onto Merlin and Arthur's hands and started tugging on them.
"You have to get down!" he explained. "Howses and doggies walk on all fowes!"
Arthur couldn't help but join in the laughter as he and Merlin got down on the floor and his son crawled onto his back. He glanced back over at the "princess" and sudden inspiration hit.
"You know, Gwydre," he said casually, "That princess doesn't look like much. Maybe one of the bad guys or your dog should be the princess this time."
Gwydre didn't say anything as he thought it over, then a huge smile lit his face.
"That a good idea, Daddy!" He beamed. "Uncle Ewan, you be the pwincess!"
Elyan's eyes grew wide in horror.
"But Gwydre," he protested, "I'm the bad guy. You have to have two bad guys."
"I thought it was suppose to be my turn to be the bad guy," Merlin said mischiviously.
Elyan looked at him in betrayal before turning to Gwaine.
"Gwaine has been the bad guy each time, Gwydre." He tried. "Maybe he should be the princess."
"I don't think so, Elyan!" Gwaine inturrupted horrified at the idea.
"Who do you want to play the princess, Gwydre?" Arthur asked, looking up at his son.
Gwydre looked thoughtfully between Elyan and Gwaine. Both looked like they were about to start sweating. Neither wanted to dress as a woman, but they each knew they would give in everytime to the little boy's wishes.
"Gwaine can be the pwincess!" Gwydre finally decided.
Gwaine's eyes widened in horror and the other three men burst out laughing.
"Go get the dwess on, Gwaine." Gwydre ordered, crossing his arms in an imitation of Arthur.
Gwaine started to protest, but seeing the look on the boys face thought better of it and moved on to reluctantly put the dress on. As Arthur laughed, he couldn't help but feel more at ease then he had in the last year. He looked over at Merlin, grateful to have a friend like him.
I hope this chapter was ok, I'm not to pleased with it, but that's pretty common for me. I hope I stayed in character as much as possible. I meant for this chapter to be really dark to set the mood, but I couldn't resist putting in the last bit (really don't need to watch funny Merlin videos while writing what's suppose to be a depressing story.)
Anyways, I hope that I portrayed Gwydre right. I was in 3 year olds at VBS this past week and I noticed that several of them had problems with "r"s. If I took it to far or if it's not believable, feel free to tell me. I'm always open for suggestions. Hope ya'll liked it!