In the dark,
he bites at my nipple
miscalculates,
and bites at my heart
-poem
~X~
Future?
It was nearing night time. Haru notices this and pulls on Gokudera's coat.
"Should we take a breather now? I don't think it's good that we travel at night. We still don't know what's out there," she nudges out the window and at the small patches of green littering the field. The sky was a powdery blue hazed in grey.
"Here?" Gokudera looks at the filthy interior of what used to be a kitchen in front of them. The long musty table's edible contents already rotted away a long time ago. Not even ants and spiders lingered for long. He snaps his fingers and small flames began appearing at the corners.
"Is there a room we can sleep in?" Haru inquires as they exit the room. Gokudera absent-mindedly snaps his fingers and soon the whole building was enveloped in light.
"There's a bunker where the Tenth used to sleep," he says and swiftly leads the way up the rust-eaten ladder. To the right was a small room which had a big musty yet comfortable looking bed. Gokudera shuffles through the shelves and takes out a dirty looking frame.
"This was the Tenth's dad," he says quietly as he lets scarlet flames gnaw through the dust. Haru looks at the picture. There were three people who looked to be in their better days. He pointed at the middle, where a man with hair like golden fire was roaring with laughter. They seemed to be in a beach. By his right, a girl with hair and eyes the color of Gokudera's was also grinning as she attempts pressing a beach ball to the man's chest. By his left was a guy with long ashen blonde hair and closed eyes attempting to push the others out off the picture.
"I-is this your mom?" Haru points at the woman. Gokudera nods almost languidly.
"They founded my clan. Mom already left it when she bore me," he says. "I never got to meet any of them. The other man- Basil supposedly wrote a journal about how this clan was established in the first place. It's here somewhere," he steals a glance at the shelves. "He died before my mother got pregnant with me." He returns the frame back and scrimmages across a stack of books. "He also wrote a novel. You know, about us. Giotto-san, the Tenth's dad, always read it to us every night."
He takes a black leather-bound book and a small blue notebook from the shelf.
"Do you want me to read it to you?" he says as he opens the notebook.
Haru nods. A quick thought then flashes across her mind as she eyes the two tomes. "Uhm, Gokudera-kun?"
"What?" he says as he plops himself at the edge of the bed. A flame spurts by his right, close to the book.
"Why did you burn Kyoko-chan's journal?" she says, looking at him hesitatingly. "Y-you loved her, didn't you?"
"I almost forgot you read the damn thing," he sighs, half smiling as he rubs the bed. Flames also begin to disintegrate the dust in every inch. "It was better that way." He looked at the journal with a childish wonder she never saw him have. "I guess there are some memories that are better to left behind to let new ones in, right?" he looks at her and motions her beside him.
Haru smiles warmly as she pecks him on the cheek.
~X~
-Present.
Gokudera was still staring at the book on his left hand as Haru presses the door closed outside.
Gamma was there already with his crooked smile. "No 'see you later'?"
"No need," Haru said dryly. "He's brooding over the journal again. If he wasn't in the mood he'd be arguing with me again over whose bottle was whose."
"I thought after three weeks you'd finally start warming up. He did say he wanted to be friends with you, didn't he?"
Haru merely looked at her feet as they walked in the immaculate white hallway. "We're just too alike. We get mad at the smallest of things and we can't let go of our pasts. Kyoko-chan just… she complemented him perfectly. I can't be like her."
"And you are not her," Gamma said matter-of-factly. "You should stay true to yourself. Since both of you are birds of the same feather, it'll be easier."
"I'm sorry for being so pessimistic, but I'm sure it'll take awhile."
"What's important is persistence. He can't be cold to you for long," he says encouragingly. They then turn to the left before stopping at another white door. "We're here."
"Umm… are you sure we're not being followed?" Haru looks at the small video camera behind her.
"Nah, the place is rigged. Illusions everywhere. Even when I left my place to pick you up. He knows how lethal this gathering will be so he knows the precautions to be made."
"I trust you," Haru says as she smiles at Gamma. He winks as he knocks the door smartly.
A girl with short red hair eyes them from behind.
"Password?" she says huskily.
"You really have to ask that from a regular, M.M?" Gamma sighs.
"Just say it you smarmy bastard," she presses indignantly.
"Ok. 'Mukuro-sama is my leader."
"And?"
"He's our glorious Messiah who will set us free."
"And? Fuck you, just spit everything out."
"My vows for him are my own and will never be broken. To die is gain for the beautiful Mukuro-sama."
"If you say it half-heartedly again I will vaporize you," she said coolly. "Who's the chick? Your wife?"
"I already told you my wife died before I even got here," he rubs his nape. "Haru-chan's a friend who wants in."
"Let her talk to Mukuro-sama first," M.M waves off before fully opening the door. Haru follows Gamma inside to see a room bathed in blue light. She notices that transparent indigo flames were dancing in her every step. The place was packed with people talking to each other in low tones.
"Gamma-san, you never told me you had a wife," Haru tells him.
"Let's leave it another time," he says as he strides quickly forward. "What's vital for now is you get to join us."
"I-I never thought that we prisoners could band together," Haru whispers as she slips across the throngs of people with Gamma.
"Really now?" he chuckles. "Would you be content to stay here dreading death?"
"Kufu~ I highly doubt she would want that," says a man in front of them. Both yelp in surprise.
"Mukuro-sama!"
"Almighty Mukuro-sama!"
"Mukuro-sama…"
One by one each and everyone began bowing at the tall man. Slowly and one by one the pale flames then began encircling the man. Haru gasped along with the others when the light finally showed him fully.
He was tall and sallow-faced with mismatched eyes resembling glowing jewels; one was a beautiful glinting sapphire while the other was a passionate ruby. His hair swished in a ponytail down his slender back. His smile was both kind and haughty-looking
"What is your name?" he said in a soothing voice that made her heart spark.
"M-Miura Haru," she stammered.
He extended his hand and smiled at her gently. "Rokudo Mukuro."
When she looked up, she noticed his peculiar pineapple shaped haircut. She has seen this before…
"I do so hope you'll be able to find inner peace within yourself, Miura Haru," he whispers before turning to everyone. "Sit," he says in that deep alluring voice of his. Small cushions suddenly appeared at the ground. Gamma and Haru sat by his feet.
Haru's eyes glinted when she looked at Mukuro. She had never encountered a man like him before. Except for Gamma maybe but Mukuro…
"My friends, my brothers and sisters…" he pauses as he looks at everyone's eyes (according to Haru) before continuing. "I thank you once more for coming here in my humble abode. To begin may I ask everyone with trouble to please come forward? I need you to…."
~X~
"He called us one by one to tell him our troubles. To think he'd know all our names… he even remembered me mind you!"
"How many were you?" Gokudera interrupts, looking bored as he conjures flames from his forefinger.
"Umm… about thirty maybe…"
"Is that guy even nuts? Banding you together when you'll eventually kill each other in the end-"
"He knows that! That's why we had Asura sessions. So we'd be able to reflect our past actions and then we'd give each other advice on what action to take. It looks rather effective. And Mukuro-sama was really nice. You should come too."
"Like hell do I need those stupid sessions! I don't trust that bastard."
"Why do you say that?"
"He's an Illusionist. That's more than enough. Silver-tongued bastards let their words mask their intentions. I've worked with more than enough illusionists in my lifetime to know that."
"Maybe that's what I need."
"You stupid bitch-"
"No, Gokudera-san. All I've been hearing from you for the past two years since we've met was cynicism. I never heard of hope from you ever."
"And you would let that false hope from your Mukuro-sama blind you?"
"Maybe I will. Look, it's just…" she finally stands up and looks at Gokudera determinedly. "When I'm with him and the others, I feel like there's a reason for me to live and die. I-I feel that I'm no longer afraid to get killed by even one of them."
"Gawd, you should honestly hear yourself-"
"Say what you will. Mukuro-sama said that most of my brothers and sisters were as pessimistic as you were. But they began donning their rainbows and hope for greener pastures on the other side of our lives."
"All this talk will get us nowhere. I'm gonna sleep."
"Good night, Gokudera-san."
Haru proceeds to push the button beside the door to dim the light.
"I don't think you should trust that Mukuro too much," she hears Gokudera say. "I've read how groups like that- cults I suppose- end up using its followers' lives."
"I hope you're wrong," Haru says cheerfully. "There's just something about it that makes me feel like I belong there. It's like… I'm back at my old clan."
"Tch. Whatever. Just don't rope me in the mess you'll be in eventually. The last thing I need to do is bow down and smell that Mukuro's socks or something."
"You're exaggerating it!"
~X~
In a few months' time however, Gokudera's words were not that too far from the truth. Mukuro had already fully won her over after a month and a month after, she was the one now opening and closing the weekly Asura sessions.
One day as Haru was the last to leave, Mukuro beckoned her forward to sit beside her.
"I am astonished, Haru Miura," he says as his flames danced around them like twittering birds. "At how you go here to help us prepare early and leave last in every session."
Haru turns pink. "I have nothing to do anyway, Mukuro-sama. My roommate and I never get to talk much plus helping you is one big honor from me."
"Really… Kufufu~" he chuckles as the fire birds disappear one by one in a puff of smoke. "I thank you then, Miura Haru."
"I-It's nothing, Mukuro-sama! I'll do anything to make sure-"
"Who is your room mate then? Has he passed on?"
"Oh… it's Gokudera. I just know his surname since Gamma doesn't use his first name. H-he's still alive, Mukuro-sama."
"Hmm… have you asked this Gokudera if he wanted to join us?"
"Haru has been trying for several weeks but he refuses to go." She made sure to remove the part where Gokudera often yells what a pretentious crazy halfwit Mukuro was.
"Really now?" he raises an eyebrow. She shuffles further away.
"I-I'll make sure he comes around, Mukuro-sama. I'll be taking my leave then." She attempts a clumsy bow and almost shuffles out when she feels something warm pressing her shoulder.
"Little one, you can stop persuading him. It is his choice if he wants to join us. Off you go then."
She pauses as she turns around. Mukuro had already raised his hand away and was looking at the trident in his hand somewhat impassively. A trident that somewhat reminds her of-
"Mukuro-sama, is that Chrome-san's?"
There was a shadow that fleetingly left his gaze the moment he uttered yes.
"Gokudera Hayato killed her, no?" he asked, his tone almost playful.
"Was she a roommate of yours?"
"Possibly the last one, yes."
"And did you love her?"
His smile stiffened.
"I wanted her to live. But there's nothing I can do about it now. A member of ours was kind enough to get this trident back, at the cost of his blood."
"I'm sorry."
"Kufufu~ you have chosen the wrong words to honor our comrade."
"It's not that. I'm sorry you had to lose her."
"It's one unwritten world in this world we have to abide in. She was a fragile little dandelion. You can take your leave now, Haru Miura. We have wasted too much words over the fallen. That is taboo in this dying world. Until tomorrow."
"Good night, Mukuro-sama."
~X~
She knocked precariously by Gamma's door after making sure Gokudera was busy staring at his notebook again.
"Gamma-san? It's Haru."
"You shouldn't be moving much. I've already told you there's still a match tomorrow-"
"It's about Mukuro-sama. Umm, how long did our gathering existed?"
"Hm… It's been two years I think."
"And did you know Chrome Dokuro?"
"She was his roommate. Have you asked Mukuro-sama about this?"
"I just found out when I saw the trident."
"They were betrothed to each other. The Rainbow Incident crushed everything."
"When this castle appeared?"
"Yup. They were childhood friends."
She stared at her dress and at the bed. Gamma assisted her to sit on one.
"That's all you came her for? You could've asked me to go there instead of crippling you further. You could also have left the session sooner instead of helping out-"
"Mukuro-sama must be sad."
"If he is, he doesn't show it."
"I bet he is… like Gokudera-san."
Gamma nodded.
"Showing weakness isn't a guy thing," he explains as he pats her head gently and sits beside her. "And those kinds of stuff are common in Flame Charades. It wouldn't surprise me if both of you end up facing each other in the end."
"And who will you be rooting for?" Haru asks, trying to add lightness in her voice unsuccessfully.
Gamma smiles.
"I'm betting on the girl to live this time."
~X~
Gokudera was still looking at the notebook when she returned. That was her surprise.
What surprised him though, was the hug she gave him.
"Before hitting me, I want to apologize."
"Damn right you should," he said in disgust before pushing her away. "What was that for?"
Haru just stared at him before sliding a few inches away.
"I judged your taking of Kyoko's death rather shallowly. I guess I've been far too used to killing people, I've forgotten how it really feels like to kill someone you love."
He raised an eyebrow at her before turning away. "Go back to your bed."
"Can I look at you?"
"Fine."
"I'm sorry about this," she whispers as her eyes squint to get a clearer look at his emerald eyes that pincer what she calls her soul; his pronounced frown that never seemed to smile (did it move even a little at Kyoko's gaze?); his pale skin; his ruffled silver hair that nary looked clean-cut…
She felt a pressing sensation in her stomach and bile rising through her throat.
"What's this for?"
"I just have this feeling. I might not see you this way again," she musters a cheerful smile before standing up and limping to her bed.
He says nothing as his hands try fishing out the journal again.
"Chrome-san was supposed to be Mukuro-sama's fiancée."
"Too bad for him."
"That's a mean thing to say. As expected."
"It was her fault for not even trying to fight back."
"Was it Kyoko-chan's fault too then?"
His hands stopped searching for the journal. She didn't know what hit her as his hands now tightened their grip at her throat.
"You know nothing, you noisy little bitch," he utters through gritted teeth. "Get the fuck out."
"Kill me then like you did with the others who attempted to pry," she murmured as she choked. "Or too chicken to because I'm her friend?"
"You fucking-"
She then yanks the invisible strings she wrapped at his wrists. He immediately lets go as blood dripped around his hand like scarlet bracelets.
"I love Kyoko-chan more than you ever will!" she says before gasping lungfuls of air. "And instead of making her feel sad by mourning for her, I've decided to keep on living." The pain of Gokudera's grip still hasn't left. "Because that would be what she damn wants!"
With that, she slams the door and bursts into tears as she knocks on Gamma's, coming sooner than expected.
~X~
"Haru-chan?"
"G-Gamma-kun? You're there, right?"
"H-How many fingers?"
"Umm… well I knew it."
"You can't see?"
"Unfortunately, haha. I thought it was gonna suck too. I'm quite surprised, you know."
She could hear Gamma's impatient feet circling around her bed.
"How long was I asleep since the match?"
"Two days." His footsteps still hasn't ceased. "You know what, maybe we should get Gokudera-"
"Leave him. I don't want to see him… HAHAHAHA. Oh my gosh, I can't see him so HAHAHA-"
"It's not exactly funny Haru-chan."
Haru stopped laughing and tried to imagine where Gamma would be sitting.
"Umm… it's fine. I knew this was going to happen anyway. My body is weak to withstand the disease. You can just tell me where I would comb my hair or where the doors are."
"Haru-chan… I've been blind for two months before we've met. My ears are no longer functioning either. I've only got my sense of touch left."
"Oh. So… communicating with me…"
"All in your head. It's all through telepathy. I've been only mouthing the words. I've had holes under my shoes so I can sense where the solid objects are."
"That's so cool Gamma-san! Can you teach me then?"
"But you don't have your sense of touch anymore, right?"
"T-Then just the telepathy thingy! Oh, the other members will be so impressed with the mind talking-"
"Haru-chan."
She tried looking up at the direction of the voice.
"You've only got your sense of hearing left, right?"
"I think so…? I can still smell things though."
"Christ…"
Suddenly she could hear heavy breathing close to her left ear and her chest and tummy constricting.
"A-are you hugging me, Gamma-san?"
"The last thing that usually disappears is your voice."
"Well that's good. At least I'll crow until I die."
She felt heavier and soon she was gasping for air as she imagines his arms wrapping much tighter around her.
"Gamma-san?"
"I'm getting Gokudera. I'll try stopping him from getting furious with you from now on."
"It's only been less than a week! He's obviously still mad."
"You don't have much time left to let it all pass anyway. Stay here."
And with that, she heard the metallic slam of the door.
~X~
When Gokudera opened the door, Gamma's fist was within reach to hit him squarely in the face. He made his entrance, closing the door quickly as Gokudera backtracked in shock.
"Couldn't wait for the match, could we?" he sneered as his nose began to bleed. He raised his fists and Gamma could see the scars from Haru's strings. "I'm ok with brawls."
"It does fit you more, punk!" Gamma says as his arms snap to a jab that Gokudera avoids, and then a cross to his bloody nose, sending him reeling. "Talking wouldn't make my point through. It's better pounding them in." With that, he sends a kick through his opponent's stomach, who crumbles the blow.
Gokudera immediately avoids his straight and lands an upper to Gamma's chin before sending in a right. "Then what is your point?" he pants as he attempts to wipe his blood away. Gamma was on his knees now, struggling to stand. "This is the first time I see you getting flustered. What did the bitch tell you this time?"
Gamma spits out the blood he got from biting his tongue at the right and elbows his ribs, sending out a cracking sound. He proceeds with punching his liver and then his chin, but not before getting kneed at the stomach.
"Apologize and take her back here. You are not a kid anymore. You are a man, for Pete's sake." he said with such firmness not even Gokudera's hook to his left jaw deterred him.
"Just because you were a dad doesn't mean you can boss me around!" he seethed as he attempts to land more blows, only for Gamma to counter him full-on and sending him sprawling to the ground and losing a tooth.
"You stupid kid!" Gamma said with such authority Gokudera's head bowed a little. "She had been trying her best to stick up to you. Even when you killed her supposed sister, she selflessly forgave you."
"And what do you fucking care?!" Gokudera screamed as he landed a roundhouse to his face. "You have no fucking right to talk to me like that- not after you killed your room mate- not after you killed her with no fucking remorse-"
Gamma's eyes darkened. For the first time, his opponent felt a chill he had never experienced since being imprisoned inside the castle's crimson walls, and as Gamma lunged in for the kill, all Gokudera could do was hide his face with his arms only-
"I loved her."
Gokudera looked at him, wearing the same face as he did with Ryohei's at that time. Gamma's fist was raised inches from his own face. His attacker turned away. A voice inside him was telling him it was now his chance to kill him once and for all, but he waved it away.
It was, after all, the first time he had ever seen a grown man grieve.
"She was the only precious inkling of the past I had left. I know I can never return to it now."
Gokudera stood up.
"Your friend, Haru, cares for you much more than you'll ever think. She often tells me how much a pain of an ass you are, but she's willing to give that pain of an ass a chance."
He stares at Gamma, who was cradling an orange flower-shaped necklace trapped under his sleeve.
"She reminds me of my daughter and my wife. Both of them gave me a chance, no matter how much a self-serving conman I was."
"And you'd go slugging it out just to get your point across. Then end up becoming a royal idiot," Gokudera sighed matter-of-factly. "You were wrong too. Talking left a dent on me."
"Not without a punch or two though," he pointed out, chuckling and making more blood flow from his mouth.
"Gamma, you sure you don't want to see a Sun Flame user or something?"
"I should say the same to you," Gamma says as Gokudera's nose refused to stop flushing out blood to his disdain.
"Dammit Gamma! You could've let the stupid hag talk to me instead of setting you gung-ho on me!" he said as he wiped his nose with sheets and helped Gamma out of the door.
"You wouldn't have taken her seriously anyway. She's been too perky since she woke up."
"Damn." He had to prepare himself for endless blabbering after dusk.
"And she wouldn't be able to walk to your place by herself. She just lost her eyesight in her last fight."
Gokudera didn't utter a word as Gamma gave him instructions to get themselves treated. He remembered the time when he gave her a chance to ogle at him.
She was really going to die.
~X~
Future?
Haru couldn't sleep. Gokudera was already squirming and groaning at his nightmare. Soon enough, with much hope, he'd wake up.
The sudden jerk of the sheets prompted her to the left.
Gokudera was sweating heavily as he stared at the canopy.
"I had a dream about Gamma."
"What's it about?"
"Remember when I kicked you out and Gamma had to duke it out with me so I'd listen?"
"Still reminiscing about the past?"
"He didn't tell you about his, didn't he?"
"I could care less. He didn't ask about mine."
"He held many cards to his chest."
"And I obviously don't care. He's been such a good guy-"
"He loved you."
"No duh. He was such a nice guy."
"You reminded him of his wife and daughter."
"Not the kind of love I'm expecting…"
"His wife died a year before he got captured. She was the leader of the Giglio Nero clan, one of the biggest clans during that time."
"So?"
"She had an affair. With him. Aria's husband was sterile. Gamma was the dad but he wasn't the legal father. It wasn't proper too. He was an infamous con artist, notorious even before the Rainbow Incident."
"How did his wife die?"
"She had the Sky."
"Goodness…"
"The story doesn't end there. Gamma was captured because he allegedly tried evading capture from another heist. Things calmed down when he was in the Crimson castle. But he did one unforgivable thing during his stay- he sexually assaulted his roommate and then killed her the next day- during the Flame Charade."
"I don't know what to say."
"His roommate was his ten year-old daughter. That might shut you up for good."
~X~
-Present.
"Thanks, M.M. Who knew you could channel Sun Flames too?"
"Whatevs, Gamma. Oi, can't you be grateful to me, dammit?"
Gokudera ignores her as he touches his nose.
"You ungrateful asshole!" she hollers at him. "It's a damn good thing Mukuro-sama's here, otherwise I would've disintegrated that damn nose of yours!"
"Silence, M.M," Mukuro says quietly as he peers at Gokudera, who glares back.
"You're Rokudo Mukuro? The one Miura wouldn't stop fangirling about?" he snorts, making MM clench her teeth and punch Gokudera in the shoulder.
"M.M. Gamma. Take your leave. I'll be talking with Gokudera Hayato."
"I'll be waiting outside with Haru," Gamma whispers a he follows a still fuming M.M. outside.
Mukuro closes the door and examines Gokudera from head to foot.
"Sizing me up?"
"No. I am trying to see if my hunch was right," he remarked dully as he thrusts his trident to Gokudera's heart, who immediately dodges and lets more than twenty dynamite sticks made of Storm flames burn out of thin air and aim themselves around Mukuro.
He simply chuckles as he waves his hand. They disappear to be replaced by long snakes now ready to sink their fangs at Gokudera.
"I get it. You're like me," Gokudera whistles as the snakes burst into flames.
"I always knew I'm not the only one," Mukuro titters. "And how did you find out I was immune?"
"My flames can eat through illusions," Gokudera sighs. "And so far, your organs and limbs seem intact."
"Well deduced," he smirked and circled around Gokudera. "So far then, with that lifespan of yours, you know what happens to us immune once captured inside this rubbish heap?"
"Nope," he said curtly. The way Mukuro's hair and how his lips quivered with delight as the guy spoke… he didn't like any bit of him.
"It's best not to find out," he laughs and keeps his eyes on him. It made Gokudera uncomfortable.
"And you want to recruit me? I already said no."
"If the talks bore you, that is not the main reason why I want you to go. There is one reason why I had to put up with sugary pep talks and preachy going-aways, kufu." The air of his words stained. He was, for Gokudera, revealing his true colors. "I need your strength for something bigger. Miura Haru had told me a lot of things about you."
"Forget it. If you want to instigate a rebellion, there's no way in hell can it happen."
"Oh, that is not my intention kufufu~" he said silkily. "My core plan is to escape this goddamn prison. Since you know most of the passages here, you can help make sure we'll leave the Crimson Castle in one piece."
~X~
"Did he plan all this?" Gokudera said indignantly once he left with Gamma and were now walking towards Gamma's bunker. "Did he order that hag to bicker with me and have you fight me?"
"Oh no, I was really furious at you two," replied Gamma pleasantly. "And I know I wouldn't be fighting you for real anyway."
"He then played the cards right, that manipulative bastard. He wanted to meet me, and by talking to Haru, knowing or at least having a clue at what I'm like, decided to fucking make her fight with me and have you- I'm gonna kill that damn son of a bitch-"
"We often play into his machinations, Gokudera. And you already refused him. It's nothing worth getting angry about."
"What the hell, shouldn't we be talking about this? If they find out…"
"This place until mine and yours are rigged. Fake illusions 24/7 from Mukuro-san."
"And I don't get why you still didn't think he was immune like me…" Gokudera still couldn't hide how impressed he was.
"Says the idiot who'd kick out a girl."
"Tch," he sighs before talking. "When's the plan happening?"
"It's… classified since you're not a member," Gamma smiles.
"Feh," he spats out as Gamma knocks on the door.
"Haru-chan? I'm back," he calls out before whispering at Gokudera's ear. "Just make sure you don't say anything stupid. She might end up hurting herself if she attempts attacking you."
"Great," Gokudera mutters under his breath.
"Gamma-san? Is that Gokudera-san?" she said, not masking the excitement in her voice. "Gamma-san sorry. Haru must've trashed your room but Haru managed to know at least where to move."
Both of them step inside, only to gasp in surprise at the disarray.
One bed was lying with the tip beside the other bed. Almost all the antidote bottles got smashed by the ends of the bed, soaking the sheets in purple and pink. The pillows Gamma somehow managed to procure were lying on opposite sides of the room.
Haru was part of the chaos. Her hair was as unbridled as the waves of an ocean storm while her dress was pinned on the wrong places, making her look less a girl of twenty-two and more a child of four. There were bruises visible on her arms and legs, obviously from tripping or slipping around the place.
"Haru's so sorry!" she yells and attempts to embrace Gamma but goes to Gokudera instead.
He relents and looks at her in shock.
"Gokudera-san, did Gamma-san tell you how sorry Haru is?" she says, looking at Gamma's direction.
"Uh, you got it all wrong," Gokudera said flatly. Haru squeals and presses back to Gamma.
"N-No wonder Gamma felt short- Haru's sorry Gokudera-san!" she stammers. "Haru won't do that again! U-Umm…" she attempted to shake Gokudera's hand but takes Gamma's and shakes it vigorously.
"Haru-chan, it's fine," Gamma says in a sugary voice and proceeds to hold her hand to the bed. He immediately attempts comb her hair with his hand before buttoning up her dress properly.
"Thank you, Gamma-san!" she says exuberantly. "U-Umm... Is Gokudera-san still there?"
Gokudera nods, but then remembers she couldn't see and utters 'damn right' before staring at her still.
"Haru-chan, Gokudera and I talked it over. You'll be coming back with him. He promises he won't kick you out again."
"Did he? Did he? Thank you, Gokudera-san. I promise I'll be goooooooood~" she then shuffles and attempts to touch the hem of his shirt but slips over the sheets.
Gokudera face-palms and hoists her up.
"I-Is that you, Gokudera-san?"
"Got that right. Well. See ya, Gamma." With that, he pulls her hand to hoist her up and holds it still to lead her out.
"Gokudera. Take better care of her. She's not the same Haru you know. She must've regressed back to her child personality to cope up with the shock of losing her sight."
"Thanks…" he trails off before trying to collect his emotions. This wasn't what surprised him. Haru was an idiot. This was bound to happen. What surprised him was how quiet she was once they returned to their cell and had her tucked into bed.
He was prepared for the endless nights full of chatter and cheerful stories from her, but she remained still, even on her bed.
"What did I do this time?" he sighs as he shuts Kyoko's journal and was now sitting up. "Can't sleep?"
"Does it matter, Gokudera-san?" she murmurs. "Whether Haru opens or closes her eyes, Haru can't see anything."
He wasn't able to quip anything back. This shot of cynicism coming from her wasn't usual.
"Haru realized what a nuisance she was," she said in a faraway voice. "But you don't have to worry anymore, Gokudera-san. Haru will be leaving soon." She smiles at his direction.
She had already fallen asleep. Gokudera remained speechless as he looked at Kyoko's journal.
~X~
"From now on, you'll be leaving with me after the sessions," Gamma said once they began walking to Mukuro's cell. Haru looked morosely down, counting the steps she made in every corner in case she gets lost.
"Okay."
"You've been awfully quiet lately. Gokudera told me you haven't told him anything for two weeks now."
"U-Umm… Gokudera-san might get mad if Haru talks while he's reading."
"He misses the noise."
"Gokudera-san said that?"
"Just a hunch. He keeps telling me how much you've changed when you started going to Mukuro-san's."
Haru simpers.
"Gamma-san… thanks for being such a good friend."
He ruffles her hair.
"No biggie. I'm just making the most of it while it lasts."
"What do you want to do once you return below? Is there still a chance for you to see your family again?" she asked innocently.
Gamma bit his lip. His expression was a swirl of indifference and uncertainty.
"I highly doubt there's anything waiting for me down there. That's why I decided to stay here."
"G-Gamma-san-"
"Haru-chan, it's ok. I've already told Mukuro-san my decision. He agreed with it in the end."
"B-But-"
"Shhh. Haru-chan, we're here."
He was holding onto her hand. Tightly.
~X~
"What did you talk about this time?" Gokudera asked hours later, now sitting beside Haru. She was slowly moving far from his voice. It surprised her because she felt really agitated.
"The plan. Mukuro-sama was hoping you'd help us-"
"I've already told that bastard and you that I'm not gonna come with you," he said firmly. He didn't want to shout now that she was responding to him.
"Haru apologizes-"
"Why do you keep apologizing? It's not even your damn fault you-" he had to stop himself for berating her.
"It's fine if Gokudera-san calls Haru a stupid hag," she beams at his direction. Gokudera saw nothing within her hazel irises. "Haru wouldn't be winding up Gokudera-san soon. She hasn't got much time left."
Gokudera stares at her. No matter how pure her smile was, it felt absolutely wrong.
"Maybe when Haru's gone, Gokudera-san would see Kyoko-chan now there's no one left for her to talk to."
"Miura-"
"Umm, Haru has a request."
"What?" he said quite gruffly.
"Can she borrow Kyoko-chan's journal?"
He simply takes it out of his coat and hands it to her.
Her hand fleets through the cover before peeling back to the paper.
"Somehow, Haru can sense Kyoko-chan's writing. She used Sun Flames, right?"
He said nothing as her hands try leafing through the pages.
"Haru read it during your match with Ryohei-nii. It made Haru realize… how lucky Kyoko-chan was to change Gokudera-san."
He listened intently. He couldn't talk back.
"Haru wishes she could do the same too," she says still in her chirpy voice. "But Haru failed miserably."
He placed his hands together. He couldn't say a word in debate. She was right in every way.
"All Haru did was make Gokudera remember how sad it was to lose Kyoko-chan. Haru apologizes."
But here she wasn't.
"Kyoko…" it surprised him at how he managed to utter her name after all this time. "If you hadn't made me remember, then it would be harder for me to forget."
He was beginning to understand why he was no longer writing back to Kyoko's thoughts since Haru embraced him. There was really no point.
"The regret of not telling her might stay, but the guilt's starting to disappear. I can't thank you enough for that, Miura."
Her jaw dropped. In her shock, she forgot what direction she should be facing.
"You shouldn't be thinking too much what other people think of you too. I don't think you're that much of a noisy bitch. To be honest…" he scratches his nose. "I want you to be like the Miura before."
"A-Are you really Gokudera-san?" she asked half-jokingly, closing the journal and throwing it at his direction.
He merely looks at it before tossing it to his bed.
"You stupid hag," he snarls as he attempts to tickle her.
~X~
Gamma began noticing that Haru's smile hasn't left her mouth for days so he asked about it one morning.
"In a good mood, eh?"
"Haru's happy because Gokudera-san's friends with her now."
"That explains it," Gamma says good-naturedly as he pats her head.
"Gokudera-san's no longer writing in Kyoko-chan's journal too," she chirps. "It's a sign, right?"
"Of what, Haru-chan?" asks Gamma in a singsong voice.
"Haru's such a bad person."
Gamma instantly locks his gaze at her. Haru's sightless eyes were focused forward. Her hands were now clawing the sheets of Gamma's bed tightly. He could feel the pain in her smile.
"Haru wants Gokudera-san to forget about Kyoko-chan. Haru hates it because she doesn't feel any guilt at all."
Gamma merely bit his lip.
"There are times when Haru wants to throw the journal away. Or tell Gokudera-san to stop talking about Kyoko-chan. I know it's a loser's thing. But Haru feels exactly that."
"It's alright, Haru."
"And Haru's only telling this to Gamma-san because she wants someone to side with her. It feels really immature."
"Haru, I'm not siding with you."
Haru tries looking at his direction.
"I'm only gonna say this once, Haru. If you want Gokudera to forget about Kyoko, you're fighting a losing battle. Her memory will never leave him."
Tears were slowly beginning to flow from her cheeks, but still Gamma continued.
"It's the same with me too. I loved the person and I killed that person instead of facing the truth. It's something I can never forget for the rest of my life."
Gamma places his hand at her left shoulder.
"Listen to me, Haru. I told you before: you are not Kyoko. You can only make him happy in your own way."
"G-Gamma-san-"
"Back then, when I opened your door for the first time, I never thought you would last this long with him. You proved me wrong. Partly, it might be because he already knew you were Kyoko's friend. But partly, it might be because you showed him kindness in your own way. Like how you did for me."
His grip loosened as he moved forward. It was acting up again. The urge. She reminded him so, so much of the people he knew so well. No way will that damn urge win again.
~X~
"Miura Haru, can you please leave for a moment?" Mukuro asks in syrupy politeness. "Gamma and I need to discuss about the Castle calling."
Gamma smiles mechanically at Haru. "Stay outside. This won't take long."
Once Haru shuts the door, a snarl replaced Gamma's smile.
"Why the fuck did you group her with the other disposables? Are you intending to leave her behind?"
"Kufu~ Relax, Gamma. I've made positioned her as one of our last lines of defense. She has no life left in her. You are perfectly aware of that, are you not?"
"And what of me? Am I still that fit to be with you and you damn liars-"
"You are the one to talk, kufu~" Mukuro says coolly. "When you made a living duping people even after you joined your clan-"
"I'm no longer one like you- I won't fucking sacrifice lives-"
"Gamma, you do not know what you're talking about," Mukuro replies, losing patience with every word falling out. "And if I let them escape, will they even have enough time to enjoy their lives below? There is no other option."
"You son of a bitch-" Gamma seethed.
Mukuro's smile merely widened. "Miura Haru reminds me of Yuni. Pray, Gamma, does Miura taste the same as Yuni? Or is she much more pleasurable, seeing as you never asked the guards to rig your next opponent to be her- kuh-"
By this time, Gamma's lightning flames surged through Mukuro, who enjoyed a brief shock of electricity before lying at the ground, still bathed in near-diabolical glee.
"Yuni, wasn't the same since I did it," Gamma whispered. "I had to cut her loose. Her disease was too much for her-"
"Ah, the dutiful Oedipus. Such a lovely excuse, my blood knight," Mukuro leers as he stands up. "You can take your leave. If you truly want to be with Haru Miura, then do so. You are not in luck though. It appears she is much smitten with that Gokudera Hayato."
"I know," Gamma said. "And I've accepted that already."
"Then live and find another woman."
Gamma shakes his head.
"Says the man who still keeps his lover's trident by his bed," he replies as he opens the door.
Mukuro merely laughs as he looks at the trident.
"Love-drunk fools, aren't we?" he asks it gently.
~X~
Haru laughs along with Gokudera as he tries impersonating Squalo.
"Vooiii! You fucking shitheads can't beat this hair!"
"You got it wrong. You should be wringing the sword about!"
Gokudera gets himself a flaming scarlet long sword and was laughing half-maniacally, half-mockingly as he waves it around.
"You know, Gokudera-san, you could play the part if you grew your hair and got a tan."
"You idiot!"
"Can't catch this!"
Both of them were now chortling as Haru flings her thunder knives and mimics Belphegor's 'ushishi-ing.'
"Nah, your bangs should be getting in the way when you're speaking," Gokudera rings out.
"I can get away with anything I want, shishishi~" says Haru as a crackling knife whizzes past an inch by Gokudera's left ear. "Because I'm a prince."
"Fuck your bangs!" he interjects as Haru struts around. "By the way Miura, your aim's getting better."
"Maybe. Haru can now hear things better anyway. I'm not that any better than Gamma though, but at least I can hear even your thoughts before you even speak of it."
"So you know what I'm thinking now?"
"Erm, I know you're thinking how awesome Haru-sama is! Mwahaha!"
"I'm thinking how big your ego is, idiot!"
"Hahaha, Haru-sama's kidding. She can't read minds yet."
"Whatever," he sighs and walks to the long line of antidote bottles with Haru tottering behind her. "Stop with the annoying third-person ticks. If you talk like that again I'm seriously gonna chuck you out of here permanently." He then sits down and looks at them. "Can you sit down? And stop jumping I can almost see underneath that damn dress!"
"Yessir!" she obeys and sits behind him.
"Sit beside me dammit!"
"Y-Yessorry sir!"
Gokudera inhaled long before he could say any more obscenities.
"I used to play the piano. Back when I was with the Tenth, I'd often play. I wasn't a contender for wound-tending."
"Kyoko-chan never mentioned it in her journals though."
"She didn't know. I wrote it along with many other things I never said to her after she died. Ripped them out then burned them the following year."
"But I often played to her using these," he points at them but then quickly says when he sees her eyes, "the antidote bottles. It was often a pain in the asshole to fucking pour them so they'll hit the right notes. But I hope you like it."
"Gokudera-san poured them equally again?"
"I don't have much to do when you leave for the sessions anyhoo. And you'd never notice."
She tried to stare at the glass. He struck her dumb again.
"Hope you like it," he says as his fingers began twirling around the glass lips. "You must hear them sing."
And so once she heard the tune, there was something that stirred inside her. Something familiar, something… she couldn't forget. It sounded like… the song she heard back when she realized she had a choice.
"Then we will call you, Haru-chan! Like the flowers that used to bloom back then."
This was the song that she remembered Kyoko humming to her before they slept. She laughed as she remembered.
"You know… Kyoko-chan often sang off-key," she laughed as he continued his performance, now dully concentrated as his fingers deftly flew across each glass, not even making a single drop spill from each bottle.
"That was one of my biggest regrets. I should've told her to stop fucking yowling," he grunts. "Brace yourself. We're almost at the good part."
"Umm Gokudera-san, what?"
"Shut your yapping. I'm concentrating?"
"Umm… hello? Gokudera-san, why are you not saying anything?"
He turned to her, his eyebrows raised. Something was definitely wrong.
"If Haru offended you about Kyoko-chan's singing, Haru's sorry. Can Haru listen to the rest…?"
It can't be. It's too fucking soon.
Gokudera's eyes darkened as he stared at her hapless hands, attempting to reach out to him.
"Please, Gokudera-san? Can you not stop? Haru hopes to listen to more."
Goddammit-!
"Miura… you stupid-" he says as he stands up and runs to the door, still confused at how his heart stirs, how this heaviness suddenly descends and makes his movements sluggish, his mouth dry, his stomach painful…this feeling.
It was the same feeling he had the last time he had shared a moment with Kyoko.
"G-Gokudera-" he suddenly looks up to see Gamma standing behind the door.
"Miura…" he mutters, pointing tremulously at Haru's direction, who was still waving her arms around and calling Gokudera. When Gamma's eyes turned to her, she suddenly became still.
She finally came about and stood up. She walked slowly up to them, with Gamma's gaze watchful at her movements.
"Haru's sorry you have to see that," she then starts to guffaw as she attempts to slap his shoulder, but only manages to hit air. "But it was very beautiful. Thank you, Gokudera-san."
"It's Hayato."
Gamma looks at him. Gokudera's eyes were fixed on his feet. His fists were chained to his sides.
"Should I tell her you said that?" Gamma whispers.
"No," he murmurs. "Just- just tell her to sleep. There's a big day ahead."
Gamma gives him a sad smile as he leads her to bed.
"Gamma-san told me you want me to go to bed! Good night, Gokudera-san!" Haru says squeakily before plopping her head on the pillow.
"C-Can't she read my thoughts?" Gokudera says to Gamma, still unable to move.
"Her flames are too weak for that. Any more use of this… ESP thing will make her life shorter," Gamma says. "She told me that she wished she heard the rest."
"Tell her that I apologize."
"When she goes with me, I will."
"I owe you one."
"I never knew your first name was Hayato."
"Why would I tell you? Or that other girl?"
"It's just… surprising," Gamma says. "For you to care for her that much."
"Not like it matters. She won't be able to hear me tell her again anyway."
"Are you sure you don't want me to tell her?"
"Just tell her to stop referring to herself in third person. It pisses me off," he waves as he walks to his bed. "Leave. I'm gonna hit the sack."
"Alright…" Gamma closes the door. "Mukuro's going to initiate the escape plan in two weeks' time."
"Forget it, Gamma. You can't escape this hell hole. You know that."
"We don't know till we try. Later."
Once Gamma closed the door, Gokudera hears the quiet sniffling by his right.
He turns to his left and notices the small black notebook lying beside him. He picks up the journal and looks once more at Kyoko's handwriting. A smile of determination worms through his lips. He opens the journal and rips off a page. Then another. And another.
As he rips off the first pages of the past he cannot forget, he has found his answer.
To be continued.
Final Final Chapter: We kiss till we bleed. We fight till we're free. We cry till we see. We're healing and free.