Disclaimer: Could you please give me a little piece of Potter, cause, you know, I don't own any at all?
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Feathers, Fangs and Flames
Chapter III
The Wolf
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Hedwig was holding out a letter for him. He took it, still half asleep and couldn't help but feel a little warmer. Sirius finally sent him a reply.
Harry,
Remus wrote me everything. I'm flying north immediately.
I'll try to be there on the next moon.
Sirius.
It was not the reply he had hoped for. Why did Lupin have to write Sirius? His own letter should have been enough. Harry sighed, no, perhaps Sirius would have done the same. It was foolish to return, when everybody were searching for him. If he got himself caught by Dementors... Harry shuddered.
Was there anything he could write to change his mind? Perhaps...
Even full with fear for his godfather, he did appreciate the gesture. If someone else is beside you, it's warmer. Safer. Your father has helped to keep me sane, Sirius raised my spirits, even Peter helped. If he wouldn't get caught... He shuddered, remembering his wolf.
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Remus finished changing back first and fell on his knees before him. He grabbed a conjured blanket and put it on trembling Harry.
"It's over..." He repeated time and time again. "It's over. Harry, look at me. It's over."
Harry couldn't stop shaking.
"Harry, come back to me."
The cage they were in collapsed and Poppy stepped forward, already casting diagnostic spells and giving Remus two potions.
Harry almost choked on the wile stuff.
"It helps with the pain. Harry, it's over, relax. Stay with me. Listen to me, Harry." Remus was keeping his voice steady. "You shouldn't lose consciousness. Look at me. Please, Harry."
Seeing a glint of awareness in his eyes, Pomfrey leaned nearer. "Where does it hurt the most?"
"I'm... aching all over... bones... burning..."
"It's normal Harry, that's normal." You could hear the echoes of the pain in Remus voice. "Next time you will use the potion. It'll be easier."
"What is... that... horrible...?"
"Medicine," Pomfrey smiled at him. "Now drink this."
If Harry had the strength he would have ran.
Ten minutes later he felt a bit better, "Remus?"
"Yes, Harry?"
"You forgot to mention that the potions stink that much."
Remus managed a weak smile. "Sorry."
A soft phoenix song made both of them jump in surprise. At first Harry felt very uncomfortable, but with each second he listened, his aches seemed to soften. Fawkes perched on his shoulder and ruffled his hair with his beak. Harry breathed in. The phoenix smelled... of fire, strength, valour...
"Thank you, Fawkes." Albus spoke softly and slowly as not to disturb the aftermath of the magical song. "Harry, allow me to express my sympathies. I urge you to find peace in all you experience. It has bought no joy to reject and fear the changes. Man is a creature that always prevails."
"With all due respect, Headmaster, I am no longer a man." Harry could taste his own disappointment.
"My boy, as I have already told you, it is our choices that show what we truly are. I am confident that you have a potential to be even more of a man than many wizards..." Albus touched the phoenix lightly. He put his other hand on Harry's shoulder. "Your life is very hard, but as they all say, light is found even in the darkest places. Harry, you will find yourself yet. Fawkes trusts you. I believe in you."
Harry swallowed uncomfortably. "Thank you, sir. I do not know if I understand, but I'll think about it."
"Good. Now you should rest for a few hours, and then Remus will take you home." Albus let him go and started turning.
"Sir?" Harry's gaze made Albus stop. "What will... can we tell others?"
"Harry, I won't forbid you to tell anyone, just bear in mind, that if this gets out too far, Remus will have to disappear for quite a while."
"Sir, couldn't we say that someone else bit me?"
"We could try. But I think you will agree that it would be even better if we didn't have to. Now, Harry, is there anything else?"
Harry shifted uncomfortably. "Ron mentioned that... I mean, if they ask for me to come visit, could I?"
Dumbledore's eyes twinkled for a second. "I can't seem to find a reason why you shouldn't?"
"But, I'm dangerous."
"I beg to disagree. The fact that you are afraid of harming your friends proves it. Now, my dear boy, I would think that we should give you back to Madam Pomfrey, because otherwise she will be quite furious with me."
And indeed an angry Poppy quickly dragged Harry into the bed in the very same classroom. He hadn't noticed it before. "But I thought I shouldn't sleep?" He yawned, noticing the exhaustion he had. Fawkes glided from his shoulder and landed on the bedpost.
"That was just after the transformation. You had to be awake for potions to take effect. They have. Now will you go to sleep, or do I have to give you something so you would?"
As soon as he put his head on the pillow, the world was gone.
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The Headmaster motioned for Remus to join him for the walk to his office, once they both were outside.
"What can you say, Albus?"
"It is a curious case. It seems well within the... expectations, but at the same time we all can feel Harry is different on some level."
"Is that...?"
"I do believe that it is not a bad thing. Nor any more dangerous than the usual condition." Albus had a twinkle in his eyes and answered the next question before it was even asked. "I cannot tell you why it is so. I, contrary to the popular belief, do not know or think about everything. Your guesses are as good as mine. Was it because he had only been scratched by the wolf?" Remus cringed at that. "Was it because of the time turner? I don't think there was an exact case compared to his, and if there was, I doubt there is some information we could use. We'll just have to observe. It might still be nothing."
"What about his transformation?"
"It took longer, but fell within what we could think of. I think it was the way of the wolf catching up for the night of the full moon Harry didn't transform in. I'm sad to say that it might have been worse than usual transformations go, but we cannot be sure of that."
"And his sight, do you think it will remain so?"
Albus nodded. "Please tell young Harry that he shouldn't do everything in the dark. It could attract unwanted attention... Well, we seem to have reached my destination. I know you would like to return to Harry now, but please at least consider having some sleep yourself." When he finished, Remus was already at the end of the corridor. Albus smiled at young man's determination.
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Harry lay flat on his back, breathing hard as though he had been running. He had awoken from a vivid dream with his hands pressed over his face. The old scar on his forehead, which was shaped like a bolt of lightning, was burning beneath his fingers as though someone had just pressed a white-hot wire to his skin.
He sat up, one hand still on his scar, and to his own surprise, he started chuckling. All the thoughts in the last few days were filled with fear the coming pain. It was almost a break from the haunting feeling of inevitability. Harry ran his fingers over the scar again. He laughed loudly, relieving the tension. It wasn't a happy laugh, but it did help him. The pain didn't even start to compare to... He stopped and sniffed around for a second. Everyone was asleep. Hedwig was across the street, stalking after some poor little rodent. Should he tell someone?
He ran through the options, finally arriving at Lupin and Sirius. He would see them soon. The topic would take his mind of... Harry shuddered, remembering the sound of his own snapping bones, which his keen hearing had amplified. I won't lie to you, Harry – first time is usually the worst. It wouldn't be as bad this time. It won't. He would have Sirius beside him. He would have them both. Remus helped him a lot that night. Sirius would too. It would all be better; he would drink the potion...
That brought his mind to Snape. Snape would be coming to visit him in the evening. It wasn't a pleasant thought. He hoped he wouldn't be poisoned. Perhaps he would get lucky and Snape and Vernon would kill each other.
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The letter from Molly got the Dursleys worried up. Vernon had only complained that the damned freaks are always messing in his life, but did not raise much alarm. Harry's condition meant weekly visits, and as Lupin was usually arriving early or late, his uncle did fear the man. Harry did wonder if on the next visit Lupin would bring the black dog, but it wasn't his main concern. Weasley family was. The letter from Ron told him they would be taking him at five in any case. And Lupin was supposed to take him to Hogwarts at six.
He ran upstairs and composed a quick note.
Professor Lupin,
Weasleys are going to take me at five tomorrow. What do we do?
Harry
He tied it to Hedwig's leg. "Please hurry, Lupin needs to get it before tomorrow."
With an insulted hoot, as if to say that she could make it, she took off. Harry still was worried. Hermione was smart. She would notice something. Should he tell it as soon as there is a chance, or would he still try to hide it?
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"Boy!" there was a scream from downstairs which shook him out of his thoughts. Snape was here. He rushed downstairs, ignoring the fuming Vernon. There were lots of fumes, but his uncle was too afraid to try anything these days.
"Potter," Snape followed with a familiar snare. "Hurry up, you stupid boy, I don't have all night."
He could hear Vernon smiling behind his back.
"Drink this."
He took the goblet and it almost knocked him back - the stench was horrific.
"Faster, Potter, it must be consumed swiftly."
He downed the vile concoction. It tasted much worse than it reeked. He gulped for air a few times. How could Remus drink that at all? His legs wobbled and his stomach growled, and after a second he barfed everything back right there in the hall.
He was coughing violently when Snape backhanded him on the side of his head.
"Imbecile, can't you even perform a simple task like drinking a potion?" Snape ignored Harry's heated glare and continued. "Luckily for you, Potter, I have made and extra batch for just the occasion." He poured the goblet full of steaming fluid again. "Drink."
Harry braced himself for the worst and tried again. This time he gulped the potion faster and even when his insides screamed for mercy he managed to hold it inside.
"I warn you, Potter, if you do this kind of thing again, you will have to make do without the potion. It is a difficult and expensive potion to brew and you won't be spoiling my ingredients. Do you understand, Potter?"
He nodded, hoping that Snape would drop dead right before his eyes. He didn't.
"Tomorrow I'll give you the potion when you arrive. And Potter?"
"Yes..." It came out with a growl. "sir?"
"Clean after yourself. You stink."
He turned around, his cloak billowing behind and slammed the door.
Vernon was grinning. "Boy! Clean this up, now!"
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He should have told Snape. It was an idea he never imagined he would have. If he had told Snape, he wouldn't have been worrying all day. What if Hedwig was late? Remus would come an hour late and would have to go through the trouble of finding him. He was not yet prepared to tell the Weasleys everything.
It was a quarter past five and there was no sight of either Remus or Weasleys. Suddenly he smelled fire and someone that reminded him of Ron. It was a man and that probably meant Mr. Weasley.
It was coming from the living room. He made it just as Vernon started screaming.
After a few moments of chaos, he managed to explain that the fireplace was blocked.
BANG.
The electric fire shot across the room as the boarded-up fireplace burst outward, expelling Mr. Weasley, Fred, George, and Ron in a cloud of rubble and loose chippings. Aunt Petunia shrieked and fell backward over the coffee table; Uncle Vernon caught her before she hit the floor, and gaped, speechless, at the Weasleys, all of whom had bright red hair, including Fred and George, who were identical to the last freckle.
There was a shout outside and Harry head Remus running inside through the door he must have smashed open to get in.
Both Arthur and Lupin pointed their wands at each other.
"Arthur?"
"Remus?"
Both men wore identical confused faces. Fred and George were snickering and Dursleys were wishing they lived in Australia. Ron was gaping, open mouthed at the scene.
Harry started laughing like mad. It was a first true laugh he had since his transformation. He was cracking up at Ron's expression, at Dudley, who looked scared for his life. The twins couldn't hold it too, so the room soon filled with laughter.
Both Remus and Arthur were apologising for the damage they caused and were already on the way of fixing everything.
Arthur turned back to them, leaving Remus to worry about Dursleys.
"Harry, I'm sorry for making a mess in your house. Could you get your trunk?"
"It's upstairs."
"We'll get it," said Fred at once. Still sniggering, he and George left the room.
Arthur gave a glance at Lupin. "Harry, were you expecting for Mr. Lupin to come today?"
"I'm sorry, sir." Harry was slightly nervous. "I just didn't find a way to inform you beforehand. We..."
Lupin interrupted him. "I'm here because of Albus. I tried to reach you, but your Floo was in use. Now I see why," His eyes betrayed a hint of amusement. "when I heard the explosion, I rushed in, without thinking."
Arthur nodded in thought.
"I'll have to steal Harry for the evening, I'm afraid."
"But, the game?" Ron was terrified of Harry missing the Cup.
"Don't worry; Harry will be back in the early morning."
"Molly made supper." Mr. Weasley was looking at Remus. "Perhaps you could join us and leave afterwards?"
Remus considered it for a second.
"We do have almost half an hour, but..."
Harry was torn. On one hand he wanted to see the Weasleys, but on the other, he really didn't want to eat anything before the potion or the transformation. He did see Ron and the twins, maybe that would be enough... And he would see them in the morning. He gave a small shake of his head, which only Remus caught.
"...it really would be a bad idea to be late."
Ron looked at Harry disbelievingly. "Could you still come to say 'hi'?"
Harry smiled. "Yes, but it would be even harder to leave. Look, we'll just have to talk in the morning."
The twins came down with Harry's trunk. Having heard some bits of the conversation they piped in:
"Harry, what do you mean by that?"
"Are you not coming for supper –"
"– with the family?"
Harry scratched his head uncomfortably. "I'm sorry, just..."
Mr. Weasley tried to break the uncomfortable ordeal.
"Never mind that, at least we got his things. He will be joining us for breakfast, right, Harry?" He continued without waiting for the confirming nod. "Now, Fred, George, floo home and put the trunk in Ron's room, will you? George, you go first, and Fred can bring the trunk."
The twins, still upset that Harry wasn't coming, complied.
Ron shook hands with Harry. "Mate, we'll see you at breakfast, sad that you won't greet Hermione till then." He leaned closer and started whispering. "It's about you-know-who?"
Harry looked around seeing cleaning the living room from dust, and Dursleys cowering in the far corner. "No, I'm going to speak with my godfather."
Ron grinned at that, content with the answer. "Good luck, Harry," he whispered and stepped into the fire.
Lupin tapped on his shoulder. "I'm sorry, Arthur, I'm going to leave you finish cleaning the mess."
"Don't worry Remus, it was my fault."
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The vile taste still in his mouth he was shaking and counting in his head. Sirius was trying to distract him, but the conversation seemed so artificial that he needn't have bothered. Remus was sitting with them both, but was quiet for most of the time. A few minutes before he had mentioned his scar and Sirius dragged every little detail out of him. It was a little strange that Voldemort was used as a distraction. Perhaps thinking in the same vein, Lupin shifted the conversation to James and their school years.
When Albus entered the room, Sirius was telling a tale of their fourth year. "... and then, McGonagall looks up and just stands there gaping, and James asks her with a straight face, if she had seen what the mice we were supposed to get are up to..." He winked at Harry and turned to Albus. "Is it time already?"
"I believe James got an additional detention for that joke alone." Albus was smiling. "Don't mind me, continue." He started conjuring the cage – a single one for all three of them. The outside world disappeared.
Sirius just scratched his already fading scars and fell silent.
Harry sat on the floor and closed his eyes.
He heard Remus cringe and tried to concentrate on two familiar smells. His godfather shifted into the hound. His scent changed drastically, but the main odour remained strong and warm.
He was not alone. They cared for him. He was not...
His body twitched and it took all his willpower not to scream. Sirius couldn't hear that, it would tear into him even worse than his current convulsions...
Later, when he could compare it, he would say that there was one little difference between the cruciatus curse and the pain of the transformation. The curse made each and every part of your body hurt. Here, every cell of his body screamed in pain and twisted violently.
His bones shattered and knit themselves together in the matter of seconds. The wolf started howling. Soon, the other one joined the choir. Even Padfoot sat and howled with them.
The potion should have held his mind intact. Harry didn't feel any difference. He was a passenger to the wolf, who got free and howled of their pain to the world.
Remus was right. Having them both here was warmer and safer. But he just couldn't grasp of his wolf and bring his mind out. It's difficult to explain, Harry. When you transform, you could say that your inner wolf lets himself out. You are a passenger, perhaps a companion, but nothing more. It is like running side by side with the wolf, watching. Harry could certainly feel that. His wolf was out and near him. With the potion, you are able to push him aside, to establish human dominance. You never get to steer him fully nor are as in control as an animagus, but the dominance makes the world of difference. He just didn't get what he was supposed to be doing. Perhaps it would come naturally...
On the last full moon night, he had thrashed around, a violent wolf, hungry and set on destroying the world. He had even attacked Lupin and took countless bites of him. He barely remembered anything but the taste of wolf flesh and Remus silent compliance. The remaining night was spending running around, trying to find a gap and barging himself to the walls of his cage. It was as if all had happened in a heavy fog.
This time, the only difference he felt was that the whole thing seemed clearer. But only a little. The warmth of his companions eased the pain. The wolf was now fully outside. He knew that it wouldn't kill Sirius, but that didn't mean the wolf couldn't decide to grab a bite of the black dog. Harry reached out and tried to force the wolf to comply. It didn't help.
Perhaps the potion was faulty? Maybe the delay in drinking the first dose had taken its tall? The wolf lashed out at Sirius. The hound tried to jump away, but got bit in the side. Remus was staying back. The wolf snarled. Harry could feel it wanting to establish dominance in the pack. That was a though in the right direction, at least he thought it was. Remus had told him something about that... You must learn what the wolf thinks. There are prey, enemies and pack. Anything else isn't worth noting. You must make him think that all humans are below notice. You must learn to tell him who is in your pack. He couldn't help but wonder of those who Remus held as his pack. Was his father an alpha for Lupin?
He couldn't get sidetracked. The wolf was circling Sirius, who, it seemed, hadn't yet decided if he should choose to run or fight. They are my pack. He tried thinking the thought. It didn't help. He almost could see his human part, trying to get between the wolf and its prey. Wrong. His godfather. His elder. His pack. He is in my pack! My pack! The wolf slowed down and backed away a little. Sirius got visibly calmer. He is of my pack! They both are! Harry wondered if that was the dominance Remus talked about. The tension in the cage was dropping.
The wolf moved towards Sirius, looked at the little bleeding wound he made, sniffed it. Sirius was standing still, ready to jump away. The wolf took out his tongue and licked the wound. Padfoot barked happily. Moony came closer and nudged the wolf in the side. They were his pack.
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The wolf woke up with a startled yelp. Padfoot was at his one side and Moony on his other. It was warm. He started shaking. Moony jumped up and started howling. The world erupted in flames.
Harry found himself laying flat on the cold floor. Padfoot was licking his arm. Pomfrey was casting something. Remus leaned to him, potion in his hands. "Harry?"
All he managed was a grunt.
"Drink this, Harry. It is over."
He sat up, coughing. Sirius transformed and sat on his left side, hand over the shoulder.
"Now, that wasn't that bad, was it?"
Lupin hit Black in the shoulder. "Sirius!"
Harry smiled at them. "You helped me a lot. Thanks."
"You had me scared for a moment there, Harry." Sirius was putting all his effort to make him hold the smile. "When those fangs flashed, I seriously considered running like a cowardly dog."
Remus groaned. "Harry, now tell me, was it hard to start dominating the wolf?"
He hesitated. "I don't know. I'm not sure what I was supposed to be trying to achieve. The wolf listened to me when I wanted to stop from biting Padfoot again. Other than that it didn't feel as different." Seeing the thoughtful look, he couldn't help but ask. "Was it supposed to be very different?"
Black paled. "You mean to tell me, that there was a possibility of the kid losing control?" He mock glared at Lupin to hide his concern. "Next time, please tell me that before locking me in a cage with two werewolves."
Before they could start an argument Albus approached. "Harry, now this is an important issue. Did it feel any different?"
Harry fell deep in thought. "I can't honestly tell... Something was different, but I can't really tell what. The fog was clearer and I could feel the wolf better. But he was reluctant in obeying me. Perhaps I was doing it wrong, sir?"
"There is no true right way, my boy, at least not one I know of. It is strange that you felt the wolf clearer as it was supposed to be the opposite, but we will just have to watch your next change again. Please try to remember every difference next time, Harry. Speak with Remus whenever you both can. Now, I believe, you have your friends waiting for you. I'm sorry to inform you that you have missed half of the breakfast. Remus, could you please lend Mr. Potter a hand?"
Harry stood heavily. "I think I still need a few minutes to start thinking straight. Better yet a few days…"
"Ah, but we cannot have young Mr. Weasley worry about you missing the game, can we?" Albus paused "Don't worry, my boy, we will wait for an hour or two. You'll still be in time for your half of breakfast."
Harry sighed as Pomfrey swooped over to him.
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The chapter had few small quotes taken directly from Rowling's Goblet of Fire. I didn't mark them as not to break the flow.