All rights remain.
OC does not belong to me.
D, this is another story for you.
To and From
Seamus Finnigan was dressed in a black blazer, dress pants, buttoned down, and tie. He had his head bowed and his hands folded in a silent prayer to Heaven. He pursed his lips as he stood before the casket. He stood in Notre Dame, the greatest church in France still standing, and watched the doors with dead eyes.
"We placed the flowers people have given you by the casket if that is okay," the organizer said.
"That's fine," Seamus said with a nod. He turned his blank eyes on the other. "Thank you."
"Anything," the organizer said with a little nod. "Take care of yourself."
"I will, thank you," Seamus said.
Slowly, one by one, people came up to him in a line to give him their condolences. Seamus nodded politely, keeping his calm demeanor about him as they did. He shook their hands, accepted hugs, and smiled every time they complimented what a life she had. It was as if he was a robot, programmed to react the same to everyone's sorrows and sympathy.
"She really was something, Seamus," one woman said.
"I know," Seamus said with a nod. "She was..."
"She loved you, so much," another man said as he grasped Seamus's hand.
"I know," Seamus said with a nod. "She did..."
"She's in a better place," a mother said, her children clinging to her black dress.
"I know," Seamus said with a nod. "She is..."
More and more people filled the church and pews as they sat down. He looked at each guest, wondering what was going through their head? Were some of them going through as much pain as he was? How long did he have to be brave before he let himself go? How long did he have to wait until he could throw himself across the casket and wish death upon himself?
"She was an extroverted, beautiful, and spirited girl who wanted nothing more than to live life as she wanted. She spoke from the heart...her divine heart..."
Seamus tuned the rest out until he was summoned to speak. The priest had to call his name a few times before Seamus finally looked up and rose to his feet.
He looked down at his note cards he had worked so hard on and shoved them up his sleeve as he walked tot he podium. He never had to talk to such a large crowd with nothing but raw emotions but he was too numb to care.
He looked down at his note cards, hands shaking, and realized he did not like what he wrote. Whatever he wrote then was not warranted to say now.
He spoke softly at first.
"You all come here and tell me it's going to be okay, that she is in a better place, that she is no longer suffering, and how much she loved me..."
He paused, leaning into the microphone a little more.
"I know! Please, talk to me about something I don't know. We all came here today to share our pain, right? Isn't that what these services are for? I did not come here today to share my pain over this with you."
He tilted his chin up at everyone.
"I cannot share my pain with anyone who does not know exactly what it feels like. It is a lie when they say 'I know what you are going through' because grief and death is different for every person."
He raised his head to look at the ceiling.
"God, Our Father, if you cannot abate my pain, please alleviate it. I wish for nothing more than a sign you can hear my prayers."
He turned back to the crowd.
"I share this pain alone."
Seamus removed himself from the podium and sat back down. He kept silent the entire time until he was forced to stand back up to say goodbye one last time before they closed the casket. Amazing Grace was playing softly in the background as he was the first to walk up to the casket.
When he looked down, he saw his beautiful wife lying dead in a box. He struggled to a kneeling position and pressed his lips to the wood.
Staggering back up, he bowed grandly and departed. Once he sat back down, he could feel a little hand on his shoulder but he did not acknowledge it.
Once the farewells were finished, Seamus stood back up to drape the blanket over the casket. He did this alone, no family or friends with him. He smoothed the cloth down and walked behind the casket as it was wheeled out of the church.
More music was playing in the background and he was very aware of every pair of eyes on him. Everything else happened in a blur but he could not keep track of anything anymore nor did he even make an attempt.
Watching the casket being lowered into the ground would have let any sane person cry but Seamus could only stare at the hole in the ground and his beloved life being buried away under six feet of ground.
Oh, how he wished he could be buried beneath the ground beside her.
Seamus left without saying a word to anyone and apparated straight to the airport. He never understood why he found comfort in the airport but he did. He ordered a cup of chili with lemonade and sat down at one of the tables.
He typed out a quick message on his cellular device to one person.
TO: Dean Thomas (18:58): Please answer, my friend. I need you here.
TO: Seamus Finnigan (18:59): Tell me when and where, and I'll be there.
TO: Dean Thomas (19:00): Airport and now.
TO: Seamus Finnigan (19:01): I am already on my way.
Seamus typed out another message.
TO: Kaelyn Finnigan (19:02): A penny for your thoughts?
Seamus never got an answer back so he typed out a message to another, one that made his heart beat like mad.
TO: Mattie Finnigan (19:07): I am so sorry, Mattie. Your mother was right. I love you. Please come home.
Seamus was not expecting an answer so when he did receive one, he was shaking when he opened it.
TO: Seamus Finnigan (19:08): I will come back. Not for you but for Mum.
TO: Mattie Finnigan (19:09): That is all I ask of you, Mattie.
TO: Seamus Finnigan (19:10): It's Mattieus to you. Mum was the only one I let call me Mattie.
TO: Mattie Finnigan (19:11): Okay, Mattieus. For your mother.
Seamus set his phone down and started eating his chili. It was extremely well done but he could not enjoy the food when his stomach was threatening to expel whatever he put into it.
TO: Seamus Finnigan (19:15): I love you.
Seamus smiled down at his phone and typed out a reply whilst tapping his nose.
TO: (19:16): I love you.
TO: Seamus Finnigan (19:17): I miss you.
TO: (19:18): I miss you more.
TO: Seamus Finnigan (19:19): I will always be here.
TO: (19:20): And I will love you even in death.
Seamus looked down at his phone and blinked as soon as the elation wore off. He frowned as he looked at his phone.
That was impossible. Upon closer inspection, his heart steeled off and he put his phone down, screen hidden away.
TO: Kaelyn Finnigan (19:02): A penny for your thoughts?
TO: Kaelyn Finnigan (19:15): I love you.
TO: Kaelyn Finnigan (19:17): I miss you.
TO: Kaelyn Finnigan (19:18): I miss you more.
TO: Kaelyn Finnigan (19:19): I will always be here.
TO: Kaelyn Finnigan (19:20): And I will love you even in death.
It was a lie. Love does after death. But love only dies when one survives. Seamus discovered just how powerful words could be.
"Seamus?"
Seamus sat back and smiled up at Dean.
"A penny for your thoughts, Dean?"