Logan's P.O.V.
"Have yourself a merry little Christmas..." I smiled small as I stepped back from the beautiful huge, fake tree putting my hands on my hips, letting the soft soothing sound of DIanna Krall invade my ears. The tree was completly bare still, but I had it set up, and fluffed out making sure the pre-set clear lights worked. And they did. Our fake tree was almost 8 feet tall and as full as a real one would be. It made my heart so full and happy and...Christmassey. I think the only thing that would make it better would be if my parents, Kendall's parents and Carlos were here with us. I knew Kendall's parents weren't coming, and my parents were on some tropical beach in South America, so that was okay. But Carlos could definetly be here. Especially for Thanskgiving. That wasn't okay. It broke my heart to think Carlos was struggling with alcohol abuse and knew I, all three of us including James, could help him. How, not quiet sure yet, but I would figure it out. And something told me if we did it all at the same time he'd feel attacked. So maybe, while James and Kendall finished ptting the lights up outside, I could go pull him away for just a little and talk over coffee. I grinned at my genius idea, just as Kendall and James walked in from the front door, covered in snow. I frowned turning to them, crossing my arms over my chest at thier child like, idiotic smiles. "Before anyone says anything, James started it." I rolled my eyes turning back to the tree and sighed up at it. "It looks great so far baby." One of Kendall's hand snaked around my stomach while his cold face pressed into my warm neck.
"All the lights work. Well...not sure about the multicolored ones yet. But when I go, maybe you guys can get them up for me."
"When you go where?" I sighed again pulling Kendall's other arm around my body and hugged him, as he hugged me. I turned my face slightly to look at him and smiled small.
"I want to talk to Carlos." I whispered it quietly as I heard the bathroom door shut behind us and rubbed his arms around me still. He breathed out hard walking into me, making me step forward. "I think it would be better if we didn't come at him all at once. And Carlos and I have a weird relationship. I'd prefer him hate me, over you." Kendall shook his head and quickly reached up, putting a hand on my face. He pushed his lips to mine and kissed me hard, sort of knocking me off blanace for a second, but I gripped onto him closing my eyes. Just as I did, he pulled away from my mouth and kissed my nose.
"Don't stay out too late. it's starting to snow again. And I wanna cuddle as it blizzards outside." I nodded letting him go, turning back to the tree. "And no matter what, Carlos is a good guy and a good friend. But he's an asshole and if he starts acting like an asshole, you don't have to take it." I chuckled and nodded tensing up as his hands rubbed up and down my sides.
"I'm going to ask him to come to dinner Thursday making him compeltly aware James will there and if he doesn't like it I don't care. And if he doesn't ask for help with the drinking..."
"Are you always going to be that naive Logan?" Kendall and I turned quick as James hung his coat up by the front door and walked to the couch. "I commend you on wanting to talk to him...to help him but he's too stubborn and you're too sweet." I blushed looking at Kendall who sort of got in front of me, back tensing up.
"At least he's going to try something other than making out with random people." I pinched Kendall's butt hard and walked out from behind him staring James down. I took off my baseball cap and ran my hand through my clean, but flat hair.
"If I can start the conversation with him...get him to talk about it, it might be easier for him to think he can ask for help. That's all." James simply put his hands up and I walked away from the two men, to the stairs. "Besides...how badly do you think he's going to react?" Neither of them answered me as I walked upstairs and went into our bedroom.
I was out driving not 10 minutes later. Kendall wasn't lying about it starting to snow and athough I could, I wasn't a fan of driving in the snow. I made sure to be careful and obey speed limits, but kind of cut some corners getting to the bakery. Like I promised I texted Kendall as soon as I got there and made my way inside grateful for the immediate warmth. As the door shut behind me the young girl sitting behind the register stood up fast and smiled big. "Hi Logan!" I pushed my hood of my coat off my head and walked to her, smiling small.
"Hey Becca. How's it going today?" She srhugged looking around and so did I. Almost all the booths were full and a few people were sitting at the counter.
"Pretty busy. Mostly people coming in for hot chocolate or coffee." I nodded turning back to her and unzipped my coat.
"Good." I stopped and saw a few people walking around in the kitchen behind her. "Is Carlos back in the kitchen?"
"No. He's in his office. He said he's been feeling ill today. Taking it a little easy." I frowned but nodded pushing the swining low door open with my legs to get behind the counter. "Would you like some coffee Logan?" I looked over my shoulder and shook my head softly. She nodded and picked her huge book back up sitting back down. I walked into the kitchen and smiled at the three people who were busy stirring, mixing, icing differnt goodies. I walked past them, resisting the urge to grab a fresh made cookie and went down the longish hallway just past the kitchen. I passed the two bathrooms on the right, and past Kendall's office, closed up. When I got to the end of the hallway I stopped short seeing Carlos's door halfway closed. I frowned seeing him hunched over his desk, head in his hands, hanging low. I took in a very deep breath and approached slowly raising my hand. I knocked gently on the wood of the door and pushed it open at the same time. I took one step in getting his attention. I forced a smile seeing how...miserable he looked. I wasn't sure if that was the lack of liqour in his system of the heartbreak over James.
"Hey Loges. What brings you in today?" I put my hands into the pocket of my jacket and watched him stand himself up. When he almost fell back he grabbed the edge of the desk and chuckled low. "Kind of happy you're here actually. I'm not feeling all that great and was wondering if you wouldn't mind covering my shift?" I frowned opening my mouth to say that was something we never, ever did, because I wasn't on Kendall's payroll and it would be unethical, but something stopped me. As Carlos approached me, all I could smell was alcohol. It was like he bathed in it. And just as he stopped right in front of me, I had to reach out and grab him just to keep him standing.
"How much have you had to drink today Los?" He laughed under me and shook his head standing himself straight up. "You know you can't come to work drunk."
"Trust me. I'm not drunk. I just don't feel well."
"Because you don't have enough in you?" He stopped swaying and looked up at me going blank. "I mean...isn't that how alcoholism works? The more you drink the more you become immune to it? Which means you need to drink more?" He shoved at me, making me step back but I held my ground. "James said you've been struggling..."
"James is a fucking lying asshole! And if you were a good friend you'd keep your nose out of my fucking buisness!" I rolled my eyes turning and went to the door. Except, I didn't walk out like I know Carlos wanted me to. Instead I slammed the door shut hard and yanked my jacket off. "Get the fuck out Logan. I don't need you here." I turned quick throwing my jacket to the corner of his office, knocking some papers to the ground. He glared at me from behind his desk and I stepped forward.
"I could call Kendall right now, tell him to come in on his vacation and have him fire you for coming to work intoxicated." His mouth closed fast and he looked down. "I could call Kendall right now and tell him to compeltly forget you. To get you out of his life and move on to find another best friend. Because you clearly don't give a shit about him. If you did, you would know that he cares about you, and would be more than willing to help you. And you wouldn't risk his buisness by coming to work smashed!" He looked up fast eyebrows raised and chuckled.
"Do you hear yourself Logan?! I'm the one who has a serious problem and somehow Kendall and you and James come out as the victims?"
"Are you calling yourself a victim? Because that's fucking pathetic!" I didn't mean to yell, or curse at him because I really wanted to do this with an open mind and a loving heart. I just wasn't expecting him to be in such a shitty state. "No one forced you to drink Carlos! No one forced you to turn into an alcoholic! And James never had sex with that girl! You lied to me and Kendall about that to get us on your side so when James finally came to us about how scared he is for you, we'd believe you over him!" I took another step and he sat down hard hiding his face from me. "We can't help you if you don't ask for it! And if you shut James out and push away your friends, you're going to suffer by yourself!" He put his head back in his hands and I walked to him quick. I turned him in his chair and knelt in front of him shaking my head. "So...if you'd like me to leave, I will. I will never bring this up again and I'll be the type of friend you want. But if you ask me to leave you are telling me that a bottle of booze is more important than our friendship." I stood up quick and waited, for no more than 10 seconds or so, before I shook my head and turned, walking to the door. Before I went to it, I picked my balled up jacket off the floor and pulled it on. Just as I stopped by his door I heard a nose sniffle and his chair roll back.
"Logan..." I turned and drooped slightly seeing the crying, broken man in front of me. "Did James tell you everything? About why...why I started?" I shook my head and watched him stand himself up, wiping tears off his face. Tears I didn't know he was crying. "We got in this really big, horrible fight a few months back. I guess I've always been super suspicious of him. Just thinking he could do better, and I wouldn't blame him if he did. So I asked him who he was fucking behind my back and he called me a lunatic. I asked him to prove he wasn't screwing around my back, and he didn't know how so I took it as him saying he was fucking around." I made a small ticking sound making him look up at me and shrug. "My self esteem and self worth aren't as high as your's or Kendall's." I wrapped my arms around my stomach and stood up straight. "So I told him to leave. i told him to pack his shit up and get out. I left. I went to a bar and...and I screwed up Logan." He walked out from around his desk and approached me putting his hands on my arms. "I got piss drunk and fucked a guy in the bathroom of this bar. And when I woke up I was in the back of his car. I was so freaked out, I went home to James and told him everything. And do you know what he did?" I swallowed hard seeing more tears coming out of his eyes and stepped closer to him. "He told me he still loved me and we'd work through it. He promised he never slept with anyone and he only wanted me. So I spiraled." I lowered my arms and quickly pulled him into me letting him cry on my chest. I put one hand behind his head and held around his back with the other. "In my mind...all I thought was I don't deserve this man. I literally am the one who fucked someone behind his back and he forgives me. He did nothing and I told him to pack up and leave." I swallowed hard and gently started to rock us shaking my head. "The only way I can calm any thought down...the only way I feel alright is if I drink. I wanted...I wanted to come to you and Kendall but I knew Kendall would hate me and judge me..."
"He would not Carlos." He shook his head aggressievly on me and I pet through his hair. "Kendall isn't new to alcoholism. You know that. So don't you think he would have been able to help you the most?" He nodded into my neck. I laid my cheek on top of his head and sighed out. "So you freaking out over James and his new partner?"
"Just an excuse to break things off. He'd be better off without me anyway. Everyone would."
"Stop saying stuff like that. We all love you Los. And we're going to help you. Which means you're coming over for Thanksgivign dinner and having a very long sit donw with James. Nothing can fix that except you and him. That includes alcohol." He nodded again and let out a little hiccup under me. "I think i'm going to call Kendall and tell him you need to go home. I'm sure the team can handle the shop today." He nodded once more as I pulled my phone out of my pocket and quickly brought up Kendall's number. "I'll drive you home too. And while I'm there I'm throwing out all your liqour." He pushed off me slowly and as I put my phone to my ear I saw a little bit of fear flash over his eyes. I ignored it, hearing Kendall's voice and forced a smile saying a quiet hello.
It took a lot to get Carlos in my car, and calmed down. He hated knowing his best friend since they were in college knew he was a drunk. He only hated it because he knew Kendall's dad was a raging alcoholic when Kendall was a teenager. it almost destroyed Kendall's family but they got through it and Donald got clean. But Carlos knew, at least he thought he knew, Kendall would judge him. Even after I assured him countless times, he wouldn't budge. He cried silently by himself in the car ride to his house but kept quiet. I pulled up to James and Carlos's house following out after him as he stumbled to his front door. I said nothing as he cursed under his breath at his keys not working in the lock, and when he finally got the door open and I stepped in, I found out why he hasn't had us over in a long time.
There was at least 10 beer bottles on the coffee table in the center of the living room. On the floor, and the end table on each end of the couch, had more. I felt my throat swell as I closed the door and watched him walk to his couch. He turned his TV on and turned the volume down real low, laying flat on his stomach. I unzipped my coat and almost felt reliefe seeing his eyes close and hearing that first tiny little snore come out of his open mouth. I quietly walked through his house and went straight to the kitchen. If I thought his living room showed how much he's been drinking, his kitchen was worse. There were empty bottles of whiskey, vodka and rum, some knocked over, all over his counter tops. My stomach turned as I walked to the sink and opened up the cabinet under it and quickly grabbed a big black trash bag. I opened it and started throwing bottle inside, trying to be as careful and quiet as I could. I filled it, about halfway and stopped realizing I wouldn't be able to carry it out to the garabge can on the side of thier house if it got much fuller. So I grabbed a second bag and went to his living room, grabbing all the bottles I could see. Carlos was still completly sound asleep. I picked up the random fast food wrappers around the couch and on some on it. Before I walked back into the kitchen I checked under the entertainment center for hiding spots. I remembered Kendall telling me his dad use to hide bottles of liqour anywhere he could. And as soon as I got on hands and knees and opened the cabinet my heart broke seeing the full bottle of vodka and half full bottle of rum. I grabbed them, tucking them under my arm and took my trash bag with me to the kitchen.
I opened every cabinet, drawer...looked through everything in that kitchen finding a few bottles here and there. I put them all in the sink and grabbed more bottles from the fridge, beer and wine bottles included, and started the heartbreaking process of pouring all the liqour out into the sink. I almost regretted not having either or James or Kendall with me, but knew I did the right thing. I just also knew, I was an emotional guy and seeing one of my best friends in his current state was hard. I just wanted to hold him and fix him. I wanted to give in and let him do whatever it is that would make him happy. But thrwoing out all the liqour was the right, and best, thing to do. Just before I left, to take out the two big bags of empty bottles a thought hit me as I glanced around his house.
I never checked his bedroom.