Chapter Three

Heartskips

"Damn Kalluto hasn't responded to my email yet," Killua complains as the five friends stuff themselves into Kurapika's cabin. Oops, another curse. Well, Alluka's on a boat; she might was well accustom herself to sailor talk.

"It's been, like, five minutes," Leorio objects. "He's probably busy pretend-hunting for Hisoka. Or evading Illumi. Both are full-time jobs."

"Kurapika sir, why don't you like Chrollo? I think he's pretty." Alluka nods at Kurapika.

Kurapika's shoulders slump.

Leorio speaks quickly. "He…stole something from him. Something he can't give back."

"You can just say it," Killua encourages.

"He slaughtered my entire family," Kurapika says. "And clan. Just to steal our Scarlet Eyes."

Alluka's mouth falls open. "That's so mean."

Kurapika titters. "Yes, yes it is."

She wraps her arms around Kurapika, around this pretty boy. "I'm glad they didn't steal your eyes."

Kurapika swallows. How long as it been since someone's hugged him? Upon first learning of his pain?

"Me too," Kurapika says slowly, patting the child's hair.

Killua groans at his still-empty inbox.

"That's it. Is no one going to say it?" Gon bursts out.

"Say what?" Killua looks at his best friend, for once completely confused.

"Does Illumi even have any feelings? Doesn't your entire plan rest on that? When have we seen him care about anyone really, except maybe you?" Gon stomps his foot.

Truthfully, he isn't just worried about Illumi and Hisoka's shenanigans. He's worried because he wants to speak with Chrollo. A murderer. "And now we've made a deal with Chrollo Lucilfer! We're already compromising. What if this whole thing ends in disaster?"

The room is silent. To Kurapika's own surprise, he hears his voice break the stiff pause.

"Maybe it still ends in Hisoka dying," Kurapika says, "But I think it would be best if Killua's brother is not the one to do it. I think it would be best if Illumi does not kill his friend. And even that marginal improvement might be worth it."

Killua nods firmly.

"Maybe they'll just get married," Alluka says. "And then Illumi won't hate me anymore."

"I'm just here to be useful to my friends. That's worth it for me." Leorio shrugs.

"Aren't you always?" Kurapika jokes. It's his first joke in a long while.

Leorio beams at him, and Kurapika feels proud, almost like when he was a child and helped Mother cook. She would praise him for it. He hasn't been praised in a long time.

Gon sighs. "I know. I just…I'm worried. But I will help you, Killua, forever You know I will."

"I never doubted," Killua says with a smile. "But there is one way to tell about Illumi. Kurapika, is Melody aboard?"

Kurapika smiles slightly. He feels useful and he likes feeling useful. Like he's helping instead of hurting. Even though his quest helps his dead brethren, and it's worth hurting the opulent traders for it, right? "She's already on her way."

The Black Whale rolls from side to side. The splashes of waves, the creak of steel against iron, the gasps of ill people and the song of silence in the open sea combine to form a symphony in Melody's ears.

It's a symphony more beautiful, and perhaps more lonely, than the Devil's Symphony.

Because gaping loneliness is felt by almost everyone aboard, despite the crowds, and she is powerless to stop it. So she'll do what she can. Help the one friend she has, the friend who walks with death every day.

Just when Melody thinks she and Kurapika have enough to worry over, the little rage machine finds out his friends are coming because the Spiders are aboard.

Well, at least the friends are here. Melody's not sure she can keep her friend in check all by herself.

But she knows it won't be long before Kurapika asks her to find the Spiders by heartbeat.

So that's why she's here. Looking for heartbeats that echo Killua's. If his brothers are here, after all, it's best to start with them.

And they're not difficult to find, even with Chrollo's vague directions. Melody can discern their heartbeats, which sound eerily similar to Killua's. The heavier one is mildly more jumpy, despite Killua describing the opposite.

Melody busies herself outside the youngest Zoldyck's door. How fascinating, her phone. The mechanics' hum is barely audible.

"I don't understand your problem," says an impossibly smooth voice, with just a mild touch of surprise. If Melody didn't know he was an assassin, she would convince him to be a singer.

"You're engaged to a killer, and you're following me," snaps a child. His voice is red with rage.

"It's a death contract. I enjoy it." There's no lie in the eldest's heart. Illumi. Ironic for someone denied enlightenment.

"Was it not enough for you to control Killua? You have to control me, too?" exclaims the child. Kalluto, if Melody recalls correctly, and she usually does.

"No. Evidently it was not enough, because no one can control Killua, and he's out there with that thing masquerading as our brother," Illumi says.

Kalluto groans. "You're hopeless, big brother."

"How so?" Illumi sounds genuinely confused.

"Forget it. Just leave. Go kill your fiancé. See if I cry."

"Mom and Dad taught us to stop crying at six months. You stopped in five," Illumi recites.

"I think you should leave," Kalluto repeats. There's an edge to his voice. A dangerous edge that catches Melody off-guard.

"Wait," says Kalluto suddenly. "Do you love Hisoka?"

"I enjoy a challenging job," Illumi the Dark says, his hand twisting the doorknob. He's not lying, not exactly, but his heart skips a beat when Hisoka's name is mentioned.

It's enough to convince Melody that their plan is not entirely hopeless.

Kalluto's relieved when Illumi leaves his room at last. One more minute, and he might have killed Illumi before Hisoka could.

His door opens again, and Kalluto flies at the entrance. "I told you to leave me alone!"

A flash of electricity knocks him back. "Guess again."

"Killua?" Kalluto's eyes widen. He is almost happy to see his brother.

"Me, and Gon, and Leorio, and Kurapika, and Alluka. Oh, and Melody. She found you because you stopped answering email," Killua says, waving his friends in.

"Alluka!" Kalluto waves at his brother. He's too frozen to do anything else. Though, from the size of the room, he couldn't move even if he wanted to.

"Kalluto." Alluka beams at him, pure sunshine on her face.

"You rescued him from Illumi, I heard." Kalluto waits.

"Her," Killua says automatically. "Alluka is a girl."

"Are you wearing my old dress?" Alluka studies Kalluto's kimono.

"No."

"You are!" Alluka puts her hands on her hips.

"I am not! I designed my own and based it off yours, if you must know," Kalluto admits, his face red.

"I love it!" Alluka shoves Leorio into Gon to hug Kalluto.

Kalluto feels panic bubble up within him. Is he useless now? Has Alluka already been rescued? Where is that thing possessing him? Her?

And his brother is a girl? Why didn't anyone tell him that? Kalluto doesn't know whom to believe.

"We have some good news." Gon pipes up.

"Illumi does care about Hisoka." Killua says, unsure whether to sound enthusiastic or not. "So our intervention might work."

"Really?" Kalluto sighs with relief.

"I wouldn't be so happy. If Chrollo finds out, Illumi's in danger," says Kurapika. He can't help but be suspicious of anyone in the Phantom Troupe, even if it's a ten year old. "And where would your loyalties fall, Kalluto?"
"Everything is nuanced to its situation," says Kalluto soberly, sounding at least twice as old as his ten years.

Killua sighs. "Look, I want you to come with me. To talk to Illumi. You know where he probably is, right?"

"Hunting for Hisoka, but I know where his cabin is," Kalluto says glumly. He wants to be relieved, be excited to see his siblings, but old feelings of abandonment and shame are welling within him for no reason, none that he can surmise. "He'd probably prefer me not to be here."

"I want you there."

"And Alluka?" Kalluto's heart thumps. Killua wants his company?

"Gon is gonna keep her safe. Illumi isn't very nice to her," Killua says. "Still."

Kalluto scowls. Alluka still receives more attention from Illumi and Killua, even if it's negative. How unfair.

"I'm sorry; what are Kurapika and I to do?" Melody breaks in.

"Well," Killua says, exchanging a wince with Gon.

"We need you to keep the Phantom Troupe occupied and away from Illumi. I'm sure they won't be thrilled with our interference," says Gon.

"You want me to distract Chrollo," Kurapika says in disbelief.

"Something like that," Gon says weakly.

"I'm sure I'll be able to tell if he's planning anything," Melody assures Kurapika.

"What about Queen Oito? I can't leave her," Kurapika fumbles.

"I'll guard her," Leorio volunteers.

"No! That's irresponsible." Kurapika glowers at him.

"Then I'll help Leorio," Melody says sweetly. "You know you're the one who can hold Chrollo's attention the longest, Kurapika."

Kurapika crosses his arms. "I don't want to see Chrollo ever again."

"Stop sulking," Kalluto says irritably. "None of us are happy now."

"You killed my entire clan!" Kurapika points at Kalluto.

"I did no such thing," snaps Kalluto. "For someone who's supposedly smart, you don't seem able to see that your worst enemy is your own anger."

Kurapika's mouth falls open.

"Can we please agree and go our separate ways?" Killua says anxiously. Four Zoldycks on a ship is a bad idea. He just knows it.

"Fine." Kurapika says, stepping back and opening the cabin door.

"Kurapika, if you're mad, I'd rather you say it," says Gon. He lingers over the edge.

Kurapika's eyes prickle. "I'd rather not."

"Okay." Gon smiles halfheartedly and offers his friend a squeeze of his hand before they all depart.

Chrollo Lucilfer hangs his coat on his bedpost to dry. His damp hair swings wild around his eyes. He wears no shirt, but a new pair of trousers he stole from next door.

Someone slips inside his door.

Chrollo spins around. His mouth parts slightly at the sight of the chain user – Kurapika, that nincompoop.

Kurapika scowls at the spider marked 0 tattooed over Chrollo's heart. Of course their leader would be that extra.

"I suppose that's twice now you've snuck up on me," Chrollo says, not without amusement.

"I heard sightings of a, uh, I mean – a fantastic card player towards the bow," Kurapika says. Sweat drops appear on his brow.

Chrollo narrows his eyes. If this wasn't Kurapika, he'd be laughing right now. "You're a terrible liar."

"You think I'd stoop to talk to you if it were a lie?" Kurapika waves his fist in Chrollo's face.

"Well, that's what you're doing, isn't it?" Chrollo leans back against his bed. His taut muscles shine in the dim lights, and Kurapika finds himself annoyed at Chrollo's clear pride in his physique.

Chrollo closes his eyes, as if unafraid of Kurapika, as if Kurapika's been reduced to a mere nuisance. "Say, do you ever realize how alike to your bourgeois employers you sound? Stooping to talk to the dirty, dirty thieves. People used to tour Meteor City and say the same things. In fact, the first person I killed was a tourist posing as a priest pitying the poor."

He smirks. "I still wear his coat."

"Don't try to make me feel sorry for you. I don't," Kurapika hisses, bending over Chrollo.

"No? Not even Pakunoda, who died not an hour after you left, because of your chain?" Chrollo tilts his head up. Their faces are inches apart, and frankly, he's enjoying Kurapika's discomfort.

"She had a choice." Kurapika falls silent. Truthfully, Pakunoda's indirect death haunts him more than Uvogin. Maybe because she seemed almost human. And he hates her for not being hateful.

"She grew too attached to people. That was her weakness. Also yours, if I recall," Chrollo muses.

"Is that a threat?" Kurapika's eyes ignite scarlet. Maybe if he and Chrollo fight, that will distract the troupe enough for Killua to reach Illumi.

Chrollo catches his breath. Is it possible that Scarlet Eyes are more beautiful attached to people?

Yes, but he won't think on it more until the Troupe has dissembled again, after the Dark Continent, after Hisoka's head is thrown before him. Chrollo's always been about the next mission, the next story to read, the next person to kill. No ruminating on himself allowed.

"Only if you make it so."

Kurapika growls.

"Why are you really here?"

Kurapika fishes for a semi-reasonable answer. "Because – because –"

"You're boring me."

"Because I want to know why!" Kurapika shouts suddenly.

Chrollo blinks. That, at least, doesn't sound like a lie. "Why?"

"Why did you do it?" Kurapika shakes his head. "Do you understand what it is like to return to the only home you've ever known ad find your best friend's eyeless head lying at your feet? To run straight for your family, only to find your mother's own knife sticking in her throat, and your father's body torn in half?"

The room is silent.

"I wouldn't know a home," Chrollo says at last.

"Don't try to stir up my pity!" Kurapika shakes his head. "You're stalling."

Chrollo chuckles. Yes, yes he is stalling. Stalling because he doesn't know.

"You could have at least left a few survivors to keep the clan from extinction," Kurapika says. "Seems an extreme lack of foresight."

"Not if my motive was power," Chrollo says. He's not sure it was. Maybe. But it fits.

Kurapika shakes his head. "You killed countless people to prove you're powerful?"

"I don't know," Chrollo says simply. "That's the truth."

"Do you remember their faces?"

"The ones I killed individually, or by ordering my fellow Spiders?" Chrollo gazes evenly at him. "That would be impossible."

"Their names?"

"I don't know their names most of the time."

Kurapika grabs a piece of paper from his pocket and shoves it in Chrollo's face. "Well, here are one-hundred-twenty-eight names. Read them."

"Why?"

"If they are nothing to you, why not? Are you afraid they're not nothing to you?" Kurapika taunts.

No, he's afraid they'll become not nothing. Chrollo presses his lips together, but begins to read as Kurapika stands over him.

"Pairo was my best friend," says the Kurta when Chrollo's finger traces over the name.

"Well, you seem to have replaced him," Chrollo says without thinking.

Kurapika seizes Chrollo by his hair. "Did you replace Uvogin? Pakunoda? Hisoka?!"

"I misspoke. I merely meant that you have loyal friends," Chrollo replies with a wince. "In the Spider, we call it replacing when members inherit a former member's number."

He recalls when Shizuku joined, after Silva Zoldyck slaughtered his friend because Chrollo couldn't reach him in time. No, Shizuku has not replaced him. Even though she too has become Chrollo's friend.

"I apologize. Can you release my hair now?"

"Apologize for what?" Kurapika sounds flustered.

Chrollo cringes. He's been careless with his words twice in one conversation. Damn this Kurta. "My words. I do not think you wish me to apologize with flippant words."

"Are you sorry?" Kurapika sounds uncertain.

"No."

"So you don't regret slaughtering one-hundred-twenty-eight people? Pairo? My mother? My father? My little sister didn't even have Scarlet Eyes. You could have spared her, at least." Kurapika leans closer. Tears burn in his eyes.

"I haven't really allowed myself to think on it," Chrollo says quietly.

"So that's your strategy? Just avoid thinking about what makes you uncomfortable? But so long as you steal from the rich and use nen to beat the strong in a battle, you're brave? Sickening," Kurapika fumes. "Coward!"

Chrollo blanches. "I haven't thought about it."

"No excuse."

"So." Chrollo's eyes gleam. "You have thought about your actions, and you decided you are the arbitrator of life, and that my friends were not worthy to hold it?"

Kurapika pales.

"You haven't thought of it at all, have you?" Chrollo grins, even as he grinds his teeth together. "You're the same as me, Chain User."

"How dare you." Overcome by uncontainable emotions – shame, fury, panic and grief – Kurapika slaps Chrollo across the face.

Chrollo refuses to so much as flinch. He looks the other way, ignoring Kurapika's gaze, ignoring his stunning Scarlet Eyes.

He might deserve the slap, at least. He can introspect that much. "I'm sure Killua's found Illumi by now. The Spiders won't disturb them. You may go."