HA! You guys didn't think I was gonna update so quickly, didja? Well, the chapter has a lot to be desired (for cryin' out loud, there's no filimg progress), but I just wanted to get all outside characters in before all went down in a fiery ball of chaos.
P.S. Caps Lock is now one of my new best friends.
Wolf Link and Midna (c) to LoZ:Twilight Princess
Amaterasu and Issum are (c) to Okami
AJ the Flame Swordsman is (c) to himself
Yam and Mayx are mine and mine alone!
"Ahh, its so good to see you." Kayla said.
"Cut the crap." came a voice from a shadowed figure in her office. "Just what did you call me for? Since no girl can even comprehend the storyline of DragonBall, coming here isn't exactly a picture of Bulma in her underwear."
Kayla's eyes widened. "...Yes. Changing the subject, I'm assuming you're aware of K.O. doing a Final Fantasy parody, right?"
"Oh yeah, I know about that."
"Then I assume you also know that Riku is playing Zack?"
"Zack? But he only appears about twice in the whole movie!"
"Why do you think K.O. gave him that role?"
The figure slammed his fist on the table. "Damn, this is just like her... At least now I know why you called me. But I have to ask why you haven't taken care of this yourself yet."
"Our recsources and allies have been cut short since the recent massacare, and like you said, girls can't understand DragonBall. We figured you'd be the perfect opponent to stop her."
"Stop her from what?"
"Don't you remember? Zack dies in FFVII. This is most likely a trap of K.O.'s to kill Riku off and throw the balance of the world into chaos!"
"How do you figure that?"
Kayla stared. "Dude, its K.O. What else are we possibly going to assume she's doing?"
"Point taken."
"That said, will you help us?"
"Depends. What's in it for me?"
Kayla dug through her pockets, and pulled out a small silver stick. "I've got gum."
The figure eyed the gum. "Is it spearamint?"
"Yup."
The gum was swiped out of her hands. "Throw in a DVD box set of yuri and you've got a deal, sister!"
Evil fangirl conspiracies aside, all was well at the set. K.O. and Arue both had a free day from school, so the set was ready to go by the time the cast got there (Unfortunately (for K.O.), Arue was called away for something and was not able to mock Axel in his Reno-ness when he got there). Mini-Marlene, Yu, and Kairi stayed late the last time to film the opening scene at the bar, so the day was going to start with Sora on the outskirts of Midgar. Well, that was the plan, but...
"I don't know how to drive a motorcycle!" Sora complained.
"Well, do you remember how to work the light-cycle thing from Tron?" K.O. asked.
"But that was in a cyber reality, like the .hack// games! Besides, that minigame sucked!"
"Hmm, good point." K.O. said. She then turned to Cloud and smacked him upside his head. "CLOUD! We spent a lot of munny training these guys and you didn't even consider teaching him how to drive a motorcycle?"
"You never told me to!"
"Oh what? Just because I'm the authoress and control all reality here that means you need my OK before you do something?" K.O. froze as she realized what she just said, and then smacked her forehead. "Oh, shut up."
BANG! BANG! BANG!
"OPEN UP DAMMIT!"
"Huh? ...Oh, someone's at the door." K.O. said. "Riku, you're the closest. Can you get it?"
"Oh, sure." Riku walked over to the large double doors. He pulled it open and in walked a silver robotic hedgehog we all know and love as...
"Spectre!" K.O. yelled, running over. "What're you doing in America? You're supposed to be in England!"
"Well, I went to Eric's party and no one cared I was supposed to be in England then." Spectre said.
"Huh, good point." K.O. said. "So, what brings you here, anyway?"
"You know how you said that you couldn't find people to take Red XIII and Cait Sith's roles?" Spectre asked. "Well, I think I might have solved your problem." He walked back to the door. "'K guys, come one in!"
Spectre stepped aside, and in walked a black and white imp with a stone helmet, riding a gray wolf with a triangle on its forehead. Following them was another wolf, this one white with red markings and a spinning stone on its back and a jumping green dot on its head.
"Ladies, gentlemen, resident pyromanic cannibals-"
"HEY!"
"-I give you Link&Midna and Issun&Ammy!"
K.O. grew a huge smile, the one that looks so satisfied that you actually could tell that her inner fangirl was doing a power dance. Without a word, she began to dig through her pockets, and then pulled out a large cookie, which she presented to Spectre.
"WOOT!" Spectre yelled, swiping the cookie and jumping on a high window ledge. When he saw the odd looks he recieved, he hissed, "My cookie."
"Freakishly happy robotic hedgehogs aside, now what are we going to do?" Vexen said. "Casting was in the first chapter, we can't go back now."
"First chapter?" Lexeaus asked. "What're you talking about?"
"Nevermind."
"Oh, don't worry Vexen, I got it all planned out." K.O. said, dismissing the matter with her hand. "Now let's see... well, technically Link isn't a wolf, and I don't want Red XIII to be offended by a poser wolf, no offense Link..." Link rasied a paw that said 'No offense taken.' "...but then again, Amaterasu isn't a real wolf either. BUT, since Ammy is the sun goddess and is more likely to make my head implode, she gets the part." Ammy barked and walked over to the rest of the cast.
"Ohh, now what?" K.O. said. "Issun and Midna are both so cool..." She looked at her hands as though they were weights. (A/N: WARNING! SPOLIER FOR OKAMI AND LOZ:TP APPROACHING! TURN BACK OR SKIP NOW OR FORVER HOLD THY TONGUE!) "Issun or Midna, sprite or imp, Twilight Princess or Fake Wandering Artist..." Her hands dropped to her sides. "Well, sad to say Issun, but Midna wins. She's actually as tall as Cait Sith, and like Ammy, more likely to make my head implode."
"Are you callin' me short!" Issun yelled.
"Uh, yeah." Spectre said. "We only see what you look like with that Tiny Hammer thing in the Emporer level, and its just that one level."
Issun was quietly jumping up and down for about a minute. "...I'd make a counter arguement, but you're right."
"Alright then. Midna, to Ammy, Issun, to Link. Issun, Link, Cait Sith and Red XIII can leave." The aforementioned left.
"You know, you're going about this rather quickly today." Spectre said, wiping crumbs off his mouth.
"I know, but it can't be helped." K.O. said. "I just need to do this quickly to show people I'm not dead or anything."
"Why not have Arue speak for you?" Axel asked.
"Axel, Arue's not here."
"No." Axel said, pointing towards the door again. "She's right there!"
Sure enough, Arue stood in the middle of the doorway like a deer caught in a headlight. That is, a deer with a huge sack on its back. It looked as though she was trying to sneak past without anyone noticing. "Damn you Axel, damn you to hell, you cannibal bastard you..." she thought.
"Arue..." K.O. started. "What's with the bag?"
"O-Oh, t-t-this!" Arue stammered. "I, uh... its... full of chicken!"
The bag started to move.
"Uhh... living chickens."
A groaning sound came from the bag.
"Living emo chickens!"
The bag did not like that comment, as it started to yell and move around more violently. Arue started to punch the bag. "SHUT UP YOU!"
"Arue, what's in the bag?" Spectre said. "Whatever it is, it seems kinda familiar..."
Before Arue could answer, the bottom of the bag ripped open, revealing the blackish dark-blue head of yet another poor soul on K.O.'s To Murder List. 'Twas Sauske Uchiha of The Hidden Leaf Village!
"SAUSKE! Why'd you cut open the bag!?" Arue screamed.
"Because I couldn't BREATHE!" Sauske yelled back.
"WHO CARES ABOUT YOU BREATHING AT A TIME LIKE THIS!? Do you even know where we are!?"
Sauske looked at his surroundings, then back at Arue with a confused look. Arue groaned and grabbed Sauske's head, pointing it in the direction of K.O. From the terrified stare and the twitching of K.O.'s eye came silence. Well, it was almost silence. There were cries of "...Welp! Good game, America!" (Xigbar) and "Yep, we're even more screwed now than we were 2 chapters ago." (Vexen)and "Why does it feel as though our death warrants have been signed?" (Namine) and "Well, this is gonna suck." (Roxas).
K.O. was taking deep breathes, truly troubled the Arue had brought in someone she hated as a guest. "...Arue? Why do you do these things to me?"
"Heeey! Its not my fault he wormed his whiny emo ass into my heart!" Arue cried, pointing at Sauske who was rubbing his head from impact with the floor.
"I know, I know! But... why here and now?"
"Well... Naruto kinda took out a contract on him and Gaara unleashed the Shikaku and now Sauske's being hunted down... and I owe him for giving me lunch money so I had to hide him."
K.O. let out a sigh and rubbed her head. "Fine, fine, as long as Neji doesn't show up later or anything..."
Arue froze again, and pulled out her cell phone. She opened up her contact list and selected a number. "...Hi, Gai Sensei? Yeah, um, we're gonna have to rethink about where Neji's gonna hide..."
"Hey, wait a minute." Luxord said. "Marluxia, didn't you feed those two to your Venus Ninja Plant?"
"Yes."
"Then... how'd they get out?"
Marluxia sighed and placed a hand on Luxord's shoulder. "Just... Just don't think about it to hard."
BANG! BANG! BANG!
Spectre was about to make a Snoop Dog joke when there was suddenly more pounding on the door. K.O. groaned. "Riku, I'm sorry I have to ask again, but can you get the door one more time? This Sauske thing is making my stomach crawl..."
"Wow, Sauske disgusts her so much she's doesn't even realize she's being nice to me..." Riku thought. He was about to reach for the knob, but the doors bursted open, knocking him against the wall. A shadowed figure ran in and jumped up on a support beam, yelling, "MERRY CHRISTMAS BITCHES!"
"Christmas!? What'd I get, what'd I get!?" Arue cried, jumping up and down.
"ARUE!" Spectre yelled. "Its May!"
"So?"
"FOCUS!" K.O. yelled, taking out a personalized claymore Saix got for her. "I dunno who the hell this guy thinks he is, but he's picked the wrong time to piss me off!"
"Oh, you don't remember me K.O.? That's pretty sad... we are, after all in two other fics besides this one." The figure moved his arm up, showing a Keyblade that resembled a white Oblivion. (A/N: Sorry Dragorion, the description you wrote in The War of the Fangirls was too long, so STFU.)
Spectre froze. "Nooooooow wait waitaminnut, Sonny Jim... that's..."
K.O. smacked her forehead. "Oh, you gotta be freakin' kidding me... ERIC!? What are you doing in Illinois? You're supposed to be in Michigan!"
"Well what's a few states apart between bitter rivals, eh?" The figure came out from the shadows, revealing the Sayian known as Eric. (A/N: Why he, a Saiyan, has a Keyblade and doesn't just use a KameHame to torch my ass, I'm not all that sure myself, but whatever works.) He grabbed a nearby rope hanging from the ceiling and swung down, Keyblade at hand, towards K.O. Arue tried to knock her friend out of the way, but it was too late. Eric's keyblade whacked K.O. in the head, and a puff of smoke emerged from the impact.
Eric, suprised by the smoky impact, swung back and let go of the rope, looking kind of like Eddie Gordo from TEKKEN when someone doesn't know how to do combos and are resorting to button mashing. Arue was not so fortunate, as she disapeared along with K.O., and all was strangely quiet. However, it wasn't long after that whe they knew she was still alive, as Arue screamed in anger.
A few moments later, the Fox Demon wlaked out of the smoke, clearly pissed as hell, walked over to Eric, and... she bitch-slapped him behind the head.
Eric held his head in pain. "OWCRAP!"
Arue started to scream explecitives at him. "$#!& you Eric, $#!& you RIGHT IN YOUR $#!&ING EAR! I $#!&ing HATE you, you $#!&ing pervert! You just $#!&ed us all to $#!&ing HELL!" She was about to jump and strangle him, but was quickly held back by Sora ad Spectre.
"What did I do!?" he cried.
"WHAT DID YOU DO!?" Arue yelled. "I'm sure everyone here would agree that having one K.O. is enough trouble by itself, right!?"
"Um, erm... yes, Mother can be quite a handful sometimes." Kadaj admitted. (A/N: QUIT CALLING ME MOTHER!)
"Well, thanks to Mr. Higher-The-Hair-Closer-To-God here, we know have to deal... with THREE of them. That's right! Two more than we have now! 1 plus 2! ...3 K.O.'s!"
Cricket.
Cricket.
Cricket.
Twitch twitch.
"I GOTTA GET OUT OF HERE!" Riku screamed, scrambling for the door. He was once again about to grab the knob to freedom, but Arue had escaped Spectre and Sora's clutches and grabbed him by the collar.
"LISTEN YOU!" Arue growled. "You're a video game character, so you don't have to deal with people like K.O. very often. Me, on the other hand, I deal with her EVERY SINGLE FREAKING DAY. So, unless you're secretly Ron Jon Taco or Enchilada Ed or even Tomato from our school (A/N: Arue, you know exactly who I'm talking about), I suggest you keep your cowardly bullcrap to yourself, or I will be forced to stick a plastic spork up your ass. Got it?" Riku shook his head furiously. "Good."
While others watched Arue terrify Riku, Xemnas walked over to Eric. He placed a hand on his shoulder and said, "Eric, no matter how much darkness fills a heart, and no matter how uncaring that person becomes due to that, there is always a small spark of light that lets the person know that there is still hope in the world. And Eric, I just want you to know; if I still had my heart, you would have just killed that light."
"Oh COME ON!" Eric yelled. "How was I supposed to know that hiting K.O. in the head with my Keyblade would doom us all!?"
"Eric..." Xemnas said. "...its K.O. What else are we possibly going to assume it would do?"
"Uhh... guys?" Kairi said. "The smoke's starting to clear up." Sure enough, three figures could be seen through the clearing fog.
Marluxia lowered his head. "And the four horsemen drew nigh..."
Now, there are three things most people don't notice about K.O. at first glance. The first thing is her hair. K.O.'s hair is highlighted a very naturally looking blonde, but the highlights have grown out and have been that way for a long time, so its assumed its natural. The two figures by her sides also had similair highlights; the one to her right had red highlights, and the one to the left had blue ones.
The second thing people don't notice about K.O. is her eyes. When people finally do notice them, they always either comment that they're a very pretty shade of blue, or they ask if its just her contacts. (A/N: Usually, they ask before they comment, but that's just how it goes, I guess.) The figure to her right had yellowish eyes, like a cat's eye. The one to her left had deep green eyes.
Now, the third thing is only something the original K.O. has. Recall Arue and her Fox Demon heritage. When the two first met in late '06 at the beggining of their high school freshman year, Arue gave K.O. her very own demon form... which explains the lemur tail. Yes ladies, gentlemen and resident pyromanic cannibals, K.O. secretly has a lemur tail and the ears to match. See, that's why when she sent out the letters in chapter one, she referred to herself as the Lemur Demon, so quit sending out PMs asking why she did that, its annoying!
Well, back on topic, K.O. in all her demoinc glory was now exposed for the world to see. She too left the spot where she stood and walked over to Eric, who assumed the fetal position.
"Eric, get out of the fetal position." Eric couldn't see her face, but her voice sounded tired and annoyed.
"No way! As soon as I do you're gonna kill me!"
His reply was met with a sigh. "Eric, I'm not gonna kill you..."
Not sure he should, Eric slowly rose...
...Only to be pinned down again by K.O.'s claymore. "You just said you weren't gonna kill me!" he cried.
K.O. glared at him and put her foot on his stomach. "Yes, but I didn't finish. I'm not gonna kill you, just maim you horribly unless you tell me what possesed you to split me apart from my Heartless and Nobody!"
"Wait, what?" Zexion asked. "If he split you from you Heartless and Nobody, why aren't you dead?"
"Zexion, I'm the authoress. I can't die. Its in the rule book."
"F...Fine! I'll talk!" Eric said. "Kayla paid me to stop you from killing off Riku!"
"...Who ever said I was going to kill Riku?" K.O. asked.
"YOU DID! Remember, the party! We were all there, you kidnapped Demyx, proclaimed war on Riku's head, THIS RINGING ANY FREAKIN' BELLS!?"
"Yeah, but that's your fic. Why would I kill him off in my own fic?"
"BECAUSE YOU'RE A CRAZY BITCH, THAT'S WHY!"
"True, but think. If I was really going to kill Riku, don'tcha think I would have done it waaaaay back in Chapter 1 to save myself the trouble?"
Eric was silent. "...Aww, nut-bunnies."
K.O. sighed and moved away so Eric could get off the floor. "Should've known she overlooked that... Kayla never was the smartest player on the team... didn't help that her dad was the coach..."
While K.O. talked to herself, Spectre hefted Eric off the ground and slung his arm around his shoulder for support. "Hey, just out of curiosity, what did Kayla give you to drive you to do this?"
"A DVD box set of yuri and a stick of gum."
Spectre eyed Eric. "Was the gum spearamint?"
Eric backed his head, as Spectre inspected him as though he were a three-eyed moogle. "Um... yeah."
Spectre dropped Eric back on the ground and rubbed his temples. "Oh, conondrum..."
Arue carefully walked over to her friend. "Umm, K.O.? Now that Yam and Mayx are here and all, are they gonna stick around?"
K.O. sighed. "We don't have much choice. They have to stay. You remember what happened last time..."
"...What happened last time?" Larxene asked.
"Oh, I think you already know." Arue said. "It was basically the last time anyone saw Atlantis... before Disney made the movie, of course."
"Yeah, and we don't want our good old Land O' Lincoln to be inhabited by mermaids or Zoras or whatever, no matter how cool it would be... and don't any of you make a comment about Atlantis-The Lost Empire, I liked that movie." K.O. said. "Now where did those two go?"
"Well, one of 'em's up there." Demyx said, pointing to the ceiling. The red-highlighted Heartless, Yam, was jumping from ceiling fan to ceiling fan, screaming "ASSIMILATE!" like a maniac.
"And the other one's right here." Vexen said. Hiding behind him and holding his hand was the Nobody, Mayx.
"Oh, well that's good. Nothing's broken yet." K.O. said. Just as she said that, the ceiling fan Yam was on crashed to the ground inches away from Demyx.
"WHOA!" Demyx yelled.
K.O. shook her fist. "Hey, watch it up there! You nearly took off Demi-Chan's legs!"
Yam gasped, jumped down in front of Demyx and hugged his legs. "I'm sorry Demyx-Kicky! I'm sorry Demyx-Standy! I love you guys!" Demyx, unable to move his legs, lost his balance and fell to the ground. K.O. held her head in her hands. Yam was evil and hilarious, but she was also K.O.'s shoulder devil and inner fangirl, both of which are never good.
"Uhh... K.O.?" Vexen said. "Can you... get her off me, please?" He pointed to Mayx, who was trailing behind him silently like a lost puppy.
"But why, its cute!" Arue said. "She is K.O.'s shoulder angel. Its her job to be unbelievably adorable!"
"I can see we'll need help." K.O. said, pulling out her cell. She dialed a few numbers and held the phone to her ear. "...Hello? Its K.O., glad you're here. Listen, Yam and Mayx got out again and I need your help to make sure they don't burn everything down in a fiery ball of chaos... Yeah... Uh-huh... 15 seconds? OK, great." K.O. closed her phone.
"Who was that?" Sora asked.
"Oh, another ally I made a while back. Helped me out when Yam and Mayx got out last time. He should be here in about 3... 2... 1..."
As soon as the last number left K.O.'s mouth, crashing through the window came a blond boy, wearing black clothes with flames designs and carrying a giant golden sword that was ablaze. "Have no fear, AJ the Flame Sowrdsman is here!" he yelled. (A/N: Yeah, I couldn't think of something funny for him to yell, sorry.)
"EEEK! Its AJ!" Yam screamed, jumping off Demyx. "...Oh wait, that's bad huh?"
"AJ? What're you doin' here?" Arue asked. "You're supposed to be in... actually, I don't know where you're supposed to be."
Mayx meeped and hid behind Vexen, terrified. "Y-You're not gonna make us go away again... a-a-are you? I-Its dark in K.O.'s head..." she whimpered, peeping out from behind the Chilly Academic.
"Not unless K.O. asks me to, Mayx." AJ said, jumping off the window and landing next to K.O.
"Nah, they're gonna stick around. Makes a great plot device." K.O. said. "But I need you to look after Mayx for me. Are you OK, with that, Mayx?" Mayx nodded her head. "Well, that's a relief."
"But wait." AJ said. "I thought you asked me to look after both of them. What's the deal with Yam?"
"Oh, Eric's going to look after her." K.O. said absentmindedly.
"WHAT!?" Eric yelled. "Why do I have to look after the crazy one!? Why can't I get the cute 'n shy one!?"
"Because its your fault they're out of my head in the first place and you need to be punished." K.O. said. "And besides, Mayx is kinda scared of you."
AJ just stared at Eric. "Dude, you released Yam and Mayx? Didn't you realize it meant throwing the natural order off balance?"
"NO!" Eric yelled. "...And before you even start, I realize that its K.O. we're talking about and I shouldn't have expected any less, so shut up!"
AJ shrugged. "Hey, as long as you can accept your screw-ups, dude."
K.O. checked her wristwatch and groaned. "Greeeaaat, we just wasted an entire chapter with this little invasion." she said. "Now we need more rooms for Yam and Mayx, the window and ceiling fan repaired, bike riding lessons for Sora... I hope you're happy Eric, I really do. I'm holding you responsible for all this crap."
"...Why?"
"Oh, that's easy!" Arue said. "When George Bush is finally impeached and when society and Canada's done nothing wrong, we blame it all on you! Congradulations, Eric, you're now this story's very own scapegoat!"
Eric groaned. "Alright, alright, I get it." He turned to Yam. "C'mon, you cat-eyed... pyscho... hyper... Heartless... fangirl... thing..." Then he noticed Sauske standing in the corner. "You too, Uchiha. I ain't leaving you alone with... her." He turned to K.O. in pure spite.
K.O. shrugged. "Hey, its both your funerals. I was gonna be nice to Sauske and let 'em live... but if you him to go down with you, then by all means."
Eric walked out of the studio with Yam and Sauske following behind him. They only got a few feet away when Eric curiosity got the better of him. "Hey, Potato."
"My name's Yam!" Yam yelled. "Y-A-M, got it freakin' memorized?"
"Whatever. Pyromanic cannabil jokes aside, I have to ask. ...Why did K.O. want you locked up so badly?"
"I've been wondering that too... you don't look really dangerous." Sauske said.
Yam just stood there with a big smile on her face.
xXx45 MINUTES LATERxXx
"Hmm, Yam usually isn't quiet for this long." K.O. said. "Spectre, can you go out and check to see if she hurt anyone?"
"OK. What do I do if she hurt Eric?"
"Eh, just leave him. He needs to learn his lesson."
"Will do." Spectre walked outside and turned the corner Eric previously took, seeing Yam's dark brown/red hair. "Yam, K.O. wants you to come... baaack... innnn... the HELL?" the hedgehog said as he walked over to the Heartless. Eric was on the ground, having a seizure and foaming at the mouth, and Sauske was standing there as though someone had chopped off his manhood and shoved it down his emo throat. And Yam just stood there with her hands on her hips and had the smugest look ever seen on her face as she stared at her victims.
"Y... Yam?" Spectre asked, a terrified look overcoming his face. "What did you say to Eric?"
"Oh, I told him that Cloud and Leon were secret lovers who met using a cross-dimensional portal." Yam said proudly.
"And Sauske?"
"I said that no one gave a crap about his revenge plot and that everyone liked Itachi more anyway. Which, when you think about it, is kinda true."
Spectre patted Yam on the head. "That'll do Heartless fangirl, that'll do."
...Just so everyone knows, this is the chapter I've had the most fun with so far.