RATING: T for future chapters just in case

SPOILERS: Shouldn't have any unless it's something that's aired so far in Season 6.

DISCLAIMERS: Afraid I don't own CBS, CSI, any of their affiliates or anything neat and wonderful like them.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: You asked for it so here it is chapter 3. Thanks for all the positive reviews you guys keep me going and motivated me to keep adding.

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Sara closed the door on her new apartment, blowing hair out of her face. She felt bad about the way she'd left things and was tempted to reach for her cell phone and call Grissom and apologize for the way she'd acted. He hadn't been that critical; his questions were the same ones she asked herself in the quiet moments lying awake in the dark. It just hurt more that he didn't seem to believe in her more. It wasn't his fault she'd been hoping for more. She'd had a couple dreams about happy families. Dreams where her mind concocted fantasy images of Grissom, Amy and her creating a family and living happily ever after.

Who was she kidding? What did she know about happiness, let alone happily ever after? Her parents must have been happy once, when Sara was very small child, but she had no memories of it. Only memories of violence, pain and finally her mother killing her father. The county had shipped her off to foster homes to live with strangers who had problems of their own. She'd been lucky most weren't bad homes, just places to stay, but they weren't her family. As an adult she'd spent most of her time working. So really what did Sara Sidle know about homes, kids, and families?

Stepping away from the door and her cell phone she knew from experience the downward spiral those thoughts would take. Grabbing her laptop, she curled up in the corner of the couch watching Amy while waiting for the internet to boot up. Amy was sitting at her feet in front of the coffee table working on the jigsaw puzzle they'd started last night.

From the research Sara had done since agreeing to take Amy, adopting a child was difficult in the best of circumstances. Theirs was not the best of circumstances and Sara worried about the little girl. Sara wanted Amy to cope with her family's death and background of domestic violence better than Sara had as a child. Not that Sara had done much better with it as an adult before the DUI forced her into PEAP. So they went to counseling together and separately. Sara felt like they were making progress, though it was hard seeing the similarities between their childhoods. She loved the little girl and wanted her to always be safe, happy and healthy.

Both their fathers had made it clear that there was safety in silence. So the Counselor was working on getting them to speak more. Amy hadn't been born deaf so she could speak, but the Counselor explained she just wasn't ready too. Once she felt safe enough she would, until then they had to be patient. The only time Sara heard the little girl make sounds was at night. When Amy's nightmares were the worst and all Sara could do was hug the child and hope that was enough. It was those times that Sara felt the most helpless and unsuited for motherhood.

Opening up her instant messaging profile Sara was grateful for the supportive community she'd found online. People who understood the decisions that terrified the new mother. Friends who helped her figure out how to be a parent and reminded she wasn't alone and doing the best that she could. Sara was still learning how to be a parent, but was finding that talking with Amy, getting her opinion and then deciding as a family made the day to day easier.

It was making the parenting decisions about Amy's medical condition that she found difficult. Sara had done research and spoken to the Doctor who assured her that surgery might repair the damage from Otosclerosis, but there were risks and it was those risks that scared the hell out of her. If she made the wrong decision Amy's life would never be the same. Amy would probably lose her hearing forever. Sara needed to make a decision, because it was just a matter of time until the bone growth took away the rest of Amy's hearing.

Scanning her buddy list, Sara smiled when she got the instant message from MamaG.

MamaG: U r on early everything ok?

Sara liked MamaG she was one of the first people she'd connected with in the Otoscherosis Support chat room after getting Amy's diagnosis. MamaG had the same condition, though too advanced for surgery, and she'd raised a son who had it too. Since that initial conversation a friendship had been formed and Sara talked to the senior citizen nearly every day.

Sara always felt better afterwards though was often surprised by much she revealed to someone who was basically a stranger. Except that after talking with the older woman about her hopes and fears, Sara didn't really think of her as a stranger. She didn't know quite how to define the relationship. MamaG would ask the hard questions, make suggestions and give advice. Sara liked it because it was almost like having a mother of her own again.

LVVeggie: Took Amy out for breakfast. Ran into my boss

MamaG: Oh? Good/bad?

LVVeggie:not sure guess mostly surprised maybe a little mad cuz I didn't tell him about her or moving.

MamaG:y not?

Sara stared at the blinking cursor wondering how much to reveal. In the last five years she hadn't told a soul how she felt about Grissom, until she started chatting with MamaG. It was odd how this woman in Southern California knew about Sara, her past, present and desires for the future than the people she worked with. She'd had to almost quit for Grissom to realize she was a vegetarian. Brass had been the only one to even guess she was using alcohol to mask her pain. Though Greg knew exactly how she took her coffee.

LVVeggie:my relationship with BM is complicated. I want more than just work, he's said he's not sure what to do about 'this' then a while back I heard him tell someone he couldn't take the risk

MamaG:sounds like he's scared

LVVeggie:I know. He's worried about taking a risk & losing his career, I came here for him, ignoring risk to my career & wasn't even sure he was interested

MamaG:does he know that?

LVVeggie:yes & no, I told him I came to LV for him, haven't told him rest seemed petty after he promoted someone else over me

MamaG:I bet he had his reasons

LVVeggie:I'm sure he did, doesn't make it hurt any less

MamaG:did Amy like him?

LVVeggie:yes he signs

MamaG:you should ask him for help, spend time away from work

LVVeggie:idk

MamaG:who's not taking the risk now? U need to let the people u love into ur life hun.

LVVeggie:I know ur right

MamaG:I hate to rush off but I gotta go, u'll be on later right?

LVVeggie:Aren't I always :D

MamaG:Good cuz I'm not done yet. ttyl honey

LVVeggie:bye

Sara wasn't in the mood to talk to anyone else so she turned the computer off, setting it down on the floor. Amy noticed and climbed into her lap. Cuddling the little girl, Sara thought about what MamaG had said, she was right of course Sara needed help and Grissom was an obvious choice. Glancing at the clock she knew it was too early to call his cell, he was probably sleeping after shift, but she could leave a message later on. She felt better and knew MamaG would be pleased that she had a course of action.

Tapping Amy's shoulder so the girl pulled away a little. Sara signed "Time for our show?"

Amy grinned getting up to turn on the television and start the video. Unlike her old family Sara wanted her there. It was nice to be loved and wanted. She just wished they were a real family with a mommy and a daddy. The man mommy worked with was nice she thought, he'd make a good daddy too.

Sitting side by side they watched the video a couple of times practicing each new sign they learned. Then Sara help her fix lunch peanut butter sandwiches and fruit. Amy didn't even mind when she had to go lie down to take a nap. No one in her new home yelled, hit or ignored her. Lying down on her bed she cuddled the teddy she'd gotten from Mommy that first night after the bad things happened. The night her old Mommy went to be with the angels. Happy that she'd kept her promise after all so Amy was somewhere safe, loved and protected.

While Amy was napping Sara grabbed her cell phone and called Grissom's cell, not surprised that he didn't answer it. "Hey Grissom its Sara. Gimme a call later so I can give you my new home phone number and address. I was hoping maybe we could talk some more tonight. I was thinking of dropping by the lab so everyone can meet Amy, but if you wanted to get dinner before shift. Well call me. Bye."

Turning on the laptop again, Sara connected to the net, opened her email and sent a quick letter to MamaG

Taking your advice finally, taking Amy to work to meet the gang. Asked BM if we can talk, maybe over dinner tonight so I may not be on til late. If I don't ttyl, I'll tell you tomorrow how it went.

Sara read it again, then pushed send and turned the computer off. Stretching out on the couch Sara thought about BM wondering how the Bug Man would respond to her call. Yawning and pulling the afghan off the back of the couch she decided if they were going to go into the lab tonight then taking a little nap wouldn't hurt her either. Closing her eyes as she started to fall asleep she was a little surprised that sleeping was coming so easily and wondered if the days of Sara Sidle the insomniac and workaholic were over.