Dear Italy
Chapter Three
I don't own Hetalia (though I wish I did like every other fan girl)
Feliciano looked down at the picture of the five of them, the Axis Powers, which was cradled in between his knees in his lap. They'd lost the war, and it was his fault, he and Lovino had let them down by surrendering to the Allies first. Well Lovino had surrendered to the Allies first; Feliciano surrendered only after he realized what he would lose if he didn't. But still the price he was now paying for his actions three years ago was more then he thought he could bear. He had lost Ludwig, his second love, he had lost his friendship with Kiku, he had lost what dignity and trust any other country could put into him by turning traitor for a second time. Well Lovino was dealing with that. He had taken over the duties of helping their boss so Feliciano didn't have to leave their villa in Sicily. And he hadn't, not since he had been able to come home after the war.
He had heard from his brother that Ludwig was no longer imprisoned due to Alfred's constant badgering. He had plans for the disgraced German nation. He had also heard that Gilbert had been given to Ivan and also that the country of Prussia was to be dissolved, Gilbert had only survived by a loop hole that Alfred created in the treaty which gave him control over East Germany, that divided the country much like and Lovino divided Italy. The world was changing, rapidly and to be frank it scared Feliciano. He was use to change, he had lived for too long not to be use to it. But change was usually slow, especially on a national scale for it to effect countries. But everything now days seemed to be defying the norm that he enjoyed. The world was being divided into two groups, democracy and communist. Whispers of another war, a different kind of war had reached Feliciano's ears despite his self-imposed banishment from the world.
"Mister Vargas, there's someone here to see you." Said one of Feliciano's assistants, Bella was her name. Feliciano didn't really care, women didn't hold any interest to him anymore, not since flirting with them wouldn't get a reaction out of anybody anymore.
"Let them in," Feliciano said with a sigh putting the picture back onto his nightstands. A long haired blond man walked in, his cheerful smile turned into a frown once he saw Feliciano's disheveled state. A small beard was growing on his normally cleanly shaven face; his hair was unkempt, his curl looking droopy. There were purple bruises growing under his eyes from the sleepless night. His face was pale and sunken.
"Mon cher," said the Frenchman, "when was the last time you went outside? You look like the walking dead. Why is Lovino running the affairs of your part of the country? Why are you so miserable looking?" Francis grabbed Feliciano's arm and pulled him out of the dark bedroom and into the sunlit hallway. The Italian tried to shield his eyes from the harsh sunlight he had been hiding from for the past couple of months.
"Lu mi odia," Feliciano said quietly as Francis helped him into a chair on the back veranda that looked over Lovino's tomato plants. "I abandoned him, again." No names needed to be spoken, Francis was very much aware of who his deemed little brother loved. The thought of how much pain he himself had put Feliciano in tugged at his heart. It had been him who had dealt the finishing blow to the Holy Roman Empire, Feliciano's first love and it had been him who had wanted Ludwig to remain imprisoned for an indefinite amount of time.
"Non, mon cher. He would never hate you. Be disappointed in you, oui. But never hate you." Francis said trying to cheer up the despaired man. Feliciano looked up at him with his sunken in brown eyes and for the first time in a while they held a spark.
"Did you hear about Gilbert, how Alfred saved him?" Feliciano asked changing the subject abruptly while reaching for a chocolate biscotti that the cook had made for them.
"Oui, Angleterre was beside himself when he realized the clever trick Ame
rique pulled." Francis smiled to himself, Feliciano was happy to see Francis was smiling, he hadn't seen the blond man smile like that since before the war. "I will miss Gilbert while he's under Ivan and the affreux L'Union sovietique."
"I hope he's doing okay." Feliciano whispered staring down at the biscotti in his hands. Francis only raised an eyebrow.
"Have you tried to see him?"
"Ve ~ Why would he want to see a traitor like me? It must have felt like I cut out his heart and stomped on it." Feliciano moaned hiding his face behind his hands. He wasn't sure if he could face Francis as he thought about the night before he left the Axis Powers. Lovino had already left, already surrendered to the Allies, but Ludwig was fighting desperately to keep control of the northern part of Italy.
"What happened, mon cher, you can tell big brother France." Francis said with a smile. Italy shook his head, it had been three years ago and yet Lovino, Feliciano's own true brother didn't know the details of what happened that night. "You'll feel better if you talk to someone about it. I know it helps. It took me many years to tell Gilbert what happened the night I killed the Holy Roman Empire, and afterward I felt as if a weight had been lifted off my chest." Feliciano shuddered not wanting to imagine his 'big brother' killing the first love of his life. It had been hard enough to deal with when it was fresh, now over a hundred years later and it was still not a topic Feliciano talked about.
"We were talking around our campfire, Kiku wasn't there like he normally would because he had been called away by his boss to help fight in the Pacific, so it was just Ludwig and me. And I was talking about Holy Rome. And I knew this would be our last night together, my boss had already ordered me to surrender." At this point Feliciano broke into tears; Francis moved chairs so that he sat beside the crying man instead of across from him, trying to comfort him.
Feliciano could see the fire light of that night and the way the mountain smelt in the autumn. The way Ludwig had looked that night, tired because he was fighting for him, for Italy and Feliciano knew he would be betraying tomorrow.
"Italy," Germany said with a sigh as the Italian refused to go to bed. "Go to bed."
"Not until you promise something." Feliciano protested, Ludwig sighed again rubbing his hand over his face.
"Feliciano, what do you want me to promise."
"Well," Feli began, "Its more like something I want to know if you feel the same then a promise. Do you remember our Pact of Steel?"
"Ja, why?"
"I wanted to know if it was still intact."
"Of course, why wouldn't it?" Ludwig had a confused look on his face. "Feli, you aren't making any sense."
"Because I love you, and I wanted to know if you loved me too." Feliciano confessed staring into the fire and not at the German beside him. He fiddled with the Iron Cross, a necklace Feliciano had given to him when they made the Pact of Steel.
"Love you?" Ludwig looked up at the starry night sky and was quiet for a few moments before looking back at Feli. "Ja, I think I may be in love with you, Feli." Feliciano smiled his widest smile; there was nothing to be afraid of now. He would surrender tomorrow yes, but Ludwig loved him and they would get together when the war was over. Surely Ludwig wouldn't fight too much longer now that he was surrendering.
If only he had known then what he knew now. The look on Ludwig's face when he realized what he was doing was enough to make him hate himself. Feli hadn't even realized he had begun to hold the Iron Cross in his hands that he still wore around his neck even after three years of separation from Ludwig.
"Did he give that to you?" Francis asked,
"Si, but not that night, he gave to me when we made our Pact of Steel and he promised to always come to my aide." Feliciano explained looking at the silver and black pendent, Ludwig and Gilbert wore matching ones and Vash wore one similar to it but not quite the same, his was all silver. The Nordic States also had a thing for wearing the crosses. Tino wore one around his collar like Gilbert did, as did Mattias whereas Lukkas wore his in his hair like a barrette. Feliciano wasn't sure where Berwald wore his though he was sure the Swedish man did wear one. Even Lovino and Antonio wore crosses, only theirs were religious.
"I see," Francis said,
"What if he never comes back, Francis? What if something happens and he never returns to me like Holy Rome, I don't know if I can do that again." Feliciano said trying to wipe the tears from his eyes.
"You bastard, what did you do to make my brother cry? It better have not been anything perverted." Lovino said hands on his hips as he walked out onto the veranda. He looked pissed off at Francis, and seeing as he could hardly stand to look at the man, Feliciano could admire his restraints not to kill Francis right then and there.
"He didn't, I was just thinking." Feliciano said trying to calm his brother down.
"You better not be crying over that potato dick-head, he's not worth your tears."
"And what about Antonio, you cry over him sometimes!" Feliciano shouted back, he wouldn't have his brother dictate who he was allowed to cry over or love or anything.
"I...I don't cry, I had something in my eye while I was complaining about the Tomato Bastard." Lovino stuttered, he didn't like it when the tables were turned on him.
"Well, Feliciano, it has been a nice chat. But I should probably get back to France." Francis said pushing his chair away from the wicker table and standing up.
"Si, addio." Feliciano said quietly standing up as well, "Grazie for listening."
"Au revoir mon cher." Franicis said and then walking off the veranda he made his way back to his car, leaving the Italy brothers to their own devices. Lovino frowned, not at Francis and his abrupt departure but at a letter in the mail, a letter from his favorite German addressed to his little brother. Giving it to Feliciano never even crossed his mind as he shut it into a drawer in a desk beside the door.
Author Note (The part of the chapter where the author comes out and writes a silly note): I'm back, and whew, that one was full of emotions. But I thought we should see Feliciano's point of view. He's facing some troubled emotions isn't he? The next chapter will have a time skip as I plan on this fic to last until 1989 when the Berlin Wall falls, I guess it first has to go up, right?
Alrighty here's today's translation (I had to use Google Translator though as I'm no fluent enough in French or Italian.)
Mon cher: my dear (masculine and french)
Lu mi odia: he hates me (Italian)
Non: no (French)
Oui: yes (French)
Angleterre: England (French)
Amerique: America (French)
affreux L'Union sovie
tique: awful Soviet Union (French)
Ja: yes (German)
Si: yes (Italian)
Addio: goodbye (Italian)
Grazie: thank you (Italian)
Au revoir: good bye (French)
I think that's all, I hope so my pinky's tired from pressing down the control key. If only it was my left pinky then I could get a work out done with it so it wouldn't hurt so much when I play my flute.
If any of my translations are off and you realize it, please don't hesitate to tell me. I don't like looking like an idiot. Wow this is a long author's note. Sorry :D.