Core Issues: Season Four
by Nicolle

Disclaimer: Undertale is the creation of Toby Fox. Gaster!Sans, our lovely narrator, is the the creation of Borurou. HUGE apologies to White Wolf Publishing. This story is copyrighted to me.

1. This story is rated T for language, suggestive jokes/themes, and violence.

Ep. 3 - Twilight of the Vampire Illuminati
(Army!Frisk/Church is our narrator!)

I stepped into my office and found Agent Helvetica leaning against the wall with the ever present lollipop in his mouth, wearing his standard issue black turtle neck over black cargo pants, and double belts. "What've you got for me, G?"

He pushed himself up and away from the wall. "*Hey, Toots. Frisk is missing and I have absolutely no idea where he is. No one's made any claims or sent any ransoms. Worse, his little girlfriend, Mia, is missing too. And since her daddy is loaded, she has access to the kind of money that means they could be anywhere."

"So you think they might have just up and left?" I frowned, confused. "I mean, I know he'll just run off, but he's been good about saying where he's going, right? How old is Frisk now? Sixteen?"

G sighed and nodded. "*I'm really trying not to think about that, but they're both old enough to get into that kind of trouble."

"Have they been that serious?"

Agent Helvetica thought about that for a moment. "*I haven't seen anything physical, but they're pretty into each other. I honestly figured that the shine would wear off and Mia wouldn't be all that interested in dating the 'monster kid' after a while, but she's genuinely keen on him."

"Is she the girl he saved a few years back?"

"*Yeah."

"That shine is never wearing off, G."

He sighed. "*I know." He snorted, a smile touching his skull. "*And now I'm the watch dog for two problematic kids."

"Where were they last?" I waved to Bones as he walked by, his oldest Gaster Blaster, Caleb, floating after him.

"*Tori says they were up in his room, playing a video game."

"And Flowey?"

He shook his skull, tossing an empty lollipop stick in my trash can before popping a fresh one in his mouth. "*Prince Asriel tends to be elsewhere when Frisk and Mia are hanging together. Lately he's been popping up in the Lab to harass Alphys, but he's also been better about spending time with his parents."

"Let me grab my equipment bag and we'll check Toriel's first." He followed me out the door, just in time for us to catch a glimpse of Bones before he and his GB disappeared into the void. I shivered a little, not enjoying the thought that he'd be so far away on a very particular timeline. While I was happy to accept another mission, I'd rather be with my husband.

C's voice wrapped around my inner ear. "You okay? Your 'at home' self is staring out the window, forlorn."

I nodded and he chuckled.

"God damn, but you do moon after that skeleton sometimes."

I rolled my eyes, but didn't try to deny it. I missed Bones when he wasn't around. Agent Niagra came down the hall and stopped next to me.

"Hey, Larry."

"Hey. Have you seen my wife? She was supposed to be here by now and isn't answering her phone."

I shook my head. "She's coming by for lunch, right? Maybe she stopped at a drive through. Is she that late?"

He shook his head. "I just have a bad feeling is all." He walked away, scratching the back of his head.

I frowned and unlocked the door to the equipment room. Pulling my pack from the shelf, I stopped for a moment and looked at G. "How are monster/human relations right now on your timeline?"

"*Pretty standard. No one's tried anything stupid in a while. But that's not necessarily a good sign."

I nodded and snapped a holster into place, arming myself before pulling on my jacket. When I'd pulled the door to the equipment room shut, I triggered the lock. You can never be too careful with the increasing number of children running around the building these days. G held out an arm and I took it, disappearing into the void with him. We touched outside a small, white cottage sitting in a row of similar houses in a small suburban development. Green and purple ornamental cabbages surrounded big bloom, red and gold chrysanthemums in the little garden beds on either side of a dark wood door.

G knocked and immediately let himself in. Toriel looked up from her nervous knitting as we stepped into her cozy living room of patchwork quilts and bright, kitschy decor. She sat on a bright, red couch that sat opposite a wood mantle fireplace set in an accent wall painted a distressed, aqua blue. Two over stuffed and very red chairs rested closer to the fireplace with an oval, too small, coffee table over a rug in a psychedelic pattern finishing the look.

C chuckled in my head. "Wow. I didn't know there was a version of my mother who was into this sort of decor. All it needs is a salacious art nude over the fireplace."

I stifled a laughed.

Toriel stood and rushed to us, her prim, dark suit clashing with her interior. She hugged me tightly and that strange pang I always felt around a Toriel came over me. Some loss I didn't understand because I hadn't experienced it personally, always haunted me. Or maybe it was C's memories mixing with mine.

"Thank you for coming, Frisk!" She stepped back. "There still hasn't been a call. Mia's father was here until a few minutes ago. He left to get us some dinner." She hugged G. "Oh, Sans. What are we going to do?"

"*I brought the specialist." He gestured to me. "*If anyone can figure it out, it's her."

I nodded. "I'll check out Frisk's room first and see what we can find. Have you moved anything in the room?"

She shook her head, long ears swinging with her vehemence. "I've left everything as is."

"Thank you. Please wait here."

I turned to G and he led me up the stairs to the second floor which had a grand total of three rooms and one bath. He opened the door to Frisk's room and my jaw dropped. The walls in one corner of the room had been covered with black and purple cut foam squares. Two studio lights lit the corner, supplying light to a long table with a huge, flat screen monitor, keyboard, two controllers, two sets of headphones, and a podcasting microphone. A DSLR camera was set up to one side on a tripod.

"G?"

"*Yeah?"

"They weren't just playing a video game. They were filming themselves playing a video game. This is the exact same set up Black uses."

G rubbed his skull. "*I leave them alone for five minutes and they become Youtubers."

I chuckled. "This kind of set up means they have a dedicated channel to either stream live, post videos, or a combination of the two. It means they have public personas that we aren't aware of and depending on how many followers they have, they might be well known online. That really opens up what might have happened to them."

G slapped his skeletal hand over the face of his skull. "*Problematic Frisks..."

"Not as problematic as me, right?"

"*You are a full fledged adult and can actually take care of yourself, so, no."

I checked the camera. "It's still filming." I paused the camera and rewound the image back to the kids. I let it play.

Frisk, a sixteen year old with short, brown hair, brown eyes, wearing a Legend of Zelda tee, sat next to Mia, a sixteen year old girl with long, brown hair, green eyes, wearing an overly ironic Star Wars tee. They had the headphones on and were checking their recording settings before they started performing for the camera, going over an oft rehearsed introduction. I turned up the volume.

"Hey everyone! Welcome to Scary Games Saturday! I'm Frantic!"

"And I'm Cornucopia! In honor of Halloween, we are playing your pick for the most awful horror game out there."

Frisk held up a box displaying an all too beautiful, male vampire pouting as the wind blew through his long, blond hair. "That's right! We're playing Twilight of the Vampire Illuminati!"

"This visual novel is non-eroge, so no sexy times, but it is chock full of vampire angst, terrible dialogue trees, and a lot of story branch favoritism in the case of 'Lamongello.' And since he's the guy on the cover, we're going to play his route."

Frisk disappeared for a moment to pop the cd into the tower set up under the table. As the game loaded and the music began to play, they lip synced to the bad song that played over the intro. Pretending to be angst ridden vampires collapsing into each other's arms, they erupted into raucous laughter.

"Oh look. Instead of start, it says 'ENTER' in bold, blood dripping letters!"

Mia laughed. "Ready?"

"Ready!"

Frisk pressed the button and they both disappeared. I stopped the camera and shot around to the computer screen. Moving the mouse turned on the screen to reveal an anime-esque Frisk and Mia curled together in the corner of a standard visual novel classroom and seemed to be sleeping. The transport had changed their clothing, putting Frisk in a button down and tie under a hoodie and Mia into a plain, spaghetti strap, pale yellow dress that made her look especially innocent.

G leaned over my shoulder. "*They're in the game? How the fuck?"

"Good question." I grabbed the game box and flipped it over to read the description on the back. *ENTER the world of the Vampire Illuminati and help them achieve world domination while finding love.* I frowned and pulled out my phone.

G just looked at me. "*Calling Fase?"

"Nope. Just the Devil."

"*Better you then me."

I gave him a false glare as I dialed. The phone picked up before the first ring even finished. A voice as happy as a fat snake slithered from the speaker. "Hello, my darling! To what do I owe the occasion?"

I rubbed my forehead, an image of Black, yellow eyes glowing with excitement, in my head. "Have you ever heard of 'Twilight of the Vampire Illuminati?'"

I could hear the sound of glasses moving in the background, as if his brother or his Frisk were down in the lab with him. "That piece of trash? Of course. It's rather infamous. Has a tendency to really suck you into it."

I refused to laugh at the poor joke. "That's the problem. The game has sucked Agent Helvetica's Frisk and his girlfriend into it."

The happy voice disappeared to be replaced by what I'd come to identify as the 'Sans' voice. "Impossible. Being sucked into a video game is outside the scope of Agent Helvetica's timeline."

"Yesterday, I found three people on the wrong timeline, so this, right now, seems to be about par for the course. How do I get them out?"

Black sighed. "Put me on speaker so Agent Helvetica can hear me." I hit the button. "The game was made by the Vampire Illuminati on a cyber timeline. The idea was to suck teens into the game in order to create a vampire army to take over the world. In order to get anyone trapped in the game out, you need to enter and defeat Lamongello. Staking him is enough. You won't be able to take weapons in with you and will be forced to improvise for such in the game. To get to Lamongello, you need to make friends with all the other vampires in the game without getting bitten. That's way tougher then you'd imagine. If any vampire finds you interesting enough to be friends, they'll also be interested in seeing how you taste. C, I'm emailing you a walkthrough. Use it to help you get around, but remember that the vampires, while incredible stereotypes, will act outside of the norms of a video game."

"I suppose you want the usual for your help?"

The happy slither of a voice returned. "Oh yes! I just got a copy of Pony Island! And I'd love to have you play it with White."

I blinked. "That sounds way too cute to be your normal fare."

His voice went deadpan. "Prepare to be surprised."

"And what did White do to-" the phone went dead and I sighed. Well, at least I'd get to have some fun with White later.

G sat down next to me. "*What's the plan?"

"We go in, we beat the big bad, and we get out. Don't get bitten." I looked at him. "That's not as much of a problem for you as it is for me."

"*Have you ever been bitten by a vampire before?"

C's voice spilled from my collar com. "Yeah. Their fangs hit my circuits and it didn't go well for them after that."

I held out a hand. "Ready?"

G placed his hand in mine and I hit ENTER. The world went white for a moment and when everything fell into place, I wasn't in uniform anymore. My clothing consisted of a baby blue, lace edged blouse and long brown slacks. Though my shoulders were covered, the blouse was a little too low cut and my neck was completely exposed. Nervous habit made me touch C's connecting chip. Unable to cover it any other way, I untangled the braid in my hair. I'd probably regret it later but at least it made me feel covered. It was really long now, reaching all the way down to my backside. When was my last trim? Shrugging, I looked at G and snickered. His clothing had been converted to a black button down, collar open, and too tight jeans that was meant to look sexy, but came off as ridiculous on his literally boney legs.

He glared at me for a moment before he grinned wolfishly. "*Nice tits, Toots."

I sighed. I'd been trying not to notice that 'the girls' were suddenly bigger. "Laugh it up, Sans."

"*I plan on it."

Looking around, we stood in a standard anime style classroom with wood paneling half way up the walls, the rest painted white. Twenty five individual desks, arranged five by five faced the black board at the front of the room and a large, dark wood, teacher's desk. The student desks were empty and the teacher's desk only had a blotter with a blank desk calendar resting in it. The fading light of evening filtered through the windows and across the room. Frisk and Mia were curled together, sitting up in the corner furthest from the door, unconscious.

G and I quickly knelt in front of them. Gently shaking Frisk's shoulder, his eyes fluttered.

"Don't wake me up yet, Mia," he slurred. "I'll be too tired when night comes if I'm awake now."

"Hey, kiddo."

Frisk's eyes popped open and he hugged me swiftly. "Frisk! Frisk! Oh man! You have no idea how glad I am to see you!"

Mia, having fallen against the wall, sat up, shaking away the sleep from her eyes. She saw G and quickly hugged him. "I've never been so happy to see a skeleton in my life!" She blinked at me. "Oh my God." She grabbed Frisk's sleeve and shook him. "She's you! Literally you! How is that possible?!"

Frisk sighed. "When I told you that their were other versions of me, I wasn't just making it up. She's a Frisk from another timeline."

She looked to me for confirmation and I nodded. "I'm Frisk Emily Gaster. I work for a foundation that fixes problems like the one you're having right now." I held out my hand. "It's nice to meet you."

Mia smiled and shook my hand. "Mia Loring."

"*You kids all right?" G asked.

"Yeah. Just a little messed up by the whole sleeping during the day thing," Frisk answered. He frowned and reached out, touching my face, fingers tracing over the visible blue lines of C's implants along the edge of one cheek. I forced myself to relax. I didn't like it when someone touched the implants, but I was willing to give other Frisks a pass. "What's this? Did you always have these lines? They look like their glowing."

C burst to life on my shoulder, a red hologram of a teen boy in a striped shirt and long pants. "Please don't touch my circuitry."

"Oh! Sorry, C. I'd just never seen it before. Is it because of the game?"

I shook my head. "C and I were cracked really hard about a year ago and the new implants are still pretty visible is all."

Mia observed C, closely looking him over, before turning to Frisk "Your Chara doesn't do this, right?"

He shook his head. "C is different from my Chara."

"How?" she asked, genuinely curious.

"C isn't a total jerk."

"Hey!" C yelled.

I shook my head. "Oh no. He is a total jerk."

C glared at me. "I am so keeping you up tonight!"

"Good. Apparently, I'll need it."

He stuck his tongue out at me before disappearing back into my head.

I smiled and turned back to the kids. "How long have you been here?"

"About four days."

I looked to G. "That means two days for every hour on the outside."

Mia nearly jumped. "That corresponds with the game play! Thirty minutes of play for each day."

"How many days left in the game?" G asked.

"One," Mia answered, dejectedly. "We have no idea what to do. We were just going to follow a walkthrough for the game while we played, so we have no idea what to do and have just been avoiding all the vampires. Which is really hard when they zero in on bare skin."

I frowned. "Have you tried covering your shoulders?"

She huffed. "Yeah. And I am guaranteed to unavoidably lose the clothing at some point."

G tapped his charge's head. "Give us a run down of what you do know."

Frisk nodded. "The game takes place in a witchcraft and wizardy school. Kind of like a Hogwarts for magical anime girls with vampire teachers, classmates, and assorted other people on the campus. Following the Lamongello story line, you need to make friends with all the vampires in the school at the same time avoiding romantic ties with them. You have five days of game time to befriend five vampires. If you manage it, you will be taken to the big guy himself."

"And there's were we're stuck. We haven't been able to do anything because we don't have a walkthrough. We have explored the whole place though, so we do know where everything is and how to get there," Mia added.

C burst to life on my shoulder. "No worries. I have Black's walkthrough. It looks like the plan was to have lesser vampires get to you so only the smartest and strongest can get to Lamongello."

Mia cocked her head to the side, confused. "Why?"

"Because the game is actually a recruitment tool for vampire world domination in another dimension. The people who make it to the big guy get primo positions in the vampire army."

Mia snorted, barely able to contain her laughter. "What? Are you kidding?! What a terrible way to build an army! Even among the most emo of vampire VN fans, this game isn't even worth the CD it's burned on!"

I stifled a laugh. "What do we need to do, C?"

"Hand out your hand please."

I held out my hand flat and C projected a hologram of a creepy looking doctor with long, grayish brown hair tied back in a very artsy pony tail. He had large, pink eyes behind glasses, and wore a lab coat over a pale pink dress shirt and gray tie. His expression was serene in his disdain for everything he saw.

"Is it just me or does this guy make you think of Shuu Iwamine?" I asked.

Frisk laughed. "You've played Hatoful Boyfriend?"

I sighed. "We don't call him 'Black' because of the smokey appearance. It's just short for 'Blackmail.' So yeah. Red's sister and I played it. It's on his channel."

Mia rolled her eyes. "The Shuu route was worse then Seven!"

"It wasn't worse then Seven! It was Seven!" Frisk moaned.

"This is Everett Tremere. You don't have to make friends with him," C interrupted. "You just have to get him intrigued enough that he considers you worth his attention. We'll get him out of the way first, since he's pretty easy to convince when you know what to do."

I nodded and looked to the window, the sky was already dark and the lights in the school began to glow, flickering like candles to give the whole place a romantic feel. Well, romantic if being in a shady vampire school somewhere was your idea of romantic. I preferred star gazing and cuddling in the Chevelle while a at the drive in. The shadows of students began to move in the hallway. Frisk and Mia stood,smoothing out their clothing.

Frisk grabbed my hand. "Come on. The infirmary is this way."

Mia frowned and G elbowed her. "*Hey, kiddo. Don't get sour. All Frisks are like that with each other."

I smiled and put her hand firmly in Frisk's.

He smiled sheepishly, rubbing the back of his head. "Sorry! It's just... kind of like hanging out with a big sister I don't get to see all that often." He pulled her along and we followed them.

G caught his reflection in the glass windows of the hallway and groaned. He looked down at me as he pulled on the collar. "*Can you imagine anyone other than D pulling this off?"

"Nope." I patted his arm. "Here, let me help you with that. Can you imagine D in his dragon form wearing this?" That got me a laugh. I smiled. "Come on. We need to make friends with an evil doctor. Shouldn't be too hard for us, right?"

He snorted. "*Your Dr. Gaster isn't anywhere near that kind of bad."

"Nope. But Bones has been possessed by quite a few bad ones. You learn to roll with it."

We followed the kids to a small, white office. Locked, glass cabinets filled with medicines surrounded a singular desk. Behind the desk was a glass door looking in on a few beds with curtains. The beds were empty and neatly made with the exception of the last one, which was a mess of torn sheets, but no blood. The vampire sat at the desk.

"Okay," C began. "Frisk and Mia, pretend to be sick. Frisk, pull your hair back so he can see the implant circuits. G, roll up your sleeves to show off your boney arms. And then get in his face about Frisk and Mia needing antacids after eating awful cafeteria food. If he gets curious about where you come from, say you're the new teachers from Crystal River Institute." He disappeared from my shoulder.

I pulled my hair away from my face with a hair tie, letting the rest of it cover the back of my neck. Mia leaned against me, pretending to be sick as G rolled up his sleeves. Frisk stood next to him holding his stomach like he was in pain. G nodded to me before we entered the office. Dr. Everett Tremere didn't look up from his desk.

G slammed a boney fist on the table. "*Hey Doc! We need some help here! These kids need antacids and fast!"

Everett snarled, "Just what is all this fuss about?" He looked up at G and his eyes went wide, not in terror, but in fascination. Those pink eyes flicked toward me for a moment before looking back to G. He blinked and looked at me again, eyes zeroing in on my cheeks and the blue lines. The beginnings of a smile tugged his lips, looking for all the world like a kid in a candy shop.

"Antacids! Of course! Yes. The food in the cafeteria is less then optimal for our students who need to eat it. Thank you for bringing them in." He stood and turned with a flourish of his coat. Opening the cabinet with a key on a long string around his neck, he pulled out a bottle of generic, calcium antacid tablets. He shook out two for each of the kids. "So where did you two come from? I don't remember you at the last faculty meeting."

"We're the new teachers from the Crystal River Institute," I said. I needed an alias.

C's chuckle wrapped around my inner ear. "Aster Ravnos and Luke Keeling."

I fought the eye roll. "I'm Aster Ravnos and this is Luke Keeling."

He nodded quickly. "Oh yes! Many strange creatures from there. Would you be one of the new cyber witches? I have been most interested in meeting one, perhaps we could meet later this fine evening to... discuss your very interesting area of expertise?"

Frisk and Mia both gave me thumbs up. "Of course. If you'll excuse us, we need to see the students back to class."

Those pink eyes practically glowed. "Of course. Of course." He waved us out of the office.

We headed into the hall and the kids high fived.

"That was great!" Frisk exclaimed. "Hey, C? How did you know he would go for the implants?"

C burst to life on my shoulder with a shrug. "I didn't. I just knew he'd go for Agent Helvetica or Frisk in interest. It was only a matter of choice for him. So let's take care of the competitive jock stereotype. Hold out your hand again."

The hologram image of an attractive young man with short, blonde hair and green eyes appeared. He wore a white dress shirt over tan slacks with a red tie. The tie was loose at his neck, the button of his collar undone. He looked earnest rather than predatory.

C jumped from my shoulder to my hand to lean on the vampire's hologram. "This is Robert Gangrel. This guy will instantly be your friend if you can beat him in competition."

G smirked. "*Defeat equals friendship, huh?"

"Exactly. And I do mean friendship. He'll turn on the big bad in a heartbeat for his friends."

"So what do we challenge him with?" I asked.

"Martial arts."

Mia looked at G. "Please tell me you can handle that."

He chuckled. "*I'm good, sweetheart, but," he gestured to me, "Frisk is our go to for this one."

I nodded. "G wouldn't stand a chance against me."

He crossed his arms over his rib cage. "Is that so?"

I smiled big and bright. "Of course."

"I wasn't cloned with enough middle fingers to let you know how I feel about that."

We both broke down laughing. Frisk rolled his eyes and motioned us to follow him. We headed down the hallway to a set of large, ornate double doors. Pushing them open, we found a gleaming, state of the art, gym facility. Stationary bikes, elliptical machines, and lifting equipment being used by overly attractive anime students in red and white gym uniforms. The vampire we were looking for was spotting for a young woman doing squats.

C was sitting at the picnic table outside the cabin in my head, relaxing with a sheaf of papers in his hands. "Wait until they're finished before approaching, he'll notice you, and remark that you're new. Ask him for a tour of the facility."

I nodded. As soon as the woman finished, she thanked him, a little starry eyed with his encouraging smile. She hurried off, giggling a little as I walked over, G and the kids hanging back. He noticed me and smiled earnestly.

"You're new here, aren't you? I'm Robert Gangrel. I run the gym. Are you one of the visiting faculty members from Crystal River?"

"Aster Ravnos." We shook hands and his grip wasn't aggressive, but friendly. Good. "Would you mind giving me a tour?"

"I'd be delighted." He gestured to the room we stood in. "This very obviously the stationary equipment room. If you'll follow me, I'll show you the gym and the padded room we use for martial arts practice."

C snorted at something he read in the walkthrough. "Pretend he's Cross."

"Is there anyone here who's any good at martial arts?"

Robert crossed his arms over his chest, amused. "Are you challenging me in my own dojo?"

"Well, Spongebob, you are using a padded room..." I trailed off, smiling.

He took my bait. "All right then. Let's see if Crystal River faculty can put their money where their mouths are." He led me to the room in question, G and the kids following behind. The 'padded' room had a standard wood floor with navy blue mats covering every wall but the one. That wall was set with a window. G and the kids stood at it to watch. I shook myself out a little loosen up as Robert swung his arms to loosen his shoulders.

I fell into stance and Robert smiled sadly, like this was a forgone conclusion and he wasn't comfortable fighting someone he felt inferior. He moved fast, throwing the first punch, a right at my jaw. I dodged slightly, letting his fist go past me. His eyes widened a bit and his other fist came around. I ducked and came up with a left hook to his chin followed by a right straight to his cheek. Robert stumbled backwards, and brought up an arm to block my next hit. He moved to hit me in the face and pulled the punch, striking at my sternum instead. The hit was strong enough to make me step back, but not enough to make me retreat.

I threw another punch at his face and he wasn't prepared for it. I connected with his face and he brought his arm up to bash me with his elbow. I blocked it with my other arm and he used it to push me back. I threw a punch, telegraphing it way in advance and he ducked it. I hooked my arm in his, rolling over his back, and used the momentum to throw him across the floor. He rolled to his feet, eyes just a little wide as I stalked up to him, rolling my shoulders to loosen them up.

Robert stood just in time to take my kick to his stomach and a knee to his side. He hit me with a quick strike to the head and I stumbled back, blinking against his first real hit. He came at me while I was still recovering, hitting me hard enough to knock me down. I rolled across the floor and found my feet. Well. I suppose he's feeling a little threatened now. I need to finish this before he brings out the vampire strength.

"I'm on it, Frisk."

I felt C pull something in my head and the world felt warmer. My head cleared, focus sharpening. Robert was on me super fast, but that was fine by me. It meant I didn't have to waste energy going to him. He threw a punch and I grabbed his arm, letting his momentum carry him as I spun him into the wall. He bounced off the padding and grabbed my hair. Oh. No. No one grabs my hair. I grabbed his wrist with both hands and turned, locking his elbow and pulling his arm back viciously. C slammed something shut in my head, preventing me from breaking his arm.

Robert yelped in pain, "I yield! I yield!"

I dropped his arm and ran a hand through my hair, gently yanking out the tangles.

Robert rubbed his arm and shoulder before holding out his hand. "I wasn't aware people from Crystal River were so well trained!"

C's voice wrapped around my inner ear. "Compliment him."

I shook his hand, giving him a smile. "It's been a while since I've had such a good sparing match."

He shook his head, smiling. "You were holding out on me. Maybe we could have another go some time?"

"I'd love too."

C's smiled was wide in my head. "We got him! Let's move on."

I checked my phone for the time and faked surprise. "I have to head off. I'll see you later!"

He gave me a wave and a smile as I headed for the doors. Frisk and Mia both grabbed my hands as I went into the hall.

"That was amazing!" Mia exclaimed. "How did you pull that off?"

"Years and years and years of training."

Mia turned to her boyfriend. "Will you be like that when you grow up?"

Frisk snorted. "No. I don't want to have to go through what Frisk had to just to become that bad ass." He smiled. "You'll just have to get used to me being cool in a different way."

Mia took his hand and snuggled up to his shoulder.

"What's next, C?"

C's hologram appeared on my shoulder and I held out my hand for the projection. "Next is the class president, Auberon Ventrue. He's a stuck up jerk with a penchant for chess. You don't even have to beat him. If you can give him a good run, he'll consider you worthy of his friendship." The hologram of a blonde haired, blue eyed, aristocrat in a sharp white suit and red tie appeared in my hand.

"I'm out," I said. "Chess is not my strong point."

G shook his skull and Frisk frowned.

Mia smiled. "I've got this one!"

"Your dad trying to turn you into a chess champ?" G asked.

Mia's smile fell. "No. It was Mom's dream." She looked sad. "Dad didn't like how she kept pushing me. It's what started... everything..." She trailed off and Frisk put his arm around her.

"Hey. It's okay, Mia."

She gave him a sad smile and hugged him tightly.

"Come on. Let's show this guy what you can do."

"We'll find him in the cafeteria about now," C informed us.

Mia nodded and led the way to a massive room of dark brown brick and deep red carpeting with glittering, crystal chandeliers hanging from the ceiling. Two large fireplaces that were open on all four sides dominated a room filled with comfortable seating and lovely tables. Students with trays of food shuffled in and out of several sets of doors at the back of the room. The vampire we were hunting sat at a table with a chess set, looking bored out of his mind while he played against a student who seemed determined to win despite how poorly he was doing.

C projected onto Mia's shoulder. "He's going to be a rude little shit and insult you right out. Just tell him that if he's that quick to insult he must not be a good enough to win against a real chess player. Then sit down, put the pieces in order, and make the first move. He'll start playing from there."

"Do I play to win or to stalemate?"

"Up to you. If you go for a stalemate, act surprised that he was that good. He'll be smug and ask you to play again sometime. If you go for a win, don't rub it in, just stand and leave. He'll be shocked and ask you to play again sometime." C disappeared, returning to the picnic table.

Mia nodded and took a deep breath, letting it out slowly before giving us a smile. She crossed her arms over her chest and walked by the game with a disdainful look. When Auberon won, she snorted like he didn't deserve the win. As the boy he'd played against left.

"Oh please. Like a girl has any chance of winning against me."

"This from an obvious patzer? Please." Mia sat down, quickly rearranged the board, made the first move, and hit the timer.

Auberon fumed, making his move quickly and with little thought.

Mia yawned, making a move that looked random to me, but Frisk smiled.

It continued like this with Auberon looking increasingly panicked as Mia made move after move.

Suddenly he, smiled. "Check!"

Mia moved her knight into a position that simultaneously defended her king while trapping his. "Checkmate."

Auberon's stared at the board, utterly speechless. Mia stood and his pale hand shot out, quick as a snake, to snatch her wrist.

"I want another match."

She nodded, looking him in the eyes. "Tomorrow night."

The hint of a smile graced his lips. "I look forward to it."

Mia rejoined us, high fiving Frisk.

C popped up on my shoulder. "Great job, Mia! We'll tackle the sensitive, artist type, Amadeo Toreador."

I held out my hand and a hologram of a dark haired boy with downcast, blue eyes in one of the school's uniforms.

"This guy shuts himself in the school's art studio. You have to get him out of the studio and to the... oh. That's not going to work. The concert you're supposed to convince him to go to was two days ago." C huffed. "Great. Time to improvise. Who wants to make friends with the sensitive artist who might very likely be a poser?"

Frisk swatted at C, his hand going through the hologram. "Be nice! Do we have to make friends or just get him to leave the room?"

C looked over the papers. "Uh, according to this, you just need to get him to leave the studio."

"Got it."

We followed Frisk to the school's art studio.

I tapped Mia's shoulder. "Is this game supposed to be this boring? Or lack any real motivation to do anything?"

"Oh yeah. This one's a real stinker. It's like a vampire read Twilight after playing a couple really awful VN's and decided to sit down and code. It looks pretty, but has no other real substance. Not even basic fan service. No half naked guys or even the hint of danger from the main characters trying to fang you."

"What about half naked girls?" Frisk asked.

Mia shot him a glare.

"Hey! No fair! Double standard! Double standard!"

G put his hand on his charge's shoulder. "*Don't go there, kiddo. Just be happy they think we look good half naked."

I cocked an eyebrow at him. "You look like a skeleton when you're half naked."

"*So does your husband."

"Yeah. And he looks like a skeleton when completely naked."

"So how do you two...? You know..." Mia trailed off.

I pointed at her. "You are sixteen years old."

Mia crossed her arms over her chest.

And the realization that I would have to have this exact conversation at some point in the next five years disheartened me. I sighed. "On my timeline, monsters and humans have children by combining their souls."

"Oh. That's way less exciting."

G chuckled. "*Nice dodge, Toots."

We came up to a classroom with multiple, wooden easels set up around your standard bowl of fruit on a plain wooden table. A few of the easels had canvases on them, with students at work. Our target was furthest from the door.

Frisk inhaled as deeply as possible. "FREE KITTENS IN THE PARKING LOT! AND THEY'VE JUST DISCOVERED A PREVIOUSLY UNKNOWN VAN GOGH!"

There was a stampede as all the students, including our target, ran out of the studio and down the hall.

I nodded appreciatively. "Nice."

Frisk smiled. "You just have to know your audience."

C appeared on my shoulder. "Great job! One guy left. You have to earn his respect. We get that and then Lamongello will appear in the school gardens." I held out my hand for the hologram. A punk with edgy, spiked brown hair, in a white shirt and blue jeans appeared to be working on a muscle car. His leather jacket had way too many zippers in it. "This is Moses Brujah. Listed as the bad ass of the bunch. The walkthrough says we have to talk to him when he's at his most vulnerable yesterday after a fight with his gang mates, but that's out. He's out, of course, in the parking lot."

G snorted. "*I've got this."

We followed the trail of the art students to the parking lot and found them looking everywhere for kittens and undiscovered Van Goghs. Moses was working on the car's engine, not really paying attention to the sudden mass of students all around.

G walked over and kicked a tire. "*You call this a car? It looks like a pile of junk!"

Moses looked up with a sneer that fell at the sight of the skeleton monster. He smiled dangerously. "What language are you speaking? Cause it sounds like crazy. This is a Dodge Challenger R/T Scat Pack."

"*And just how is that Dodge trash better then a Chevy Camaro 2SS? The Camaro accelerates and breaks faster."

"The Dodge is big. It's loud. And it's aggressive."

"*And a handful to fucking drive. The Camaro gives you all the same power with a nice, civil attitude."

Moses, shorter then G by a good eight inches, still managed to get in his face. "I don't want a civil attitude. I want my girl bucking like a bronco."

"*Dude. We're talking about your car, not your girlfriend. And let's be honest, if you're defending a car you can't possibly control, I doubt you could keep your girlfriend from wrecking your shit either."

Mia clapped both hands over her mouth and buried her face against Frisk's chest shoulders heaving.

"And I suppose a bag of bones like you is man enough to handle a car with real power?"

"*Stop acting like you're a real man. You'll never be half the man your mother was."

C fell off the bench of picnic table in my head and and I covered my eyes, shaking hard against the urge to laugh.

Moses squared up, rolling his shoulders like he was ready to throw down, and then stuck out his hand. "I'm a connoisseur of jerks who pick fights in parking lots and you're the biggest I've ever seen!"

G shook his hand. "*You should see me at a funeral."

The vampire threw his spiky haired head back and laughed. "You got a minute to help me here? A couple wires from the electrical system burned out and I could use an extra set of eyes to let me know if the connections are good."

"*Sure."

While G played shop, C reappeared on my shoulder. "We should be good for Lamongello to appear in the school gardens. Black's walkthrough notes that if a group of people come to him, he'll be immediately suspicious. He'll start by putting the moves on the oldest female in the group and if that doesn't work, taking hostages of the weakest members to force the others into vampire servitude. Which will be pretty hard in Agent Helvetica's case. When the fight begins, he'll move super fast and be super strong, but he isn't a natural fighter. The walkthrough says that the moment we stake him we'll be warped out of the game."

I nodded. "We'll need stakes then."

"The walkthrough says there's a vampire hunting kit in the vice principal's office."

My jaw dropped. "Really?"

"Yeah. It looks like who ever coded the game coded a 'bad ending' where the vampires die."

I looked at C's hologram. "Seriously?" I blinked rapidly. "Why would you do that?"

"They're idiots, Frisk. Steam told me once that even the really intelligent ones make serious mistakes that completely undermine their operations. Ask him about the time they raised the wrong mummy to help them take over the Dreemurr Empire the next time we visit."

I sighed and rubbed my temples. Taking a glance at the kids, they'd both found a seat on a bench, sleepily cuddling. I waved to G. "We need to get a move on."

He glanced and the kids and nodded. He and Moses shook hands once again before rousing the kids. "*Come on. We're almost done. To the gardens?"

"After we make a stop for the vampire hunting kit."

G's skull and shoulders drooped. "*We're dealing with complete idiots, aren't we?"

"Oh yeah. Ready to fight the big bad?"

One boney hand punched the other. "*Oh, I am so ready to beat the shit out of someone."

I looked to Frisk. "Have you been training with G?"

He nodded.

"Good. It's going to be your job to keep Mia safe while G and I beat up the pretty vampire. The last thing I need is hostages. Is there a second floor or roof access over the garden so I can get a look at the area before we head in?"

Mia shook her head. "The gardens are a bit away from the school building itself and the trees are densely grown."

I frowned. "Well then. Going in blind it is. Let's get the vampire hunting kit. Lead the way to the vice principal's office, please."

Frisk took Mia's hand and the two walked ahead of G and I, leading us through the school. Frisk went around the corner toward the office and then turned to shove Mia toward us. G caught her as I instinctively reached for a gun that wasn't there. I came around the corner and was face to fangs with Dr. Everett Tremere. Auberon held Frisk in a tight grip, and Frisk was doing his best impression of a helpless student.

"I believe you owe me a date, Miss Ravnos." He glanced at Auberon. "Though it will have to wait. Lamongello will see you now."

Were G and Mia behind me? Or had they escaped?

C smiled from the picnic table. "They're fine. I'll guide them while keeping them out of the reach of any more vampires." I nodded and C disappeared from my head while Frisk and I followed the vampires to the school gardens.

We were led out of the main building and marched passed the soccer field toward a grouping of poplar trees. Stepping through them led us into a lush green garden lit with tiny, twinkling LEDs strung through the trees and bushes. We crossed a bridge over a lovely pond filled with pink and yellow waterlilies and koi swimming in the cool dark. The trees pulled back revealing a lovely pergola covered in flowering vines rustling gently in a soft breeze. A wooden bench with fluffy pillows rested underneath the pergola. I gave the scene full marks. It was legitimately romantic.

The long haired, blond vampire I recognized from the game box cover sat on the bench, two lovely women fawning over him from the ground. Lamongello stood smoothly to address us. "There are supposed to be four of you. Where are the other two?"

He had an unusual voice, one I'm sure was meant to send shivers down the spine, but only one man had ever gotten that reaction out of me. I shrugged. He stepped closer, standing fully in the moonlight. And he sparkled.

I lost it, doubling over with laughter. "Oh my God! Are you a vampire or a disco ball?!"

Lamongello's eyes went wide. "You're supposed to instantly fall in love with me!"

I shook my head, still chuckling. "No."

He glared for a moment, arms crossed over his chest, before smiling. He advanced on me, trapping me between himself and the doctor, who stood behind me. "Well, I'm sure you find me..." He ran a finger down one arm. "Sexually attractive."

My laughter died. "No."

He froze at my dead pan delivery and blinked rapidly, unable to process.

I sighed. "Look, I have to know someone really well before they appear attractive to me. In my entire life, I've only felt instant sexual attraction to someone once and that someone is also my husband. And I'd like to add that that moment had happened after we'd already been married."

Lamongello stared at me. Completely at a loss as to what to say or do. That was my cue. I turned slightly, grabbing the doctor's hand and and spun him so that he tripped into Lamongello, the two falling as they hit the ground I turned and Auberon had Frisk's arm locked, fangs to my double's neck.

"If you bite him, you won't get your chess rematch. Ever." I couldn't see where Mia was, but the threat was enough.

Auberon looked around, attempting to zero in on Mia's location. "Come to me, and be my white queen."

Mia didn't get a chance to respond. Frisk's eyes turned red. He dropped to a crouch just long enough to give him momentum as he came up, slamming his shoulder into the vampire's chin, cracking his jaw in one smooth go. Before Auberon could recover, Frisk dove for cover in the bushes to the right, disappearing from sight.

A hand landed on my shoulder, too heavy to be Frisk or Mia's, too fleshy to be G. I grabbed the wrist and twisted it as I pulled, flooring Dr. Tremere. I slammed my heel down in the middle of his chest and was rewarded with a resounding crack as several of his ribs gave. He groaned in pain and rolled to the side as I ducked Lamongello grabbing for me. I dove toward him and under his reach, rolling to come to my feet behind him.

He paused for a moment, bringing up both fists, but the stance was sloppy. He moved like someone who knew how to fight a long time ago and has since grown lazy, depending on his strength and charisma to carry him. He threw several fast punches and I pushed each aside. He threw one more and I did my best to make it look like he hit me. He fell for it and backed off the attack to gloat. I spun, bringing my foot hard into his knee and feeling it give under the force of impact.

Lamongello howled and stumbled backward, holding his leg. Twisting it, he realigned the knee and it healed as he stood. Well. This was going to be a never ending fight if I didn't find a stake soon.

On cue, C returned to my head. "G has the vampire kit."

"And the kids?"

"Moses and Robert are actually fending off several unnamed vampires to keep them safe. You and G really made an impression on them."

I smiled. "How long does G need?"

"About 60."

I punched my hands together, smiling. "I can handle that." I whistled at Lamongello. "I love what you've done with your hair. How do you get it to come out of your nostrils like that?"

He growled and ran for me in a bull rush. I waited to the last possible second and jumped aside, letting him plow into on the pergola's pillars. It cracked, but held, stunning him. The two women who'd previously been languishing, hissed at me. One found her feet and came at me. Swiping at me in a well trained manner with sharp claws, she caught my arm, leaving bloody streaks before landing a kick to my stomach.

Okay. So she knew what she was doing.

She came at me again and I moved to defense, moving her strikes away from me. Her hand twisted around, grasping my wrist and attempting to throw me. I turned with the throw, holding onto her so that I landed on my feet. Catching her hair, I slammed her face into my knee. She screeched and fell backwards clutching her face. I looked to the second woman who slid back attempting to shield herself with her arms as she gazed up in terror, not wanting to face me.

No. That wasn't right. She was afraid of something behind me.

I hit the ground just in time to avoid the punch Lamongello had aimed for the back of my head. I twisted my legs in his and rolled, knocking him to the ground. I quickly jumped on his chest, bringing both fists down on his face, smashing his nose. I heard a sharp whistle.

"Stake incoming on the right!"

I picked the piece of wood out of the air and shoved it into Lamongello's chest.

The world flashed a brilliant white and I covered my eyes with my arm. When the light died away, the four of us stood in Frisk's bedroom. I smiled at G as Frisk and Mia hugged. I shook myself out, happy to be back in my uniform.

"Thanks, G."

He nodded.

"Sorry you missed the fun."

He snorted. "*Oh no. I still got to beat the shit out of a few vampires getting to the kit. I'm good." He nodded toward the door. "*Come on, kids. Your mom and your dad are waiting." The kids hurried down stairs, rushing into welcoming arms while G introduced me to Oliver Loring. After explaining what had happened, G offered me his arm and took me home. He landed us outside the equipment room.

"Thanks for the help, Toots."

"Any time."

He gave me a salute and disappeared into the void. I unlocked the equipment room door and saw my husband's pack resting on the shelf. I smiled and quickly put away my equipment, unloading my gun and stowing it on the rack. I turned to leave and found Bones waiting in the door way. I rushed over and hugged him.

"You all right? Nothing bad happened?"

"I'm good, Sunflower." He smiled. "No worries. Ready for some dinner?"

I nodded. "Chara and Frisk still around?"

"Them and another Frisk." He frowned for a moment. "That one isn't in good shape and not because we found them on Straight Man Sans' timeline. Asriel wants to talk to you about it."

I nodded and pressed my face against his sternum for a moment. And then it hit me like a ton of bricks. "Oh my God. His name was Lemon Jello."