Updated 11/7/06

Author's Note:

Thanks for the comments, guys. I've finally figured out how to update the story by chapter… and as long as my grades stay up I'll be able to update sooner. Here's the third chapter.

"No! I'm having the baby!" Addison heard the panicked yell from inside the Lawson's hospital room, and it didn't take her long at all to realize who it was. Her step quickened and when she reached the door, she saw Michelle practically leaning over the bed toward Izzie, screaming at her in a fit of upset, panic… and now that Addison looked closer…pain.

Izzie was standing more toward the corner, shying slightly away from the bed and it's maniacal resident. Although trying to be assertive while keeping her bedside manner at the same time, Izzie just looked completely wigged out by the hysterical patient.

"I'm sorry, Ms. Lawson. I really am, but the baby's big…too big for you to have it naturally—" Izzie began but with a sobbing intake of breath, Michelle abruptly cute her off.

"NO! I'm having it, damnit!" She sounded almost fearful with each ragged breath. "I don't want to be cut open to get the baby out—I can't. Allie—Arrgh!"

With a painful cry, Michelle lurched forward and almost fell out of the bed. Addison rushed to Izzie's rescue…and Michelle's. She caught the sobbing girl by her shoulders, giving her something to lean against. As she did, Michelle dropped forward into Addison, crying hoarsely into the doctor's shoulder. Addison held her for a few moments until Michelle pulled away, and helped her back into the bed.

"Michelle, you have to listen to me." Addison's blue eyes locked on the girl's teary brown ones. "You cannot have the baby naturally. As your doctor, my job is to save you and the baby. By having this baby naturally, both of you could die, do you understand me?"

"What? Oh, my God!" Mrs. Lawson cried out, covering her mouth with her hands. Addison hadn't even known she was in the room at the time. Her focus was locked on Michelle.

"It's too soon—it's too soon—" Michelle sobbed in pain, and it's at that point that Addison caught a glimpse of red on the sheets and Michelle's gown. She pulled the sheets back and saw a large circle of blood staining the sheets under Michelle, and Addison's heart jumped in her throat.

"Oh, shit." Addison spat under her breath, her heart racing in her chest. Her head whipped over her shoulder to Izzie. "Dr. Stevens, page the Nurse's station. Tell them it's a 911. Now!"

Addison spent nearly three hours in the OR just minutes after that. Michelle had gone into shock, and Addison had to put her under the knife sooner than she'd hoped. With Isobel Stevens at her side throughout the whole surgery, Addison painstakingly tried to save both baby and mother. The strain from Michelle's hysterics had caused and artery in her uterus to burst, which explained the shocking amount of blood. After that, the girl went into shock.

"Dr. Shepherd, her blood pressure's dropping." A nurse told her from the heart monitor. Addison was in a zone. Her only focus at this point was getting both mother and baby out of there alive. She'd known Michelle forever, it seemed like, and had grown exceptionally close with the girl. No way in hell was she just going to let this sweet, bright young girl just slip away.

"No." Addison muttered, exploring the uterus and trying to find the ruptured artery. Blood pumped furiously, making it almost impossible for Addison to see. When the scrub nurse mopped it away, the cavity would fill again.

"She's losing blood fast," Addison cursed under her breath, reaching for another gauze pad as the scrub nurse sucked the blood away with another tool, only to watch it fill again.

"She's bleeding out, Dr. Montgomery-Shepherd." The scrub nurse told her. Addison shook her head.

"No, stay with me, Michelle. C'mon, honey." Addison pleaded under her breath as she finally reached the artery. She reached for the needle to try to close it, but soon the monitor began beeping and she looked up to see the girl's heart rate go flat.

"She's flatlining."

"No! Damnit, stay with me." Addison whipped her head around, tried to jumpstart the heart again with the help of another nurse.

After a few moments, there was no change. Addison just started blankly at the monitor, unable to believe it.

"We can still get the baby out alive." She said, turning to Izzie. "Dr. Stevens, what's the fetal heartrate?"

"She's stable, Dr. Shepherd. But might not be for long" Izzie responded. Addison moved quickly and made another incision in the uterus. Finally reaching the fetus, Addison pulled it out slowly with Izzie's and another scrub nurse's help and brought it over to the table after cutting the umbilical chord. Addison cleared the mucus from the baby's mouth and nose and tried to get it breathing with an aspirator. After a couple of pumps, the little girl's chest rose and fell, and followed by a piercing wail.

"She's beautiful," Izzie breathed. But Addison, as relieved as she was, couldn't be as happy. She didn't even look at the nurse when she asked.

"Time of death?"

"17:48 p.m." The nurse responded. Addison shook her head.

"Izzie, can you get the baby in an incubator?" She said softly. "I'm going to find Michelle's mother."

Throat tight, and her stomach in a knot, Addison headed down the hallway to the waiting room. Izzie watched from the nursery, standing by the little girl. She was beautiful, with big brown eyes and a head full of dark brown hair. Izzie saw Addison approach Mrs. Lawson, and the other woman stand up. Addison seemed as though she were saying something to her, and Mrs. Lawson dropped into a chair in shock. As Addison knelt down by her, Mrs. Lawson burst into tears.

About an hour later, after Mrs. Lawson filled out all the papers needed, Addison couldn't take it anymore. She sat behind a wall near the stairway, leaning against the wall with her knees pulled up to her chest. Her head rolled to the side against another wall as tears streamed down her face. There it was. She'd done what she wanted. She saved a beautiful, healthy little girl… but now that girl was going to grow up without a mother. The very thought broke Addison's heart.

"Dr. Shepherd?" Addison didn't respond when she heard Izzie's voice. She knew the intern was going to find her, and for once in her life, she didn't care. Izzie's blonde head appeared and she looked at the attending surgeon, approaching slowly.

"Addison? Are you Ok?"

Addison didn't make a sound, but tears streamed down her face. "I tried. I really did," She murmured, swallowing. "I wanted more than anything to save Michelle. If only I had gotten her into surgery sooner." Her shoulders gyrated as a strangled sob broke from her. "If I had, maybe that little girl in the nursery would have a mother."

Izzie swallowed as Addison's head dropped into her arms and the older woman broke down into tears. Her shoulders rocked with each painful sob, and Izzie couldn't bear it any longer. The woman sitting there hurting so badly was no longer her teacher and mentor, but a friend. Izzie slid down against the wall beside Addison and wrapped an arm around the other woman's shoulders.

"It wasn't your fault, it really wasn't." Izzie murmered softly, her hand gently rubbing the small of Addison's back as she lay her forehead against the other woman's shoulder. To her amazement, and almost relief, Addison seemed to accept it, and cried while leaning into Izzie's embrace. In fact, she didn't care at all. For once, it was a huge relief to be able to turn to somebody for once, to feel safe and have a sturdy wall to fall against. For the first time in Addison's life, she allowed the tables to turn, and found herself feeling grateful that Izzie was there.