Chapter Three

A Call To Arms

Shad and Conan mount their respective steeds and ride towards the cities of Aruk and Zamora. Gelt the mule is being his usual stubborn self early on. But once Shad convinces him to move, which takes an excruciating long time by the farm boy's way of thinking, he's nearly as swift as a true horse. Conan spurs his own stallion, a large beast with a coat as black as Conan's mane, whom the Cimmerian has named Thunder. Conan and Thunder ride full speed to the east, heading to Zamora with all haste. It was on his way to Zamora that Conan had first met Subotai, whom he now sought to join him on his quest. Conan had just exited the hut of a wild witch-woman where he had spent the night. She had enticed him into her hut with promises of food, shelter, and warmth. As the barbarian enjoyed her hospitality, she read Conan's fortune, telling him that he would one day become a king by his own hand. When he had asked her how to find Thulsa Doom, she insisted that the Cimmerian bed her before she would tell. She was beautiful and exotic, so Conan agreed. She told Conan what he wanted to know while in the throws of passion. But then, at the moment of climax, she transformed into a hideous, ravenous beast and tried to devour the Cimmerian. Conan threw her into the fire where she burst into flame and flew from the hut, a blazing ball of light, screaming into the night. What was she? A werewolf? A succubus from the pits of Hell? Something else entirely? To this day the Cimmerian has never found out exactly what she was.

It was the morning after that Conan had met Subotai. The Hyrkanian archer was chained to a spike which had been driven deep into the stone. He too had been lured into the witch's trap. But rather than devour the thief herself, she slipped him a sleeping potion and chained him up outside as a meal for her wolves. Conan cut him loose and the two of them have been great friends ever since. It was Subotai who helped Conan track down Thulsa Doom. When Thulsa Doom had captured Conan and crucified him, it was Subotai who took him down off of the Tree Of Woe and carried him to the home of the wizard Hakiru to be healed. After rescuing the wayward daughter of King Osric from Thulsa Doom's Mountain of Power, and losing the woman he loved to one of Doom's enchanted Viper Arrows, it was Subotai who stood by Conan as they defended the ancient graveyard where Hakiru made his home from an assault by Doom and his elite guard. Two men (well, three including the wizard) stood against two dozen and came away not only victorious, but virtually unscathed. And now the Cimmerian was set to face a similar, possibly even greater challenge in the village of Akir.

There was no one in the wide world Conan would rather face such odds with, save perhaps his beloved Valeria. But she is with Crom, and he will not see her again until after he has drawn his last breath on the mortal realm. Perhaps that was why he had taken such an impossible contract. Perhaps, somewhere far in the back of his mind, he seeks such a reunion. To go before Crom with a bloodied sword in his hand and a mound of fallen enemies at his feet, asking only to be with Valeria once more. The Cimmerian shakes such negative thoughts away. No, he does not have a death wish. He will fight to survive with every fiber of his being. If he falls in battle, then so be it. But he doesn't seek such an end. It is merely a fact of the life he leads, that those who live by the sword will also die by the sword. But when that day comes, then by Crom he is going to sell his life at a very, very high price. A price paid in blood.

In a matter of days, Conan arrives in the familiar city of Arrowhead. This was the first taste of civilization Conan had ever encountered when he had first set out to avenge his family's murder by Thulsa Doom. He and Subotai had passed through here on their way to Zamora. The Cimmerian finds a stable where he can leave Thunder, and then sets out into the city.

Across town, in a dive of a tavern called The Hog's Head, two men sit at a table and share a meal. One is Hyrkanian, olive skinned and almond eyes. He is dressed in animal skins and has a scimitar sheathed in its scabbard on his left hip, and a dagger sheathed on his right. Next to him, leaning against the table, is a bow and a quiver of arrows. He has a thin mustache, the tips of which have grown long and hang down past his mouth in a fashion popular in Khitai. His hair is worn long, although the top of his head has gone bald. He is Subotai, expert thief and archer. Sitting across from him is a squirrely looking man, who appears to be of Hyperborean descent. He too wears animal skins, although his wardrobe includes woven cloth as well. He has a knife sheathed on each wrist, which allows him to draw them both quickly if threatened. He also has a pair of knives sheathed in the top of each boot, one on either side of his calf. He also has a pair of knives tucked away in the back of his belt, and a dagger on each hip. He is Malak, a thief and former court jester for Queen Jhenna of Shadizar. The two men each have a bowl of some sort of soup or stew sitting in front of him. Subotai's meal is practically untouched, while Malak shovels spoonful after spoonful into his mouth. Subotai can't help but look at his companion with a disgusted expression. "How can you eat that slop?" he asks.

Malak stops eating for a moment. He puts down his spoon and, using Thieves' Cant (a secret form of sign language thieves use to silently communicate with each other*) he signs, It helps if you can't taste it. Then he points at Subotai's bowl and signs, Are you going to eat that?

Subotai slides his barely touched meal across the table to Malak. "Be my guest," he says. Malak pushes his old bowl aside and then starts in on his companion's. Subotai just shakes his head. "Sometimes I envy you my friend," he tells him with genuine amusement. He then gets up from the table and picks up his bow and arrows. "I have to use the outhouse," he says, "That meal does not agree with my belly. Try not to get into any trouble while I am gone."

Malak waves the notion away as though it were a pest and then continues with his meal. Subotai laughs again and then leaves. Shortly after the Hyrkanian archer has left, a large, grizzled bear of a man with a hideous scar covering half of his face gets up from his own table and begins walking towards Malak. The man is carrying a heavy battle ax, running his thumb along the edge of its blade eagerly. The man grins a cruel smile, the few teeth he has left terribly discoloured. Malak gives the large man every indication that he has escaped detection. However, just before he gets to within striking distance, Malak suddenly stands up and kicks his chair out behind him, tripping the big man up. In that same movement, Malak does a somersault over the table, rolling to his feet and bolting for the door. Two men, one on either side of the door, try to grab the thief, but the much smaller man manages to slip under their grasp and they (quite comically) smack their heads together. Malak dashes out the door and into the street, where he skids to a sudden stop. Three more men are standing out there waiting for him in the street. Malak turns to his left to try to flee to the north, but finds that way blocked by two more men. He turns to his right and finds two more waiting for him there at the south end of the street as well. He hears the other three exit the tavern, leaving him completely surrounded.

"Well now," says the scarred man, "Looks like you've run out of places to hide, Little Man. Why don't you come quiet like, so me and my boys here can collect the twenty thousand gold bounty on your head for bringing you in alive. Or else," and he hefts his ax for emphasis, "We can settle for the ten thousand gold for just bringing in your head."

Malak shrugs his scrawny shoulders and places his hands behind his head as though to surrender. An act that also brings his hands close to the knives sheathed at his wrists. Too late, one of the men standing behind Malak sees their mistake. "Look out!" he cries.

Malak draws his twin knives and throws them simultaneously at the men on either side of the scarred bounty hunter. Both blades fly unerringly into the two men's throats. Then Malak draws a dagger from his hip, turns and sends it soaring into the heart of one of the three men who had cut off his initial escape. The second of those three men takes an arrow through the neck from his right side.

The two bounty hunters at the north side of the street to Malak's left turn around just in time to see Subotai put an arrow through each of their hearts. Meanwhile Malak takes advantage of the distraction and makes a sliding dive between the legs of the third bounty hunter that's in front of him. Using his second dagger, the thief hamstrings the man, forcing him to his knees. Then he quickly stabs the bounty hunter in the back and then slashes his throat.

Malak then whips his dagger at one of the bounty hunters that had blocked his attempt to run south down the street, while Subotai shoots two arrows into the chest of the second bounty hunter. Now only the man with the scarred face and the heavy ax remains. "I'll get you next time!" he yells at the thief, and runs down the street. As soon as he passes the edge of the tavern, a huge bastard sword swings out from between the buildings and takes the man's head off. His headless body actually continues to run for a few steps before it collapses into the dirt. The familiar figure of Conan steps out into view.

"Conan!" cries Subotai in greatful surprise.

Malak smiles stupidly and waves hello like a little child. Conan walks up to them and clasps the Hyrkanian on the shoulder. "Subotai, my friend," says Conan, "How are you?"

"I've seen better days," replies the archer.

"No doubt if you're staying here," says the Cimmerian, "Their food tastes like they dug it out of the garbage, their ale tastes like horse piss, and their whores look like Malak's mother."

Not funny, signs Malak.

"I think the whore I bedded last night was Malak's mother!" laughs Subotai.

You do know I can hear you, signs Malak.

"Come!" says Conan, "I'll take you to a real tavern where we can eat, drink. . . . And talk."

The three of them head over to a slightly better class of establishment in a slightly better neighborhood. They enter a tavern called The Siren's Song. This establishment has a reputation for quality food, drink, and women, as well as being a meeting place for mercenaries and other wanderers. The prices are reasonable to those who are not completely down on their luck. Conan finds a table for him and his friends and orders them all food and ale.

"So how is it that a thief as skilled as you are has so little coin that he cannot afford a meal at anyplace better than where rats will refuse to enter?"

"I think rats refuse to enter The Hog's Head because they'll wind up in the stew pot," replies Subotai, "And as for why I have so little money, ask him." and he points to Malak, "Every time I'm about to line up a big score, we get chased out by bounty hunters after his head!"

"Malak?"

Malak just shrugs his shoulders. It's not my fault, he signs.

"Why aren't you in Shadizar with Queen Jhenna? And why won't you talk?"

I've been banished, Malak replies.

"Banished?!" exclaims Conan, "Why?"

"Perhaps I should tell the story, my friend," says Subotai. Malak nods his head in agreement. "As you know, Malak here was Queen Jhenna's court jester."

"Of course," says Conan, "I was there when she awarded him the position."

"And things were going quite well for him for a while. Then one day a Baron from Aquilonia had come to Queen Jhenna's court in order to negotiate a trade agreement between Shadizar and Aquilonia. Accompanying the Baron was his teen daughter, a lovely young Baroness." Conan groans, as he has a good idea as to where this story is going. Subotai continues his story. "Malak performed before the visiting Baron and his daughter during their evening meal with the Queen. They were all quite amused by his act. Some time later, the young Baroness went missing. Her father, concerned, searched the palace. He eventually found her. She was with Malak in one of the guest bed chambers. Both of them were naked as newborns, and Malak's face was buried between her thighs as he gave her oral pleasures." Conan turns and looks at Malak, who smiles sheepishly and shrugs his shoulders. "Needless to say, her father was not amused. He demanded that Jhenna have Malak executed for stealing his daughter's innocence." This last sentence causes Malak to burst out laughing, the first sound he had made since their reunion with the Cimmerian.

"What's so funny?" asks Conan.

The Baron, signs Malak, Thinking that I stole his daughter's innocence. Conan gives Malak a confused look. There was no innocence to steal, Signs Malak, I've been with enough women to know whether or not I'm with a virgin. The young Baroness was many things, but a virgin is not one of them. If she was a virgin when I bedded her, then Set is the God of Puppy Dogs and Rainbows. I've been with whores who don't have half the skills this girl does. She did things to me I couldn't even pronounce.

"In any event," says Subotai, "Needless to say the Baron was not happy. He insisted that if Jhenna not punish her court jester for defiling his innocent daughter." This elicits another laugh from Malak. "He swore that there would be no trade agreement unless Jhenna complied. Now, Jhenna was legitimately fond of Malak, and didn't want to see him executed for a simple lapse in judgment. So she got the Baron to agree to a compromise. Malak would have his offending tongue removed and then he would be banished from Shadizar for life, never to return on pain of death."

"So you have no tongue?" Conan asks Malak. In response, Malak opens his mouth wide so that the Cimmerian could see inside. There is a small fleshy stump where the thief's tongue should be, all that is left of the tongue that was once there. "I suppose you're lucky the Baron didn't find you with your manhood balls deep inside his daughter's mouth," says Conan.

Had her father walked in on us fifteen minutes sooner, signs Malak, he would have.

"The Baron was satisfied enough to maintain the trade agreement with Shadizar," continues Subotai, "But not enough to heal his injured pride. As soon as he returned to Aquilonia he placed a bounty on Malak's head. One thousand gold pieces for his head on a pike, or double that to bring him in alive. Apparently the Baron wishes to kill our court jester himself."

The bounty has gone up, signs Malak, It's now ten thousand dead, or twenty thousand alive.

"Twenty thousand?!" exclaims Subotai, "I might even turn you in for that much!"

"I don't blame you," laughs Conan.

"Anyway," says Subotai, "Thanks to the price on Malak's head, practically everywhere we stop to try and get some rest or commit a little harmless larceny, we end up running into bounty hunters."

"In that case I think I have a solution for you," says Conan, "I have accepted a contract, but I will need help."

As thieves? Malak signs.

"As mercenaries," replies the barbarian.

"What's the job?" asks Subotai.

"Defending a small farming community from marauding barbarians called Juns."

"What are the odds?"

"About the same as when we fought Thulsa Doom's men at that ancient cemetery. Maybe a little worse."

"What's the pay?"

"More money than you have now."

It always worries me when he won't give us a number, signs Malak.

"You will have food and shelter for as long as you want it, in a village where no one will think to look for you. And you will receive an equal share in any wealth that the villagers have."

"Which is not very much, is it?"

"No, it's not."

"And you've already agreed to this?"

"I have."

"These Juns must have really made you angry."

"They raped a fifteen year old girl while her father and brother watched, and then kidnapped her."

Subotai's almond eyes flare with anger at this revelation. "I'm in," he says.

A decent meal and a place to hide from the bounty hunters? Malak signs, Why not? I've worked for less. Besides, what would the two of you ever do without me?

"Live long and prosperous lives," laughs Subotai, and the other two join in on the mirth.

"It's settled then," says Conan, "I am to meet my employer in the town of Haven. He has ridden to the city of Aruk to find more recruits. He will be joining us there."

"When do we leave?"

"Right now."

The day after after Conan leaves Arrow Head with Subotai and Malak in tow, Shad arrives in the city of Aruk. As he enters the city gate, he asks a guard where a good place to stay and have a meal would be. The guard suggests The Eagle's Nest and then gives the young farmer directions on how to get there. He tells him that the food and accommodations are nothing fancy, but good quality and at a fair price. Shad thanks the guard and heads to where the guard had instructed him. He arrives at the inn, which has a sign with the picture of an eagle above the door. He tethers his mule outside and then enters the inn. He takes a seat at an empty table near the far corner where he can watch the entire floor. He orders a tankard of ale and a bowl of stew, and then sits and watches the activity in the common room. There are a fair number of people enjoying their evening meals here. Most of them appear to be traveling merchants of one sort or another. They're being waited on by a pretty blonde girl, about the same age as Nanelia give or take a year. Shad quickly learns that the girl's name is Angel. The heavy set older gentleman behind the bar is her father. His name is Sacco. The only people in the common room who do not appear to be merchants are two large brutish men, wearing armor and heavy furs, who appear to be Vanir, judging by Kaylar's descriptions of those people. Shad is just about to get up and ask them if they are for hire when one of them grabs Angel and pulls her onto his lap.

"Hey there girly," says the Vanir warrior, "What do you say to comin' up to our room for a little fun."

"Let me go!" cries the girl.

"Come on now," says the other Vanir, "That ain't no way to be treatin' yer guests."

"Hey now!" cries Sacco as he steps out from behind the bar, "You unhand my daughter!"

"What are ye gonna do if we don't?" asks the first Vanir.

"I'll. . . . I'll. . . ."

"Ha ha ha ha!" laughs the two Vanir.

"That's what I thought!" says the second.

"I'll call the City Watch!" says Sacco, "They'll stop you!"

"Our seed'll be inside this little darlin' long before they get here!" says the first Vanir.

"I. . . . I know the king personally, you know. Harm my little girl, and he'll have you both castrated! You can count on that!"

"And what makes you think you or your girl will live long enough to tell His Majesty anything?"

"Excuse me!" says a new voice from over by the entrance. Everyone turns to look, and sees a tall, handsome blonde haired warrior standing in the doorway. He is wearing a leather loincloth and leather boots. On his left wrist he wears a heavy leather bracer which goes practically all the way to his elbow. There is a leather satchel slung over one shoulder, and a bastard sword sheathed on his left hip. He is of a slender though muscular build, not quite as physically imposing as Conan perhaps, but no less impressive. The newcomer takes a couple of steps towards the two Vanir. "I don't believe that the girl is on the menu."

"This ain't none of yer concern!" says the second Vanir, who steps towards the blonde warrior in an attempt to intimidate him.

"I'm making it my concern," comes the reply.

"And what are ye gonna do if we don't let 'er go?"

"It's not me that you need to worry about," says the warrior, "It's him."

At that moment a loud bestial roar comes from off to the side. They all turn and look to see a huge orange and black striped tiger had sneaked around the edge of the common room and was now within pouncing distance of the two Vanir. The first Vanir leaps to his feet in surprise, letting the girl go. Angel runs into her father's arms, and the second that she's out of harms way the tiger springs onto the Vanir who had grabbed her and clamps it's jaws down onto the man's throat.

The second Vanir warrior, having taken his eyes off of the newcomer for a moment and was now shocked to find a tiger attacking his friend, turns back to the blonde warrior just in time to see the wooden chair that the man had grabbed come crashing down on his head. The chair is smashed into splinters over the Vanir's skull. He stands there looking dumbfounded, like he can't believe this is happening. Then the young warrior leaps up into the air and delivers a devastating spin kick, sending the Vanir spinning around and crashing into his table, breaking it in two.

The blonde warrior walks casually over to the tiger and the first Vanir and squats down next to them. Shad comes over to get a closer look, and realizes that the tiger has not killed the first Vanir warrior. It has his neck in its jaws, but it hasn't bitten down yet. The blonde warrior gives the tiger a firm scratch behind the ear.

"This is my friend Ruh," the warrior tells him, "Ruh and I are very good friends of the proprietor of this establishment and his family. And we don't like it when people mistreat our friends. It tends to make us angry. And you really don't want to see Ruh when he's angry. So here's what's going to happen. Option A, Ruh here lets go of your neck, you collect your friend here, apologize to Sacco and his daughter, leave this establishment, and never come back. Or Option B, Ruh here can just go ahead and bite down, taking your head clean off, and then once you friend there wakes up he can carry your body off and give you a decent funeral. So, what's it going to be?"

"Auch," gasps the Vanir, "Auch."

"What's that?" asks the blonde warrior, "Are you saying you want Option A?" The Vanir nods his head as best he can under the circumstances, "Are sure?" The Vanir nods his head again. "Very well. Ruh, let him go."

The tiger releases the Vanir from his jaws and steps back. The Vanir grasps his throat and takes deep gasping breathes as he can't believe the huge cat didn't just kill him. He crawls over to his unconscious friend and pulls him up onto his shoulders. When he gets up onto his feet, he looks over at Sacco and Angel and croaks, "Sorry." Then he carries his companion out of the inn and disappears down the street. The inn keeper and his daughter run up to the blonde warrior to thank him. Sacco shakes his hand vigorously while Angel hugs him about the chest.

"Thank you Beastmaster! Thank you!" he says.

"It's quite all right," says the Beastmaster, "I'm happy to help."

"Here, have a seat," says Sacco, "Allow me to get you a meal. It's the least I can do."

"All right, my friend. You know I could never resist your cooking." Then he points his finger at Angel, "And you young lady!" he says with a smile, "Stop getting into so much trouble. First the sacrificial fire, now Vanir mercenaries? I won't be around to save your skin all the time, you know."

"Okay, Beastmaster," she says, and then walks away to resume her waitressing duties.

"And call me Dar!" says The Beastmaster, "My father never named me Beastmaster."

Shad takes a deep breath to steady his nerves and then boldly walks over to where Dar is sitting. "Excuse me sir," he says, "May I join you?"

"As long as you're not friends with those two dung heaps I just threw out of here."

"No sir!" says Shad, "Not at all! I've never seen them before in my life!"

"I that case, go right ahead."

Shad sits down next to Dar. "My name is Shad of the Akira."

"I am Dar, of the Emurites."

"I am glad to meet you, Dar of the Emurites. Tell me, are you for hire?"

"I guess that depends. What exactly are you hiring for?"

"My village of Akir is being threatened. We need mercenaries to defend us."

"Mercenaries are expensive. Can you afford such a thing?"

"We can try."

"Who exactly would I be defending you against?"

"The Juns."

"The Juns?!" Dar exclaims in surprise.

"They broke my arm and forced me to watch as their leader raped my sister," says Shad, "We haven't very much money but. . . ."

"I don't want your money," says Dar, "The Juns attacked my village of Emur years ago. They murdered everyone, down to the last child. I'd be happy to help you." Ruh lets out a mighty roar. "We both will."

Author's Note

Thieves' Cant is in fact an actual thing. In the 1st and 2nd Edition Advanced Dungeons & Dragons Game, using and understanding Thieves' Cant is a special ability of the Thief character class. And in the class description, while describing Thieves' Cant, the books say that it has actual historical significance and that examples of real Thieves' Cant can be found with a little time and research. Just a little FYI.