Chapter Notes
So have you ever been reading you own writing and thought to yourself who the hell am I fooling? Yeah me neither. I feel like the last two chapters have been a bit rudimentary so I made some changes.I'm hoping this one will flesh the characters out a bit more as well as build up their world and personal feelings . The writing style is a little different from the last chapters there isn't as much dialogue but this is more "me" so I hope you like it :)Will trudged into the ED to start the first of his double shift. The back-to-back shifts day in and out for the past few months had begun to take its toll on his psyche. The recurring space, odors, lights, and even the repeated medical cases had turned his commute into a sojourn a long torturous journey turned animal that feasted on what was left of spontaneity and the unforeseen. The electronic doors opened into the mouth of his torture chamber until he heard the duality of laughter. The giggles formed a strange pit in his stomach, a mixture of curiosity, anxiousness, excitement, and even enticement. It was a strange response to laughter but not considering who it was coming from. He knew those sounds and not unlike his dream the laughter picked up was different but the same like a siren forming into one person. Triggered was not the right word to use but if felt right and standing like some manifestation of a strange hallucination were April and Natalie laughing in the hall over a video on Nat's phone. He felt exposed like they were watching a loop of his dream on repeat critiquing his form and confusion at their bait and switch seduction game. But those fears were irrational no one can see another's dreams and Nat and April were friends they could easily be laughing at a cat video. He strolled up vanquishing those thoughts that would fuel awkward emotions behind simply saying,
"What's so funny?" Will asked casually. Both women looked up still red-faced and laughing.
"You have to see this video of Nat's son babbling to Jeff like they are old friends," April said through her laughter.
Immediately she had regretted the admission she wished Natalie had been the one to introduce the content to Will, it wouldn't have been any better at sparing his feelings or making the scene less uncomfortable given his burning torch for her. That's the thing about joy when one has it one wants to share it but one person's joy is another's misery. Such may not have been the case for Will his grin seemed genuine- after all he loved Natalie and he cared deeply for her son too so if there was joy brought to the child and Natalie it brought him joy too.
"Aww, that's cute," Will added looking over their shoulders at the babe's coos.
The comment was as much energy as he could expel considering this place had already begun siphoning from him just by standing in the hall and like gasoline on a fire here he was remarking on the happiness of his love and her two loves neither of which were him. His feelings were the equivalent to a paper doll that could get whisked away at any moment by a gust of his flattened were leveled by jealously, bitterness, and frustration at all the things his current situation did not provide.
"You working today April?" He asked changing his tone in an instant.
"No I had some things that I needed to change in my schedule so I saw Sharon and Maggie," April answered. She was glad that the moment seemed to pass him and the subject changed quickly.
"Are you moving back to days?" Will continued. It didn't really matter he saw her either way although he would be lying to himself if he didn't believe that seeing Natalie and April together hadn't rattled his psycho-sexual cage. Fucking wet dreams, is this that second puberty people talk about?
"Soon, I'm going to take a week off to focus on my finals and then I will be back to days," April answered.
"We should all celebrate after you're done, I'll get a sitter and plan a night to let loose maybe get you back out there again?" Natalie added with a smile.
What the hell does she mean by that? Will thought to himself he was the one around her the most at least lately and he knew that she was still in love with Connor. April wasn't ready to "get back out there again" she needed more time to consider her options and work through her feelings. Will's brow had furrowed a bit; unbeknownst to him. April watched his face and wondered if the conversation was making him uncomfortable again. She let out an awkward chuckle to break up the subject.
"Anything after the fifteenth works; I will be homework free for three months!" April said opening her arms as if to signal the welcoming freedom of time and maybe even some casual sex back into her life.
"How is the studying for finals going?" Will asked switching the conversation again to hide his judgment.
"I feel good, why are you offering to help again?" April answered sheepishly.
"Just let me know the time and I'll help you knock out your finals," Will responded certainly.
He had grown tired of April's trepidation for his volunteered tutoring. Didn't she know that he loved hanging out with her? She gave him a space to be useful, needed, and she was an amazing listener. In that moment his paranoia over his dream dissipated and he realized that April would never tell Natalie anything they had discussed in private. Their relationship tragedies were like fraternal twins not perfectly mirrored but similar enough to be related. His was from loving what couldn't be lost because it was never his and hers from losing what she was given no real choice in keeping. Natalie was watching their exchange when a small twinge of peevishness lodged itself into her like a splinter.
"Well I will keep you all in the loop and get this celebration together as soon as humanly possible because you are going to rock those finals, Will I'll see you out there," Natalie said wrapping up the conversation. She stuffed her cell in her pocket and headed to the main desk to see where she was assigned.
"I should probably get going I have class in a couple of hours and I still need to go home," April said turning to Will, "But yes, studying, does Thursday work for you?" she asked walking backwards. Will nodded.
…..
Will got up the first time his alarm went off. That almost never happened anymore. He would usually spend most of the snooze cycle in bed quietly lamenting over the blandness of what had become of his life. The entering of numerals into his financial spreadsheet on Excel making small nicks but no real dents in his mountain of debt. The emptiness of his bed and the unusual quiet of his apartment, but this morning was different he was using his cologne that he realized he had only been putting on when he went to April's to help her study. He actually stared at his clothes trying to figure out what to wear, something that he was not used to doing anymore. He settled on a blue-sapphire toned button-up, he rolled the sleeves to make the look more casual pairing it with jeans and a brown belt with a polished-chrome buckle. There was pep in his step when he grabbed coffee from the little café a couple blocks from her house. He had brought coffee every time they had a study session and the ritual had made it easier for him to allow her to buy lunch and sometimes dinner.
April was spooling the vacuum chord to the side of the machine before putting it away. She made sure her house was clean, actually clean this time, no more musty rugs, dusty end tables, caked on food on dirty dishes, stacks of take-out boxes, or piles of laundry. She woke up early to make sure that her house was presentable maybe that was why Will always offered to help; he thought she was a mess. It was sort of true the disorder of her life had turned her into a zombie eating at Will's brain by day and when she didn't inhabit that metaphorical form she was a vampire only thriving at night through work and constant studying. But this was 30 Days of Night and not Twilight. The past three months her beauty although undeniable had "slipped" or at least she felt it had. She never had time to deep condition her hair anymore or wear it "out" and make-up was a luxury she no longer wanted to deal with because removing it meant valuable time spent not enjoying the back of her eyelids. However with finals like a light at the end of the tunnel she was ready to flex her atrophied beauty muscles and be a person again. April wanted to get used to living in the daylight once more and if she was going to bring dates back here she needed her place to look like the home of someone that had their shit together not the make-shift home-less squalor that it had become in recent weeks. The thought filled her with embarrassment at how many times Will and Maggie had been over when her apartment was in disarray. Especially Will considering how much he'd visited in recent days he never said anything or let his eyes wander at the mess. He was always there reassuring her that she was doing fine and that she could succeed regardless of her own shaky confidence. He made her feel like she could be an amazing doctor.
The knock at the door came like the clockwork. Will was always punctual. When she opened the door the cedar and oranges assailed her nose, it wasn't overpowering but intoxicating. His presence made her smile involuntarily; he looked really good she couldn't put her finger on it, "did he get his haircut?" she questioned to herself. Will walked in with two coffees in his hand. Immediately the surroundings or lack thereof made his eyes widen not in disbelief but in a pleasant surprise. The house smelled good like fresh linens and vanilla or maybe that was April? When he walked past her into the apartment he got a whiff of coconuts and vanilla. He strolled over to her sofa table and put the coffees down placing a coaster under each to not destroy the aesthetic she'd created. Will turned to sit down and grab the coffee he claimed for himself. April came around the corner with her books and plopped down on the sofa not far from him. Usually she sat at the table perched like a good pupil but today she wanted to be closer. The confirmed smell of vanilla and coconuts also sat next to him. He stared at her longer than he realized, he was racking his brain trying to recall the last time he saw her with her hair down. The mass of curls haloed around her like a crown placed on golden statue. Her skin was doing that glowing thing that hypnotized him. Her shirt was in a wrapped pattern skimming and hugging her tiny torso and exquisite breasts. His mind rushed to the recollection of seeing her topless. He dropped his eyes in shame at his peeping ways and said,
"Alright what are we covering today?"
They went over almost a full year of material the first four hours of work before taking a break. April offered a small snack in lieu of lunch because she had decided to cook dinner for them instead of ordering in. Will was pleased with this plan because he'd felt like a leech letting her buy him lunch and dinner during their study sessions. They decided to power through until dinner and call it day afterwards. April made them Moqueca de Camarão which Will had never tried but inevitably loved. Normally April served water to keep her head clear but she was already celebrating in her mind so she offered him a beer and he accepted. They ate at the couch instead of the table. April purposely did this to keep it casual the entire vibe of this last study session was turning into a study were getting weird. She had snuck too many looks at him and unbeknownst to her he had been doing the same thing. He welcomed the casualty of the dinner and was a little apprehensive about the beer but it was just one and the big celebration would come in a week when she was done for the school year.
"So I have to ask," April started after taking a large swig of her beer, "are you okay with going to this bar thing Nat is putting together? She's going to invite Jeff too she's already mentioned it."
"You know, I have gotten very used to seeing them together it's really sort of a 'suffer in silence' kind of thing at this point," Will said dryly, "Maybe it's time to get back out there it's been too long," Will commented as he drank the last drops from his beer.
"Yeah I know what you mean, what's the saying 'the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else'?" April scoffed and threw her head back to allow her beer to rush down her throat.
Will looked over at her and smiled gazing at her gazelle like neck contracting. April put the bottle down and glanced over at him. He didn't dart his eyes away like he normally would and she didn't either. Something about the way he looked at her. He was lost again in the glow of her skin, the way her neck looked in the light, he wondered what it would be like to run his hands up it; to pull her chin up and kiss her. April watched a light she had never seen in Will's eyes grow and take over almost a lure inviting her in. The enticing silence filled and began overflowing until April broke it by saying,
"I should probably clean up."
There was no real conviction in her tone of the supposed needed action and the tension was still in the air but her words were spinning it into uncomfortable awkwardness she thought she was over had returned and it brought its friend anxiety. The problem with April and anxiety is that for her it manifested itself physically. It was a paralytic at times, but usually she could count on it to make her movements completely ungraceful, usually while trying to avoid touching someone or something all from some unnamed irrational fear. The anxiety monster jumped on April as she tried to step over Will's sizable feet after grabbing his plate and empty beer but the monster tripped her and she fumbled over her own feet. Before she could land face first into the couch Will, not unlike a cat, quickly grabbed her.
In this moment was the stark realization that after years of friendship, months of night shifts, and these last four weeks of study sessions these two had never really touched. Save for the time he helped her up from the floor in the ED they had avoided all physical contact. Not a hug; nor a handshake. All of that acquaintance physicality had been skipped and Will had his hands on her waist and what a grip he had.
She fell awkwardly onto his lap the empty bottle rolled to the floor the plate sat on the couch. The embrace had frozen them, most friends would laugh and bounce out of the situation, but Will and April had been putting all of their sexual tension into their own personal boxes and now it was knocked over and Pandora's uncontrolled pent up sexual frustration, lingering stares, and impure thoughts were all over the apartment whizzing around and through them.
There was no denial of their physical chemistry. Immediately the feeling of his hands on her waist sent a stir to her loins that caused her heart rate to raise. Will could feel his pants tighten. The effect was so visceral and combustible the air could've caught on fire.
They stared at each other, their faces slowly coming together, both of their breaths were labored and nervous until the buzz of Will's cellphone cracked the ice and they both fell into the allegorical waters. The icy shock knocked them back into reality. April quickly collected herself and then the bottle. Will grabbed his phone from his pocket and answered it.
"Hello," he said trying to use the call as way to bring himself back into reality; whatever the hell that was now.
It was his brother calling to see if Will wanted to hang out. The moment was screwed so he used it as a way to escape whatever was happening between he and April.
"It's my brother, I was supposed to meet him this evening," Will said.
Lie.
"Yeah you know I need to get some sleep so….," April muttered.
Lie.
Will got up and not unlike a patient leaving a doctor's appointment he said,
"Thanks for your time."
He hurried out of the apartment and thought,
"What the fuck Will 'thanks for your time?!' what kind of shit was that?"
"What kind of shit was that?" April thought.