It was about 10:30 on Tuesday morning when Claire took a deep, calming breath and shifted, impatiently, in the rickety chair that sat in front of Mr. Salazar's desk. She was trembling a little and couldn't really make sense of why. It was mostly, she thought, from the raw adrenaline coursing in her veins. In truth, Claire was somewhat less than the prefect princess that her reputation denoted. She was lazy about her schoolwork, just sliding barely along and using her charm and influence to talk her way up to A's and B's. She tended to be late to class because she had changed her outfit so many times before school and, more often than not, would spend her classes sitting in the back with the other cool kids, gossiping and painting her nails. All in all, they were just the sort of petty things that any little rich girl could get away with. Even her detention wasn't going to shake anyone's opinion of her one way or the other. No. Never in sweet Miss Claire's life had she ever done anything that could be considered controversial. Not until yesterday, anyway. And did it ever upset status quo at school. One day, she had spent one day, on the arm of John Bender and it's like she'd tattooed a swearword on her forehead.
The way Mr. Salazar and the other teachers were treating her was degrading, at best. Still, she got sort of a twisted pleasure at the way everyone was looking at her with those stupid, bewildered expressions. For the first time in her life, people were actually wondering what was going on in her MIND. Mr. Salazar tapped the papers in her file against his desk and looked over his glasses at her.
"So, Miss Standish, your parents were divorced last year? I'm very sorry to hear that. Must be a very difficult time for you." There was that condescending tone again. Claire was tempted to roll her eyes but she kept them determinedly on her councilor's face.
"I don't know," she responded, with forced cheerfulness, "I get two birthdays, now." As much as he tried to hide it, she could tell Mr. Salazar was losing patience. He pursed his lips and let a sigh out through his nose.
"Miss Standish, I can't help but notice a tone in your voice that seems very unlike you. Is there something bothering you?" Claire hated the way he began almost every sentence with "Miss Standish" and even more the way he poised his pen over his notepad while he waited for her to reply. It was strange. Claire never remembered disliking Mr. Salazar so much. He had been her academic councilor since freshman year and most of the time, she more or less forgot about him the second she left his office. But that was before he had ever started digging into her personal life. Before all of this ridiculous mess. Usually, she told her teachers whatever they wanted to hear. Since her grades were good enough, and she was involved in school activities, nobody ever questioned it. The sudden impulse to be defiant was strange and new to her. She liked it, even though it scared her. In the last four days, everything had changed and Claire no longer had any inclination to humor her smug teachers.
"Well, I don't understand why I'm missing third period for this. Did I do something wrong?" Folding her arms across her chest, she titled her head to one side and looked at him with fake concern on her face. Mr. Salazar laid his pen and pad back onto his desk and didn't reply for a minute. He was changing tactics, she could tell.
"Well, Miss Standish, some of us are concerned that you may be making friends with students that may not have your best interest in mind. Students that may be a bad influence on you?" This time she did roll her eyes. Unbelievable. Don't you people have anything better to do? She wondered silently. Enough of this.
"Oh you mean John Bender? He's not my friend, he's my boyfriend." Claire loved saying his name. She loved the reaction it caused in people. "And as far as I can tell, the only one influencing me in a bad way is you." This ruffled Mr. Salazar and he half coughed, half laughed in surprise.
"Me? How so, Miss Standish?" Miss Standish, Miss Standish, Miss Standish! You think I don't know my own name?
"Well, not only are you making me miss class for no reason, but you're the one who gave me the detention where I met John. Then, you have the audacity to dig into my personal life even though you're my academic councilor." Claire, herself, could hardly believe what she was saying. She didn't even know this version of herself existed. If this meeting had taken place last Friday she would have played for Mr. Salazar's sympathy, and would have had him sending her on her way with his approval. But this meeting would not have happened last Friday. Last Friday she had never spoken a word to Bender and was seriously considering getting back with Doug. An idea that now repulsed her.
Her councilor sighed in obvious defeat.
"Ok, Miss Standish, get back to cl-" But before he could even finish his sentence she was halfway to the door. "But don't think you're off Scott-free, young lady!" He called after her. She didn't turn around.
Just as she was leaving, the bell rang, signaling the end of third period and the halls filled with the bustling throng of students. Claire barely noticed them jostling past her, all she could think about was that there was only one more class until lunch, just one more hour until she could see him again. Before she realized it, she had been joined by Missy Nicholson.
"Hey girl," Missy said with that teenage-girl bounce in her voice. Claire didn't look at her.
"Oh hey."
"So Becky and I are gonna take off at lunch and head to the mall. You in?" Claire didn't answer right away. Missy knew about her and Bender, but just like Claire used to, she ignored anything she didn't like or understand.
"Can't." She said bluntly, with blatant disinterest in her voice. "I'm meeting John." Missy scoffed, shuffled her feet nervously.
"I just don't get it, Claire. John Bender is, like, beyond vile. I mean he's, like, one of the freaks." When she got to the word "freaks" her eyes widened and her light voice fell to a whisper. Suddenly, too suddenly, Claire felt so very far away from one of her oldest friends. She had always known Missy to be a total gossip but Claire, herself, was guilty of the same. Ignoring it was just an unspoken agreement between them, or something.
The sad truth was, Claire had never had the type of secret that needed to be protected against the likes of Missy Nicholson. Not until her dad's affair, that is, and the inevitable divorce that followed. Missy had once witnessed one of the drunken "episodes" between Claire's parents. Her mother had shattered an expensive bottle of brandy against the wall, barely missing her father's head. At the time, all Claire could think to do was to turn up the TV in her room and pretend like it wasn't happening. Missy had just sat there in silent judgment, eavesdropping as best she could. In the back of her mind Claire had always known it was Missy who started those rumors. It seemed incredible now, that she could be so good at just…well just pretending. Pretending like she still felt any connection with Missy. Pretending like she felt any attraction towards Doug. Pretending. Claire had completely removed herself from their conversation and was deep in thought. Hmmm. Well maybe I should just be an actress. She smiled to herself.
Missy had been quiet while Claire mused, waiting for a response that clearly wasn't going to come. Then, her eyes light up. "Oh I get it!" She said, grinning and bobbing her head. "So what's in it for you?" Claire whipped her head around.
"What do you mean what's in it for me?" She snapped. Missy shrugged and tossed her hair.
"Well I just, you know, figured he must be, like, doing you some really big favor or something. I just can't figure out what. I mean, you're totally more popular, your family is rich, you already hang out with the only crowd worth being seen with, and you have Doug. So I don't get it. Like, what's in it for you?" For a moment, Claire's first impulse was to get defensive. That's really what you think of me, isn't it? But then, No! That's just who YOU really are! And she looked to the ceiling and laughed.
"I gotta go." She said, still smiling, and now shaking her head.
"What?" Missy stamped her foot. "What the hell is wrong with you?" Missy called after her lost friend. "Oh. My. God. Is he blackmailing you?" With a quick wave over her shoulder, Claire brushed an orange lock out of her eyes and turned away.
"Get a life, Missy." She said, and lost herself in the sea of students.
Andrew was the first thing Claire saw when she stepped into fourth period and to her, he was like a breath of fresh air. She took the desk behind him with a defeated sort of sigh.
"Hey." She said despondently. He smirked a little as he turned around and caught her expression.
"How ya holdin' up?"
"You know?" She began, leaning her elbows on the desk, "I just can't help but wonder how I managed to stay friends with certain people for as long as I have." His smirk widened into a bemused grin.
"Believe me, you are preaching to the choir." And as Claire told Andrew the story of her day, he, in turn told her about his altercation with Doug in the locker room the previous afternoon. She was grateful for a friend like Andy. She felt he was the only one who really understood what she was going through. They were actually, really alike in the end. Both "A Crowd" popular kids since jr. high and now both realizing how stupid the whole thing really was. Andy, like Claire, had slowly begun to see the hypocrisy and the childish obsession with image and status that seemed to be the prevailing attitude amongst all of their friends. And Claire, like Andy, found both challenge and comfort in someone who was seen as an outsider. Suddenly, she was struck with an idea. It sizzled in her mind like lightning.
"Have you talked to Allyson today?" She cut him off in mid-sentence.
"Yeah, we hung out before first. Why?"
"Just wondering. How's it going with you two?" And to her amazement, he blushed, looking down to the floor.
"Good." He said simply. "Really good." But that wasn't enough for Claire.
"And…? What about the guys?" She pressed.
"Man, I don't know." Andrew paused, a shadow falling across his face. "Doug's the only one who had the guts to say anything to my face, but still. I can tell they're not into it." Claire punched him on the arm.
"But we're different now, aren't we?" She asked, more in need of reassurance for herself than anything. His smile came back.
"Absolutely."
"Anyway," she continued, "next time you see Allyson tell her to come find me. I want to invite her over this weekend." Andrew laughed.
"You know she'll pretend she doesn't want to go." Claire gasped in mock outrage.
"Well, I'll just have kidnap her or something."
As fourth period dragged on, she couldn't manage to staunch her impatience. Her conversation with Andrew had only lifted her spirit and solidified her determination even more. And as she sat in that stuffy little classroom, in that rickety little desk, ignoring everything her teacher was saying, her mind was going wild with visions of who she might become and how her life might change now that everything seemed so different. A part of her had been waiting for this for years, but she didn't know it until that very moment. The very moment when the bell finally, finally, rang and it was time for lunch.
She was already a few steps toward the door by then, and she flung it open in anticipation.
"See you, Andy!" She threw over her shoulder and headed out into the throng. She smiled, biting her lip, feeling like a balloon was swelling in her chest. There he was, that beautiful, wild boy parting the crowd like the Red Sea. As he approached her with a mischievous grin he said,
"Claire, my daaaawling." In mock British accent. Claire giggled as he swooped her up in his arms, bent her over backwards and kissed her. Long, deep and passionate. But then, when Bender pulled way, there was nothing but seriousness in his eyes. He brushed her hair back and kissed her again, lightly this time. "You wanna get out of here?" he whispered.