Everyone Likes Cake

By Seniya

Now look, I tell you this is the strictest confidence—oh, you like that don't you? No, I didn't do anything, and no, I'm not hiding. What would make you think that I—well, look if you're not going to believe me then why did you bother to ask?

All right. Good. You see it's all very simple…Katara is…making me…a…cake.

Well say something! Aren't you supposed to be filled with advice old man? Don't look at me like that! Why am I hiding in here? First of all, I have already told you that I am not hiding, I do not hide…I merely found the need to visit the…music room and…look, you know as well as I do that she can't cook!

Baking, cooking, it's all the same! She's inept! Remember what I told you, this doesn't leave the room.

Good, good, as long as you understand. At first I thought that she was just bad with that rubber and grease that those water tribe people ingest, I certainly don't understand why the all haven't dropped dead of…what I mean is, grease and fat can only taste so good—never mind, I'm not overreacting!

Stop interrupting me; I'm getting to that part. Do you, do you remember last month when she made turtle duck stew? Yes, I can tell by the look on your face that you do, she took out the parliament with that concoction…

And then, for my last birthday when she made fudge—you couldn't swallow it; I mean you tried and you tried, but it just clung to your throat and…

…and now she's making cake! After I specifically told the cooks not to let her near the kitchens—do you, yes, yes that's it! A conspiracy! Treason all of them, they're going to let me wife do me in with her…culinary…

Stop laughing it's not funny! This is serious! I'm sick of telling you that I am not hiding! I am here to think out a plan of…survival.

How do I know what she's doing? What do you think that stench is? The sewers, oh you'd better pray that it's the sewers—no it's chocolate cake. I've survived exile and wars and I'm about to see my death because of cake.

Tell her? And exactly how will that conversation go Uncle? Oh, hello Katara, you look nice today, oh and by the way, your cooking possesses the potential to slaughter even the strongest man—then I'd be dead for an entirely different reason.

I could…I could…no, you could eat it for me. Yes, we'll have it in the Dining Room, and when she's looking away I'll slide it over to you…hey, where are you going?

Coward! What kind of man are you! Afraid of cake—you tried to take Ba Sing Se didn't you, this can't be any worse!

Oh, I'll deal with it all right! It was in the vows after all, for better or worse—and don't you dare tell her! Would you stop laughing! I am not hiding! I'll leave right now…I'll go right up there and…and...

…so what if I'm hiding.

Author: God help me because when I heard about this, all I could think of was smex. I tried to control myself…so no smut. I can't recall if in the Avatar series I ever saw Katara cook, but I thought that it was a cute quirk so go with me on this one.

I wrote it in about thirty minutes, so maybe it's not as good as some of my previous works, although I hope it's funny.