"All clear! The arcade's closed!"
As soon as I hear this, I turn my head towards the consoles of nearby games. I pay particular attention to the characters in Fix-it-Felix Jr.
"Quittin' time!" I hear the small handyman, whom I figure out is Felix, say.
I watch, as Felix and several smaller people happily head back into their apartment and as the giant wrecker gets back up from the patch of mud he has been thrown into and walks to a large pile of bricks with a stump and other building parts. Those bricks and other building parts look uncomfortable to lie in, but I can see that the wrecker's used to it, by now. I smile in amusement, as I see him picking up a cherry in the Pacman game and then returning back to his own game. Glancing at the mostly empty surroundings in "my" game, I do something I never thought I'd do. I take my belongings and head to Game Central Station next morning.
"Attention, the arcade will open in five minutes. Please report to your game."
Even though it's being announced that the arcade is opening, I figure no one in "my" game would miss me, as I've been mostly ignored there. When I see someone in a bulky suit carrying a weapon, I automatically assume it's another Hero's Duty soldier, until he trips over a small orange creature with a tube-shaped nose. The creature makes some strange, indecipherable sounds.
"Sorry, Q-bert. It's me, Ralph." said the guy, as he lifts the clear part of the helmet to reveal his face.
Witnessing this, I am surprised, as I learn the wrecker and orange creature's names. The former looks almost unrecognizable in that armor, so I infer that he's trying to sneak into Hero's Duty. For a short while, I kill some time by listening to the music on my ipod, until suddenly, I notice what looks like a rocket flying around like crazy. I remove one of my earphones and hear muffled screaming from inside the flying object. Instinctively, I follow it. Hovering in the air, I see that Ralph has gotten inside that thing with a cybug. The colorful surroundings make it clear that I have entered Sugar Rush, and I get an urge to gnaw at one of those candy cane trees.
"Sayonara, sucker!", exclaims Ralph, as the cybug is being shot out of the rocket-like thing and into a body of purple goo.
He then turns around, and we both see the green letters that read "Sugar Rush". Suddenly, I hear music other than the stuff on my ipod, so I take my other earphone off, as well.
"'Sugar Rush'?", Ralph says, "Uh no, this is that candy go-cart game over by the Whack-a-Mole. I gotta get outta here."
I pick up a piece of candy cane from the knocked-down candy cane and suck on it, as Ralph starts panicking for a medal, apparently the necklace hanging from another candy cane tree.
"Hi mister." greets a familiar little girl, as Ralph climbs the candy cane tree, "Hello."
"Man, you scared me, kid." replies Ralph, "Uh, nearly soiled myself."
"What's your name?" asks the little girl.
"Uh Ralph, Wreck-it-Ralph." replies the wrecker.
"You're not from here, are you?" asks the little girl.
"No. Well, yeah. I mean, I mean not from right in this area. I'm just doing some work here."
"What kind of work?"
"Uh some routine candy tree-trimming. Uh, probably want to stand back. In fact, this whole area's technically closed while we're trimming."
"Who's 'we'?"
"Candy tree department."
"Oh. Where is everybody else?"
"Uh, it's just me today, uh…"
"So you just meant like the royal week…"
"Yep, that's right."
"Hey, are you a hobo?"
"No, I am not a hobo, but I am busy, okay? So, you go, go home."
"What's that? Didn't hear you. Your breath is so bad it made my ears numb."
"Listen, I'm trying to be nice."
"I'm trying to be nice." the little girl mocks.
"You're mimicking…" Ralph tries to say.
"You're mimicking me."
"Okay."
"Okay."
"That is rude, and this conversation is over."
"And this conversation is over."
"Uh, I wouldn't grab that branch, if I were you." the girl warns.
"I'm from the candy tree department." replies Ralph, "I know…"
"It's a double-stripe.", the girl continues, as Ralph yelps and falls.
"Double-stripes break, a-doy." teases the girl, "Hey, why are your hands so freakishly big?"
"Uh, I don't know." replies Ralph, "Why are you so freakishly annoying?"
"Well, why are you so freakishly…" begins the girl, who suddenly notices the medal hanging from the top of the candy cane tree, "Sweet mother of monkey milk of gold coin!"
"Don't even think about it, that is mine." says Ralph.
"Race you for it!" retorts the girl, as she races up the tree.
"Hey hey hey hey, I don't have to race for it. That's mine."
I smile and silently laugh, as I overhear this conversation and see Ralph suddenly falling down the tree. If I still had my voice, I would've laughed out loud, as Ralph attempts to climb and reach for the medal.
"Come back here!" says Ralph from below.
"The winner!" exclaims the girl, as she claims the medal as her own.
"Give it back! Give it! Give it!", exclaims Ralph, who reaches for the medal, "Ha!"
"Whoa!" exclaims the girl, as the medal slips in and out of the wrecker's hand.
"Double stripe." she adds, he bounces and falls down the candy tree, "Thank you."
With that, the girl claims the medal and begins to saunters off.
"Look, wait. Let me talk to you for one second.", says Ralph, hanging from a branch, "Okay, here's the thing. I, I'm not from the candy tree department."
"Lying to a child." replies the girl, looking a bit hurt, "Shame on you, Ralph."
"But I wasn't lying about the medal.", adds Ralph, "That is my medal. That's why I was climbing the tree. It's mine. It's…precious to me. That thing is what makes my ticket to a better life…"
"Yeah, well, now it's my…" the girl begins, suddenly briefly covered partially by bluish pixels.
"See you chump!" she says, sauntering off with the medal.
"Come back here you! I will find you!", exclaims Ralph.
"Double stripe." adds the girl.
I giggle, as the branch disintegrates, and Ralph shouts and falls into the body of green goo below.
"Nowhere to hide!" adds Ralph.
I'd try to help him up, or at least ask whether he's okay, but his sheer size and strength intimidate me. I follow the little girl to the race track and stand behind one of the boxes that the audience cheers from.
"Citizens of Sugar Rush", announces a deep, gloomy voice, "All hail our rightful ruler, King Candy."
"Just in time." says the girl, as she sneaks onto the race track.
I turn and see that the source of the deep, gloomy voice is a small, spherical candy with floating hands and feet. From under the red covering, leaps out a short, cutesy-looking man in royal attire, making jingling sounds.
"Hello, my loyal subjects! Ha ha!" he greets with a goofy expression, "Have some candy! Thank you for that stirring introduction, Sour Bill. And thank you to today's avatars. It was a wonderful day of racing. It was."
"But now, the arcade is closed, so it's time to wipe the slate clean and right to decide our new roster!" he announces, "The first nine racers across that finish line will represent Sugar Rush as tomorrow's avatars!"
"Race! Race! Race!" the audience cheers.
"Okay, calm down." laughs King Candy, "Listen, this event is paid to play; we all know this. The fee to compete is one gold coin from your previous winnings, if you've ever won. I have. Let me go first!"
I gnaw on a second candy cane, as I watch him and the other racers throw gold coins into a catapult and listen to the names of the participants being announced.
"Sour Bill, who's that last one?" asks King Candy, putting on what appear to be goggles or sunglasses.
As the name of the last racer is being announced, I finally learn the little girl's name.
"Yippee, I'm in the race!" cheers the girl.
"Vanellope?!", exclaims King Candy in shock.
Everyone else discovers that she, a "glitch", has also signed up for the race. As the kind, understanding person I want to be, I feel bad for her, as the audience gasps and King Candy calls security. Suddenly, a green, candy-coated creature appears from a bed of lollipops.
"You! Give me back my medal right now!" he shouts, pointing towards Vanellope.
As he chases her, I feel amused and shocked at the same time. It may sound strange, but somehow, I wouldn't mind being chased by it, even though I ask myself the same question I hear King Candy asks about that thing. The creature knocks down several boxes that the audience sits in and some other structure, when suddenly, a giant cupcake crashes into it.
"Come back here!", shouts the creature.
I just have to join in on Vanellope's laughter at that moment. When she skips away, I continue laughing, as the donut cops smack the creature with their nightsticks.
"Okay, folks. Calm down. Everything's all right. The monster's been caught. We'll repair all the damage. Don't worry, we will have our race before the arcade opens." chuckles King Candy.
"And I'm in it.", Vanellope proudly adds, riding away in her cart.
I feel positively for her, but frown in disapproval towards King Candy and the other racers for refusing to let her participate in the race. I follow, as the creature is carried into a large white castle. I guess I'm not too surprised when I see Ralph's face under the hardened green goo.
"Milk my duds!" exclaims King Candy, "It's Wreck-it-Ralph?"
"Yeah, who are you?" replies Ralph, "The guy that makes the donuts?"
"Please no, I'm King Candy."
"So, you're a fan of pink?"
I chuckle, as I listen to the rest of their conversation. I could've sworn that Vanellope was just teasing about Ralph having bad breath, but apparently, I'm wrong. Ralph appears to have disappeared, after freeing himself from the rest of the green goop and the cupcake, until suddenly, I hear heavy breathing.
"Chocolate! I hate chocolate!" says Ralph, as he leaps out of a body of melted chocolate.
I want to laugh at him for saying that, as almost everyone I've encountered, so far, loved chocolate. Then again, I have to remember that even the most popular of sweets will have its share of haters. I continue to follow him, as he heads towards the other racers. Hovering in the air, I watch him watch them torment Vanellope. I have to agree with Ralph; it's totally not cool of them to make fun of her glitching and then destroy her cart. I think it's especially mean of that girl in pink to push Vanellope into the mud the way she did. For once, I'm actually glad Ralph scares those racers away.
"What are you looking at?" asks an indignant Vanellope, heading towards her broken cart.
"You're welcome, you rotten little thief." replies Ralph.
"I'm not a thief; I just borrowed your stupid coin." claims Vanellope, "I was gonna give it back to you as soon as I won the race."
"It's not a coin; it is a medal."
"Coin, medal, whatever. Just go back to your own dumb game and win another one."
"I can't. I didn't win it in my game. I won it in Hero's Duty."
"Hero's Duty?" laughs Vanellope.
"It's not that kind of 'doodie'." Ralph tries to explain.
"I bet you're really gotta watch where you're stepping in a game called 'Hero's Duty'!" laughs Vanellope, still not getting it.
Of course, I can understand what Ralph means, but I can't help but laugh at the fact that she mistakes the "duty" for fecal matter.
"How dare you insult Hero's Duty, you little guttersnipe?!" Ralph exclaims, "I earned that medal! You better get it back for me, toot sweet sister!"
"Well, unless you got a go-cart hidden in the back folds of your neck, I can't help you."
I almost choke on my own saliva, as I laugh in amusement at Ralph's temper tantrum and the nickname Vanellope then gives him when he finishes.
"He really needs to learn anger management." I think to myself.
My amusement turns to excitement, as I listen to them making a deal and then follow them. Seeing the finished cart and Vanellope's reaction, I have to admit that for a guy who's good at breaking things, Ralph's not so bad at making them. If only King Candy didn't interrupt things. I follow the two, as they escape from him and security. I'm amazed at how the entrance formed by the two sugar-free lollypops lead to a place different from the scenery I see behind when looking in front of it.
"So let me get this straight." asks Ralph, lying upside down, "You don't know how to drive."
"No, not technically, but I just thought that…" begins Vanellope.
"What did you think?" interrupts Ralph, "Oh, I'll just, I'll just magically win the race just because I really want to!"
I squint and overhear their conversation, as I try to find my way in the darkness of the space around me. From the last few sentences and phrase, I begin to realize that they're more alike than they probably first thought, although Ralph isn't a glitch, and Vanellope's home actually looks quite comfortable. Suddenly, I hear a stomp, presumably from Ralph, and then an explosion. It becomes clear that the source is the combination of Mentos and the bubbling liquid of Diet Cola Hot Springs. The unfinished race track looks delicious, but I resist my urge to eat it. I smile in amazement at the sight of the race track that Ralph creates with his bare fists and excitedly watch Vanellope learn how to drive. I get high up in the air again, smiling at the little girl's enthusiasm.
"Hurry, hurry, let's go! Time's a-wastin'!" exclaims Vanellope, "Come on, Ralph! This is it! This is really happening! I almost don't believe it. I mean, I have dreamt about it for so long, and now, and now I…"
I briefly become nervous and slightly disgusted when she says that she might vomit, and possibly burp at the same time. If that were to happen, one of my biggest nightmares would've come true, as I'm somewhat of an emetophobic. Thankfully, though, these feelings pass when Vanellope switches the subject. I even giggle when Ralph calls her a "brat with dirty hair" and agree with him when he calls her an "adorable winner".
"Oh wait! Hold on." says Vanellope, suddenly stopping her driving.
"Where are you going?" asks a confused Ralph.
"I forgot something." answers Vanellope, "I'll be right back."
"Kids." says Ralph, amused, putting his hands on his hips.
I munch on a nearby piece of candy, when suddenly, we both hear the rumble of an engine and a honk.
"Ralph!" King Candy calls out, "There you are! Hello!"
I grin in excitement and amusement, as Ralph chases the small king. It's comical how he uses the glasses to hit King Candy, yet it makes me a bit more fearful about approaching the wrecker, since I happen to wear glasses.
"What do you want, Candy?" asks Ralph darkly, grabbing him by the coat.
"Listen, I just want to talk to you." replies King Candy.
"I'm not interested in anything you have to say." replies Ralph.
"Well, how about this? Are you interested in this?" asks King Candy, showing Ralph the medal.
"My medal." gasps Ralph, "How did you…"
"It doesn't matter. It's yours! Go ahead and take it" laughs King Candy, "All I ask is that you hear me out…"
That's when Ralph and I hear Candy's excuse for trying to exclude Vanellope from the race. As much as I want to disagree with what he's saying, I can see a legitimate truth behind it.
"Very good, I'll you two some time alone." says King Candy, who then drives off.
I have to sympathize with Ralph, as he faces a tough decision.
"I'm back! Did you miss me?" asks Vanellope, as she returns.
"Yeah, uh…" begins Ralph, hesitating, "Hey, can we talk for a second?"
"Wait, first kneel down." says Vanellope.
"What? No, no. We, we really need…" stammers Ralph.
"Can you just do it?" asks Vanellope, looking a bit impatient.
"Okay." replies Ralph, reluctantly kneeling down.
"Now, close your eyes…" says Vanellope.
"Vanellope…"
"Shush! Close 'em!"
"Okay, open 'em up!" says Vanellope, after she puts a necklace around the wrecker's neck.
"To Stinkbrain. Gee, thanks." says Ralph.
"Turn it over." explains Vanellope, "I made it for you, just in case we don't win, not that I think there's even a remote chance we're not gonna win."
"Thanks, kid." replies Ralph, "Um, listen…"
"Now, rise my royal chump!" says Vanellope, "I've got a date with destiny! Ralph, come on! Move your molasses."
I watch intently, as Ralph attempts to casually convince the girl to drop out of the race, but fails. I begin to put on my earphones again, trying to distract myself a bit, as it pains me to see the argument and him destroying the cart. I don't know which one of them I feel more sympathy for. Even with my earphones on, sending music to my ears, I manage to hear "You really are a bad guy." from Vanellope, who then runs off, crying. I look on sadly towards the wrecker, as he leaves. I begin wandering around Sugar Rush for a bit, taking more sweets to eat later. It's only a short while, before I hear another conversation.
"Hey cough drop." I hear a familiar deep voice, probably that of Ralph, say.
"Huh?" another familiar, but gloomy, voice says.
"Explain something to me." continues the deep, booming voice, "If Vanellope was never meant to exist, then why is her picture on the side of the game console?"
"Uh…" replies the gloomy voice, possibly that of Sour Bill.
"What's going on in this candy-coated hearted darkness?" questions whom I assume is Ralph.
"Nothing" replies whom I assume is Sour Bill.
"Talk."
"No."
"I'll lick you."
"You wouldn't."
I laugh, as I hear Ralph licking and sucking on Sour Bill in an attempt to get an explanation from him.
"Okay, okay! I'll talk, I'll talk! Vanellope was a racer until King Candy tried to delete her code!" I hear Sour Bill explain.
"Tried to delete her code?" I hear Ralph reply, "So, that's why she's a glitch! Why is he doing this to her?"
"I don't know." I hear Sour Bill reply.
"Suit yourself."
I keep my earphones off again, as I overhear Sour Bill protesting and swearing that he doesn't know.
"He literally locked up our memories, and I cannot remember. Nobody can!" I hear Sour Bill continue, "But I do know this. He'll do anything to keep her from racing because if she crosses the finish line, the game will reset, and she won't be a glitch anymore!"
"Where is she now?" I hear Ralph ask.
"In the Fungeon with Fix-it Felix."
"Felix?"
"I'm sorry, that's all I know! That's all I know! I swear! Now, please don't put me back in your filthy mouth again!" I hear Sour Bill cry.
"Stick around." I hear Ralph say to him.
"Yes, okay, I will. I will. Thank you."
As I'm wandering around, I spot the armored woman from Hero's Duty, looking for something, presumably a cybug. Then, I suddenly hear another familiar male voice. Arriving at the source, I see that it's Felix, who's trapped in what must be the "fungeon".
"Hello? Hello? Somebody? Anybody? Please let me out!" he cries out.
I become amused again, as I watch Felix imitate Ralph and attempt to break out with his hammer, but in failure. He could've pulled the bars out with his hands, yet he chooses to use his hammer, a tool meant to fix things.
"Oh, why do I fix everything I touch?" he exclaims in frustration.
It appears that Felix would cry, until suddenly, I hear a loud crash in the prison.
"Felix!" exclaims Ralph.
"Ralph!" exclaims Felix, "I'm so glad to see you! Wait, no I'm not. What do you have to say for yourself? Wait, I don't want to hear it. I'm not talking to you."
"Okay, don't talk. That's fine, but you have to fix this go-cart for me pronto." says Ralph.
"I don't have to do boo." replies Felix, "Forgive my potty mouth. I'm just so, so cross with you! Do you have any idea what you put me through?! I ran hickledee pickledee all over creation looking for you…"
This is, perhaps, the first time I hear Felix being upset and assertive, as I overhear him talking about what he went through here in Sugar Rush. It sounds a bit ironic that he claims Ralph doesn't know what it feels like to be rejected, treated like a criminal. I am pleased, though, when I hear a ringing sound after Ralph asks Felix again to fix the cart. Once again, I follow the wrecker and smile, as I witness him freeing Vanellope and calling himself depreciating names.
"Okay, remember. You don't have to win" Ralph says to Vanellope, "Just cross that finish line, and you'll be a real racer."
"I'm already a real racer, and I'm gonna win." replies Vanellope, who then races off, after Ralph and Felix get off of her cart.
"Okay kid, let's finish this thing without any more surprises." says Ralph, as he and Felix watch the roster.
Suddenly, the woman in armor punches Ralph in the face and knocks him down.
"Oh, ow!" exclaims Ralph.
"Hope you're happy, junk pile." says the woman, "This game is going down, and it's all your fault!"
"My lady! You came back!" says Felix.
"So this is the 'dynamite gal' you mention." I think.
"Can it, Fix-it!" the woman interrupts, "That cybug you brought with you multiplied."
"No, it died in the taffy swamp. Believe me" replies Ralph.
Suddenly, a bunch of colorful-looking bugs emerge from the ground, and I hear the woman say something I can't decipher. Panic arises, as she tries to shoot at the cybugs.
"Listen up people." she commands, "Head to Game Central Station now! Move it! Let's go! Let's go…"
I fly over to see Vanellope's progress in the race, and it seems that she's getting ahead of even King Candy, until he suddenly appears and demands that she get off of his track. I have to agree; King Candy is being crazy for not sabotaging her chances of crossing the finish line. As they're fighting, I witness something totally shocking. It turns out that King Candy is actually a small pale, power-hungry racer named Turbo! I mean, what the heck?! I had no idea he could do that! Nonetheless, I turn back to Vanellope, who appears to be getting ahead again.
"Bring it home, kid!" exclaims Ralph, "The finish line's wide open!"
Just as Vanellope is getting close to the finish line, more and more cybugs pop out, causing her to crash off course. I would've liked her to finish the race, but getting everyone safe is still more important.
"Ralph, it's not gonna work!" claims Vanellope.
"We've gotta try." replies Ralph, "Kid!"
"Ralph, I told you. I can't leave the game." states Vanellope.
Just when it seems hopeless for the little girl and her game, the woman's last few words about the state of Sugar Rush gives the wrecker an idea, a bit of hope. I stay in the remains of the game to watch.
"Beacon." he says, "Stay with Felix. Let me borrow that thing, lady."
"Ralph!" exclaims Vanellope, "Where are you going?"
"I got some wrecking to do!" he replies, heading off on the floating device, "I'll meet you at the finish line!"
"No, wait!" exclaims Felix in protest.
"Fix-it!" exclaims the woman, as she shoots, "Get behind me."
I hear the sounds of punching coming from Diet Cola mountain, and then King Candy/Turbo's voice. When I fly over to the scene, I discover that he has been fused with a cybug, now much bigger than Ralph. I almost think that it's over for the wrecker, as he falls towards the Mentos-covered top of Diet Cola mountain. I'm a bit surprised that Felix knows Vanellope's name, as I don't remember witnessing any sort of introduction between them.
"I'm bad, and that's good. I will never be good, and that's not bad. There's no one I'd rather be than me." I hear Ralph announce, as he descends. That last part is, perhaps, the most important quote I've ever heard; I can't agree with it more. The explosion of soda from the mountain makes things look blurry, but the sounds of a racing car imply that Vanellope saves Ralph. The beacon created by this explosion attracts all the cybugs, including the King Candy/Turbo-fused one. I'm unsure whether they all die in it, but I soon turn around and see Ralph and Vanellope falling into a body of melted chocolate. I thought he hated chocolate, but I guess he's changed his mind about it, as I witness him and Vanellope playing in it.
"Ha ha, you did it, Ralph!" cheers Felix, dancing in joy, "Oh, way to go, brother!"
Felix laughs and leaps up to kiss the woman on the cheek. She gasps, and, surprisingly, kisses him on the lips. I'm pleasantly surprised to see how quickly she must've warmed up to the cute little fixer.
"All fixed!" Felix proudly exclaims, after he fixes the finish line.
"You ready for this?" asks Ralph, his hands on the back of Vanellope's cart.
"Ready as I'll ever be." she replies.
The cart rolls across the finish line, and we all witness a beautiful transformation of the little girl in it, and then of the whole game back to its original sweetness.
"Now, I remember." says Sour Bill, "All hail the rightful ruler of Sugar Rush, Princess Vanellope."
Suddenly, the other racers also remember, and some of them start apologizing for their bullying. I have to laugh, when Vanellope says that she'd execute whomever was ever mean to her and those other racers start crying. The makeup running from one of the racer's eyes, Taffyta I assume, is comical to look at.
"Well, so this is the real you." says Ralph, "Princess."
"Ah, Ralph. What are you, nuts? Come on, this isn't me.", replies Vanellope, glitching out of the princess outfit, "This is me."
"Look, the code may say I'm a princess," she explains, "But I know who I really am, Ralph. I'm a racer with the greatest superpower ever!"
"I was here, I was there. I was glitching through the walls." she continues, glitching a few times, "I'm not giving that up."
I assume that we video game characters are programmed to know basic things, but I'm pleasantly surprised to see how Vanellope appears to know a thing or two about different governments when she decides to be president of her game. I would've liked Ralph to stay with her in Sugar Rush, where he'd definitely be loved, but I respect his decision to return to his own game. I listen to them exchanging comically gross nicknames, before wandering off again. I stay for a while in the confection-filled game, although I'm not sure how long I'm going for.