A/N: The picture used in the cover image of this story is how I imagine Adam to look in college. Hot, right? Anyway, if anyone needs any clarification of the timeline of the story or I inadvertently have plot holes, feel free to comment your confusion. To be honest, I have a hard time understanding some of this story. It's been a rough start.
"How many times are you going to check yourself out?" Nick hollers from the living room.
Adam smirks, not bothered by his roommate's comment. "You're just jealous you don't have this gorgeous face looking back at you when you look in the mirror," Adam taunts back. Adam can hardly believe he's about to go to his first college party. Where did the time go? Just yesterday he felt like he was entering the doors of Degrassi for the first time. When did he suddenly grow up?
"No one is going to see that face of yours if we miss the party," Nick complains.
"Patience is a virtue," Adam replies from the bathroom, just finishing putting on cologne. Staring into the mirror, he can't help but feel like a completely different person than who he was a year ago, or even a few months ago. Physically he looks different, longer hair that occasionally covers his green eyes, a little bit of stubble on his face, no chest, more muscles, and maybe even a little taller. Even mentally he just views the world differently, not as naively or optimistic as he used to be. Heartbreak does that to a person. Realizing he's been standing in front of the mirror for too long, he checks himself out one more time in the mirror before feeling satisfied.
He shuts off the light and heads to the living room, "Alright I'm ready," Adam states.
Nick whistles when Adam approaches, "Totally worth the wait," he says sarcastically.
Adam laughs it off, "Are we going or what?"
"Yeah right behind you," Nick says, getting up from the couch and following Adam out of their apartment. The two make their way out of the building in search of the party they were invited to earlier today. At first Nick and Adam worried about being able to find the party, but once they were outside they realized that half the campus is heading to the same party. They just follow the mass of people.
"Crazy," Adam observes. Masses of people his own age are swarming to the same location to partake in the same activity. Some anthropologist out there would find this behavior fascinating.
"Hey you!" A voice cries out to Adam. He looks over and notices the girl from earlier today, Rebecca was it?
"Oh hey," Adam replies as she comes closer and playfully loops her arms through his.
"I was hoping to run into you at this party but I'm even happier I found you beforehand," she says cheerily. Adam smiles at the compliment, still trying to adjust to all the attention he gets from girls now.
Hearing Nick clear his throat next to him to remind Adam of his presence, Adam remembers his manners. "Rebecca, this is my roommate Nick," Adam gestures, introducing the two.
"Hey," she says, being friendly. Not missing a beat, Rebecca says, "This is perfect," turning her attention to the girl next to her who Adam hadn't noticed at all until now, "Molly, this is Adam and his roommate Nick," she says, introducing us. "Molly isn't my roommate, but we went to high school together," Rebecca states. Molly waves without saying anything. Adam notes that she seems like the shy type. Nick, taking his cue from Rebecca, leaves Adam's side to mosey on over toward Molly.
The four of them eventually reach the party, "Go on inside," Some frat bouncer says.
Walking through the door, Adam's eyes widen as the party quickly comes into view. Loud music fills his ears and he notices the smell of cheap beer. He's a little taken aback by all the people. Girls are everywhere, some wearing dresses, skirts, shorts, or hardly nothing at all. Is this what college is like? Damn, Adam thinks, I could definitely get used to this.
Nick nods toward the keg and him and Adam move to go get the ladies some drinks. Since it's too loud to properly talk, Nick just holds up four fingers to the guy pouring beer and the guy nods in understanding. Grabbing two cups each, they head back over to the girls.
"Thanks," Rebecca mouths. She's already downing it before Adam even manages to take a sip. Nick, smiling at the moxie of Rebecca, chugs his too. "Come on," she mouths to Adam, taking his hand and pulling him toward the dance floor, leaving Nick with Molly. Adam worries for a moment that leaving a drunk Nick with a shy Molly might not be a good idea, but then remembers it's not his responsibility to take care of others, especially strangers.
The dance floor is incredibly crowded, rather than two people dancing with one another this place is basically a big group orgy with clothes on. Adam can feel girls brushing up against him from all sides. Rebecca regains his attention though by bending over in front of him and pressing herself against him. That progressed fast. Maybe that's just how college works, Adam thinks.
The two only stay on the dance floor for a couple songs before it gets too hot to bare. Adam is glad he's only wearing shorts and a tee because anything long sleeved and he would be dying. Rebecca on the other hand must be fine in her short skirt and crop top. Rebecca somehow found another beer and downed it before Adam even noticed she had another drink.
Adam spots Nick and Molly sitting on some couches and points to them, suggesting him and Rebecca join them. Adam grabs Rebecca's hand and leads them through the crowd over to the couches. Once there he takes the seat next to Nick and to his surprise Rebecca sits on his lap, wrapping her arms around his neck. Adam momentarily feels confused, not being able to decide if she likes him or if this is just the alcohol talking.
Adam wants to talk to Nick, ask him if he's enjoying himself, how's Molly, basic small talk stuff, but it's too loud in here. Instead they all sit there without talking. Nick looks into Molly, occasionally leaning toward her to whisper/shout something into her ear, but Molly just looks bored. Adam turns his attention back to Rebecca when he feels her lips on his neck, sucking. His hands move to her waist, holding her in place as she leaves what's guaranteed to be quite the hickey. He doesn't need to be drunk to enjoy the sensation Rebecca is giving him. After what feels like a long time, Rebecca finally detaches her lips, satisfied with the job she's done. Adam, feeling bold, leans in and kisses her.
After a couple more hours at the party, Adam, Nick, Molly, and Rebecca make their leave.
"It's only 2:00am," Rebecca complains. If it were up to her, all four of them would stay at the party until dawn. "Way too early to call it a night."
"Yeah but the party ran out of boozes," Nick reminds her. The four of them walk back to the dorm, not having any other place to go.
Nick discreetly nudges Adam to gain his attention. Adam looks at him questioningly, his expression implying, "What?"
Nick nods toward Rebecca with a sly grin on his face, implying, "Are you going back to her room?" Nick was not blind to Adam and Rebecca's flirtatious behavior. More than once he caught them making out on the dance floor, on the couches, or against a wall.
Adam inwardly chuckles and shakes his head, implying that he will not be staying over at Rebecca's. Nick gives him a confused look but drops it. If the situation was flipped, Nick would have no problem escorting her back to her room. In fact, Nick was hoping that was what was going to happen with Rebecca's friend. Too bad Molly wasn't feeling him.
When they reach their building, Rebecca asks with a whiny tone, "Are we really calling it a night?" She would much rather spend a few more hours with Adam.
"Nothing else to do," Adam replies casually.
Rebecca smirks at his response and leans closer to his ear, whispering, "I can think of a few things."
Adam grins but doesn't give in, "Some other time," he promises.
Rebecca only momentarily pouts, instead she perks up again, "Okay, night boys! Hopefully we'll see you around." She quickly kisses Adam on the cheek before the two turn to leave.
"Good night Molly," Nick awkwardly says as Molly and Rebecca are already walking away.
"Smooth," Adam jests.
Slightly embarrassed, Nick just laughs it off. "We can't all be as lucky as you," Nick says, referring to Adam's luck with Rebecca tonight.
"Luck? Please, it's all that time I spend in front of the mirror," Adam jokes.
Nick acts as if this is some big revelation, "So that's the secret!"
"Works for me, but I don't know if it will work for you, you have to be naturally good looking," Adam quips. Nick laughs, not justifying Adam's remark with a response.
Back in the room, Nick asks the question that has been on his mind, "Why didn't you go back to Rebecca's room?"
"I don't know, maybe because I just met her," Adam replies. In reality, Adam knows why he couldn't go back to her room. Just because he had his top surgery doesn't mean he's transitioned completely, although it was a huge step forward. Adam contemplates whether or not he should tell Nick the truth. The longer he lies the worse it will be when the truth comes out, but still, Adam doesn't know if he can handle rejection from his roommate.
"So?" Nick asks, as if this fact means nothing to him. Nick has never seen himself as the type of guy who waits any longer than necessary.
Adam sighs, "Truth is…" He hesitates for a moment. "Truth is I am not over my ex-girlfriend," Adam admits. Not the total truth, but definitely not a lie.
"What? Who is she?" Nick asks.
"A girl I used to date in high school. She graduated a year before me and goes to school here. I know we'll run into each other eventually and when we do…" Adam trails off, not sure how to finish that sentence. What will happen when he inevitably runs into her? Will she be happy to see him? Will things be awkward?
"Ah I see," Nick replies, "You don't want to be tied down in case you end up getting back together with your ex."
Shaking his head no, "Actually I think she's seeing someone," Adam answers. Adam has not been above stalking her on Facebook and checking up on her over the past year. He didn't do it often, maybe once every couple months, but he was never able to completely forget about her. Never able to completely move on. He wanted to partake in her life somehow, whether it be an active or passive role.
"That's rough," Nick says, "Have you talked to her?"
"Nope, not since we broke up. And that was almost a year ago," Adam says. He can hardly fathom that it's been a year, but it has. He hasn't talked to her since she dumped him at The Dot. He tried, once, to contact her. It was after he had a few drinks and he drunk dialed her number. Unfortunately, it went to voice-mail and Adam left a long, confusing, and embarrassing voice-mail that to this day he doesn't completely remember what he said.
"Well if this ex-girlfriend thing doesn't work out, you always have a fall back plan," Nick says, trying to lighten the mood. Adam seems too preoccupied in his thoughts to notice. He hasn't really allowed himself to think about Bianca in a long time and it hurts. It hurts that they ended, that she left him, and that she's moved on. Technically Adam dated Becky, but he always knew in the back of his mind that Becky wasn't Bianca
Tired of the conversation, and the thinking about Bianca, Adam says, "I think I'm gonna crash," moving from the living to his room.
"Night," Nick calls out. Nick doesn't quite know what to make of his roommate. He thinks Adam is cool for sure, they will definitely get along, maybe even be good friends one day, but he can't help but sense there's something more to Adam. Not that Adam's hiding something necessarily, but that there's maybe a secret Adam has yet to share with him. Not wanting to worry or think about it any longer, Nick heads for his room, calling it a night.
…..
"I don't understand," Lisa says, taking a sip from her coffee, "That fine guy we saw the other day is Adam?" Lisa doesn't attempt to hide her surprise. The last time Lisa saw Adam he looked incredibly different. Lisa recalls thinking he was cute when she first met him, but now Adam looks hot. "He's definitely grown up," Lisa comments.
"Lisa, you begged me to tell you why I freaked yesterday, don't make me regret it," Bianca warns. Bianca doesn't want to hear her best friend gush over how hot Adam looks now, even if it is true.
"Sorry," Lisa says, pretending to zip her mouth shut.
"I didn't even know he was going here," Bianca says out loud to no one in particular. She sits back in her chair, sinking in a bit, trying hard to make sense Adam's reappearance in her life. Bianca has a hard time understanding why he wouldn't think of sending her a text about attending TU. Just a little heads up, a warning, anything that would prevent her from being blindsided. For a second she allows herself to be angry over his lack of consideration but quickly recalls that it was her decision to remove him from her life. The realization that he seems to have completely removed her from his life too actually stings a little.
A few moments pass before Lisa decides it's safe to say something, "Are you going to talk to him?"
"Haven't really thought about it," Bianca replies, which isn't true at all. Bianca has thought a lot about it since seeing Adam the day before. Will he ignore her? Will he want to be friends? Bianca doesn't like the sound of either of those options. It would be best if he never came here at all. He's throwing a wrench into the perfectly built life she's made for herself since leaving Degrassi.
"What does Riley think about this?" Lisa asks.
"He doesn't know about Adam," Bianca sighs, nor does Adam know about Riley. Should she say something to Riley? Should she tell Adam? Bianca decides to hold off on talking to Riley about Adam until it becomes clear whether or not Adam will be in her life. A decision that Bianca hasn't made yet. Although it would be nice to talk to Adam again, get to know the new guy he seems to have turned into, it might not be a good idea. More hurt than healing might come from it.
"Bianca," Lisa says, making eye contact and using a soothing voice, "I don't want you to worry about this. Nothing will happen if you two never run into each other. Out of sight out of mind, right?" Bianca smiles at her friend's reassurance, she knew there was a reason why she kept Lisa around. The smile fades as Bianca looks to the café entrance, seeing an all too familiar yet all too foreign face walking toward the counter.
Lisa notices the change in Bianca's expression and follows her gaze, seeing the back of a guy ordering from the barista. "Oh crap," Lisa mutters.
Bianca doesn't hear her friend's remark. She doesn't move to say hi, move to hide, move to do anything, she just sits there silently observing. Adam looks so different. Yesterday, seeing him from far away, Bianca didn't notice all the subtle differences between old Adam and new Adam. The guy standing only a mere eight feet in front of her looks nothing like the guy she used to date. This guy has slightly longer, disheveled hair, meaning Adam doesn't gel it anymore. This guy looks taller and more built, maybe Adam got into sports? This guy looks so composed and self-assured, disarming and comforting, charming and respectful, all qualities Adam had but was never able to manifest in his appearance alone. This guy conveys himself completely differently than Adam used to. She sees him turn to talk to the guy next to him, someone Bianca didn't notice until just now. They seem to be laughing at something but Bianca can't quite make out the words. He seems so at ease with himself, no more insecurities or concerns dictating his behavior. She can't help but feel slightly intrigued by this new Adam. She wonders whether his personality and attitude have changed along with his physical transformation. Is he the same guy on the inside that Bianca knew in high school? Bianca realizes she's been staring at him for a while now but can't find the motivation to turn away. Silently pleading, she hopes Adam notices her and makes the first move.
"Do you want to get out of here?" Lisa asks, interrupting Bianca's trance.
"What?" Bianca asks, turning her attention back to Lisa, "Uh no I'm fine." Bianca nervously sips at her coffee, staring at Adam from behind the coffee mug. All it took was for Bianca to see Adam and all her inhibitions went away, instead replaced with newfound curiosity and infatuation.
Lisa silently observes her best friend silently observing her ex-boyfriend. It takes her less than a minute to bet that Bianca will be back with Adam in less than two months. She knows Bianca is with Riley, but the look on her best friend's face says it all. She has never witnessed Bianca look at a guy the way she's looking at Adam right this instant. Lisa lets a discrete smile form on her face, happy that this guy Bianca is still so clearly in love with has found his way back into her best friend's life.
Finally the moment that Bianca has been waiting for happens. It feels like slow motion to Bianca as Adam turns around and immediately notices Bianca. The two lock eyes and Bianca lets a small grin form on her face. Adam stares back, the surprised look on his face fades as he registers who he's staring at. His feelings of shock are quickly replaced with nostalgia and longing. If things were different, Adam would walk toward her, hug her, and tell her he's missed her. But things aren't different, they're still exes, they still haven't seen or spoken to each other in almost a year, and the hurt is still very real. Shaking himself out of the trance he momentarily allowed himself to engage in, Adam politely waves one hand at Bianca before turning his attention back to Nick.
A/N: Moving forward, I have a lot of questions that I have no answers to. There will be no next chapter until you guys provide me with some direction, seriously. 1) Should Adam be same old Adam from high school or should he be more of a stereotypical guy? Of course I want him to be nice, considerate, and mature, but keep in mind he did have his heartbroken. Should he be more guarded now? Can he be a bit of a player or is that not how you picture Adam? I want him to be a little more fun, less responsible, still respectful, less in his head, and more confident. Basically, how has the break up and his new body changed his personality and behavior? 2) This story is definitely going to be more mature now, there will be sex (wish me luck writing that haha), so how should Adam go about that? Keep in mind he has only had top surgery, not gender reassignment. I kind of thought about going the route of a strap on... IDK. I am barely mature enough to picture that, let alone write it, but I need a solution to this dilemma. 3) Does Adam's first time have to be with Bianca? I know a lot of you are going to say yes, but to incorporate the strap on idea I was thinking about using a different girl to introduce this tool for Adam rather than Adam weirdly coming up with the idea on his own. 4) Adam and Bianca finally ran into each other, who makes the first move to converse? I think I'm leaning toward Adam being polite and talking to Bianca. Or Bianca being mad that Adam is ignoring her and her storming up to talk to him. Or Nick and Lisa talking and forcing Adam and Bianca to be at the same table. IDK. 5) Should Bianca's boyfriend Riley be an ass? I know we all love someone to hate. Or should Bianca be dating someone similar to how Adam used to be or someone opposite of Adam? 6) Should I write that Bianca has already had sex with Riley? See! So many freaking questions that I have no idea how to answer. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE comment with your ideas.