At The End of the Day - Chapter Three: Sam
Sam's an enigmatic man, and we don't know much about his personal life – this is my take on it.
At the end of the day, Sam Hannah normally can't wait to get out of the Mission. He's got other things to do, other places to be – he's got this whole other life going on and it's important. It's the most important thing in the world. He's not going to let his kid down again: he's going to be there, like a proper father should be. So he tries to juggle his life – his work and his role as a separated father, but he knows which one wins hands down. It's just a pity that so many things get in the way of him spending much time with his kid. More than anything, Sam regrets that. Maybe if he had a regular 9 to 5 job things would be different? But Sam is a realist, so he does the best that he can and he hides the hurt he feels at missing so much and the guilt he feels at being absent so much.
At the end of the day, Sam finds it difficult to let go. It was hard watching his kid take those first unaided steps, while he had to sit there and watch, and not reach out a helping hand. And anyway, he knows his hand probably would have been swatted imperiously away, because his kid is just like him: stubborn and too independent for his own good. And now his kid is at school, that's harder still. He followed the school bus every day for a week, not caring that he was breaking his own cardinal rule and having a routine. God, it bothers him that his kid could be a target. Why didn't he ever think of that before he got into this whole fatherhood thing? So maybe he's over-protective? Maybe he's got a good reason to be. Kids are vulnerable – everyone knows that, and Sam knows it better than most.
At the end of the day, Sam knows he can't save everyone, but that doesn't stop him trying. Not just his kid, but other people's kids too, those who don't have fathers to look out for them. But that doesn't always work out either. He tried to help Mo, and look what happened there. Sam hates the fact that he doesn't live with his kid, that his relationship didn't work out. That's not the way it was supposed to be. He'd vowed he was going to be a good father, and good fathers are there for their children. So how come he lives half-way across town and has a job that takes him all-over the world at a moment's notice, not mention putting his life on the line on an almost daily basis?
At the end of the day, Sam doesn't talk about his kid. There are no pictures on his desk, and none in his wallet. He's pretty sure the team know the bare details, but he's never volunteered any more information and even Kensi hasn't tried to find out more. His private life is just that: private. He's made it clear his kid is off-limits, and even Callen doesn't go there. Sam suspects that Hetty knows more than most, but then that is par for the course, where Hetty is concerned. Hetty knows everything about everyone. Some people might call her nosey, but Hetty refers to it as being "thorough". She's probably right. And of course, there are the details entered into his personnel file, just in case. His kid will be well taken care of, if anything happens.
At the end of this day, Sam is longing to get home. Today he has saved another man's son, brought him safely out of a terrorist camp and delivered the boy back to his father. That was a result. Only right now Sam is sitting on a plane on the way back from Yemen and it's going to be several hours before they land in LA. He knows that by the time he's gone through all the debriefing process it will be well after midnight, so there will be now no way he is going to get to see his kid tonight. Sam can just imagine the reaction he'd get if he turned up at the house in the small hours of the morning. They've tried to keep things civilised, in the way that separated parents do, but it is really a case of barely-veiled hostilities and insincere pleasantries forced out through clenched teeth. But today of all days, he should have been there for his kid.
At the end of the day, Sam feels like a failure. A family isn't meant to live apart. He's not there for his child, not in the ways he'd vowed he would be; not in the ways a good father should be. And his new lady knows he has a child, but they haven't met yet, because it is still early days and Sam wants to make sure he knows where things are going before he introduces more changes into his kid's life. He sighs and moves restlessly in the narrow airline seat, which wasn't made to accommodate people of his stature in any degree of comfort. Next to him, Callen snores gently and Sam wishes he could sleep too.
At the end of the day, Sam is walking slowly through the airport terminal, conscious of how weary he is and hoping Hetty has sent someone to meet them, because he's too tired to think straight, let alone drive. He just wants to get the next couple of hours over with, and then he can go home, grab a few hours sleep and then try to make things up to his kid tomorrow. Only for some strange reason, when he looks ahead, he can see Hetty herself is standing at the arrivals gate. Sam starts to get worried, but as he draws nearer, he can see that she is holding the hand of a child, who starts to jump up and down with glee and shouts "Daddy!".
At the end of the day, Sam watches incredulously as his kid sprints towards him and leaps into his arms and he knows that he is home. He looks across at Hetty and Callen and sees that they are both smiling and he knows that he has been set up, and he couldn't give a damn. Today is his kid's birthday and somehow they've arranged it so that they can spend at least part of the day together. He doesn't know how they've managed it and he doesn't much care, because at the end of the day all Sam knows is that is the best present any man could have.