Pain:
It seemed that the two benders were destined for each other. Even though he was a prince from another nation, and she was a lowly Water Tribe peasant, she still loved him with everything. They shared a lot more in common than the two of them realized. And during the first couple of years of their marriage, it was easy to find out who really rose with the moon and who rose with the sun.
The first couple of weeks were the hardest on Katara. Even though the war had been over for two years, she was still getting up at the slightest of noise. This usually got her up at sunrise, when Zuko began to train. She'd join him, and they'd continue to spend the day together. When the Fire Lord would meet with the Council, they didn't like her tagging along. In fact, they voiced their opinion very loudly on how she was always by his side.
"She is my equal, and anyone who has anything bad to say about her, I will banish them for treason," Zuko threatened. "Now, as I was saying…"
He quickly became away of her habits. It was the little things that she seemed to sweat over most. The things that people said behind her back, the way the west wing still wasn't completely finished, and how the full moon kept her awake all night. She loved to feed the turtle-ducks, and loved to sit in the garden, and she loved to stare at pictures of his mother.
And yet, it pained her.
It hurt that she wasn't a mother yet—after being married for nearly three years. They had tried, time and time again, but it wasn't the right time or there was a miscarriage. The Council started to make suggestions to Zuko that maybe it was the differences in cultures. But the young Fire Lord always kept comments up his sleeve about how Aang and Toph had three little Airbenders to themselves, or how Sokka and Suki—both nonbenders—somehow managed to get both an earth and a waterbender.
"Katara, when are you guys going to have one?" Sokka asked, one night.
Narrowing her blue eyes, she sunk down in her seat. "I don't know, Sokka. Leave the subject alone," she warned. Her eyes filled with hatred at the subject.
"Well, Suki and I are expecting again," he said proudly. Zuko rolled his eyes. "And Toph and Aang are expecting twins."
"Well, good for them."
Zuko placed a hand on her knee, letting her know that it was going to be okay. "Uncle said he was going to be in town for the Festival. Will you be staying Sokka?"
"I'm not too sure, it all depends on how Suki's feeling," he said, patting his wife's arm. She smiled and turned back to the food in front of her. The only time she talked was to scold her two children from bending at the table. "You know how those morning urges go."
Katara slammed down her chopsticks and rose to her feet. "No, Sokka, I don't know. I don't know what you're trying to suggest. But just because Zuko and I haven't had a child yet doesn't mean anything!" she yelled.
"Katara, that's not what I meant," he tried to backpedal.
"No, that's exactly how meant it." She stood up and then ran out of the room, tears rolling down her face.
Zuko stood up and looked in the direction of where she went. "Sokka, when you're done with dinner, I think it's best you return to the north wing for the night," he said. "I will send a servant down to escort you and Suki. Good night." He then exited out of the room in a calm manor.
"Mummy?" Kianna, Sokka and Suki's daughter, began to ask. "Is Uncle Zuko and Aunt Katara upset with Daddy?"
Suki smiled and patted the Earthbender on the head. "Your father, Kia, sometimes doesn't know when to keep his mouth shut."
"Then," she started out slowly. "Can we visit the temple and maybe say a pray for the gods to bring Aunt Katara a baby?"
Sokka smiled at his five-year-old daughter. "I like the sound of that."
Zuko found Katara crying at the memorial that she had made a few years back. In the middle of it was her mother's necklace. She held her head in her hands and allowed the tears to drip onto the wooden floor. She would mutter how she was a failure and couldn't even create simple life.
His golden eyes soften and he walked closer, bowing his respect. He knew if he were to look over to the left, he'd find a picture of his mother. But right now, he needed to be next to his wife. She needed his strength through this time of pain, just as he needed her strength while visiting his father or sister.
"Katara?" She jumped at his voice and the hand on her shoulder. She let out a gut-wrenching cry, before throwing herself into his arms. "Shh, it's going to be okay. Sokka was just being his pig-headed self."
"But why can't I have a child? I see everyone having their own and I can't have a child of my own," she sobbed. "What am I doing wrong?"
He began to rub her back sitting there thinking. Going into this talk was going to need tact and skill, something he was lacking when it came to women. The two of them sat there in the same spot together. It was the only thing that Zuko could do to comfort Katara. After minutes of crying, she finally pulled away and looked up.
For a moment gold clashed with blue and a smile etched onto both their faces. They bowed to their mothers and left the room. "Thank you, Zuko," she said. "You're right I shouldn't let my brother get to me."
He wrapped his arm around her shoulder. "I've always taken it as a blessing that we don't have children," he said. He stopped to act like he was thinking. "This way we don't have to worry about turning out like Azula or Sokka. Crazy."
Katara covered her mouth and let out a giggle. "And at least they're not like my niece or nephew—full of energy."
"Or like Mai, moody."
"Or like Ty Lee, running away to join the circus."
The duo laughed and let out a long sigh. This had to be the first time they had nothing to say to each other. Katara rubbed at her eyes and leaned into Zuko's warm embrace. Suddenly, he stopped and roughly grabbed her by the shoulders and pushed her against the wall. He kissed her roughly, pinning her hands above her head.
She leaned up into him, and wrapped a leg around his waist. One of his hands moved down to her thigh to hold her up. The two continued on like this, groping and kissing each other. It wasn't until a cough separated them.
They turned and noticed Sokka standing there. His arm was out stretched, covering the blue eyes of his daughter. He opened his mouth, only to let out a squeak. It repeated a few times before he turned around and ushered his daughter out of there.
Instead of being thoroughly embarrassed, the two just giggled and Katara dragged her husband off to their bedroom.
Zuko paced back and forth. He had been put through nine months of hell. He had to deal with Katara's midnight cravings, the constant foot massages, the constant wondering if she was fat, and trying to figure out why she couldn't bend during the time of pregnancy. Now, gathered around him was his and her family. Iroh was the only one who was really functional, having found an opponent to play Pai Sho against.
"How can you keep beating me?" Aang asked, running his hand over his bald head. "Nobody is that good."
"Ah, young Avatar," Iroh said. "I'm just that good."
"Would you two stop playing your stupid game?" Zuko snapped. "Katara has been there for hours! She could be dying for all I know."
Iroh rolled his eyes and turned to the first time father—who was smoking at the ears. "You're going to be a fine father. You have more of your mother in you than your father," he assured.
"And Katara is stubborn enough not to let you do anything," Hakoda put in. "When you hold your child for the first time, it's nothing like you've ever done before. And when he or she opens their eyes,"
"It's just takes away all the pain that you've had all your life," Iroh finished. "It makes all the fighting and the struggle you had disappear."
"It's an experience you can never forget," Sokka finished up. "It's just magical."
Zuko looked up as the red cloth swished back. The young healer was cleaning off her hands. She looked up at the Fire Lord, her eyes filled with sadness. Zuko's heart broke. His worst fear had become a reality. Both the baby and Katara had died, during childbirth. He gulped and moved towards the healer.
"She's asking for you."
"How was it?"
The healer turned away, and said, "I think maybe it's best if you saw for yourself."
Zuko stepped in, and Katara was holding a little red bundle. Her eyes were open and she was breathing. But when she looked up, her eyes were filled with tears, and her face had red marks. She had been crying.
"Katara?" he asked.
"Zuko, she wasn't breathing." His heart broke. This brought a whole new set of pain to him. There was no moving on. What they created, the little girl that he had helped make was lying in her mother's arms. "I can't do anything." The tears started flowing freely, and he was suddenly by her side.
Looking down, he saw that this little girl was darker than he was, but lighter than Katara. She had a fluff of black hair, and he was sure, that if this baby opened her eyes they would be gold. But he'd never know. This little girl was now somewhere in the Spirit World, with past Avatars and their mothers.
"Katara?" he asked.
"I don't know what to do, Zuko," she said. "I can't…"
Zuko offered her a small smile and kissed both his girls. "We are going to be okay." He sighed. "The gods blessed us with the gift of a child, and they needed her more than we did."
"I don't care!" she yelled angrily. "I want my daughter! I want to hear her laughter and see the smile. I want her to get married and have children. I want her to learn whatever bending she would do. I want her to learn the art of the sword. I want my daughter alive!"
Zuko took his daughter into his arms. "Katara, it's going to be okay."
"How can you be so calm about this?" she continued to shout.
"Because somebody has to be. We just lost our only daughter, and we—"
"If I want to scream and throw a temper tantrum, then I'm going to do it!" she had gotten to her feet. The water in the vase next to her shook violently. "I don't want you telling me what to do."
"Katara, you're talking crazy. We're going to get through this!" he yelled back. "Loads of people lose their children."
"I'm not going to get through this! I'm hurting Zuko. You have no idea what it's like carrying her, having hopes and dreams. And then all of sudden she's gone!"
"Don't turn this around on me," he yelled back. He thrust the infant's body into that of the healer. "This is not my fault."
"Nor is it mine!"
Zuko huffed and turned on his heel. He then left the room, into a room of faces. "Fire Lord Zuko?" Iroh finally called out.
"She is dead. My daughter didn't make it through the birthing process," he snapped. "Katara is obviously fine."
"Are you okay?" Sokka asked.
Zuko turned to his brother-in-law. There was a newfound fire in his eyes. But it wasn't one that the Water Tribe boy wanted to see. "I'm just peachy. Now if you excuse me." He pushed his way out and ran. He didn't listen to the shouts of his name. He just kept running.
He ran past guards, he ran past the council, anyone who tried to reach out to him was burnt. He finally made it to the starry beach. He fell to his knees and couldn't stop his own tears from falling down. He took in a deep breath and looked up towards the sky. When he thought he was done crying, the tears returned and he cried again.
When Katara found him, he was nothing more than a crumpled young man. Anyone who passed him at this time probably thought he was pathetic. She walked over and helped him to a sitting position. She looked into his eyes.
"I'm sorry," she said.
He kissed her lightly, and pulled her into his arms. The two sat there, crying, and mourning over the lost over their daughter.
K15: I have the oddest feeling to hug Zuko and Katara and tell them it's going to be okay.
Aang: Well, it is a pain day.
Me: Yeah. Anyway, don't forget to review. It always makes my day. I've still got one chapter to write. So, there should be one more update tonight. Until next time. Later. K15
Disclaimer: I don't own any characters from Avatar: the Last Airbender. All names you recognize belong to Mike and Bryan.