Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I don't own anything

AN1: TRIGGER WARNING FOR SELF HARM

AN2: Thank you for all the support that everyone reading has given me. It would mean a lot of you left a review or comment, please.

The next morning Melinda gets up at her unusual time to do Tai-Chi and within a few minutes Natasha has joined her and together they do Tai-Chi for nearly an hour.

"I'm going to go for a run. I'll see you later." Melinda informs Natasha once they are done.

"Really?" Natasha asks surprised as Melinda doesn't run often as she used to say that she got enough running in the field so why do it in her spare time.

"Yeah, I'll see you later." Melinda tells Natasha before leaving. As Natasha watches her friend go Natasha frowns as she knows her friend well enough to know that Melinda runs when something is seriously bothering her.

As Melinda runs through the grounds of the Avengers Facility she knows that she has worried Natasha, but she also knows that she has no chance of getting away with outright lying to her so until she figures everything out Natasha is going to worry and there's nothing she can do, no matter how much she may want to.

While she runs Melinda can see Phil tell her about Hydra infiltrating S.H.I.E.L.D. She can hear Natasha telling her that Phil is dead. She can hear the person on the other end of the phone telling her that Fury is dead. She can see Skye throwing Bahrain in her face, telling her that she isn't welcome, and using her powers against her. She can see Phil ordering her to shot her. She can see the video evidence of Phil's lies. She can see Phil telling her his reasons why he did what he did, and she can see what happened in Bahrain. As she remembers Melinda finds herself running harder, trying to out run the past.

"Agent May?" A voice says and Melinda turns to see Sam and she realises that she was so focused that she didn't even hear him, something which would have never normally happened.

"Wilson." May says in response.

"You can call me Sam if you would like." Sam informs Melinda.

"I'll do that." Melinda responds, "I'm just May or Melinda if you would prefer." Melinda offers, figuring that she should be polite.

"I'll do that." Sam says and the two of them continue to run. As they run Sam realises that he recognizes the look on May's face, it's a look he's seen many times. It's a look he's seen on many solder's faces, it's a look of a soldier who has lost faith in what they do and who they work for, a look of a solider who's seen and lost too much.

"How long have you been a S.H.I.E.L.D agent?" Sam asks curious.

"Since not long before I turned eighteen." Melinda answers, only answering Sam's question as she figures that it may help her not to run herself into the ground.

"Wow. So everything that happened with Hydra must have been a shock for you." Sam realises.

"It really was." Melinda says and she tries to force herself to run faster. At Melinda's reaction Sam realises that that must have been at least part of the reason why the look he is seeing is on Melinda's face.

"So are you going to be staying here for a while?" Sam asks curious.

"I think so." Melinda answers, still not entirely sure if she is but it seems like the most likely option.

"Are you heading back up?" Sam asks when they reach a fork in the road, one path heads back to the building while the other heads away.

"No, I'm going to keep going." Melinda answers and she continues to run, Sam on the other hand heads back to the building, planning on going to find Natasha or Clint.

Fifteen minutes after Melinda talked to Sam she is sitting on the grounds on the facility just thinking about everything when she hears someone running, but running very quickly and she looks up to see Pietro holding Wanda.

"Yes?" Melinda asks looking up at the twins.

"I've been trying not to use my powers around people here, but sometimes I can't help it." Wanda informs Melinda as she jumps down from her brother's arms.

"And you've sensed something about me." Melinda realises, "I'm sorry, no one should have to see what's in my head." She informs Wanda, completely meaning that.

"That includes you." Wanda tells Melinda waking over and sitting next to Melinda, "What you did, was what you had to do."

"That doesn't make it right." Melinda informs Wanda.

"Nothing can, but if you didn't a lot more people would have died and she would have never stopped." Wanda explains.

"How do you know?" Melinda asks as even though she knows how powerful Wanda is isn't sure that she could know that.

"I've seen your memories of what happened. I was able to use that to sense what her intentions were." Wanda explains.

"Oh." Melinda says, not sure how to respond to that as Wanda is clearly more powerful than the other people she has met, including the inhuman's.

"It's okay that you're hurting, but you should let your friends help you." Wanda tells Melinda, there being worry in her voice, "After what your friend and student, the person you consider a daughter, did it's understandable to be hurt. He did lie, and they did betray you." She says and in response Melinda just gives a nod, not sure what else to say.

"Incoming." Pietro says and Clint, Natasha, Maria, and Sharon walk into Melinda and Wanda's line of sight.

"Everything okay here?" Clint asks curious, trying not to make it noticeable that his eyes lingered on Melinda for a few seconds.

"Yeah." Melinda tells him, being almost positive that she is lying.

"Huh, I never noticed the view here is actually pretty nice." Sharon comments as Natasha sits down next to Melinda as she did realise that Melinda was lying.

"It really is." Maria confirms.

"It's like the perfect place for a picnic." Clint says, "And now I'm hungry." He says causing both Natasha and Melinda to roll their eyes.

"You're always hungry." Melinda reminds her.

"Yeah, well. I am right about the picnic thing." Clint argues.

"You are, surprisingly." Sharon comments as she too sits down.

"Too bad food's too far away." Clint mutters as he knows that he can't be bothered going back up to the facility to get food and carry it all the way back.

"I can fix that." Pietro says before running back towards the facility's building. A couple of minutes later Pietro returns carrying a basket full of food and a picnic rug.

"Now that's a good use of superpowers." Clint says with a grin.

"Did you run to the nearest store to get the rug?" Maria asks surprised.

"No. just the wardrobe." Pietro explains as he hands the rug to Clint and Maria who put it on the ground.

"You forgot drinks." Wanda informs her brother.

"Be right back." Pietro says before once more running off and retuning with lemonade.

"Really?" Natasha asks seeing what he got.

"I've seen your movies you drink lemonade at picnics." Pietro says sounding proud, "Right?" he asks uncertainly.

"Yeah, you do kid." Clint tells him and being amused by Clint's reaction Melinda signs 'You softy' at him which causes Natasha to grin, "Yeah, I guess so." Clint responds, sounding pretty happy about that.

"Mel either just called you a softy or told you to stick it." Maria says and Clint, Natasha and Melinda turn to look at her, "What? My ASL isn't great." She says being pretty sure that after all the years she has known Clint that it should be much better.

"Yeah, you're right about that." Natasha tells Maria.

"I may know less than you but I'm pretty sure May didn't say stick it." Sharon comments as you can't spend time around Clint, Natasha, Melinda and Coulson without picking up at least a little sign language as Melinda, Natasha, and Coulson all made sure that they can speak it fluently to help Clint.

"I didn't." Melinda confirms.

"Why do you know sign language?" Pietro asks confused.

"Because I'm partially deaf." Clint says before removing both his hearing aids, to show the twins as everyone else knows, "If it wasn't for these I would hear very, very little." Clint explains as thanks to the aids that Bruce and Tony made for him after S.H.I.E.L.D fell he is able to hear better than ever before, though still not quiet perfect.

"Huh." Pietro says, being surprised that he didn't realise, as Clint puts his hearing aids back on.

"Let's eat before the others realise we're missing." Natasha suggests knowing how Clint sometimes gets when he tells someone new about his disability.

"That sounds like a very good idea." Melinda says and that's just what they do.

After enjoying their picnic Clint, Natasha, Melinda, Wanda, Pietro, Maria and Sharon retuned to the main building.

While Natasha, Clint, Wanda, Pietro, Maria and Sharon head off for a meeting with the others Melinda heads back to Natasha's rooms and has a shower. After her shower Melinda heads back to the bedroom she was sleeping in and gets change. Once she is changed Melinda sits, cross legged, on the bed and starts to look through her bag, trying to find something. As she searches Melinda finds her retractable knife, which she pulls out. For a while Melinda just stares at the knife, at the black of the blade and slowly she moves the knife moves towards the back of her right ankle which was once covered in scares that have long ago faded. Before she can think better of it Melinda places the blade against her skin and drags it against it. The stinging only last a few seconds but that doesn't bother Melinda as for the first time, in a very, very long time she is in charge of the pain she is feeling. As she watches the blood drip down her leg Melinda drags the blade across her skin again and again, feeling a sense of relief and control every time she does.

Five minutes later Melinda looks down at her leg, and the blood covering her foot, and realises just what she has done, but oddly enough she doesn't regret it as it did help. Moving quickly Melinda grabs one of her black t-shirts and puts it under her foot, in an attempt to avoid getting more blood on the bed. Once the T-shirt is on the bed Melinda searches through her bag and pulls out a first aid kit which she pulls betadine and dressings out of.

Once she opens the betadine Melinda pours it over her leg, the T-shirt collecting some of the spill before she puts the dressing over the wounds. Once her cuts are dealt with Melinda gets started on a plan to clean up the mess she made before Natasha or Clint can figure out what happened.

"Have you seen Mel since she went to have a shower?" Natasha asks Clint curious a while after they came back inside when they are both in the gym with Sharon.

"No." Clint answers and Natasha frowns, "its Mel, I'm sure she's fine." Clint tells Melinda, trying to convince himself.

"You don't believe that." Natasha says, knowing her partner.

"No, but I'm trying to." Clint admits.

"Well you can both stop worrying." Sharon, who has heard the entire conversation, tells Natasha and Clint as Melinda walks into the gym wearing leggings that go over her feet and thus covers the dressing on the back of her ankle.

"Where are the others?" Melinda asks curious as she walks over to Clint, Sharon and Natasha.

"Doing boring things." Clint answers.

"Oh and what interesting thing were you going to do?" Melinda asks.

"Shooting contest." Natasha answers.

"In which Clint will beat everyone at." Melinda says.

"True, but that doesn't mean it won't be fun." Sharon says, "You in?"

"What are we using?" Melinda asks curious.

"Well Steve doesn't like it when we fire guns in here so we're using Clint's Bow." Natasha explains, as a bow is something all four of them can use, "So, same question, are you in?"

"Yeah, I'm in." Melinda confirms.

"Then Carter, you're up first." Clint says handing his bow over, "Loser buys drinks." He tells everyone.

"Drinks are free here." Natasha reminds him.

"Who said I planned on drinking here?" Clint says as Sharon gets into position to fire.

It has been hour since Melinda, Clint, Natasha and Sharon competed in an archery contest where unsurprisingly Clint won, Natasha came in second, Melinda third and Sharon fourth. The four former agents, along with Maria Hill who tagged along, are sitting in a pub in a close by town.

"Okay. I'm starving anyone else want something to eat?" Clint asks.

"Schnitzel please." Sharon requests.

"Me too, with extra gravy." Maria requests.

"Okay. Nat? Mel?" Clint asks.

"Sure." They both responds, knowing that they don't have to say anymore as Clint knows how they like schnitzels.

"Okay, I'll order it." Clint says before getting up and heading to the bar.

"How is he paying for it?" Melinda asks as las she knew they were all broke.

"Tony set us up with bank accounts." Natasha explains.

"I should have realised." Melinda says, feeling pretty stupid for not.

"So what did Steve say when you told him what we were doing?" Sharon asks Natasha curious.

"I didn't tell him." Natasha says as she takes another drink.

"Yeah, he's not going to be impressed when we get back." Maria comments.

"Oh, well." Melinda says as the four agents drift into silence, all four of them scanning the crowed for potential threats, "Nat, do you see what I see?" Melinda asks as she and Natasha are sitting next to each other with their backs against the room so they have the best view.

"You mean Clint coming back with a tray of shots, yeah, I see." Natasha confirms.

"Is it too late to run?" Maria asks, knowing that if Clint ordered them then the shots will be a lot stronger than normal.

"Oh yeah." Melinda confirms.

"It won't be that bad." Natasha says to the looks of horror on Sharon and Maria's faces.

"Yeah, ten years of experience tells me something very different." Sharon comments as Clint puts the tray of shots on the table.

"Food should be here soon." Clint says as he sits back down.

"Maybe we should wait until we eat to do the shots." Maria suggests.

"That's boring." Clint says before doing one of the shots, "Don't make me drink alone." He says, looking between the other four and without a word Natasha and Melinda each pick up a shot and drink them.

"So are you two going to join in or what?" Natasha asks.

"Only so you three don't drink them all." Maria says before doing a shot and Sharon does one right after.

"Cheers." Clint says before drinking another shot.

Several hours, serval drinks, and several plates of food later Clint, Natasha, Melinda, Maria and Sharon are all back at the facility. Clint, Natasha, Maria and Sharon have been asleep for a while but Melinda was unable to get to sleep so instead she got up and decided to go for a walk around the facility partly to completely understand the layout, and partly so that she can distract herself from the urge to hurt herself again.

While walking Melinda finds herself at the gym and when she hears someone inside Melinda can't help her curiously so she walks in and she finds Steve beating up on a punching bag. Because she doesn't want to disturb him Melinda just stands in the doorway and watches as she does she realises that Phil would be incredibly jealous if he knew, something which hurts more than she thought it would.

"Can I help you with something?" Steve asks before turning around, "Agent May." Steve says surprised.

"Sorry Captain, I heard someone working out, but I didn't want to intrude." Melinda explains as she walks over to Steve.

"You're not." Steve assures her, "Are you alright?"

"Yeah, I'm fine." Melinda lies, realising that she's lost count of the amount of times she has said that in recent days.

Even though he isn't entirely sure that he believes what Melinda is saying Steve lets the topic go and instead decides to bring up another one, "So Hill showed me your S.H.I.E.L.D personnel file, it's pretty impressive."

"I was just doing my job." Melinda says with a shrug, trying not to make it seem like it's not a big deal as she never felt like it would.

"It's still impressive." Steve says, "So is what's in your file for non-mission related things." Steve says as the two things that May's file is full of is Commendations for missions and reprimands' for pranks, disobeying orders for the right reason and getting into trouble.

"Yeah, some of that is Clint's fault." Melinda admits, she's not able to blame everything on Clint but she can blame some of her actions.

"That… makes a lot of sense." Steve realises and the two of them drift into silence, "So are you going back to S.H.I.E.L.D?" Steve asks curious after a few minutes.

"I haven't decided yet." Melinda admits, "There's….. It's complicated." She admits.

"Okay." Steve says recognizing the look on Melinda's face which tells him not to push anymore, "Well if you decide not to go back, or even just while you stay here, I'll be glad to have you on my team." Steve says.

"Thank you Captain."

"Call me Steve, Agent May."

"Steve." Melinda repeats, "And it's Melinda."

"Melinda." Steve says with a grin and Melinda walks over to the bag.

"How about I steady this for you." Melinda offers.

"That would be great, thanks." Steve says and he continues to hits the bag while Melinda does her best to steady it.

After holding the bag for Steve for a little while Melinda and Steve move on to sparing, something which both of them quiet enjoyed as it gave them both a challenge, as even though Steve had the speed and strength Melinda is more skilled they are pretty well matched.

When she gets back to Natasha's rooms Melinda is still feeling wide awake and so she just sits in the bed and flicks her knife open and closed in her figures as she stares at the dressing on her ankle, trying to resist the urge to bring the blade across her skin once more.