Title: Missing Scenes from Alter Ego

Author: CarolQ Continuum

Summary: Missing Scenes of 3rd season episode Alter Ego. The events that led Captain Janeway and First Officer Chakotay to attend to Nelix's Luau party together.

Pairing: Kathryn Janeway and Chakotay

Genre: Romance

Rating: K+

Disclaimer: Star Trek Voyager Series are Copyright and Trademark Paramount Pictures. No infringements intended.

Authors Note: I´d really appreciate reviews.

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Missing Scenes from Alter Ego

Chapter 03 - All our Promises

"Captain, Mr. Chakotay, it's wonderful to see you have come to my humble Polynesian Luau party. You know, it took me almost one full day of Starfleet database research to set the decoration properly. I wanted all to be perfect to the crew. Those flowers over there for example, I …" – Nelix was blabbing from the moment they arrived at the Luau and were greeted with a garland by the local resort holographic inhabitants.

When Chakotay and Kathryn entered the holodeck, they were pleased to see that most of the senior staff was already there, in civilian clothes, chatting, eating and drinking. They seemed to be enjoying this well deserved and needed break.

"They look really cheerful don´t they Chakotay"? – Kathryn whispered to Chakotay not having the hearth to interrupt Nelix who was now describing the exact composition and preparation of a typical baked taro.

Chakotay looked at her and smiled widely. He knew how important the crews physical and mental health was to Kathryn, not because she was their captain and therefore responsible for every single one of them, but mostly because she has come to consider them her family. It hasn´t always been easy for her since generally, Starfleet captains weren´t stimulated to become intimate with their crew, even in deep space missions. However, until now the Captain was successful on her own personal mission as Voyager´s crew learned to appreciate its Captain´s company.

"Thank you Mr. Nelix, that was very… informative. Excuse us" – Chakotay blunted out, took Kathryn´s hand and headed to the cocktail bar.

"You sure know how to shorten a conversation Chakotay" – Kathryn teased smiling at him. "Well I can call him back and say how his captain is eager to know about the Polynesian's story telling traditions." – He teased back and moved away from the bar in Nelix´s direction.

"There´s no need for that!" – She reached out placed a hand in his shoulder. "I can live without knowing that piece of information, and besides, there´s always starfleet´s cultural database." – She smiled and handled him a bluish cocktail, which he willingly accepted.

Kathryn immediately saw Tuvok entering the holodeck and greeted him. As see expected her Vulcan friend wasn´t too happy about being requested to attend to the party but before she could elucidate the logic of the situation, something drew Tuvok´s attention, a holographic resort character.

"That´s most unusual, Chakotay. It´s not like Tuvok to be interested on entertaining holograms." – Kathryn said puzzled. "At least he's socializing, Kathryn." – Chakotay sarcastically responded.

"Well I think we efficiently fulfilled our social obligations. Shall we go now?" – Chakotay invited gazing at a quizzically Kathryn. "Go where Chakotay?" – She immediately replied sensing he was up to something. "It´s a surprise, do you trust me Kathryn? – Chakotay didn´t intent to inquire Kathryn as seriously as he had done but it´s was important for him to know that she trusted him to make the right choices for both of them.

Certainly Kathryn wasn´t expecting to be questioned in such a sensitive matter but looking at her first officer and friend she realized he needed some concrete affirmation from her, a confirmation she was prepared to accept whatever Chakotay had prepared for them. "I do trust you Chakotay and I trust all you choices." – He once more took her hand on his and started to walk towards the shoreline.

Hand in hand they followed the shoreline for about ten minutes before they reached the resort´s pier. The ocean was calm and the soothing sound of the waves filled the air. The skies were colored in red and yellow as the sun was already setting down. The ocean breeze was still warm and gentle, touching their skin softly.

"This is a beautiful place Chakotay." – Kathryn almost whispered, overwhelmed by the peacefulness of the site. Those were the first words spoken since they´ve left the main resort´s structure given that they´ve make the entire walk in a comfortable silence, fully appreciating the surroundings and each other company. For one moment Chakotay truly felt they were in shore leave on an alien planet. There was no Voyager or crew, commanding duties or Federation rules, just Kathryn, himself and that paradisiacal place.

Kathryn noticed a gazebo placed a few meters away from them. The structure was sheltering a low wooded table encircled by white cushions. The table was set with a variety of exotic fruits and Polynesian delicacies, all served in bamboo bowls. There was also a selection of decorated drinks, similar to the ones served on the party. The whole gazebo was by now artificially illuminated; the sun already started to set.

"You have thoroughly planned this evening, haven´t you Chakotay?" – Kathryn was astonished by the sight before her. She couldn´t actually believe that he had intentionally prepared all those arrangements for her. "Well I´m sure Nelix will claim all the credit for it since he was the one who spent a full day researching." – He responded laughing.

They sat side by side facing the ocean, which was now fully red-colored reflecting the sun setting shades. They helped themselves with the food and drink; Kathryn chose a fruit and vegetable mixed salad while Chakotay preferred the fried fish. "If Nelix had any part on this I´m sure the whole crew will know it by tomorrow, and we will have a new pool going on by the end of the week." – Kathryn playfully said to him. But she hadn´t really thought of it until that very moment. "Does that bother you Kathryn?" – He asked fully facing her and noticing her sudden preoccupation.

Kathryn didn't immediately respond him and remained silent searching her own feelings, hoping she could offer Chakotay a sincere answer. He waited patiently and undemanding, however fearing she could regret and abandon their meeting; the boundaries they were finally starting to push would return the their previously places.

"Actually it would have bothered me a lot more in the past Chakotay." – She unexpectedly answered, not looking directly at him. "But now, I'm not so sure anymore." – She slowly looked up to puzzled and apprehensive Chakotay and continued – "In the very beginning of this returning home mission, Chakotay, when I first realized how long would take us to go back to the Alpha Quadrant, I promised myself I would respect and honor my commitment with Mark despite of the consequences. But now, almost three years after my departure, as I deeply reflect on that promise I realize how foolish I may have been. Mark wanted a family, the whole house, wife, kids and dog package, but every time he brought the matter up I dismissed him.

A few weeks before I was assigned on Voyager, he convinced me to finally set a date and commence the preparations. But when Starfleet contacted me I left everything on hold, promising Mark to resume the weeding planning after returning from my three week space mission. It has been almost three years now Chakotay…" – Kathryn couldn´t conceal the emotion on her voice, she tried to hide her moist eyes but Chakotay immediately placed a finger under Kathryn´s chin, encouraging her to look at him – "And you are not certain Mark will wait for you." – He finished the sentence sadly realizing that, other than being her first officer and friend, that was no other place in her life for him.

The sadness and hurt in Chakotay´s eyes didn´t go unnoticed by Kathryn. She did not intend to discuss Mark with him or with anybody else as a matter of fact, but it was out in the open air before she could stop herself and judging by Chakotay´s last comment and present expression, Kathryn suspected he didn´t quite comprehended her. She gently placed her hand on his shoulder, as she usually does when wanting to attracted his fully attention on an sensitive matter, and looking straight in his eyes said – "No, Chakotay, actually I´m not sure If I want him to wait for me, or even if I want to fulfill my promise."

The true realization hit him as soon as her words were spoken. Chakotay could now understand the reason behind Kathryn´s lately unsociable behavior; the reason why she has often chose to spend her off duty time alone, occupied with minor Voyager´s business. She was indeed freeing herself from a commitment wearied by time and distance, a commitment she was no longer willing to maintain for Mark´s and her own sake. But for Kathryn standards those motives weren't nearly enough to reassure her decision. She was questioning her integrity and feeling guilt for opening herself for other possibilities. "But you ought to be sure of one thing Kathryn, no matter what you decide, it won´t make you unfaithful, dishonorable or dishonest, it won´t change who you really are and It definitely won´t change anyone´s opinion about your character!" – He stated hoping to give her a little comfort.

Kathryn fully smiled again amazed how this man could read her so easily and chose the exact words to reassure her. Just a few years ago they were declared enemies; then became acquaintance allies, and now he was one of her best friends and she no longer could imagine not having him in her life. She intended to express those sentiments to him but she couldn´t yet find the strength to do it at that moment. "The time will come and I´ll let him know." – She promised herself.

"Someday, perhaps, there will be some other place in her life for me to occupy. " – Chakotay thought hopeful. He took her hand off his shoulder and placed between his own, feeling it warm and soft. He, then, lifted it up and placed a small kiss on her palm and then on her wrist.

Kathryn was overwhelmed by the sensations Chakotay was causing, she had allowed and encouraged all his actions, enjoying the consideration and the attention he was giving her. However the situation appeared to be rapidly escalating and soon it would be difficult for both of them to restrain themselves. She had to stop it.

She quickly disengaged her hand from his but before she could say anything he asked – "Would you like to go for a walk Kathryn?" – knowing he had crossed a line she was not yet prepared to follow. However he wasn´t letting her leave just yet and without waiting for her reply he stood up, took once more Kathryn´s hand and headed for the shoreline. Hand in Hand they walked further away from the pier, taking their time to fully appreciate the starry night sky.

Hours later, Chakotay and Kathryn returned to the resort´s main structure, finding that the Luau party was already over and they were the last ones to leave. "Well the crew will certainly have something to talk about for the following two weeks." – Kathryn teased him, laughing soundly as they left the holodeck and headed towards their quarters. "I bet 3 weeks." – Chakotay replied, delighted she was so cheerful. He hasn't seen her smile like that for some time now.

Arriving to their quarter's doors, Kathryn turned to fully face Chakotay, and taking his hand – "I had a wonderful time this evening Chakotay, I wanted you to know how much I appreciated your invitation." – "I had a great time as well, Kathryn." – He replied, gently caressing her hand – "I hope we could spend more evenings together."

"I´m sure we will Chakotay." – She released his hand and turning, entered her quarters.

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