Seven Sins of St. Berry
Pride
When she didn't hear a word from him all afternoon, she knew it was bad news.
Rachel headed straight home after the run through, resisting the urge to hit the speed dial on her cell as she fought her way through the rush hour traffic to the subway. She knew she wouldn't get an answer, and it hurt but wasn't unexpected. Stopping off only at their local market, she picked up a few essentials for dinner, before crossing the last two blocks and swinging through the doors of a familiar high rise.
The draft hit her the moment she entered the apartment. She could see him without looking – sitting out on the fire escape under a starless sky, head thrown back and cold beer in hand as he gazed out across the city lights with a brooding frown.
Shrugging off her jacket, Rachel turned away and walked calmly towards the kitchen. She gave him space, gave him time, even though every part of her ached to go straight to him and knock some sense into that big head of his. But instead she unpacked the bags and quietly got changed, letting him adjust to her presence and gather his thoughts. Patience was never her strongest trait but Rachel had learnt long ago to master the discipline when it mattered, and she knew what he was like when he got like this. The male ego was a fragile thing at the best of times, even without Jesse's naturally mercurial nature, and it took a skilled hand to navigate such troubled waters.
Finally she took a beer for herself and climbed out through the window, settling down on the metal grid beside him. For a while neither of them spoke, drinking in companionable quiet as they just basked in the sights and sounds of their beloved city. The streets buzzed with neon noise under their feet, the night air toying at their clothes and hair like plucking fingers enticing them out to play, rich with the scent of fast food and cab fumes.
"There'll be other roles, Jesse."
"Easy for you to say."
Rachel sighed under her breath. She knew he didn't mean it to sound harsh, but the bitterness was a raw bite in his voice no matter how much he tried to curb it. She felt at pains to point out that she was hardly strides ahead of him in terms of making herself known, but it was a bit of a sensitive topic right now and so she bit her tongue.
"It'll happen. It's inevitable. You're a leading performer, Jesse. Everyone knows it. It's who you were born to be. You just haven't found the right fit yet."
Jesse stared out stubbornly at the skyline, fighting the destructive impulse that was itching for an argument. A crooked smirk touched his lips. Her faith always made him feel humbled and resentful at the same time. He took another swig and stayed silent.
"Knockbacks is the name of the game," she reminded him in a matter-of-fact tone. "You can't let it get you down. You just have to take it, learn from it and be even better next time."
He shook his head, pushing a hand back roughly through the rumpled curls. Her expression softened with affection and concern, her voice firm but gentle.
"It takes time to climb a ladder so high."
"Where'd you dig up that pearl of wisdom?"
Rachel smirked. "You said it to me after I lost out on the Roundabout production."
"Yeah well," Jesse dismissed with a sullen shrug. "I'm full of shit sometimes."
"I've waited five years to hear you say that."
He finally smiled, a reluctant quirk of his mouth that still made Rachel's heart flutter after all this time. She turned her face out to the city again, a familiar tune humming softly in her throat. She saw him cast a glance at her out the corner of her eye, and a teasing grin broke slowly across her lips.
"I said that's life, and as funny as it may seem
Some people get their kicks
Stomping on a dream
But I just can't let it get me down
Cause this fine old world keeps spinnin' around"
She nudged her shoulder against his in encouragement, making him roll his eyes with a chuckle. Undeterred, Rachel flipped back her hair with a grin and embraced her beer-bottle crooning with typical showmanship.
"I've been up and down and over and out and I know one thing
Each time I find myself flat on my face
I pick myself up and get back in the race
That's life
I tell you, I can't deny it
I thought of quitting, baby but my heart just ain't gonna buy it
And if I didn't think it was worth one single try
I'd jump right on a big bird and then I'd fly"
With a grudging but genuine laugh, Jesse reached out and wrapped his arm around her, pulling her back to rest against the brick with him.
"Alright, Frankie, point made."
Rachel smiled smugly as she finished the last of her beer, relaxing in his embrace. She listened to the wail of sirens and car horns down below as she waited for him to break the silence this time.
"It's just…" He sighed. "I don't mind losing out to someone clearly superior – "
Rachel snorted at such an outright lie. Jesse hated losing to anyone, period. He ignored the derisive interruption and carried on.
"But the guy who got through was mediocre at best. He can sing, sure, but he can't connect to the character at all."
Sensing the frustration in him, Rachel laid her hand over his leg, squeezing lighting in reassurance.
"Well the casting director is clearly an idiot if you ask me, and you wouldn't want to work for someone with such poor insight anyway. And it just means that when you do of course get your big break, you can just set the bar to whole new heights of brilliance."
Jesse smirked. "You're not trying to flatter me are you?"
"Since when do I ever do that?"
He laughed and Rachel smiled happily at the sound, adjusting herself slightly to prop her feet up on the rusty rails. The night air was dropping swiftly in temperature. They would probably have to retreat indoors at some point.
"Besides," she said at last, "nothing worth having is ever easy."
Jesse turned to meet her eyes as she tilted her face up to his with a smile. Feeling his own lips curve in return, he dropped a kiss to her forehead as their fingers tightened around each others in silent affirmation. They knew that so much better than most people ever would, but neither would ever trade the rewards for anything.
They sat there for a while longer, Rachel quietly soothing the wounds as he would allow only her to do. They both knew there was still a thorough analysis to be had on the finer points of this experience, notes to be eagerly swapped and amended and studiously worked on for later. But that was for another day.
"So… do you wanna watch Pulp Fiction after dinner?"
He gave her a curious look. "You hate Tarantino."
"I like the music," she shrugged. "I think he's growing on me. Maybe."
She made a face and Jesse laughed, pulling her close again with a kiss. Rachel giggled and closed her eyes as she pressed her cheek to the crook of his neck, his pulse beating warm against her chilled skin.
"You know I love you right?"
She smiled. "I had an inkling."
[o]
AN Oh no, no, no, these drabbles are getting longer! *facepalm* Falling back into bad habits. The next one will definitely be back to under 1000 words at least. This update nearly didn't happen at all. My laptop has been playing up like hell tonight and at one point I thought I had lost the entire document for this fic, and I was ready to throw a spectacular tantrum. I don't know what's wrong with it, but I'll probably need to investigate further as I can't risk losing any docs and I'm rubbish at backing up. Anyway! Thanks so much to everyone who took the time to leave such encouraging reviews to this piece so far, I really really appreciate it guys! Til next time :)