Once two people understand one another, they are close even when theyre far apart.

Had I really understood N, I wondered. If he had really understood me, he wouldve seen that I love him. Then why did he leave me, telling me to forget him. I wanted him to want me, just as much as I longed for him. There was nothing I wouldnt do but if he refused me then I was lost.

Would my dreams always be scattered, trying to reach N wherever he was?

I couldnt believe that he didnt care about me, that would destroy me. I could not bring myself to give up on love. My passion only got stronger the more we were apart. If only I could close the gap between our hearts. Then I would be complete, my dream fulfilled.

I found myself in Nimbasa City, the cold air chilling me as I shivered. I released Musharna and the pink pokemon greeted me by playfully nudging my face. I smiled half heartedly into my friend. She was always sweet to me, trying to cheer me up. I remembered all the nightmares she had taken away from me these past few months.

When Musha hadnt been watching over me sleep I had the worst dreams. They were all in fear of losing N forever, never finding him. As if he had disappeared completely, erased from the world. I was the only one who remembered him, always missing him knowing he was gone.

I would wake up in hysterics, bawling into Musha as she took the pain away. Eventually I could not sleep without her.

Another night in Nimbasa and this time I was headed towards the ferris wheel. After searching Unova for N, I had become hopeless returning to the same places, waiting for a miracle. I had avoided the ferris wheel, not wanting to tear up at the memories it brought back.

Tonight I wanted to remember him. I didnt want to lose my memories while they felt like they were more evanescent each day. After all, they were all I had left.

Multicolored lights streamed into my sight as I walked under the arch to the amusement park, Musha floating beside me. I watched people happily enjoy themselves. Careless and free, the way I would be if I were with N.

A girl asked me if I wanted to ride the ferris wheel with her but I refused. I would not ride the ferris wheel with anyone else. She looked taken aback but let me pass, I needed to be alone.

As soon as I got on I put my hand against the glass, looking towards the sky as I often did. There was always a glimmer of what you could call hope in my eyes in that instant. I remembered how I used to be afraid of heights.

Much has changed with N gone. I feel different, apathetic.

Nimbasa City was so fun and exciting. The bright lights illuminated my smile as I thought of meeting N again in this place. Munna had been in a musical today and now we were heading towards the many voices inside the amusement park. The ferris wheel circled above us, not too far away. My heart was full of anticipation.

I had run into Team Plasma earlier today when I first arrived in Nimbasa but they were of no concern to me. I just wanted to see N again. I was sure he would show up.

Those green eyes that made my hear soar and dive into oblivion. Being with him only for a moment felt like heaven to me. I sat near a flower bed, pinks and blues all around me, in a daze.

I wandered over to the pikachu across the path. They werent seen in the wild here in Unova. I wondered why it was there.

Munna nudged me gently, Munna! Munna!

I looked up to see N hovering above me. Lights reflected in his eyes, glistening. I melted in his gaze.

Youre looking for Team Plasma, right? he asked me.

I was still smiling softly, struck by the spell he always seemed to cast on me. I wanted to happily jump into his arms but something stopped me. N looked tense, like he was holding back something.

He turned to me, his expression softening, Lets ride the ferris wheel together, maybe well spot them.

Okay, I said my eyes swimming with affection. I would get to be alone with him again. He took my hand and I forgot my fear of heights.

Leading me down the path, N gently held my hand entwined with his. It was so simple and sweet. I couldnt of asked for anything more than this.

With stars sparkling above, the ferris wheel aglow, we went in together.

I love ferris wheelsthe circular motionthe mechanicstheyre like a collection of elegant formulas, N said admiring the view.

I leaned into his voice, loving the way he made everything sound beautiful. We were very close. He was still holding my hand.

He let go, looking me straight in the eyes. It was as if the next moment could change everything. I could feel the tension in the air as we came to a stop at the top of the ferris wheel.

White, I have to tell you something.

Yes?

Im the king of Team Plasma, He said, his eyes pleading for me to understand.

This couldnt be but it was. My heart hammered against my chest. I was supposed to oppose Team Plasma. Would I have t o choose between N and my pokemon?

Suddenly I was aware of the distance between us. His hand no longer held mine, reassuring me. We were high above, ready to fall at any moment.

Panic rose throughout me. What if we were to crash down, coming unhinged. What if this changed the friendship we were forming?

I wanted N to fill every empty space in my life, I wanted to mean something to him. He made me feel alive in ways Id never felt before. But his ideals did not match mine. I looked at N, then through the glass at the distance far below and stopped breathing.

White, Im sorry please, he looked at me with innocent green eyes that made my heart cry. Dont hate me.

No I couldnt, I, I looked down, I like you a lot. That wont ever change.

I dont want to be your enemy but I have to save pokemon I need to change the future.

Just then the ferris wheel jolted and I realized my hands were clenched and I was shaking. If we fell I could lose everything I held dear.

It shook again, I imagined the cable snapping.

N! I cried and fell against him. He seemed startled, blushing a little.

Im scared, I whimpered forgetting all about Team Plasma.

Its okay White, Im here, he said gently cradling me in his lap and I believed him.

I clung to N, embarrassed as color rose to my cheeks. We were so close I could hear his heart beating. I relaxed and smiled looking at thousands of stars. It was as if we were flying in the sky. I wasnt afraid anymore.

It doesnt matter whose right or wrong, not now, I said dreamily.

The ferris wheel lurched again. I was falling until our lips met in a collision of static electricity. Unexpected, accidental, perfect.

I was soaring above reality and I didnt pull away like I should have. N didnt seem to mind though.

We both looked at each other, breathless. I laughed shyly and looked away from the intensity of his gaze. Things werent simple anymore but it was alright for now.

Musha nudged me as I looked around the empty ferris wheel. Only me and my pokemon. Was this what I had wanted?

I would give anything to be with N again. To feel his touch. To hear his voice.

I wish my life could rotate backwards, finding you in the past.