Chapter 3
"So what are we going to do?" He asked. I was sitting on his lap. My head was resting in his shoulder and I was lost in his scent.
"I don´t know. Tony. I still have to go to Israel" I said.
"Israel? What for?" Confusion was all over his features.
"Yes, after the latest events… Orli called me, and she offered me help. At first I didn´t want to take anything from her or Mossad, but she insisted a lot and she tried so hard to apologize that I finally gave up. So she offered me a job and I took it. I was supposed to travel to Israel today, though I´m not sure if I will make it to the airport." I explained.
"I will love that you lose your plane." He said grinning.
"It doesn´t matter. I could take another plane. I have to go. I have to go home." He looked even more confused now.
"Ziva, this is home!" he whispered in my ear.
"I know this is home, but Israel is home too and for some reason that´s where I wanted to be right now. I´m sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you." I apologize. I looked at him and confusion was replaced for pain and suffering. His beautiful eyes seemed defeated. I wanted to stay but for some reason it didn't felt right.
"Ok, then" He said finally and tried to get up and took me from surprise. I got up from his lap and stand in front of him.
"Do you want me to take you to the airport?" He offered. His features suddenly changed from pain to angriness.
"No. It´s fine, I could take a cab." I declared. I was a little upset though. I was trying to be honest and he was mad because I don´t want to stay? He immediately detected it.
"Are you angry?" He accused. Tears started falling through my face.
"Yes I am!" I yelled
"WHY?" He shouted
"You told me that we will talk and if after we talked I still wanted to leave, you will let me go!" I screamed.
"I did. I just didn´t think that after we talked you will still want to leave. I thought…" he paused. "I thought that you will finally were going to let me love you, but apparently you don´t want me as much as I want you…"
"What´s that suppose to mean? That I don´t love you!" "You are wrong it´s because I love you so much that I rather go to Israel than stay here and hurt ´cause I know that´s how it will end if I stay. I cried. "You don´t have an idea of how much I love you. How much I care for you. How much I wanna be with you… It´s almost more painful than leaving you." I walked to the door and opened it.
"Please let me take you to the airport." He begged and I couldn´t resisted. I knew it was bad but I wanted to have him for as long as I can.
"Ok." I accepted. He took my hand in his and laced my fingers to his. He led me through the corridor and pushed the button for the elevator. We waited in silence looking at each other.
He drove through the deserted highway in complete silence. He glanced at me from time to time, and kissed my hand sweetly. I wanted to shoot myself, but I have to protect him, from me.
He parked the car in the terminal entrance. He opened the door for me and took my suitcase from the trunk.
He looked me in the eyes with his stunning eyes and I couldn´t help it. I started to cry like a child. This was awful and the most painful thing I ever had to do in my life. It didn´t even compared to the decision of killing my own brother… He pulled me to his arms and hugged me.
"Hush, baby. Please don't cry." He said tenderly to my ear. I couldn't stop sobbing. I do not deserve this man. How can I deserve him? How was even possible that he loves me? God, please, make me strong so I can go, that´s the only thing the crossed my mind.
"It´s gonna be ok." He whispered at my ear. "I will wait for you, Ziva. I will wait for you as much as I have to." "I will always love you."
"No, Tony. I don´t want you to wait for me. I want you to be happy. I want you to look for love. I want you to be loved." A shadow of incredibility appeared in his face.
"I can´t. I won´t. " He stated. "I love you, Ziva. Only you. You are my happiness. You are my love. You are all I want to have. You are my everything. What do I need to do for you to understand?" He yelled.
"Please, don´t wait for me. I am not coming back. As much as I love you, Tony I want you to be happy. I will always love you." I hugged him as if my life depended on it. I made a trail of little kisses from his ear until I met his lips and then I kissed him desperately, passionately with all the love that I was feeling in that exact moment. I broke the kiss abruptly letting him wanting more. I took my suitcase and I started to run as hard as I can towards the doors.
Tears where all over my face and I was unable to look back. I couldn´t face him, but I also couldn´t afford losing him. I have the certainty that if I stay with him I will drift him apart. I had done that before, Michael, Ray, Adam and my father were just a few of those examples. I know that this isn´t what Tony was hoping for, neither do I, but this was for the best. I was sure about it.