Dark Desires
Warning: So, warnings will be for language, explicit stuff since this is still Wincest and some minor descriptive stuff that include the mention of a past non-con event.
Chapter Three
"Son of a bitch," now putting ghosts of dead former BDSM Dom's at the top of his list of things to hate, Dean shook his head to clear it as his eyes shot immediately to find the damn spirit and felt his blood run cold at what he saw.
"Yes, my pretty Sub. We'll see how well a true Dom can make you scream," the spirit was as massive in ghost form as he'd been in life. His hands were larger than even Sam's and as one moved down over the younger man's unconscious back it seemed to still inflict pain as a strangled moan of pure pain was drawn from Sam.
"Nooo," unconscious from the pain, strain and hours of what he'd just endured while the floater's influence worked on his brother, Sam didn't wake up but the pain of the spirit's touch still caused his already battered body to strain against the metal clamps of the restraint. "…De'n…"
The smile was turning evil as the Dom's fist twisted to made his unconscious victim's back arch as much as possible in the restraints. "Hmm, you're begging for your Master? He can't help you now. Somehow you got him over my influence but now that means I must punish you because I can't have you ruining my game.
"Since I couldn't influence him enough to put you were you needed to be I'll have to do it because all my Subs must go into my favorite toy," he stroked a hand down over the curve of the already welted ass to smile as the boy under his touch moved and whimpered but still didn't wake. "I died in that very device. My Sub betrayed me and I died even as I climaxed for the final time so now I make all my Subs feel the pain as I did and so shall you as soon as I just…what?"
Expecting this boy to be as easy to handle as all the others he'd played with since his death, the spirit of the Dom frowned when he raised a hand to move the device and Sam all at once over to the corner where his special standing vac cube would be used to fulfill his sickest wishes only to find that while he could affect the boy physically to a degree but couldn't use the extent of his powers.
"What's going on?" he demanded harshly, jerking a hand to see blood well to the surface on Sam's back. "This is my game! These are my rules and you're my…"
"Your game, your rules but my little brother, asshole."
Dean was pissed more than he had been upon snapping back into full control to realize what he'd probably done or allowed to be done to his brother.
It took only a few short moments for him to get the gist of what the sick and full on BDSM Dom had in mind for Sam and the memory of the plain terror in his brother's eyes at the cube along with other things in the room came back and was like a knife in Dean's chest at how close he'd come to hurting Sam in way that he might not be able to fix…if he could fix this.
The first thing he knew was that he needed to get the damn spirit away from his brother because while Sam hadn't regained consciousness yet, it seemed as if every ghostly touch hurt him worse than Dean had.
The Dom's own bragging had been what clued the hunter in on why burning his burns hadn't been the end of it and a rapid glance around gave Dean both what he needed and a sour feeling in his stomach because he accepted that salt and fire were staples in his and Sam's lives he wasn't certain he wanted to know why the hell the torture room in a sex club needed salt, a small handheld torch and other items if put on raw skin would just increase the agony inflicted.
He moved quickly because he could tell the spirit was losing patience and then Dean breathed a sigh of relief when what he hoped would happen did as the ghost tried to use more power of Sam to move him but couldn't.
Facing a pissed off spirit was never a good plan or so he'd been taught but as Dean knew well if it came down to defending his brother or pissing off a ghost he'd take the risk of being tossed but he needed the Dom's attention off of Sam.
"You failed as his Master!" the ghost spat angrily, glaring at the only man to have gotten out of this game without killing his partner. "You don't understand how a true Dom treats his slave so I will show you both as I…"
"I'm not his Master and he's sure as hell no one's slave," Dean corrected, green eyes glittering as he shifted a look between his brother and the Dom. "He's my brother and yeah, I can see the sick glee building in you at the thoughts of what I did to him so let me be the one to disappoint you by saying that wasn't anything new for us…just a lot more extreme especially now it seems," he added, his chest tightening at the thought of what he'd learned and how blind he'd been to have not seen it before.
"It doesn't matter! All Subs must be made to suffer in my toy and so we he!" the Dom again tried to move the steel device but whirled to meet the smirking hunter's eyes. "What's happening? He's…"
"Mine," Dean completed the sentence firmly, keeping his one hand behind him as he felt for the torch's trigger. "I claimed him years ago. Sam accepted it and regardless of anything else that's happened between us then or now, he will always be mine and since that's my come drying in him and on him now…you can't touch him to put him in this thing but I can make sure you don't so this to anyone else."
Rage and hate filled the spirit's eyes and as his hand went to move to throw the hunter again he caught sight of the burning torch just as it was tossed into the latex cube which Dean had already hit generously with the salt he'd found. "No. No…noooo!"
The enraged scream came as the spirit went to lunge only to go up in a flash of light and fire just as the sex toy went up in a blue light as flames took it away, banishing the spirit for good and leaving the room feeling oddly lighter.
Watching to make sure it burned fully and wouldn't spread, Dean would come back to finish cleansing the place and things so nothing else like this would happen again but first his attention shot back to his brother and he cleared the space separating them in less than four running steps.
"Sammy?" being careful when he touched Sam's face, Dean cussed under his breath at not only the bruises he could see on his brother but also the drying tear tracks on his pale cheeks that never failed to freak him out. "Sam? Hang on. I'm getting you out of this thing."
A bit more at ease once he felt Sam's pulse to find it beating strong under his fingertips, Dean felt another brief burst of near panic build when he couldn't find the damn keys to the padlocks which meant he'd have to take the time to pick each one to get Sam loose.
The clamp on Sam's neck went first along with the leather collar that a quick look showed had dug into his neck to leave a deep welt.
As Dean worked to pick the locks on Sam's ankles next before the wrists he recalled each bruise and welt he could see fresh on his brother's toned body. "Shhh, it's okay, Sammy," he murmured in a softer tone as Sam whimpered when Dean lightly touched the crease of his ass and the image of the damn anal hook came back. "I'm here and…damn it, I'm sorry, Sam."
No apology would take back the past several hours that Sam had just endured or what he'd allowed Dean to do just because Sam understood what was happening and why it needed to happen because regardless of accepting that it needed to or they both would've have died, Dean still could see the terror in his little brother's eyes that one time and the pain as he broke when telling him something that Dean suspected Sam never planned to.
"I'm going to get you out of here and take care of you and…sonuvabitch," he whispered after seeing the bruises on Sam's ankles but also his hips. Though what nearly froze him what the drying blood he spotted in the insides of his brother's thighs and knew the dry penetration had torn something. "Sorry. I am so sorry this happened like this or that I put you through this and…Sammy?"
A quiet noise had Dean's head snapping up to see Sam's eyelashes flickering as if trying to open and he worked faster now on the wrist clamps, swallowing the curse when he wrapped an arm around his brother's upper chest to hold him upright while getting the last clasp and feeling the leather straps and chains that went with the collar.
"… De'n…?" Sam's voice was ragged and low but knew the touch of the hands on him and managed not to go rigid like he might have once, hearing the words being spoken to him as Dean worked to free him and offer soothing words but he could also hear the guilt in that strong deep voice but couldn't find the strength to speak more.
"Got'cha, little brother," Dean assured him, hearing the last lock come open and supported Sam when his legs finally gave out. "Easy, take it easy."
Tired and in more pain than he thought he should be, Sam struggled to support himself but finally gave in to allow his older brother to bear his weight but tensed when Dean went to bend down. "No…don'…wanna…" he groaned as his shoulders burned from the strain on them earlier and nearly jerking at the unexpected touch of warm lips pressing against his forehead.
"No, I'm not letting you go and I am getting you out to the Impala before I finish this and then we're hitting the motel to see how bad you're hurt cause that damn ghost got a little heavy handed with you before I smoked his kinky ass," Dean tried to keep his voice steady since the last thing he needed was for Sam to know how bad this was upsetting him right then. "Let me grab your jeans and…"
Sam's head shook rapidly at that and he tried to grab onto his brother's wrist but found he had no strength. "Can't…hurts," he whispered tightly, the pain now more severe as he was moving but fought to at least stay on his feet. "Please, De'n."
A better look at his brother made Dean understand that probably even the thought of the rough denim touching Sam's abused skin would be like torture for him, glad the Impala was parked close to the back door of this place. "Okay, Sammy. Let's get you out of here."
It took a little longer than Dean liked to get his brother out of the room, through the darkened club and finally out the back door to where the Impala sat because it wasn't as easy to maneuver his little brother anymore since Sam had four inches on him in height and also a bit more weight but he still did it while being careful to not hurt Sam more than he already was.
"Front or back?" he asked, trying to gauge which would be better even as his brother's head nodded to the front like always. "Okay, try to sit where it doesn't hurt too much and I'll grab a blanket from the trunk."
Dean took the brief moment to close his eyes against the tears that wanted to come at the barely muffled cry of pain that came when Sam tried to sit down since his ass hurt and Dean did not want to imagine the pain his brother was in elsewhere.
By the time he grabbed a blanket and small pillow from the trunk, Sam had managed to shift himself where most of his weight was on his left hip so his back and ass wouldn't touch the leather seat while he tried to keep his now soft penis from touching anything since the spiked cockring had left it would more pain than he'd expected.
"Sammy, cover up with this so you don't go into shock more than you are. I just have to grab our stuff, finish this up and then I'll get you to the motel," he hesitated before placing a hand on the nearest shoulder and tried not to let on at the light flinch.
Dean had all the memories of the past few hours so he knew exactly what he'd done to Sam. He knew the exact things he used on him, the hurtful and hateful things he'd said to him on top of everything else he'd tossed out at him last week so he wasn't surprised that his brother would flinch now.
From the first damn day he and Sam were reunited after he got out of Purgatory there hadn't been a day or minute when he hadn't been throwing it up to his brother that he hadn't looked for him or that he didn't care enough and had just taken the easy way out of hunting and the promise to at least keep looking until solid proof was found.
He'd thrown it up to Sam repeatedly that he'd let him down or had found something better and never once paid attention to the damn signs that had been there from the very first day in the cabin when Sam's whole body had gone as rigid as the steel devices in the club at the first touch.
The anger was there that Sam hadn't trusted him enough to tell him the truth about being attacked, held and…the word stuck somewhere between Dean's head and mouth because the thought of his little brother being held prisoner for weeks, raped and God knew what else could very easily push him past the furious stage into the one where someone, very likely Todd Garret, would soon be dying.
Though right then, all Dean wanted was to give this place a final once over with the EMF to be certain it was cleared and then get Sam the hell back to the motel and the First Aid he'd need…if he could get Sam to let him near him.
"Should burn it to the damn ground," he muttered but grabbed his jacket, Sam's clothes and the lone bag they'd brought in originally to dump it all except the jacket back in the trunk before sliding behind the wheel and glancing over to see the unshed tears on his brother's lashes. "Pain on a scale of zero to ten?"
The amount of pain Sam was in would determine if they went to an ER or the motel and knowing how his brother probably felt right then Dean suspected a hospital would not be his first choice. "Tell me the truth, Sam. If you think you're hurt bad enough to need…"
"Four and no," Sam cut him off, watching his brother's tense face from under his lashes and wanting to reach out but hesitant without knowing for sure how Dean would react. "Just…wanna sleep."
"Yeah and you will…after we get you cleaned up and doctored up," Dean started the Impala to pull away from the last sex club he planned to get near anytime soon while catching the tiny shudders going through Sam under the blanket but also the way his fingers kept moving out as if toward him but pulling back and recognizing long time little brother signs. "C'mere, Sammy,"
Using his jacket as a pillow against his thigh, Dean reached over carefully to help Sam move closer on the front seat until his brother's head was using both jacket and thigh for a pillow as he stretched out as best as he could right then and knew his muscles would be hell as soon as he finally relaxed.
Dean kept his eyes on the road while feeling the touch of shaking fingers trying to hold on to the material on his T-shirt. "It's going to be fine, Sam," he wished he was as confident of that since facing his own guilt over this was one thing but now having to also face what he'd been too blind to see would be harder. "I owe you big, little brother and I'll make this right."
Without the adrenaline or without knowing his brother's life was at risk, Sam's body now wanted to crash in on itself to try and forget it all…especially since he was halfway certain he'd said some things he shouldn't have and that would make this all the harder.
By the time Dean pulled up in front of their motel room, he was glad in the room he'd chosen since having the last one on the end always assured them more privacy.
"Wait here for me," Dean spoke as he eased out from under Sam to quickly unlock the door and vanish inside for what seemed like hours to Sam right then but he knew it was only a few minutes before the passenger door was being opened and a strong grip was helping him out. "Lean on me."
Sam hated being this weak but was too tired and sore to argue and so let Dean help him into the room but instead of the bed farthest from the door like he expected he was steered into the bathroom where he realized why Dean had been gone longer than normal.
The tub was running water and just the thought of soaking for a second to relieve some of the many aches he could now feel caused Sam to moan, hearing Dean's voice talking non-stop as if trying to keep him calm while holding onto Sam while leaning down to check the water before shutting the taps off.
"Soak in here before I see how bad I…how bad you're hurt," Dean helped him keep his balance, not letting go until Sam was fully seated in the tub and he started to move back when suddenly Sam's hand shot out to try to grab him.
"Stay?" knowing his brother and also knowing how they'd been with each other recently a piece of Sam was worried that if Dean stepped out of the bathroom that he'd keep going. "Don't…you didn't hurt me."
Catching the hand that was flailing around, Dean knelt on the floor to carefully place a hand on the center of Sam's chest like he would in better times to calm his brother down. "I was just going to grab the first aid kit and some clothes," he suspected why Sam didn't want to be alone and settled down to do what he could right at that moment as he added. "And…yeah, I did. In so many ways."
"I knew what needed to happen, Dean. I know what would happen if you didn't do it. We both would've died," Sam groaned as he was able to slowly let the hot water work to relax him, ignoring the sting of the antiseptic he suspected his brother had dumped into the water as well. "It's not like we haven't used cuffs or played kinky before and it's not like I ever said no so you didn't…" he stopped before he went there but felt the way his brother's eyes narrowed.
"Cuffing you to a bed or using ropes with knots that you could always get out of if you needed to is a hell of a lot different than me putting a collar on you or sticking that goddamn thing in your ass or…" images of using the paddle on Sam's ass or the way his brother struggled at the thought of being put in that thing came back to him in a rush and it was a struggle for Dean to not show it. "I hurt you. Hell, I didn't even use lube and…"
"It wanted you to do worse but you didn't," Sam forced his eyes open to see the anguish and guilt clear on Dean's face, wishing it was simple to take it away but this was his big brother and that was never easy. "You could have used any of those things on me. I could be a bloody torn mess but you didn't," wincing as his shoulders ached at moving them now, he forced his hand to move to grasp the wrist of the hand Dean was clenching.
"You still had control Dean. It just increased your aggression and anger at me, using it to try to make the sex rougher but you were still holding back. I trusted you cause I knew if you'd wanted to hurt me after everything I did then you would," he dropped his eyes back to the water that was slowly becoming darker as it washed away the drying blood. "I…I wish the first time again since you've been back wouldn't have been because of a ghost but…"
"But what?" Dean could tell he'd be kicking his no chick flick moment rule to the curb for the next few days probably but for once didn't care as he turned his hand over to grasp Sam's before it could retreat while reaching down slowly with his other hand to carefully cup water in his hand to let it fall over a mark on Sam's chest where a strap had bit in. "Sam?"
"Since I figure that was the last time you'll touch me then I can't regret it…I won't regret it because I've wanted us…you…since you first got back but now that you know…or I think you know the truth about why I left hunting you won't want to…Dean?" lifting his eyes as he felt the loss of contact, Sam refused to look up again as a rag was laid on the tub and a hand touched him hesitantly, awkwardly.
"Try to wash off some and I'll check them out in a second," Dean said, stepping out of the bathroom to shut the door but not fully and felt his heart clench at the first sob.
He knew escaping the bathroom as he had would only give Sam was reason to think it and he knew how his brother would take that but before he tackled that or where things were with them now he needed to know something first.
Dean had been doing the math to figure out a rough timeline and realized his brother still had at least three months of unaccounted time from when he was jumped to when he ended up in Texas. Knowing Sam and what they still had in the way of friends, he had a hunch on the one person who his brother would go to and had his phone out, ignoring the seventy messages from Garth he noticed.
Laying the first aid kit on his bed for later, the elder Winchester heard the phone pick up and didn't waste time since he knew he only had so long to do this and get back to his brother before Sam's own thoughts and doubts made this situation worse.
"Three months ago, did Sam spend time with you?" he demanded flatly, hearing the sharp breath, the low curse and then the nails clicking on the desk. "And before you remind me how rude I am, hello to you, Sheriff Mills."
Jodi Mills wasn't as shocked by the call as she was how long it took. "Yeah, Sam showed up on my door a shaking mess one night all messed up, running a fever and with wounds he didn't want me looking at," she acknowledged. "It took me a damn week to get it out of him what happened and then it took him another three days to convince me not to put out an APB on the bastards who'd raped and tortured him for weeks. You are going to handle that little issue aren't you, Dean?" she asked in a tone perfected over the short time she'd known the Winchesters. "You are not going to make me come hunt you down to slap you in the head, are you?"
"No…I'm handling it," Dean assured her, glancing back to the bathroom door as something else clicked in his memory to make his chest tighten and as he said goodbye to the sheriff of Sioux Falls he texted a brief but to the point message to Garth.
'"Got the ghost, club is clean. No, Sam is not okay and yes, I'm handling it. Don't call or blow up our phones. Need you to find locations for two soon to be dying sons of bitches. Walt, you should know. Get me an address and what he's doing and find me last known location for Todd Garret. Text me the details when you know.'"
Tossing his phone aside, Dean did the salt lines and sigils to make the room secure before taking a final moment to choose his next move.
He was attuned to any and all sounds his brother made. The past few months he'd allowed his own anger and emotions to get the better of him and Sam, again, suffered for his lack of attention and now what he could hear from the bathroom reminded him that no matter what else he was still an older brother and he needed to handle things no matter how emotional it got.
"Sammy?" opening the door, Dean wasn't surprised that Sam hadn't moved much except to try to curl more in the tub with his legs drawn up more to try to cover any sounds made. "Hey."
Jerking his head up at the voice, Sam quickly went to slash a hand over his face to wipe the tears away when he accidentally splashed water in his eyes with a muttered curse.
By the time his vision had cleared again, he heard the lock on the door click and blinked a few more times to watch as Dean slowly reached for the hem of his t-shirt to pull it over his head before flicking the button on his jeans.
Anytime his brother took his shirt off it always drew Sam's attention and this time was no different even as his brain struggled to catch up since he'd been fairly certain that the moment Dean left the bathroom that he'd screwed things up worse for them so this move was unexpected and confusing for him.
"Scoot up," Dean noticed the new tear tracks, the red eyes from where he figured Sam had been rubbing at his eyes, the bruised knuckles and bloodstained tile on the wall from where he must have slammed his fist a few times to the way his shoulders were shaking as he fought to control his breathing now.
Instinct had Sam listening as he shifted more to the front of the Vegas style, larger than any normal motel bathtub to feel Dean get in behind him and shivered a little.
"You let the water get cold," Dean also wasn't surprised by this because usually if he left Sam to his own devices in the tub if he was sick or hurt his brother would sit until the water run cold enough to cause goosebumps.
Leaning up to reach around Sam to hit the button to let some cold water out before turning the tap back on to warm it up again, Dean felt the tension running through Sam but stayed quiet for the moment until the water was back at a level and temperature he felt would suit and then slid an arm around to draw his brother back so that Sam's back pressed against his chest.
"Relax, Sammy. I've got you," he murmured, beginning to feel some of the tension leave his brother and only then did he reach for the untouched rag to dip it into the water. "Tell me what hurts because you've been in this water long enough already. Any longer and you'll be a prune."
Sam still wasn't sure what was going on which made it harder for him to relax than it normally would but after a couple minutes of feeling either Dean's hand or the washcloth running over his chest then down to his stomach he started not to care and relaxed a little, wanting to ask, wanting to know what was happening but afraid to change it or wake up if he was dreaming.
"Dean…" he couldn't take either his own doubts or the silence any longer though and started to shift a little only to still at the feel at gentle fingers probing a little lower and held his breath in expectation of any leftover pain.
"I didn't leave you in here because of what you were probably thinking, Sam," Dean began slowly, knowing his brother had tensed at his touch but could only hope it was because he was still sore due to the damn spike cockring. "Did that damn ring cut you?"
Trying to figure out his brother's sudden attitude change and also the change in topics, Sam shook his head as he caught up. "Uhh, no. It's just a little sore at the base where it was but I don't think it…mmmh," he tried to bite his lip against the low moan that suddenly came at the feel of calloused fingers lightly running up the length of his cock to feel around the base. "No pain but um…" he blushed a little at the low chuckle he heard behind him, knowing his brother had felt the change as well.
"No, I guess not," Dean moved his fingers away before he could follow the urge of his hand to close since he needed to take care of this, take care of Sam, before he could see where his brother wanted this to go.
Smoothing the cloth up to touch the welt the collar had made, Dean could see it wasn't deep just sore and something that would fade in a few days but it would be days of always reminding him what Sam had let happen to save him.
"Tell me the truth. Did you know what was happening or did you figure I'd finally snapped?" he asked quietly, letting the rag drop into the water before bringing it up between them to run it down Sam's back and not trying to hide of disguise his own body's reaction to the feel of Sam's body against him.
"Once Garth told me what the spirit was then I suspected what would happen if I couldn't get you out. When I woke up like I did…well, I kind of knew your taste in sex wasn't quite as vanilla as we've played but…" Sam cut off at the feel of his brother's fingers trailing down his spine to just lightly touch the crease and tried not to make a noise.
Dean knew it would be here that his brother would be the sorest and so was more careful as he let just the tip of his index finger touch the rim and pulled back at the hiss of pain to press his face against the side of Sam's neck.
"I'm sorry," he'd never once, not even in the beginning, tried to do anything with Sam without prepping him in some way, lube or spit, but to think that some damn ghosts' influence had caused him to do so now, on top of what else his brother had endured almost broke him. "So sorry."
"It wasn't your fault, Dean. I've told you that. I needed you to be in me to break his hold but it feels like…" Sam wasn't sure how to explain it as he felt a gentle touch move up his chest and settle over his heart.
"The damn ghost still had a link to this world so he made a rather corporal appearance to get a few shots in on you before I smoked both his kinky ass and what was keeping him here," Dean told him, deciding to skip mentioning what the bastard had been attached to unless Sam asked. "That's why you may feel a bit more than you did before passing out…scared me bad there, Sammy," he murmured, still seeing how pale and limp his brother was hooked to that damn device.
Sam swallowed tightly. It took a lot to get his brother to ever admit to being scared or worried so for Dean to say it now, like this, he knew he meant it. "I…I didn't mean to but…" he wasn't sure how to explain what had knocked him out or why for so long.
"I know and it was probably better anyway," Dean knew despite his fear that it was better that Sam hadn't been conscious during the ghost's heavy handed treatment or he suspected things would have gotten a lot worse. "Sam?"
The water in the tub was still warm so Dean leaned back while making sure to keep his arm over his brother's chest while feeling the remaining edge leave Sam, debating on what he was about to ask and just chose to take a leap.
"Hmm?" Sam's eyes had drifted closed as the water drifted around him, feeling the warmth of Dean's chest against his back.
"Why did you let me lay all that crap on you about not looking for me and leaving hunting?" Dean asked quietly, surprised that he could keep his voice level when the thought of this still had him fuming but felt Sam tense just subtly.
"For so long you've let me just keep tossing jabs and snark at you about not caring, about leaving me for dead, and all the stuff I said earlier about wanting the full bit of normal…you took it all. Why didn't you tell me what happened, Sammy? Why let me believe a lie when you not only looked but got hurt while doing it?" he asked, letting go enough so Sam could ease up a little but was ready in case his little brother tried to bolt. "Sammy?"
Sam had almost hoped he hadn't said what he feared he had and then hoped that if he had that his brother would leave it alone since it had never been a secret that emotions were not high on Dean's list of things to do but his reactions now were beginning to freak him out.
"I…I wanted to tell you but…you were so…" he chewed his lower lip while trying to find the words, tensing when a buried memory flashed brutally and it was all he could do not to curl into himself. "Can we do this in the bedroom?" the warm water no longer seemed comforting to him.
"Yeah, we can," Dean agreed, wary of pushing but he also knew his brother and just by what Jodi Mills had told him he knew Sam was burying a lot of stuff. "Hang on and I'll grab a towel."
Dean was on murky ground and knew it because this talk could go in too many ways and most of them nasty if he didn't handle it correctly but as he found upon standing up it wasn't only his brother's body that had reacted to their closeness in the tub.
He shot his twitching mind of its own cock a look while toweling off, grabbing his jeans and rolling his eyes at the thought of zipping them but did since he was not letting that part of him rule again…or not until he got a handle on this.
"Up you go, Sammy," he turned with a towel ready, a smirk carefully in place but watched Sam's face carefully and didn't miss the little signs that warned him how on edge and scared his little brother was.
Giving Sam a brief rubbing to dry most of the water from his skin, Dean grabbed a couple more towels before following his brother back into the bedroom to watch him try to sit on the bed but soon gave up on that idea to stretch on his side while keeping the towel covering himself as best as possible.
Dean eyed the welts and bruises on Sam's backside with a critical eye to know which ones he'd caused and which ones were ghost made.
Settling behind Sam with the salve and a tiny flashlight for later, Dean stayed quiet to see if his brother would speak again when he felt the tremor go through Sam's shoulders. "Sam?"
"When you asked me that day if I'd looked for you…I wanted to tell you then but it was still raw for me, I was still raw, and you took my hesitation as an answer that I hadn't. You assumed I'd been with Amelia the whole year. By the time I'd worked past the images you'd already made up your mind and then I was afraid if I told you…" Sam closed his eyes to both avoid seeing whatever expression came over his brother's face and so he didn't have to get too curious about what Dean was doing behind him.
The first touch of the salve burned since he knew a few of the welts were deep but soon the burn was replaced by a different type of feeling as Dean's fingers smoothed over the wounds gently but seemed to touch a bit more where they were no welts or bruises.
"Umm, you've been so on edge since getting back…the nightmares are different…you're different and I guess after meeting B…Benny and…stuff I…I knew you were angry with me already and didn't want to make you ashamed of me more than you were at the thought that I'd just leave you and not look or…" he felt tears in his eyes and tried to keep them from falling.
"Huh," Dean murmured, not missing the way Sam's breathing had changed or the wetness on his closed lashes as he smoothed the last bit of salve over the final welt before taking a deep breath to place some of the ointment on a finger to touch it to the deep red, swelled and puckered hole and placing a hand on Sam's neck to urge him to stay still at the first sign of movement. "Shhh, need to see."
Fighting the need to draw his knees up since now that he was thinking about it the damn memories that he'd spent months locking away with everything else bad in his life wanted to come back and despite his brother's careful touch it was hard not to jerk.
"Talk about what you want, Sammy," Dean urged, ignoring the way his cock seemed to harden as he felt around the rim before easing more salve into the hole to soothe.
Only hearing a small whimper at the first touch, he held the tiny light between his teeth as he gently moved his finger around and was relieved not to see fresh blood but as he eased his finger out he did catch sight of still raw skin that showed signs of scaring from months earlier, understanding what made it worse this time.
"No one's touched you after…" Dean sighed at the sharp breath Sam took and the jerky shake of his head and moved his attention up to the older scars on Sam's back that he now knew came from that time but again his eyes were drawn to what had been burned into his brother's shoulderblade. "Where's the amulet, Sam?"
"Inner pocket toward the bottom," Sam whispered, not looking when he felt the bed shift or at the sound of his brother rummaging through his duffel to find the one thing that he always prayed Dean would want back but not liking that it had to be like this. "I…know you said to leave it when you tossed it but…I…and I kept it cause I always hoped you'd regret throwing it away even though you never asked for it back and…"
The words were now coming out in a rush as Sam tried to explain his reasons for keeping the tiny bronze amulet that he'd given his brother one Christmas a lifetime ago and that Dean had finally tossed away a few years ago after losing faith in their bond as brothers.
"I tried to clean it after…after I was…after that and I think I got it cleaned good enough and I get it if you don't want it still, especially since you're mad at me and all or cause they touched it when they…but just don't throw it away again or…" Sam was now seeing white spots behind his closed eyes because he hadn't realized he was talking non-stop and not breathing until he gasped at the feel of soft lips pressing over his to stop him from talking.
"Breathe," Dean whispered against his lips, kneeling on the side of the bed so he was more at eye level with his younger brother to stop the oncoming panic attack. "Open your eyes, Sam. Look at me," he waited until those lashes blinked a few times before opening slowly, hesitantly until he caught sight of the amulet being held out in front of him.
Throwing the amulet away three years ago had been one of the worst things he'd done in Dean's opinion and he'd regretted it from day one because the amulet had always meant something to them both.
He supposed he should've known Sam wouldn't have left it in the motel trashcan that day but he'd never thought to look or ask his brother…until he'd seen it burned into his shoulder. "Why'd they burn you with it?" he asked calmly, sitting on the edge of the bed but not moving the amulet where Sam's eyes couldn't see it.
"Because it was yours and Walt knew it would hurt me to have them touch it," Sam recalled the agony of feeling the white hot amulet pressed into his skin and when it was pulled out. "Everything they did for three weeks was to hurt or humiliate me…the worst was usually that damn cube and that was everyday."
Placing pillows on the bed behind Sam so he could roll more to his back without putting full weight on his butt and the welts right then, Dean reached to cover the one hand that was clenching on the covers with his own while carding his fingers back through Sam's hair and waiting.
"I'd been looking for you for three months; calling up leads or people that we hadn't seen since we were kids but still owed Dad favors. I was getting desperate enough to try anything when I got a tip that someone in Vegas had some occult lore on Purgatory. I didn't think. I just went and stepped into the warehouse where I was supposed to meet the person and I…didn't step out of it for three weeks," Sam's voice dropped to a near whisper, looking down when his hand was squeezed.
"Walt…he still has his issues with us from before, especially you, and Garret…well that was just a chance for him to have another shot at me since what they did in Oklahoma wasn't good enough I guess," he shuddered more at the memory of waking up naked in a cage and the pain that followed. "The first week was mostly pain as they tried to break me but they never really could do that, especially when they kept throwing it up that you weren't there now.
"It was Walt who burned the amulet in. He was more sadistic while Garret was the one who did the sick crap. He's the one who got the idea of using that vac cube thing to keep me trapped with anything they wanted to put in me or on me while his friends paid to watch or paid to…do…stuff," Sam's teeth clenched, trying to get out what he felt his brother should know while not saying things he definitely did not want Dean to learn.
"The stuff you did earlier that you think was so bad or kinky that it's made me afraid of you? Hell, that was baby steps compared to the things done to me by those bastards," he wanted to move into the touch against his face but held still until he got the rest out. "Garret had a schedule after the first week. Punishment for ninety minutes morning and night, longer if I fought too much, then he spent a few hours depending on his mood raping me in the morning until it was time to start the day's show."
Dean was fighting the urge to tense or snarl but stayed still to listen to whatever Sam was willing to share, letting his fingers stay over his brother's hand while always making certain to keep his other one either in Sam's hair or on his neck to offer support.
The more Sam talked though gave him a better idea of what had happened and also that he needed to find out about that other attack in Oklahoma when they'd been apart three years earlier, another mistake Dean allowed to happen.
"Show?" he had to question this because by the way Sam tensed and his brother's terror of that sex thing at the club he had a hunch he wouldn't like this.
"The chains, bars, racks, whatever all were good for things but his favorite was to put a full mask on me so I couldn't see or hear a lot, stick toys, dildos, vibrators, plugs, usually anything that vibrated in wherever he could while using a vibrator on my cock, ball weights and pushing a massage wand up behind my sac to seal it all in with me in that thing, suck the air out and force as many orgasms as possible out while taping it," his lashes lowered to avoid Dean's gaze now.
"If the guys that were always there to watch paid enough then Garret would put them in a swing or some device, lower them from the warehouse ceiling and I'd have to suck them off. This…went on all day until it got late and then…I'd be locked in some kind of cage with this thing on my cock until the morning when it started all over again and…I so wanted you, De'n but…I'd let you down and…"
Slashing a hand over his face to cover the tears that had fallen, Dean reached over to cup his brother's chin with his hand to lift his face. "You did not let me down, Sam," he began, hearing his voice go deeper but knowing he could not cover all the emotion after picturing what he'd just heard and also guessing on the things his little brother still wasn't saying. "You did your best to find me. I just wish you would've told me this sooner so I wouldn't have kept saying all that stuff to hurt you."
"Rather you hate me for what you though than for what really…Dean?" Sam took the risk to open his eyes when he felt a light touch brush over his cheek and noticed the change in his brother's eyes but was surprised not to see anger or disappointment. "I…"
"How'd you get loose?" Dean asked, content to just let his hand stroke away the tears that Sam wasn't aware had fallen during and catching the subtle signs in his brother that he easily could still pick up on.
Sam shrugged on this one since he still wasn't sure what had happened. "Not sure. It was in the middle of the day so I had the damn hood on. I couldn't see or hear much but when I woke up I was in a hospital and I got outta there as soon as I could and ran to Sioux Falls," he finally worked up the courage to meet Dean's eyes and felt some of the fist size lump in his chest relax at the nearly calm gaze that was returned. "I wanted you, I wanted to be safe so…I stayed with Jodi for a couple months to heal but then I heard that Walt was looking and I…ran.
"I didn't want to face it again or risk it again so I ran like a coward, hit a dog, met Amelia and you're up to speed. I didn't choose a life with her over you because I could barely let her touch me, Dean. I wanted you back and then when I got you back…you were so mad at me that I…" Sam was struggling now when he bit his lip as Dean slowly moved but didn't stand. "Even though it hurt like hell earlier…I'd do it again because I just want to feel you touch me one time like we used to be before I screwed it…"
"You didn't screw anything up and you are not a coward," Dean had to turn away or risk letting Sam see the flash of anger that crossed his face at the thought that he'd been allowing his brother to think or fear those things. "You fought and survived another type of hell by yourself and if I would've had my head outta my ass since I got back I would've seen the damn signs you've been giving off that something was wrong but I didn't and that's my problem."
Staring at the amulet still in his hand, Dean heard the soft breath draw in as he held it out by the black cord as he had once before slowly slipping it back over his head to allow it to fall against his still bare chest and as the familiar weight settled back the older brother also felt something lift.
"I will make this right and someone will be getting fed their own lungs," of that Dean was certain when it hit him that Sam had said this took place in Vegas…and why his brother hadn't wanted to take this case on at all.
"Dean…let it go. Please…I don't want them…" Sam hated the break in his voice but the thought of his brother going after either man did scare him because he didn't want Dean hurt…or ever learning the rest that he hadn't said. "It's been over for months and I'm…"
"If the word fine comes out of your mouth I am so making you wash and wax my car for a goddamn month," Dean warned lowly, turning back to face Sam and this time let the heat show in his eyes while catching Sam's jaw again to hold it as he also reached up to push back an unruly strand of hair that insisted on falling into his brother's face. "You are so far from fine and I am so far from over the guilt of making you relive it by what had to happen to save us both this time but I'm going to tell you the same thing I told an annoying spirit.
"You're mine," the depth of emotion in that was plain as Dean moved his hand over to spread around Sam's neck when he leaned closer but kept their eyes locked and soon they were close enough to share breath as he offered a smile to add in a softer voice. "Mine, baby boy."
Sam's heart jumped at the use of the one nickname his brother hadn't used recently, especially not back at that club, and reacted like he'd been wanting to since walking through the door to Rufus's cabin and seeing Dean for the first time in a year.
He moved to latch on to Dean with both arms while finding his mouth for a kiss that quickly turned hot as he felt hands running around to spread over his back while he heard a low groan and wasn't sure which of them had made that.
"You haven't called me that since you got back," he replied to the unspoken question and lifted brow, suddenly needing the contact in whatever way he could get it. "I thought you'd use it back at the club but you didn't…"
Too long of not touching, of keeping himself distant to avoid hurting either of them more than what Dean thought they were was now making it hard not to react to Sam's innocent touches as his hands moved over Dean's chest to almost always come back to touch the amulet like he'd once done years ago.
"It came to the tip of my tongue a few times but it didn't feel right to use it there. Couldn't bring myself to use it there or like that," Dean's voice was dropping lower as his need and want built faster and it took a lot of dwindling willpower not to make a move as Sam's lips began to kiss a trail down his neck to find the pulse point to suck gently. "God, Sammy. You're not making this easy on me not to take you right here," he fisted a hand on his knee while keeping his other around his brother to support him since right then Sam forgot he was still weak.
"Don't wanna make it easy. I want to feel your hands on me, your mouth, your teeth…" Sam gasped when long fingers went through his hair to pull it up enough so his brother's darkening eyes could see his. "I want you to do whatever you want, Dean. I just want to know that you still…mmhm!"
Cutting his brother off before Sam could say what he thought he was heading for, Dean's fingers curled tighter in Sam's hair to tug his head back more so this time when he kissed him he could get the angle he wanted when his tongue slid out to explore and was welcomed eagerly.
"I've wanted you since you were sixteen, Sammy. I've pretty much had you since you were twenty-two and nothing could make me stop wanting you like this," Dean told him tightly after breaking the kiss so he could find time to breathe, carefully easing Sam back until he was half on his back but not enough to cause those welts to touch while catching the way the towel that still covered his brother wasn't doing much to disguise his interest in this.
"Two things have kept me from tossing you on a bed in any motel room or the cabin to do what I spent a year thinking of doing to you," he smiled at the way Sam's eyes were getting larger as he watched him, running a finger down the center of Sam's chest to stop just above where the towel rested.
Sam was torn between trying to focus and not drop his gaze as he figured he knew what those things were or watch the way Dean's fingers were lightly stroking over the muscles ripping in his abdomen at the teasing touch. "You…umm…you…huh?" worrying his bottom lip now, he missed the way his brother groaned at that nervous habit.
"I was way too on edge to touch you without hurting you and…I didn't want to mess you up if you finally had that shot at normal because having sex with a hot chick in a normal life should always top this rocky road I drug you down," Dean had fought the pull of that urge for as long as he could because he hadn't wanted to bring Sam down too but couldn't deny that while he still enjoyed hot chicks he could still get hard faster just by thinking of his brother.
"I'll admit that I was jealous as hell and hurt because I did think you hadn't looked but I should've seen the signs, Sammy," he kept his eyes on Sam as he leaned closer to begin to place soft kisses along the bruise on his neck, licking at the pulse point to go up to the curve of Sam's jaw. "The nightmares, the way you wouldn't show me your back or the way the first week back you freaked out the one time I got behind you. All signs that you were hurting and hiding it but I didn't allow myself to see it."
Sam's eyes wanted to close at the feelings coming that he hadn't felt in over a year. He hadn't given himself permission or wanted to feel like this with Amelia due to the attacks. "Didn't want you to be…"
"I'm not ashamed of you, Sammy. There are limits to what you can handle or get out of easily but you could've so easily broken or given in and you didn't. You came out of that and made it. I'm proud of you," Dean met the kiss when Sam's head moved just enough to show what he wanted, lightly biting the full bottom lip like he'd been wanting to do for over a month and hearing the whimper.
"Want you so much, baby boy," he whispered against Sam's mouth, feeling his jeans getting to the uncomfortable stage of tight but refusing to go there after what his brother had just been put through. "I thought you didn't want that after…"
Sam groaned, feeling his cock getting more interested under the towel but still hesitant on moving it until he knew for certain what Dean wanted. "Had sex with Amelia a couple times but only because I felt I should. It wasn't like it is with us…you know what I mean…because it doesn't take you an hour to make me hard," he'd missed where one of his brother's hands went until he felt the first touch on his cock under the towel. "I wouldn't let her touch…me there or…shit, yes…like that…"
"You still like this, baby boy?" Dean had made the towel a lost item but placed another pillow behind his brother to try to give him more stability in case he went to lay flat which would not be a good thing right then. "You want to feel me jerk you off or…do you want me to do something else?"
"God! I want you to do it all, Dean!" Sam wanted to reach for his brother, he wanted the rough jeans that he could feel against his leg gone and came close to grabbing when he felt the bed shift as Dean stood up again. "What? Dean?"
Chuckling as he went to dig in his duffel, Dean palmed what he took out before coming back to the bed to eye his brother with careful but knowing eyes. "You know you are way too sore back there tonight for us to do what we both want and now that I don't have some bondage master ghost pulling too many strings to make me not think clearly or we wouldn't have…"
"You needed to or we both would be dead," Sam's cock was harder than he thought it would be so soon but a look at the straining bulge of his brother's jeans told him that Dean wasn't much better. "I know if you'd known about Garret that you might not have…"
"That asshole does not change crap between us but I would've tried to be more careful," Dean had his doubts if the ghost would've let him but he still would've tried to at least have done something more to prep his brother, like he would now. "We can't do that tonight…but that doesn't mean I can't make you come. If you want it…want me."
Sam's eyes had gone to total lust blown by this point and if he thought he could've pulled it off he would be off the bed to show his brother just what it was he wanted him to do but stayed still instead to shoot Dean another look.
"Bitchface number five, good choice, Sammy," Dean smiled, relaxing for the first time since he stepped out the woods after escaping Purgatory. "Just for that look I should use the old fashion lube instead of what I have in my hand."
Scrunching his face up to try to see what his brother was holding, Sam lost focus when in two moves Dean had his jeans unzipped and down his legs to give them a kick as he knelt back on the bed. "Where do you…" he started to ask when a hot tongue flicking over a suddenly rock hard nipple cut him off on a moan.
"Stay still and let me worry about this," Dean told him, voice gravelly as he tried to settle his own leaking cock down while adjusting his brother's legs to open a bit more as he bent down to start pressing wet kisses against Sam's inner thigh and over until his mouth touched the base of his brother's dripping cock. "Tell me if anything hurts here."
Right then all Sam could feel was heat and wanted to feel more of it but before he could make that comment his head went back on a moan when Dean's tongue began to slowly lick up and around his balls as if to soothe where the toy earlier had pulled on them. "Dean…Dean…more?"
"You want more?" Dean replaced his tongue with the fingers of his other hand so he could lick up the underside of Sam's cock as it dripped precome more steadily and he flicked his tongue over the slit to take it in before closing his lips over the head with a deep groan while Sam was on the verge of losing all coherent thought.
Years of blowjobs had given Dean an idea on what to do to earn the best responses from his little brother and since right now this was more about bringing Sam the pleasure he'd been denied for so long than endurance that was what he did as he adjusted the angle to take the full cock into his mouth so he could use one hand to lightly caress and stroke Sam's balls and sac while keeping his other on his brother's hip.
"Mmhh," Sam wanted to thrust up but felt the fingers on his hips squeeze enough to tell him to stay still and so he worked on watching the way Dean's mouth moved up and down on him from base to tip with the swirling feel of his tongue always moving to tease the sounds of pleasure from Sam's lips. "Dean…wait."
Lust blown green eyes shot up as Dean pulled back at that, gasping for breath and control. "What…what's wrong?" he demanded, trying to see any signs of distress but allowed himself to be pulled up until he was stretched on his side beside his reaching brother. "Sammy, what's…"
"Want to come with you," Sam caught the relief on his brother's face as Dean's fingers stroked over his face to give him a kiss that alternated between soft and hot though at the first taste of his own precome on his brother's lips he groaned and pushed until their bodies where fitting together. "It's been so long, Dean and I want so much but…"
Teasing Sam's lips with his tongue, Dean nodded in understanding and squirted lube into his hand from the tube he'd retrieved earlier and reached between them to take both of their cocks in his hand to begin a slow/fast shift until he could hear Sam's breathing get quicker, could feel his brother's mouth on his neck and jaw as he sucked while giving little hot moans.
"That's it, Sam. Rock against me," he gasped, tangling their legs as Sam tried to find more friction for the pressure on his balls.
"Gotta…harder, De'n," Sam was straining to find release, arching forward more to get his arms around his brother to pull their bodies closer until they were meshed perfectly and each rock between them seemed to soothe him a little. "Need to come. Please."
Dean suspected that after being forced to come for so long months ago that his brother may need more help than he normally would. Kissing away the few tears that had fallen in frustration, Dean moved a finger from his free hand down between Sam's legs which were rubbing on his thigh to gently touch behind his sac twice before he felt the shudder.
"Yahtzee," he whispered, giving their cocks a few more pulls and a final twist had Sam jerking in his arms to bury his face in the hollow of Dean's throat to muffle the scream of his brother's name as he came hard when come spilled over Dean's hand and both of their chests.
Keeping his hand moving to get to his own orgasm but also to work Sam through his as he felt his brother's body trembling against him while he rode it out, Dean's eyes closed as he hit his own climax with a groan that shook him knowing that it was simply being near Sam for this moment that always seemed to make his orgasms stronger than any before.
"Sammy," he breathed after several moments of the only sound in the room being breathing when he realized the other sound he could hear was Sam sobbing against his chest and pure panic reared up in Dean as he tried to get his brother's head up from where it was still pressed into his neck. "Sammy? What's wrong? Did something hurt or…you need to talk to me here, baby boy or…"
Sam lifted his head finally but only to mash his lips to Dean's in a kiss that truly showed how tired he was since as Dean knew well normally his younger brother was a champion kisser. "Thank you, thank you, thank you," he murmured in between kisses that turned gentler as he gave control over to his brother's mouth, letting out a small whimper as his tongue explored.
"It's okay now," Dean murmured, his voice deeper and huskier like it always was after sex as he gently kissed and touched while grabbing for the towel to wipe them off rather than risk Sam falling to sleep in the shower. "We're gonna be good now and I'll take care of everything."
Suspecting he knew what that meant, Sam wanted to ask his brother to let it go but didn't because he knew letting something this big go was just not in Dean's nature and because he didn't want to go the rest of his life wondering when the next time would pop up.
"Be careful," he whispered, body not fully giving in to the exhaustion of the day as he was tugged a little closer to lay with his head under Dean's chin while his hand searched for and curled around the amulet that Sam feared he'd never see his brother wear again.
"I survived Purgatory, little brother. I can handle Todd Garret and Walt," Dean reassured his brother, shifting to his back more back kept Sam against him to tuck his head under his chin much like he would when his brother was younger and scared.
Not one to cuddle, Dean tossed that rule out the window since he hardly ever didn't allow his brother this time and especially not if he knew he was still upset. "Go to sleep now and don't worry about them. You're safe and no ghost, no hunters or anything will hurt you so long as I'm around," he hoped he could keep that promise better than the last time he made it, lightly pressing a kiss to Sam's hair and feeling him relaxing into sleep. "We're not moving on until you can sit without hurting."
Sam's eyes drifted closed as he listened to his brother's voice and heartbeat while running the amulet around in his fingers. "Dean?" he heard a soft sound that he took to be an acknowledgement so he smiled as sleep came more easily for the first time in a year. "I…"
"Love you too, Sammy," Dean's reply was soft but still heard as he felt Sam's fingers grip the amulet tighter before he slipped into sleep and Dean laid still for a while longer to listen and watch.
Sleep wasn't his favorite thing since returning from Purgatory but he felt his brother laying against him some of the edge and strain of those memories faded away.
He knew that he had a ways to go before he could make everything right again between them but hopefully a message from Garth would go a long ways to beginning that process because Dean did not plan on leaving Las Vegas without knowing Todd Garret was dead or behind bars.
Carefully carding his fingers back through Sam's hair as he slept, Dean smiled fully and then let his eyes close, accepting that Sam still needed some wounds tended to and would do that but first he planned to work on the emotional wounds.
"Payback's a bitch," he whispered to the darkening room, tightening his arm around Sam to keep him close to fall to sleep with a plan working in his head because like he'd told any number of monsters or people over the years anyone who touched his little brother would pay a heavy price and he planned for this price to be very heavy.
TBC
A/NII: Okay, one little epilogue to finish this…unless you guys don't want to see how Dean takes care of things? Hmmm?