DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN ANYTHING! !
WEEEEE~ 8D
I like chocolate~
Okay! so, these 'Sunday Chapters' were actually dreamed up quite a while ago. I'll tell you how they originally went when they're all done. After that- baby Akatsuki return to Daycare! 8D
... I miss Suigetsu and Jugo. I want them back~ And goodboy Sasuke too. I was watching the early episodes of Naruto and dammit I want him to be the snooty, anti-social goodbaby again! He;s ten-trillion times douchbaggier like this! BAD Tobi! BAD!
And Tobi looks like the monster thingy from those Shonen Jump advertisements for Twentith Century Boys... Hmmm, I have no idea what that is...
...Eddie Rath has new songs! A lyric demo, One about Konan, and one about the Naruto War! 8D
Look at the weapons on body, each kunai has it's own story, when I'm gone will the still know me, as master of Origami. Konan~ Origami, Konan~ Origami, Konan~ Origami, Konan~ Origami...
...Hnnn... LOL General Gaara~ This is the coolest he's ever been 8D
...I was gonna say something- buuut...
ROFL, Zombie Sasori is easily defeated with the powah O luv, and Baby Sasori is anti-social and slightly evil and deranged... You just wait for when they get older in this. I luvvles Sasori~
-Play Dates-
It was a beautiful Sunday morning, and many families had gathered at the large and glorious Konoha Park.
Yes, many families had decided that today was the perfect day to entertain their young, innocent children in a relaxing day at the park-
"GETTA MOVE ON YOU TWO!"
This also happened to be the kind of day that Chiyo Akasuna thought was perfect to drop off her brother and grandson somewhere that wasn't her house.
"Sis, can't we just sit in the living room for the rest of today? At least that place has television." Chiyo's brother Ebizo croaked.
"And let you two ruin my furniture some more? You're going senile!"
"But the doctor said I am going senile Sis, and it's against the law to leave a senile old man and a mentally traumatized infant at a Park alone." He pleaded, pointing his cane at Sasori. Dressed in navey, holding his presious doll, and wearing his usual 'fuck you all' glare.
"You'll be fine! Nobody wants to rape a smelly old man, and Sasori'll bite anyone that talks to him." She explained, bending down to her grandson. "Ain't that right fuzzy?"
A low growl emitted from the boy.
"That' a boy. Now Eb, you stop pussy-footing and just sit on a bench and try and remember not to move. I'm gonna go crash a party and raid the food table." She declared, returning to her running car, and speeding off at fifteen miles an hour.
"...Dammit, I knew I should have ranaway to the retirement home when I had the chance." He paused for a few minutes, before looking down at Sasori. "...Who are you again?"
Sasori grunted and then walked way towards the jungle gyms. He walked underneith one and sat there, growling at any children that looked at him.
-Meanwhile
"Make the noise stoooop." Onoki grumbled, with his hands covoring his ears.
In the backseat, Deidara clapped and giggled giddily to the Veggie Tales soundtrack.
Onoki, CEO of a Landscaping company, had been entrusted his Grandson as soon as social services learned of his exsistance. Seeing as how his parents were incapable of caring for him. Onoki, having lots and lots of money, was able to house the child, along with the next child that his son unthinkingly made, and the one that was about to be made, and spoil them quiet. Deidara, however, couldn't be quiet. And Onoki was pretty sure there was a birth defect that caused his vocal cords to be connected to his lungs, because he seemed positive that Deidara would suffocate and die if he ever stopped talking.
Onoki had been invited to the Headmasters Dinner Party that was today, but seeing as how he didn't care for social functions or even free food, and the fact that he was sure he was so unliked by everyone else that he wouldn't ever receive the Most Successful Award, he opted not to go and instead spend the whole day doing some nice, relaxing paperwork.
"Oh it's not so bad. Just take a series you like and pretend the characters are singing the songs at charity concert." Spoke Mei Terumi, Onoki's young assistaint.
"I don't think Madlock would sing anything from this disk... Except maybe 'Pirates who don't do anything', I could see that."
"Well we're here, so we can take the CD out." She said as she leaned forward and pressed the eject button on the cars radio.
Little Deidara made a loud whiney sound in that backseat and was already begining to whimper.
"Deidara dear, if you keep listening to Veggie Tales then you can't play in the sandboxes."
"Squeeee!" He-... squeed.
Mei got out of the car and went around to take Deidara out of his carseat, that she had needed to buy for him because Onoki seemed to not understand the need for one. Or the workings of one, for that matter. When she set Deidara on the grass he ran off quickly towards the playground. Mei turned and leaned inside the car. "Are you comming?"
"No, I'm going to sit here and sign things. You can take my notes."
Mei granted herself permission to stare at him until he asked why. "...Onoki, you can't let a three-year old child into a park unsupervised."
"We're right here, it's legal." Onoki assured.
Mei stared at him for a few more minutes before she turned and walked to a bench.
"Mei? Mei get back here! get back here!" He leaned out the window. "WHO WILL TAKE MY NOTES!"
-Elsewhere
Sasori was still holding his spot underneith the jungle gym. Apparently staring at a invisable giant salamander-lizard-dragon hybrid that was apparently crawling around. Because he apparently wasn't doing anything else.
A tabby-striped stray kitten came up slowly to him. When Sasori saw it in the corner of his eye- well, that must have had an equal effect of a glare, because the cat started to back away slowly.
The little kitten went with his brother, a fuzzy gray one. And started to walk away from the scary seven-year old. Then they came across a thunderous three-year-old and probably wished they'd have stayed with the former.
"KITTIES!" Deidara went over and pounced the air infront of the cats. They stared, wide-eyed and terrified at this walking fireball. "Kittie-kittie-kittie!"
Deidara made grabby hands at them, before the cats leveled him up as merely a hyperactive caveboy, and came closer to him. Deidara got to the tabby-striped first and started tickling it's chin.
"Kitty~Kitty~Kitty~Kitty~Kitty~Kitty~" Deidara cooed giddly as the cat started to purr loudly. The other cat took to attacking on his pocket that probably had residues of candy inside it.
Deidara set the first one aside and started petting the second, when his turn-of-his head spotted something.
"DANNA!"
Deidara flew through his blazing trail, effectively reaching and tackling Sasori in 00.3 seconds. Before poor Sasori even had a chance to glare. Not that it would work on a creature that had no sense of fear or danger.
"Danna~Danna~Danna~Danna~Danna~Danna~" Deidara cooed as he rocked back and forth with his new Danna in a chokehold.
Wittle Deidara didn't really know what a Danna was, he just knew that that was what the pretty Geisha's in Granpa Onoki's movies called the boys they really liked. And Deidara really liked Sasori, for some unknown, possibley lethal reason. Like the couple from Rappucini's Daughter, one of them was probably gonna die.
Deidara's mind wasn't thinking any of this though. Because it hadn't gotten past it's own stage of processing things other then what was entertaining. And apparently, suffocating Sori-no-Danna was entertaining. Because he was still doing it, and Sasori was tinging blue.
Sasori opened his mouth wide, and bit down, very, very hard, onto Deidara's poor wittle arm.
"NYAH! Danna-Danna baddy!" Was Deidara's reaction as he pulled away finally and began screaming and crying, very, very loudly.
Mei had just sat down, so she hadn't been looking to see why Deidara was crying. But she rushed over and scooped up the bawling little child quickly. "What's the matter Dei? Did you fall down? Oh your arm hurts- Let Aunty Mei-Mei kiss it." The second Mei put her lips on the spot Sasori had bitten, Deidara's mouth shut, his tears evaporated, and he jumped out of her arms to huggle Sasori again.
Mei and Sasori seemed to be in simular states of shock. Where as Mei was stunned to the point that she thought of checking the ingrediants in her lipstick, she got up slowly, saw that Deidara was infact fine now, and walked back to the bench she'd been on.
Where as with Sasori, he was staring wide-eyed at Deidara, who was now having a one-sided wrestling match with him. Unlike all the other nuisances Sasori would find, whom after being bitten, would run away, screeching and crying, and never, ever come back.
This was not the reaction that Sasori reveled in being found everyother time. And he started to think of other ways he could seriously injure the toddler that had now went to fluffing up his hair.
Sasori was wondering how much damage beating the baby with his doll would do until he decided he didn't want to bring any harm to the doll. Before Deidara moved, for a split-second Sasori was wishing he'd become consumed with someone else to horrendously torture until he grabbed his arm again.
"Sori-no-Danna pay in the sanbox wif me!" He giddied. Sasori glared at him. "Pweey pease?"
Sasori growled, even adults got wary of him when he growled. Deidara wasn't fazed, he just kept tugging his arm.
Sasori was pretty close to what normal people would call 'distraught'. But as some might have noticed, six-year old Sasori doesn't process emotions regularly. Just as Deidara doesn't seem to. Sasori could hold his ground while thousands of puppys and kittens burst into flames around him, but probably be defeated by a well-worded speech about love, friendship and the soul. So now, Sasori was intelligently deciding, that if pain and pure hatred didn't make this boy recoil, maybe he could just go with him and wait for him to become interested in something else.
Or die, that would be quicker. So as Sasori stood up to be dragged away by a now gleeing Deidara. He put the thought of killing the boy in his head as Plan B.
Yes, Sasori doesn't process things like the regular six-year-old.
Deidara gleefully pulled him over to the large sandbox and jumped inside, pulling Sasori inside the box with him. "Danna-Danna-Danna make a san' casle wif me!" He giddied excitedly.
Sasori glared at him with the 'You're a fuckin idiot' stare regular seven-year-olds also shouldn't be able to make. You can't make a sandcastle without water, and all the sand in the box was very, very dry. As Sasori had learned when he went to the beach with his parents when he was Deidara's own age-
...Yes, Sasori didn't want to think about sandcastles right now. So he sat on the edge of the box, as he apparently had found the invisable salamander-lizard-dragon again. And began intently staring at it.
Deidara didn't seem to notice that he wasn't getting any help as he tryed to bunch the sand together and make it stay. But it wasn't. So he decided to just make a sand hill instead.
And he could make caves for indians to live in to! yay!
But meanwhile, there were also the adults that were watching these two.
Seeing as how it was lipstick, it didn't have a label. So Mei just tryed to brush off her earlier encounter and smilingly watched Deidara play with his new little friend, all while wondering why Onoki could be so seemingly terrified of the adorable, rainbow-colored and blonde fluffball.
Two benches away, Ebizo was sitting there annoyed. However you couldn't tell by looking at him. His face was always blank and distaint-looking, under long gray eyebrows. He could now recall his insane sister dropping him and her grandson off at this park, and all he could do now is heed her advice. Sit there, and try and remember not to move. He was trying so hard to do this, he wasn't paying attention to Sasori. Which actually led to him forgetting who Sasori was, and only being able to remember that he shouldn't move.
Then there was Onoki, who was taking random notes of things he thought about as he signed papers. He had messed up seven times, and in his rage had effectively broken his ashtray, two of the cupholders, his window, half his steering wheel, the rubber thingy on the transmission, and somehow, his windshield wiper...
So back with the kiddies, Deidara finished his mountain. And now wanted to do something else.
"Danna! whatta you wanna do?" He asked, getting up against Sasori's side.
Sasori shook his head in his direction, in attempt to tell him to decide himself. Apparently Deidara understood, because then he started 'um'ing.
"Ummmmmm~" He looked around. "SWING!" He screeched really loud before running off. Sasori was about to mentally grin that he was finally gone- until Deidara ran back, grabbed Sasori's arm and pulled him towards the swingset.
Deidara started patting the bottom of the swing he wanted on. Hoping it would do something. He wasn't supposed to get on a swing without someone to help him, but he wanted to swing, and hoped patting it would help.
Magically, Mei had appered behind him. "Deidara want on the swing."
"Yes peeeeeeease!" He cooed happily.
"Okay, heave-" She hoisted him up onto the baby swing. "Does your friend want on to?" She looked at Sasori, who glared at her, growled, and took a step back. Effectively saying to her 'fuck no bitch'
Mei smiled nervously and blinked. Nodding and then pushing Deidara slightly to get him started.
"Want to go higher?" She asked Deidara, trying to also brush off the evil demon child behind her like she did the magical lipstick.
"I hanna do it!" He said, trying to kick his legs around.
"Kick your legs to go forward and bend them to go back," She pushed it again to help him and he started going back and forth as he laughed happily.
She took a step back, trying not to make eye contact with the demon child that was still standing in his place. She noticed him starting to take a few steps back.
"DANNA!" Deidara gushed, and Sasori had to jump back in place. "Lookie-lookie-lookie-lookie!" He said as he continued to kick his legs and go back and forth.
Sasori made a head movement that might have been a nod. Deidara continued to gush and glee. Mei sat on a bigger swing next to him, and relaxed as Deidara continued this for about... fifteen minutes.
Sasori's head had started to lean forward, signalling he was very annoyed with the constaint gleeing and giggling Deidara was making. It got lower and lower as more time passed and he got more annoyed... lower...lower...lower... and his chin was now touching his chest...
Suddenly, Deidara stopped swinging and started leaning forward, Mei got up and caught him before he flipped out of the swing. "All done?"
"Uh-huh." Deidara confirmed. "Common Danna lets pay on the big-big thingy!" He gleed, pointing at the jungle gym, and quickly grabbing Sasori's hand and pulling him towards it. Mei giggled and then followed slowly behind to keep an eye on them.
Luckily, after not getting on the big-kids jungle gym on first try. Deidara then pulled Sasori to the toddlers jungle gym, he let go of Sasori to begin climbing up the tiny slide.
When Deidara was at the top he turned back to Sasori. "Danna-Danna common!"
Sasori didn't move or reply, infact he didn't even bother to glare at Deidara. He was too busy pretending he was somewhere dark, quiet, and Deidaraless.
Deidara went around to the small ladder and jumped down. He then ran over and poked Sasori a few times. "...Are you broken?"
Sasori didn't reply of course, but his eyes twitched in Deidara's direction, sadly remembering he was there.
"...You're crippled aren't you?" Deidara said, knowing only that crippled people don't do much. "... Wuz you in the crippled people olympocs?" He cheered giddily.
Sasori still didn't move or say anything, but he was staring at Deidara, now fully aware that he hated him. And that if he ever came into possesion of something long, hard, and rusty, he would beat him with it.
Deidara was still clapping at the thought of his Danna being an athlete, it took a few minutes for this to subside, and Deidara notice that Sasori still wasn't doing anything. Sasori had even taken his stare off Deidara, searching despretely for the invisable Sallizagon...
Deidara then started poking him. "Poke, poke, poke, poke, poke." Sasori had built up his resistance to the poking, so Deidara also did this for a very long time before he found it wouldn't work. " Poke... poke... poke... pooooooke." Deidara finished, looking at Sasori's face for reaction. There was none, but in not being able to find the Sallizagon, Sasori was looking at him again. "You needta' do somethin'." Deidara declared.
There was a few minutes of silence, in which both childrens minds were apparently blank. Until Deidara perked, up.
"Om, Danna stay there I be back~" Deidara took his shoulders and positioned him where to wait. Then he ran over to Mei, sitting back on her bench watching close by.
"Yes Deidara?"
"I gotsta go potty!" Deidara declared. Mei nodded, taking his hand and leading him to the restroom area.
Sasori, watching him leave, found his chance to skip to Plan C. Which was to run and hide. He had originally planned to do this only when after beating Deidara and finding that he also couldn't die, but this seemed like a good chance also.
He rushed over to a climbing dome thingy, slipped through the diamond holes, got in the middle, put his doll on his head, got on the ground, put dirt on his back, and hid there.
...Five minutes later.
"Danna!" Deidara gleed happily. "There you are!"
Sasori groaned, Next time he'll wait untill after Plan B and then go hide in a bush.
"So you aren't crippled!" He yelled, pointing at him. "I knew it! You did something and I missed it! Like when Gampa tooked me to the Zoo and I misseded the monkeys throwing their poo!" Deidarar started stoping and whining that he missed his Danna being in motion.
Sasori sat crosslegged, watching Deidara, and every so often averting his eyes to check the inside of the dome for anything long hard and rusty.
Finally, Deidara also lost entertainment in his tantrum, but not in Sasori. "Common lessgo do somethin!" He grabbed Sasori's arm yet again and pulled him out of the dome and away.
Deidara this time pulled him off the wood-chip floored jungle gym area and next door to the baseball area. The sun was already beggining to set, and the field was empty, so Deidara pulled him to the middle of the field before stopping. Mei had gotten up and moved to a players bench on the field to watch Deidara.
In the middle of the field, Deidara let go of Sasori and turned to him again. "Can you do somethin' now?" Sasori of course glared at him, motionless.
Deidara cocked his head to think of what to do now. He straightened up and jumped, trying to see if he would be like a mirror and copy, but Sasori still didn't do anything.
Deidara slumped dramaticly, he tried grabbing his arm and moving it around to see if that would help, but Sasori's arm just went back to being limp at his side once he let go.
Deidara ruffled his own hair, thinking. Steam about to start comming out his ears. He blew fluffy blonde bangs out of his face, before the clearer vision helped him notice something. "Can I play wif your dolly?"
Sasori grunted defesively, clutching his doll closer and stepping away.
Deidara was apparently joyfull he had done that. as he smiled and clapped momentarily. "Do something else!" He cheered.
Sasori just glared at him with a new look of 'touch the dolly and I'll find a dog to maim you'
Deidara was happy he'd found his Danna as mobile, so he just stood there, and watched him as he would step farther away every couple moments.
It was dark now, and Mei figured it was soon time to leave, she made a glance at Deidara, seeing that they still wern't moving, and found it safe for her to rush away for a minute to go see if Onoki was ready to leave.
Deidara was still motionless, apparently mesmerized by his Danna as he slowly took more and more steps farther back from him. But then he perked up and noticed something.
"There you are you bloody little shrimp." Chiyo cackled as she arrived, "Now where'd I leave Ebizo?" She turned and looked around for her wandering brother. Sasori looked up at her, glare calming. This ment he could leave now.
Deidara also saw this. He whined quietly for a second, but the lifted up his hand. Sasori saw this.
"Bye-bye Danna! I lo-"
Sasori's brain snapped, in a quick moment, he looked at his doll, he loved his doll, but he hated Deidara. And as with yesterday, he would let go of it for a few seconds.
He threw the toy at Deidara once again. It wacked him in the face as it had previously. Successfully shutting Deidara up as he began to bawl.
"There he is! lessgo!" Chiyo said, grabbing Sasori's arm and pulling him away. "Eb! over here! My name is Serena I have a new fishing poll for you!"
After Sasori and Chiyo were gone, Mei returned, running over to the bawling Deidara. "Ohhh, what happened now? Common honey don't cry." She quickly thought of the cure. She pecked his cheek, leaving a dark lipstick mark, Deidara silenced and giggled up at her.
Onoki said he had a few more papers to sign, and she didn't feel like returning to the torn-apart car too terribly soon, so she sat on the grass with Deidara to wait.
Suddenly there was a loud bang that had Mei jump, and the dark sky was illuminated with colors. "Oh, lookie Dei, it's pretty fireworks!"
"Skiii!" Deidara screeched happily, running alittle ahead to watch the explosions and colors.
-Meanwhile
"Now, what's my name?"
"My name is Henric, I live in Missisippi USA and I love french people hand hamburgers. My daughter Sally sells seashells down by the seashore." Ebizo replied sarcasticly. Memory working again, and remembering he was pissed at his sister.
"Good," Chiyo agreed.
Sasori was sitting unstrapped in his booster seat. Chiyo went slow enough for that not to matter. Sasori was sitting with his arms crossed, glad Deidara was gone, and turely believeing in his mind he would never have to see him again. Then he realized something.
He screeched, jumped out of his seat and tugged on Chiyo's arm. Chiyo, becoming very familiar with Sasori usually doing none of these things, looked down. "What dear?"
Sasori clapped his hands together despretely, showing that they were empty.
"Oh my gracious." She breathed. "Eb, stay there."
"Yes ma'am." He said, fully measuring the situation. Sasori hadn't been without his doll for a complete two years, not since his parents died.
Chiyo quickly opened the cardoor and let Sasori rush out back into the park. Sasori, after a few seconds of concentration, remembered exactly where he'd left it.
He passed by the jungle gym, sandbox, dome and swings, and went through the gathering crowd in the baseball field until he was at the center.
"Danna!" Deidara gleed. Sasori ran over to him, stopped, and searched the ground, Deidara patted his head for him to look up. "Danna you forgoted your dolly~"
Sasori quickly snatched the doll Deidara was holding, Deidara gleed with himself that'd he'd returned his Danna's dolly and clapped.
As Sasori clutched the doll tightly, Deidara hugged him "Bye-bye Danna!" He gleed. Sasori wasn't glaring at Deidara, he wasn't even processing that he was there or touching him.
Chiyo caught up. "Ah there he is, see Sori?" Deidara let go and Sasori went to join her.
Another firework went off and Sasori shut his eyes and covored his ears, recoiling into Chiyo. Deidara was back at Mei's side clapping and cheering.
Mei was enjoying the show and laughing at everytime Deidara would jump in dramatic delight and squee. When she found a gray kitten pawing at her leg.
"Kitty-Kitty!" Deidara gleed. Remembering it, "I wan it I wan it!"
"Well, I don't see why not." Onoki wouldn't object a cat when he wouldn't object a child.
Chiyo had led Sasori away and back into the car, in reply to his current calmness Chiyo took the time to buckle his seat as he didn't try to kick her away.
"Okay, crisis averted," Chiyo declared upon entering herself. "And best of all, I got enough cheese cubes to last us the rest of the year. And enough little toothpicks to build a house."
She looked at her brother, he had fallen asleep and was snoring loudly.
"Okay, that's nice." She mused. She started the noisy car and checked all her mirrors, the backseat reveiled that Sasori was still calm, and looking more tired then all the bedtimes in the past two years.
"Mew," Chiyo looked out her window, a little tabby-striped cat was next to the car, she opened it slowly and beckoned it in.
After the cat jumped and curled into Ebizo's lap, Chiyo noted her mirror again. Sasori's head was against the window and his eyes were closed peacefully. "...Damn that's cute."
-End Chapter-
WEEEE! 8D
...The cat died... Stripey, my moms favorite. So Stripey and his still living brother Fuzzy have been given apperances, and upcoming reapearing rolls in this story~
I named them Orochi and Kami, but that seems to go through everyones ear and out the other Xd
I am once again leting my dinner get cold. Must put down new laptop, muuuuuust.
PS: I was going to upload all five of the 'sunday' chapters today, but between being lazy and making Christmas cards, these two are the only ones finished, KakuHid should be up soon though!