Disclaimer: iCarly... I always think I, Robot. They should do a parody of those movies... and then a porno parody. And then I'll write fan fic about that.

"Sam, why won't you tell me?"

I shift uncomfortably on Carly's sofa, toying with the remote. It's after rehearsal, and I thought Carly'd forgotten about it... she didn't say anything when Freddie was here. Carly's giving me her intense, x-ray stare, but I'll be damned if I show her my bones. Some things are better left unseen. "Can we just drop it?"

She takes the remote from me, sighing, her hand brushing mine and leaving goosebumps. She doesn't even realise, she doesn't even know what she does to me. How can something not be wrong? "I thought we were past this Sam. I thought we agreed; no more secrets."

I look away. I did promise that, and unlike most of my promises, I actually meant it. "I'm not keeping secrets. I swear on my mother's grave."

"Your mom isn't dead. Is she?"

Sometimes, Carly's so easy to distract. I shrug. "I dunno. Could be."

Carly frowns at me. "So you're not gonna tell me?" She says, raising an eyebrow.

I raise my hands. "Nothing to tell."

She nods slowly, sighing. "That's what I was afraid of. Alright, c'mere."

Carly grabs my hand, pulling me to my feet unwillingly and tugging me over towards the stairs. "C-carly?" I manage to stammer. She... she's holding my hand. She doesn't even know. Oh God, there's that stupid rabbit heart of mine again. Dammit! It's just a hand! It's not like I haven't held her hand before.

Yeah, and how much do you think about all those times? I will my brain to shut up. It's not helping, and it never does, or maybe I'd pay more attention in school.

I stumble up the stairs, struggling to make some kind of vocal protest. Oh. Her hand is so soft. I can't stop myself... I twist my hand in hers a little, my fingers entwining with hers. Carly pauses, looking back at me before tightening her grip and pulling me forward again. She pulls me into her room, pushing me ahead of her. "Carly... what-?"

She locks the door behind her, leaning against it, and I feel the words dry up in my mouth. My mind is telling me what this looks like, what it wants it to be, and it's so fucking stupid! My brain's the one that's supposed to be reasoning, telling me that of course this isn't what it looks like, and my heart's just clapping it's hands together, cheering my brain on. Because what it looks like, my palms sweating, is like what I've seen in movies, where someone gets dragged to a bedroom and confesses their feelings. And then there's usually a sex scene.

Carly's looking at me strangely, and I try to rein myself back. My imagination is going wild, and I wipe my hands on my pants, crossing my arms. I lick my lips. "Carly, what are you doing?"

She crosses her arms, mirroring me. "You're gonna tell me what's wrong Sam." She smirks at me, circling around me.

I turn to follow her. "There's nothing wrong! Why won't you believe me!"

She steps up to me, stroking my cheek before pulling her hand back and rubbing her fingers together. "'Cause you're sweating."

I swallow hard, still feeling her fingers, cool on my cheek. "It's hot in here." I watch her carefully as she turns away from me, bowing her head.

"Sam..." She turns back, sighing. She freezes. "Sam!"

I pause from where my fingers are on the knob. Dammit, I should've been faster. "Uh... " My mind's a blank. Oh sure, and you were so talkative before!

Carly takes a cautious step towards me and I look quickly between her and the door. She puts her hands up. "Okay Sam, just relax... let go of the doorknob." I look wistfully at the knob, the steel cool under my hand. "Just back away and- now!" Carly leaps forward, and I fumble with the lock. Dammit! All I do is pick locks all day! This one doesn't even need a key! Carly grabs me around the waist, trying to squirm between me and the door. I try even harder... so... close... Carly's arms around me; they're making my stomach churn in all sorts of ways.

"Why did you shout 'now'? We're the only ones here!" I manage to grunt confusedly, still struggling. Somehow her legs get tangled in mine and I fall backwards, hitting the ground with a thud, the breath knocked from me.

Before I even have time to regain it, Carly's crawling on top of me, pinning my arms above my head. This... I can't... why? Why? I was already winded! How am I supposed to breathe now?

I can't stop from my eyes from running over her figure... she's leaning over me and it's so... it's so... ngh. I... I think I'm panting. I don't know. I can't tell. Am I alive? Yes. Oh God yes. No, I am. Why does this keep happening? Why can't she just let it go?

I can feel where her knees are pressing into my sides, her hands on my wrists, and I could push her off, so easily, if she was anyone else but her. She seems a little surprised that I haven't done so already. "Sam! Tell me what's wrong!"

"N-n-n-"

She narrows her eyes are me. "And don't say nothing!" She leans on me harder, more of her body brushing against me, and I feel my hips push up into her slightly. I struggle to say a real word, anything to get her off me. She has to feel that, she has to feel me pushing up against her. Oh, oh, oh shit.

"N-n-nightmares!" I manage to force out, gasping and trying to stop my traitorous hips. Please, please don't push up against her, I know it feels so good, but... oh. It feels so good.

Carly releases my wrists, sitting back. It's marginally better. It puts more pressure on my hips anyway, and keeps them firmly grounded. "Nightmares?" Carly says in a confused voice. She moves off me and I let out a huge breath, not sure how I even managed to take it in the first place. I sit up, and it feels weird. My body... it feels different, and maybe it's 'cause I'm a little turned on or just... I don't know. It's like it's a dog, pricking it's ears at the scent of her.

I push my hair away from my face. The best thing is just to ignore it. Thinking about how I'm turned on while Carly is here will only turn me on more, and it's hard enough as it is. Heh, hard enough. It sounds dirty.

Carly sits on her chaise, her hands clasped together. I get up, dusting myself off and sitting at the other end. I don't want to be too close to her. Well, I do, but that's the problem. She looks over at me. "Are they like the ones where the monster tried to steal your soup?"

I twist my mouth. I guess they sort of are. My therapist said those dreams were about Carly anyway, that I was scared of losing her to Griffin, or some crap like that. And I wasn't entirely lying when I said I was having nightmares now. I dream that I tell her, and it's like it's real, because I'm just as scared in the dream as I would be in real life. And she rejects me. She yells at me, tells me get to get out and never speak to her again. So yeah, that's my worst nightmare. I won't tell her about the sex dreams though. "Sort of." I say with a dry mouth.

Carly leans back, crossing her legs. "Well... tell me about them. Like... this morning's one, what was that?"

That? Oh, that was me thinking I was gonna explode into little Sam chunks. I study my shoes intently, chewing my lip. "D-do you think we'll always be friends?"

Carly frowns. "Of course."

"Do you think there's anything we could say or... or do that'd change that?" It's a stupid question, because she doesn't know what I'm thinking of saying or doing.

Carly tilts her head, thinking. "I don't think so. Is that what your nightmares are about? Us not being friends anymore?"

I turn my head away from her. Stupid move. Carly's scooting over, hugging me, squeezing my shoulder comfortingly. Except it's not comforting, it's reminding me why I love her so damn much.

"Sam, that's never gonna happen. Fate brought us together, and it's gonna keep us together."

I force a smile. She had to say something like that. I've always had our doubts about our friendship... not on my side, but on hers. I couldn't... I still can't see why she'd ever like me. It used to comfort me when she said it was fate... but not anymore. If I was meant to be with her, it wouldn't be this hard. It's not fate, it's luck, and I'm not about to do anything to change that. "Thanks, Cupcake." I say sincerely, but it's not this I'm saying thank you for. It's for all the other things she's done.

She smiles back at me, releasing me. It's a relief. "Why was that so hard to tell me?"

'Cause it's a lie. "Just... you know, I have a reputation to uphold."

Carly shakes her head. "Not around me you don't. We're best friends Sam, we can tell each other anything. It's one of the perks."

Not anything. If she was my best friend I could tell her everything, anything. I'm her best friend, but she's not mine. She's more than that, and you'd think that'd mean more honesty, but it just means there's more to hide. It just means there's a lot more at stake.

It just means I have to keep lying to her, and hope she never finds out. It's a lot easier to say that nothing could break us up than it is to do. And that's why her words don't comfort me, because there's a good chance they're lies too, she just doesn't know it yet.

A/N: So, from what I'm guessing, you guys love awkward moments. And hilarious A/N's. You just want everything don't you? Well go ahead! Take everything! Take my blood! Well... actually no. I need that.

Look, I don't know much about 'humour' or 'comedy' or 'no means no', but I do know about being mentally unbalanced, and it's much the same.

But what I do know is awkward moments, like the time I walked in on my grandmother doing a striptease. For my birthday. While my friends were there. At my request.

Luckily, you can use bleach on eyes now. I would've read the warning label but for some reason my eyes were burning.

I get distracted. So review, and I'll work on dredging up that feeling of awkwardness that is so prescient in my past. And present.

...And most likely future.