Um… Shucks, sorry for the super duper late update, guys… I kinda couldn't get myself to write it the way I want so I had to change it lots of times… Anyway, here it is and… well… thank you so much for reading this, I really appreciate it. Only, I kinda fear that you guys might get disappointed if the story wouldn't go as you'd expect it… hehe…
Chapter 2. Mein Lied durch das Sturm
Gilbert would never forget the one moment yesterday when he and Roderich were as if the only two people in the world; they were, in that hidden and secluded grass field on top of the hill at least. Gilbert would never forget how his Austrian prince looked so silly yet still so perfect as the latter fell to the pond, terrorized by the small frog Gilbert picked up; how Roderich pulled him down the water, how they both fell, how their eyes locked for only an instant yet it felt so long; how Roderich looked very pissed off but still so beautiful with his cherry-like cheeks that the sunset tried to hide, or how Roderich looked like the most majestic creature with his smooth skin obvious through his wet clothes. Gilbert would also never forget that urge inside of him that he fought so hard not to follow, that urge to hold Roderich close and kiss him deeply and tell him how much he loved him, and touch Roderich's cold yet burning skin.
These, all of these, now became the reason of his insomnia, of his uneasiness; of why he was still trying and failing to get some sleep at nine o'clock in the morning. There was nothing in his mind at the moment except his precious prince, and the turn of events yesterday, and his regrets of how he acted so un-Gilbert-ish at times yesterday. He felt embarrassed for it. He feared that one more careless move might make Roderich realize that Gilbert wanted him— a fact that might disgust Roderich and make him leave Gilbert forever. Roderich should never find out because Gilbert did not want to lose him…
"Dammit! Dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit, DAMMIT!" Gilbert shouted as he disruptively rolled about on his four-poster bed. He felt so tired of thinking things over yet he can't stop himself from doing so. Roderich was driving him mad. MAD! And he had to think of a way to divert himself…
That was when he noticed that the curtains of his ceiling-to-floor window were drawn up tidily despite the bad weather outside. He sat up and warily looked at them. He was awake the whole night; he was sure they were closed the whole time. Besides, he never drew up his curtains, not in such a tidy manner, at least. Ludwig was the only one who'll risk getting beaten up by Gilbert just so he could clean up the mess… Ludwig? But if someone went in, shouldn't he have noticed?
"Bruder, don't tell me you haven't noticed me this whole time."
Gilbert shifted his gaze from the window on his left to his younger brother at his right. He was standing just a few feet away from Gilbert's bed, a full sack keeping his left hand occupied. Ludwig was cleaning my room? Gilbert asked himself… and so the horror slowly sunk in. Because Gilbert did not want anyone else in his room. And the reason why he did not want anyone to enter his room; moreover, clean it, was because of what they might find inside. His secrets were hidden everywhere in this place…
"When did you get in!?" Gilbert asked.
"A few minutes ago," Ludwig answered. "You really didn't notice? You weren't even asleep. I even called your name."
"My mind was occupied," was Gilbert's defense. He added, "What's in the sack?"
Ludwig looked at the sack he was carrying before looking at Gilbert again; answering, "Trash."
"You're not gonna take anything out of this room, Ludwig."
"Don't worry, Bruder. Those stuff you treasure most are fine."
"Y-You saw!?"
Ludwig was surprised at that. Honestly, he did not expect a panicked reaction like that from his brother at any circumstance. "Saw what?" he asked.
Gilbert narrowed his eyes in suspicion. At the same time, he felt anger slowly rushing in him. "What's in the sack?" he repeated, "And what did you see?" more threateningly this time.
"I meant I did not open your chest in the corner. I know I'm not allowed to," Ludwig answered, exasperated. So he threw the sack to Gilbert and started walking out. "See for yourself what's inside. I was only cleaning your room, you know."
The door opened and closed and Ludwig was gone and Gilbert was relieved. When he looked inside the sack… They are trash. And Gilbert was relieved even more.
He was also relieved that Ludwig was an upright brother and that he respected his older brother's privacy… in one way or another. He was relieved that Ludwig did not look inside the chest in the far corner of this room that contained the framed portrait of Roderich that Gilbert drew a few years ago— the one that looked so perfect and majestic, and the ebony violin Gilbert bought with his own money back in high school— the one he secretly learned to play so he could "show off" to Roderich someday, and the cute stuffed toy that resembled Roderich— the one Gilbert secretly made just days after they first met.
Yes, when they first met. Gilbert has always been obsessed since then. He remembered how he always played there in the woods alone, and he remembered the struck feeling he experienced when he first saw a lost beautiful boy in that one place he knew so well; he fell in love immediately and he did not know how to act right at first so he ended up acting rude and bully-ish. But he did take Roderich home safely back then, didn't he? And in one way or another, Roderich was obviously thankful even though he never really admitted it. They always argued, but they became friends anyway. And Gilbert was happy it stayed that way.
…
The sky was dark, and it was already raining early in the morning, but at nine o'clock, Roderich was already occupying a seat of a table for two inside a known café in the city, sipping tea from a cute ceramic cup, eating a delicious cake, and having conversation with their company's president, Honda Kiku. He was delighted to be invited out by an old friend, but he was, obviously, very nervous of what the other might say. The shaking of his hands become even more noticeable whenever he holds his teacup, especially because of the disruption on the liquid. He could feel his heart beat so fast, and he'd breathe heavily as if there were not enough air, and Kiku would ask if he was all right, and he'd answer there's nothing wrong, and both would sip a little from their drinks. He didn't even know why he was so nervous. He was always very confident with his music…
After a few silent moments, Roderich's eyes finally left the table and decided to look at Kiku. The other was already looking at him.
"Um… about the song I sent you yesterday…" muttered Roderich.
"Yes. You must know I've read it immediately when I received it," Kiku said. "It was all right for me, but as usual, I had to consult Alfred and Hera-san for opinions too. So I did."
"'But'? Wait… why 'but'?"
Kiku flinched and it was perceptible. It was then his turn to stare nervously at the table. He's always like this, thought Roderich. He guessed that Alfred, Kiku's best friend, and Heracles, who was in a relationship with Kiku— Roderich pointed out to himself he didn't know what kind of relationship it was— probably did not like it. He sighed inwardly.
"I always consult these two people, you see," said Kiku. "And they've always liked your works, believe me. But this time, Alfred said it was boring and Hera-san said it was…"
"Too much?" Roderich finished; Kiku nodded. For a moment, he could not believe that putting his feelings into his work would cause him such reactions. Too much was fine, because, he admitted, it really was too much. But boring? Why the hell did Alfred say such a thing!? "What do I do then?"
"Wait!" Kiku's eyes shot up nervously towards Roderich. Roderich almost laughed; he knew Kiku can't find it in him to be mean to others, and being so, even unintentionally, always makes him like this. Honestly though, it was not the case at all. "You must know why I consult Alfred and Hera-san," he said. "Their opinions, especially Alfred's, are also the opinions of common people. So if they liked something, then others might too. But if they don't…"
Roderich faintly smiled. He wondered where this new-found calmness came from all of a sudden. "I understand completely. I want what's best for our company too, after all. I will gladly modify it for you— for the company— but how would you like it to be?" he said.
So Kiku tried to sound as least demanding as he could. Roderich honestly thought he never did sound as such, not even once, so he was a bit intrigued why Kiku was so afraid of letting himself go, even just a bit. "Um… it's probably better if you make the pattern less complicated and the rhythm more upbeat," he answered. "As for the lyrics, I think they're fine but of course we have to change it a bit if the rhythm is also changed. But Roderich-san… are you in love?"
"What!?" Roderich's eyes widened and he could feel his whole body, especially his face, burning with sudden embarrassment— and the new-found calmness a while ago was gone. "I'm… It's just… n-no, I… I squeezed it out of my head! Th-The lyrics, I mean…" he stuttered.
"But this isn't how you write when your ideas are 'squeezed out of your head,' Roderich-san."
"W-What!? N-No, that's definitely it! They're squeezed out!" Roderich was nervous again so he simply started to eat his Black Forest gateau. Kiku did the same and they were silent for the rest of their time in the café.
…
It was already an hour later, though the heavy raining would surely deceive anyone unto believing that it was already late afternoon.
Moments ago, Gilbert had received a call from his superior who told him to attend an urgent meeting today. Gilbert was now finished preparing for the day, and was on his way outside, when a lightning flashed and a thunder roared, and the wind blew a window open along the hallway and the rain poured stronger. Gilbert sighed and went to the window to close it and he caught himself staring at the view beyond the glass while doing so. "Storm?" he mumbled as his eyes wandered about.
Gilbert did not really like the storm. He's always thought of it as dark and gloomy and to him, storms always ruin the day. He suddenly wondered where Roderich was and how he was; Roderich also hated the storm. Gilbert remembered how he visited Roderich in their place one time, and then the storm suddenly came, and Roderich was suddenly very down and until now, the reason was still a mystery to him.
Snapping out, he heard a chirping sound from afar. He realized that Gilbird, his pet bird, was taking shelter under the thick bunches of leaves of the tree just yards away from the window so he opened it again and called his cute little yellow pet before closing the window one more time.
"Where have you been?" Gilbert mumbled as he dried his pet up with a handkerchief and put him on his shoulders. As if deprived of warmth, Gilbird immediately snuggled close to his master's neck, looking for a comfortable spot where he could fit himself in.
Gilbert wondered how it would be like if it were Roderich who snuggled close to him. And then suddenly, everything was just too hot…
Gilbert killed his car's engines and stepped outside as he opened his black umbrella. The rain was still strong enough to wet him, but he cared less. It wouldn't kill him anyway, nor would it cause him to become sick. It was strong, but he was stronger, he took note.
He spotted a random private strolling by so he shouted to call his attention. The private abruptly went to him and saluted.
"Yes sir?"
"You busy, private?" Gilbert asked.
"No, Captain," the private answered. "I was on a break."
"Break? Well if you wanted to take a bath, you should have gone to the shower room, not here outside. Park my car, would you. I'm late for a meeting." Gilbert threw his keys to the private and the private caught it with ease. A part of him thought that lower-ranking soldiers weren't supposed to be ordered around like lackeys but, oh well. He wasn't treating this one a lackey, he reasoned. He was just asking a favor. And the private did not have any hint of complaint in his face or eyes anyway. Maybe this is the advantage of being friendly to my men.
"Where do you want me to park it, sir?"
Gilbert looked around. Right now, they were in the middle of a wide and long road stretching for more or less a mile, the main gate of this military airbase a few hundred yards behind him, buildings and hangars and warehouses stood mightily everywhere— all almost a block away from each other— rows of planes and jets rested by the hangars from afar, convoy trucks and SUVs parked, and some military jeeps lurked around while their loud but steady engine noise echoed through the silence. The nearest building was the building of the army's secret service. It was where the meeting will be held in minutes, and non-members, officers or not, were never allowed to enter. It was also dangerous to get near it without valid reasons so Gilbert thought he couldn't park the car there. The second nearest building was the armory. Some cars were already parked near it so Gilbert decided it was okay.
"Just anywhere near the armory building."
The private left with Gilbert's car. Exactly then did he hear heavy footsteps approaching him from behind, so he turned around, and there he saw Captain Berwald Oxenstierna, a comrade from the same department, walking towards him. They shook hands once they were in reachable distances.
"Captain Oxenstierna," greeted Gilbert. "I'm not yet late, am I?"
"No," the Swede officer replied. "But Køhler asked me to wait for and get you."
"Yeah, Køhler," Gilbert muttered, amazement and irritation mixed in his voice at the sound of their superior's name out of his lips. Gilbert honestly looked up to the colonel, for reaching such a rank at a young age most especially, but he was just too noisy for the Prussian's taste. "I wish it wasn't him who called. His voice was so loud on the phone I was almost deaf. Did he call you too?"
Berwald only nodded. Gilbert always knew this Swede was not the talkative type; he was the mysterious and somewhat dangerous type that actually hid a big amount of kindness inside him, unlike Colonel Mathias Køhler who was very out-spoken about all things. Gilbert admitted he wouldn't mind if Berwald were his superior but, of course, wouldn't it be the best if it were him who was on top?
Gilbert smirked. "Wouldn't it be better if it were Tino who relayed the message, just like always, Berwald?" he asked and lightly nudged the other's side with an elbow. He was teasing Berwald since he knew Berwald's secret romantic relationship with the lieutenant he just spoke of. How he figured it out, it was his secret. Berwald was just shocked one day that Gilbert already knew.
But to his disappointment, Berwald was unfazed. The latter just looked at him and nodded again for an answer. He did not even blush.
"Hm… I give up. Let's just get inside, shall we?"
…
Roderich decided he was finished going around town for today— because the storm was just too strong for him, and he could not afford to get wet because he'd become sick then, and that was just too much trouble.
So the Austrian drove back to the Edelstein Mansion, and went to his room immediately the moment he was home. He changed to more comfortable and less wet clothes and looked for his sister. As usual, Eliza was reading some books in her study. Roderich thought he should not disturb her anymore.
Roderich went to the music room to finish his work. The sooner I finish, the better, he thought as he went to sit on the piano stool, placed his music sheets on the piano, and started re-examining it. Kiku's request was pretty easy for him…
A lightning flashed through the gray sky, followed by a loud thunder. It was loud enough to shock Roderich and catch his attention.It froze him for a moment before he could turn to the window where Gilbert always appeared at random times, just thinking and wishing that the said man were here to accompany him, or would just call him. But since Gilbert was not around or bugging him, Roderich guessed he was probably busy with military matters…
Roderich sighed. The storm was never good in his opinion since it reminded him of only bad memories— and lots of them. The storm was nothing but dark, nothing but dull, nothing but dreary. And he hated it. Everything outside was so gloomy and gray, and there was only the strong rain he could hear for a while, and could see the colorful flowers and other plants limp and weak due to the water's heaviness on them. There were so many things he could remember and he thought finishing his work would probably do the trick of diverting him from things.
So he scanned the music sheets again and crossed out some unnecessary notes. He reviewed it and played it and edited over and over until he resolved he was finished. Afterwards, he decided he'd try to play it on his piano while he'd sing at the same time…
The way you look at me
I don't know if it's true
Is it too much to say
I want to be closer to you?
This is such a fantasy
The life I am in, I mean;
A perfect life with perfect days,
Perfect flaws make it unfeigned
Dangers that you save me from
Gloom from which you rescue me…
…
Eight years ago
Roderich knew a storm was coming; one could tell by the strength of the winds outside. Other than that, everything was just too dark and gray and colorless for a supposed early afternoon. It was as if the colors of each and everything was drained from them— and it was just plain sad. Roderich has always hated the storm. It was nothing but gloom and sadness for him.
To distract himself, the young Austrian decided to just do something he does rare— bake. After a couple of hours or so, he was able to make a nice gateau so he decided he'd have some tea, probably with his sister, and eat some with her. Strangely, but expectedly, Gilbert appeared just before they could have their snacks.
"Hi, Roderich!" greeted Gilbert with a wide grin on his face, as he appeared by the dining room's door. Roderich greeted back nicely, but Eliza was apparently irritated with his presence so she walked away, rolling her eyes and glaring at Gilbert in the process.
Gilbert sat on the seat opposite Roderich's. The tray with a pot of milk tea, two slices of cake, forks, and cups blocked his view of the other so he pushed it aside a bit.
"I don't know why she hates me so much," Gilbert started, his eyes locked on Roderich's, though Roderich's eyes were obviously avoiding contact. He was smiling though.
"Probably… that's just how she is," was the Austrian's reply. "Anyway, we have not touched these yet so… want some cake?"
Gilbert stared at the pastry. "Yeah, sure, why not? Who baked it?"
"I did."
For a while, Gilbert just stared. It was actually his first time to hear that Roderich actually baked. He was about to disbelieve it but then he saw some flour on Roderich's neck. He absent-mindedly reached out to wipe it, and after realizing what he just did and Roderich was a bit fazed by it, he abruptly apologized.
"Oops… sorry, my mind was elsewhere," he said.
"That's okay," Roderich hurriedly replied while he wiped the flour off him by himself. He suddenly felt so embarrassed…
A lightning suddenly flashed outside and the two noticed it through a window, and a loud rumbling of a thunder followed before the rain did. Roderich's attention was immediately turned to the window, a suddenly somewhat disappointed or just sad expression on his face.
"What's wrong?"
Roderich turned to Gilbert. "The storm is," he said. "I hate it."
"Why?" Gilbert asked but Roderich only nodded, stood up, and poured tea on both of their cups. He gave Gilbert one slice of the cake, and one to him, and even though he didn't talk, he knew Gilbert understood he did not want the topic to surface anymore. And thank goodness, it didn't.
…
You paint a smile on my face
Color to my life
Blue skies of heavens
And bright stars at night
I wish you could know,
But alas, that can't be
`Cause that's all this will ever be…
You're so close but never in reach…
…
By the way, the supposed lyrics of Roderich's song, they're my uh… own composition. I hope it doesn't suck so much…
:D