Lawli: This update took longer than I expected it would, but I have a decent explanation. For the last two weeks I've been performing in my University's play The Living Blog: Apocalypse (which was the inspiration for this fic!). And I've also gotten my hands on a copy of Another Note (courtesy of my bff who knows who she is if she's reading this ;D ) and so have had to force myself to put it down long enough to right this chapter. I hope this was worth the wait, though!
A small note about L and Beyond's last name. I tried to be original and think of a surname for them (obviously I couldn't use Lawliet, since that is L's first name in this story) and came up empty-handed. And so, being uncreative, I settled on the last name Day. So L is Lawliet Day, and Beyond is Beyond Birth Day (Birth being his middle name). Sorry if my unoriginality has let everyone down. XP
With all of that said, please READ, ENJOY, and don't forget to leave a little (or big) REVIEW. Because I love to hear what you think of the story!
Chapter Warnings: Beyond being... Beyond. Character death.
in the land where no-one smiles
-II-
"I thought of you, being somehow different in all this sameness."
L did not show up for school the next morning. Light, who had never known his friend to miss a full day of classes, took this to mean that something was seriously wrong. No matter what happened (how many bruises he merited from Beyond) L always toughed it out; covered his face in neutral makeup and pretended nothing was out of the ordinary. Of course, people always knew, but usually they went along with L's façade of normalcy. For L not to show up for school...
Images of what he'd witnessed between the two brothers the previous evening invaded Light's memory as he sat in his sixth period Calculus class, staring blankly at the empty chair beside him that was usually occupied by his best friend.
... Did that mean Beyond hadn't stopped? Even with the commotion Light knew he'd caused on his way out of the house (they had to have heard him!) had Beyond continued?
Light frowned, feeling sick once again. He placed a hand over his mouth and glared down at the equations in his textbook. Honestly, he never thought Beyond would do something so loathsome. The man was a creep, there was no denying that; Light never felt comfortable around him, even when Beyond flashed him those sickly-sweet smiles. And then there were the bruises. Beyond abused L; L never wanted to admit it but it wasn't hard to figure out. But this... this... this was something that Light never expected, even from Beyond. It was too much – too horrible; Light didn't want to believe it. He didn't want to believe he'd been right there – right there, close enough to do something about it, possibly stop it – and he'd run. Run away, left L behind.
The realization hit Light with the force of a speeding bus.
He could have gone in there – could have pried Beyond off of L, could have called the cops, could have... could have done anything. But he'd been too consumed by shock and repulsion, too scared, and so did nothing; ran away and hoped that his sounds of his footsteps was enough to deter Beyond from raping his own brother.
Looking back on his actions, Light felt disgusted with himself. His best friend... L, who would do anything for him (who loved him, supposedly, according to Beyond in that moment of madness)... Light just left him there, at Beyond's mercy. How could he even call himself L's friend (his best friend) after this?
How could he have done nothing?!
"Yagami-kun, is there a problem?"
Light blinked, flicking his gaze upwards and towards his professor, who stared back at him curiously. For the first time, Light realize that he was not sitting; rather, he was standing, his hands gripping the corners of his desk with such force that his knuckles had turned white.
"Yagami-kun?"
"I'm sorry," Light said after a moment. "I guess... I'm not really feeling well."
"Would you like to go to the nurse's office?"
"...Yes," Light decided, gaze settling on L's empty chair. "I would."
The professor nodded and wrote him a pass, which Light gratefully took and exited the room with after gathering all of his belongings. On his way to the nurse's office, he flipped open his cell phone and checked to see if he'd gotten any messages from L. Nothing. Feeling even more worried, he quickly sent a text to L's phone – a simple, 'hey, everything okay?' – before pocketing his cell and stepping into the infirmary.
The nurse easily recognized him and, knowing his reputation for being such a diligent student, believed him when Light said he wasn't feeling well. She sympathized, offered to write him a note that would excuse him from the rest of his classes.
"Yes," Light accepted, "I would appreciate that. I probably just need to go sleep it off."
The nurse nodded her head. "Let me go write that note and you can go home to get some rest."
Light could feel his cell phone vibrating in his back pocket. Forcing a weary smile onto his face, Light thanked her quietly and watched her disappear into the next room before pulling out his phone. After clicking the top button on the left-hand side, the response popped up onto the small screen.
'Don't worry.'
But he was worried.
L was selfless by nature, didn't like people feeling concerned for him – but if Light didn't worry, who would?
'I'm coming over,' he typed back.
The reply he received was quick: 'Don't.'
Light had to return his cell phone back to his pocket before getting a chance to write back, as the nurse entered the room at that moment. She held up the note she'd written and instructed him to drop it off at the front office on his way out.
"Thank you."
"You're welcome. Feel better, Yagami-kun."
The message L sent him only made Light more anxious to find out what was going on. He left the infirmary as soon as the note was placed in his hand, stopping at the front office to throw it on the receptionist's desk before rushing out the doors and off of school property. He did have to wait for a bus. Buses in this part of Kanto usually came around every fifteen minutes; he had five more to wait. Flipping open his cell phone, he responded simply to L: 'yes'.
Keeping the phone clasped tightly in his right hand, he glanced down the road, looking for the bus, thinking he could see it in the distance.
What would he find once he reached L's house? L seemed determined to keep Light away (the text he received right as the bus pulled to the stop read: 'please don't'). What was he hiding? Was he feeling ashamed of himself, and too embarrassed to look his best friend in the eye? Did he think Light would shun him if he found out the truth (not that he didn't already know it).
Light placed several coins in the appropriate slot and took a seat near the middle of the bus. It wasn't crowded at all; most people were still either working or at school.
... Did L know?
The thought caused Light's insides to turn cold. He visibly paled.
Did L know he had been there – know that he'd watched from the safety of the hallway – know that he'd done nothing? Light hadn't made a quiet escape from the house – purposefully went out as loud as possible. So it was plausible. What would he say if he found out L knew? What could he possibly say or do to make up for the fact that he'd allowed Beyond to...
Light's eyes widened.
Beyond!
Light hadn't thought of it earlier, but what if Beyond was at the house when he arrived? The last thing he wanted was to lay eyes on the man. He couldn't remember ever feeling hatred for L's brother before (he'd always thought Beyond was creepy, dirty, dangerous – but he never outright hated him) and now he couldn't bring himself to feel anything but hatred towards him. So what would he do if Beyond was home – if Beyond was home and tried approaching him?
(Surely he had to know; Beyond knew everything; always knew everything).
The fear stayed with him the entire bus ride, left the vehicle with him, and followed him like a pest all the way to his best friend's front porch, which Light stood on for a good three minutes, shuddering, giving his decision to visit a second thought.
L... L needed him. Even if he claimed to not want Light there, he needed him – for comfort, for support.
Swallowing and trying his best to gather his courage, Light brought a hand up to the doorknob and tested it. Locked. Light swore under his breath and knocked twice, begrudgingly. There was a full minute he was forced to wait, during which he contemplated bolting toward the safety of his own home, and then the door unlocked and opened to reveal the one face Light had been hoping to avoid.
Beyond stared down at him, his thin lips stretching into a wide smirk as he realized who it was. Light could have sworn his eyes flashed red.
"Tsuki-kun! What a pleasant surprise," Beyond greeted in a low voice, a voice so dissimilar to the one he used with L.
Light frowned at the incorrect pronunciation of his name. The kanji that spelled out his name also translated to read Moon (Tsuki), which was something he'd explained to L's older brother many years ago when they first met. Ever since then, Beyond rarely referred to him as anything else.
"It's a surprise to see you here," Beyond said, stepping aside and holding the door open for him to enter.
Light did so. Beyond closed and locked the door behind him.
"I don't think Lawliet is in the mood to play today."
Beyond stood directly behind Light, so close that Light could practically feel the heat coming off of his body. It sent chills down his spine.
"He's not feeling himself; he's tired..." Beyond's voice trailed off as he placed a hand on Light's shoulder. "I'm sure you can imagine why." Light stiffened and Beyond laughed – a forced, slightly high-pitched 'henh henh henh henh' sound that made the hairs on the back of Light's neck stand erect.
"You witnessed quite a show, didn't you?"
Light tried to pull away, but Beyond was stronger than he looked (he was able to pin L down on the bed so effortlessly). He kept his left hand on Light's left shoulder and his right on Light's right bicep, leaning close to whisper in his ear.
"Did it turn you on? Did it, Tsuki-kun, did it make you hard, hearing Lawliet moan like that?"
"Stop..."
"Fuck, makes me hard just to think about it. That moan; he's got a voice like hers, you know, Tsuki-kun – I imagine she moaned like that too."
Beyond tried to draw him closer; but Light fought against it, twisting in his arms, freeing his right arm so he could backhand the older man.
"Don't touch me!" he cried, breathing heavily, unable to get the image of L flat on his back on that bed out of his mind.
Beyond held a hand to his cheek, which was beginning to turn a violent shade of red. "Tsuki-kun is very cruel," he said mournfully after a long silence. Light could have sworn his eyes became red again, in that instant. "I don't know why Lawliet loves you so much."
"L..." Light began, only to be interrupted.
"You didn't even try to help him."
Light wanted to ignore the words, but he couldn't, because they were so true. They were what he had been telling himself the entire time.
"You just stood there, watching. Enjoying it, were you?"
"No."
"So why would he love you, Tsuki-kun? I don't understand." Beyond stuck his entire thumb into his mouth, a very exaggerated mimic of L's nervous nail-biting habit.
Light chose not to answer him. He turned his back to the older male and made his way to the staircase. Beyond, thankfully, made no move to stop or follow him.
The door to L's room was ajar, just as it had been the previous evening. Light stood just in front of it, peering inside and catching no sight of his best friend. Gingerly he pushed the door open and took one step inside. The room was empty.
"Light-kun."
Light jumped, spinning around and instinctively thrusting out an arm to knock away the one who'd snuck up on him. Thin fingers closed around his wrist. L stood before him, dressed in a pair of oversized blue jeans and a plain white shirt. There was a towel draped over his shoulders and his hair was damp, skin pinker than usual; apparently he'd just gotten out of the shower. Light stared at him, at the wide black eyes that seemed even more distant than usual.
The bruise Light expected was there on his face, a deep purple against the pale white-pink of his flushed cheeks. He stared. L released his hand and brushed past him. He brought the towel over his head as he sat down on the edge of the bed (the bed he'd been pinned down on just the night before) and let it just rest there so it fell over his eyes like a veil and cast a shadow over the rest of his face.
"L –"
"Why did you come over?" L asked.
Light swallowed, standing in the doorway, too nervous to go any further into the room – he could never look at it the same way again, much less comfortably enter it. "I was worried," he said, slowly. "You didn't show up for school and I wanted to make sure you were okay."
L didn't answer, only smiled sadly. "And what do you expect me to tell you, Light-kun?"
He laid down on the bed. Light couldn't look at him; in that moment, all he could see on that bed was L's flailing legs and Beyond's larger body on top of him. He suppressed the desire to cringe.
"The truth."
There was no reason for them to beat around it. Light knew what had happened; L knew he knew. There was no point hiding it.
"The truth..." L echoed, gazing up at the ceiling listlessly. "I'm not okay. That's the truth. I'm..."
"L—"
"—not okay, Light-kun. I'll be fine tomorrow, maybe, but today I'm not. I just need today to–"
"You won't be fine tomorrow!" Light cut him off, closing the door and taking another few steps into the room. "How can you say that? After what happened... don't tell me you'll just feel better in the morning."
L didn't move. "So you did see."
"This isn't like the other times, L... You can't just cover it up with makeup and say it never happened. You can't keep protecting him like this!"
"... No."
Cautiously, Light approached the bed. He didn't want to be so close to it, but he did want to be near L. Easing himself onto the mattress, he focused down on L, seeing the black-hole eyes still wide open. L shifted his attention from the ceiling to Light's face and Light reached out a hand, placing it on the hem of L's shirt and tugging it upward, gently.
L blinked. "What are you doing, Light-kun?" he whispered.
Light pushed the shirt up and was met with no resistance from L, even as he pulled it over his head. "I want to see," he explained, eyes landing on L's naked torso. Small red marks dotted his pale chest in a random pattern. L shifted uncomfortably but did not protest. "I don't want you to hide it from me. I already know, so... I think..."
"You think...?"
Light shook his head. "I don't know what I think. I'm sorry."
L sighed. "Don't apologize.
"No! I... I need to. I'm sorry, I... I didn't."
"Your apology does not change anything," L pointed out; he did not sound angry, or even upset. His voice was monotonous. "It happened; it can't be changed."
Light lowered his gaze to his lap, feeling ashamed of himself for what he'd allowed to transpire between the two brothers. Exhaling, he unclasped the button of L's jeans and pulled them down to his ankles. L shivered –whether from the cool air of the room or from bad memories, Light didn't know.
There were bruises on L's thighs. Small bruises, made no doubt from the pressure of Beyond's fingers forcing his legs apart.
The world is rotten.
Light swept his gaze up L's quivering body, settling on his eyes once more. There were tears glazing L's charcoal eyes, but he wasn't crying. Not yet, at least; he would probably wait for Light to leave before he cried, that was just the kind of person L was.
There are people who don't deserve to live. People who shouldn't exist, who need to be punished but never are.
Light lowered himself down so that he laid beside L. He reached out to him, wrapping his arms around the bare body and pulling it close. He hadn't done this since L told him about his parents' deaths.
"L-Light-kun," L called, weakly, bringing a hand to rest against his chest.
L's fingers were cold and, like the rest of him, trembling. He was on the brink of a meltdown, Light could sense it; his arms tightened around him.
"Sorry won't change anything, I know. But... I still want to show you I'm sorry. I want to be here for you. Let me make it better."
"You can't."
"Let me try."
L closed his eyes. "Like you tried last night?"
Light felt his blood run cold at the statement (the accusation, more like it). He bowed his head, opened his mouth to say something but couldn't form words.
"I'm sorry, Light-kun. I shouldn't have said that."
L did sound apologetic. He curled against Light, resting his head just under Light's chin.
"L..."
L shook his head. "Please don't say anything. Just hold me. Try to make me feel better."
Light stared down at the top of L's head, at the hair reminiscent of the black notebook resting in the top drawer of his bedroom desk, the black notebook he had a newfound desire to test.
'The human whose name is written in this Note shall die.'
"I will make it better."
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Light's hand trembled as he brought the pen down on the clean, white sheet of paper. He knew what he had to do – what he needed to do, for L... for himself. L was suffering. Light holding him for the night was hardly enough to make up for what his best friend had experienced (though L tried to convince him otherwise when morning came).
Taking a deep breath, Light began with the first letter of L's brother's strange name.
B –
And then the second.
B – E –
And then the third, and the fourth.
B – E – Y – O –
Light needed to do this. It was the only way. L wouldn't turn Beyond in, not even after what he did. L loved him so much (his only family, his beloved big brother Beyond). Beyond could try to kill him and L wouldn't turn him in. And if he wasn't apprehended, occurrences such as that night would only continue.
B – E – Y – O – N – D
Who would stop him?
B – I –
L would never testify if Light went to the police himself.
B – I – R – T –
No. This was the only way. It was horrible; Light's hands would be forever stained red for this – he would be damned, cursed to never go to Heaven or Hell when he died (for the rules stated that users of the Death Note were fated to only Nothingness). But for L... for his best friend, the one who loved him...
B – I – R – T – H
The last name now. There was no going back after it was written down. If the Notebook was real – if it truly did have the power it claimed to – then Beyond's death would be finalized the instant Light spelled out the final letter of his short surname. Light took a deep breath. His heart was racing in his chest, and he could hear blood rushing in his ears.
D –
There was no going back. He was about to cross the point of no return.
D – A –
It was for L. It was all for L. With this, L would be saved.
D – A – Y
Light pictured the face of L's brother in his head. The gangly, pale limbs, the gaunt face, the stringy black hair styled similarly to L's own, the creepy black eyes that sometimes flashed red when the light hit them at a certain angle.
BEYOND BIRTH DAY.
"I thought of you, being somehow different in all this sameness. Standing out, standing alone."
Lawli: No, Beyond! D: Well you can't say he didn't deserve it, right?
Please review! Constructive criticism is always welcome and appreciated as well!