The Lives We Lead
Part III
Far out, where do I start? You guys are amazing… I really mean that. All your reviews have been lovely, fantastic etc…
Thank you to each and every one of you.
sexpistols - gumyumgirl - Valsy - EPC 123 - iwetta - Zzz - M - whudafxup – Alice
You guys are all special to me… but I really do need to say that the next two people have been absolutely wonderful. They have given me the confidence to continue writing and I will be forever grateful to them.
- reddawg82
- Beck89
If it wasn't for these two, who are awesome by the way ;) I wouldn't be writing this author's note… in fact, this story would never have been posted. They have been supportive from pretty much day one and I'm not just talking about the story… (You two know what I mean)… It hasn't been easy for me, but having these two around… Bloody hell, there are just no words. So Red and Beck THANK YOU… Love ya both :) You are both gorgeous souls.
Okay, I'll shut up now… Here's the next chapter, enjoy.
FUCK. There it is… I can't take it back. I've said it out loud. I love her. She didn't hear it but it doesn't change the fact that I've said it. Fuck sake, I don't even know if she feels the same way, ya know. Well, I know she likes me… but love is a whole different fucking ball game. It's a big word… for me anyway. I've never said it to another person before, not seriously. I have now though… What's tripping me the fuck out is that I haven't even slept with Emily. Truth be told, we haven't even kissed, not properly. How the fuck does that work? I've felt like this for a while. Actually if I tell the truth, when I first met her… I just knew there was something about her. There was something that drew me to her. I admit that at the time I couldn't really identify what those feelings were. I thought it was just a lust thing and plus I was high and I assumed it was the drugs. Looking back though, I know that that's not true… I dunno. I mean, what am I talking about here? Love at first sight? Fucking hell, it's impossible… isn't it? It's okay though. I'll handle it. Maybe now that I've said it, I can get over this… I'm fucking terrified.
Knock Knock
"Yeah?"
"Naoms, it's me. Can I come in?"
"Yeah it's open."
Emily opened my bedroom door and entered my room. As soon as she saw the state I was in, she frowned. I don't blame her. I'm a little head fucked at the moment and the only way I know how to deal with it and make myself feel better is to get absolutely trashed and fuck as many girls as I possibly can. Fucking hell, that sounds terrible. I don't know how to explain it. I either don't give a shit and let things go and carry on as normal or things get right into my head and I can't fucking think about anything else and I become sort of self destructive… it's weird. I've got no gray area, ya know. It's black or white with me. It's one side or the other, no middle. I haven't been to school for like two weeks and I've only spoken to Ems briefly on the phone. I'm a bit like a turtle sometimes. When something scares me I retreat into my shell where I'm protected. Nothing can hurt me and nothing can penetrate through. Does that make sense? Probably not, sometimes I don't even know what I'm talking about.
I expected Emily to be her usual gentle self but she appeared to be on the furious side. She didn't beat around the bush. She got straight to the point.
"What's going on with you?" She asked with her eyebrow cocked.
"Nothing, why?"
"Don't lie. I can see you're going through something…"
I cut her off.
"Ems I'm fine… just been partying a little too hard that's all." I replied with a weak grin.
She scoffed.
"You haven't been to school for two fucking weeks Naoms. You're going to fail…"
I turned my gaze away. She sighed.
"You know you can talk to me Naomi. Fucking hell, you've always been there for me and I'm trying to be there for you but you won't fuck-ing let me."
"Babe relax okay… I'm fine."
I turned and started to roll a spliff.
"You want one?" I asked.
"NO…" She shouted. "Sorry. No thank you."
She walked over to my bed and sat down. She swung around the chair I was sitting on so I would be facing her. I sparked up the spliff and took a gigantic fucking drag and held the smoke in until my brain was screaming out for oxygen.
"Please Naoms; I don't like seeing you like this. I know something's wrong. I can tell. You haven't been like this for months. Please babe I want to help."
There was a slight pause as she observed me.
"Babe, you haven't gotten into any trouble have you?"
I could see the look of terror flash across her face.
"No… nothing like that. I mean, I'm fine… I've just gotten carried away with ya know, other activities. I'll be back at school on Monday."
She frowned at me again.
"You're lying to me."
Silence.
"I'm fucking worried about you Naomi." She said, her voice high pitched.
"Emily listen to me. There's nothing to worry about…"
"Fine be like that." She said as she stood up in frustration.
"Where are you going?" I asked.
"Home… if you change your mind, call me… but I have to get out of here because you're PISSING me right off."
She leaned down and placed a rough kiss on my cheek. She pulled back and looked at me worriedly.
"Whatever it is… I hope you can sort it because I can't stand to see you like this. You're stressing me out. I'm fucking worried sick."
And with that she hurriedly left my room. I heard her say goodbye to my mum and the front door close. I looked out the window and watched her walk away. She was wiping her face with the back of her sleeve.
(FUCK)
I went back to school on the Monday like I had said. That whole week I didn't skip once. Emily was relieved because she really did care if I failed or not. She wanted me to pass all my subjects and finish school. Have some kind of qualifications ya know. She's good like that. She's never too busy when I'm having a hard time with something in particular because I've zoned out during class and I didn't hear a fucking word the teacher had said. She'd come over my place and help me. She's fucking smart… and that's without even really trying. I reckon she could be anything she wants to be, whether it be a lawyer, a doctor fuck, just anything… We didn't really talk much at school. Our lunch times were shared in silence. I didn't mean to be like that; it's just, I am so fucking confused about shit right now. I know it's simple. Just tell her and if she loves you right back, you can live happily ever after blah blah blah… BUT even though I have shagged a heap of girls, I have never actually had a relationship with any of them. I didn't want to. Actually, that's kind of a lie, but that tale is for another day. Anyway, that's what's scaring me... I know Ems wants to get with me. I can see it. She has her moments of playful flirting. Sometimes I catch her staring at me with her immediately giving me a shy smile and turning away with her cheeks as red as her hair but then I question myself. Maybe she doesn't like me like that ya know. I know she's shy and that's why she tends to blush all the fucking time, I dunno… My non talkative attitude is due to the fact that my brain has completely short circuited. All the files have been scattered around and I have to manually sort through them to see which file goes where. If this was to happen again, I suppose I'd be able to get through it quicker ya know, but as this is the first time that this has ever happened, I'm completely fucking lost… Anyway, enough of that.
I picked up the bottle of scotch that had been handed too me by the host of the party. I have no fucking idea who she is… she doesn't go to our school but she seems to know Katie and her friends. She's getting her self acquainted with Ems at the moment… Although right now I'm pinned against the wall by some tart whose name I have no idea, I can't get my eyes off of Emily. Emily turned her head for a moment and caught my eye. Even as I'm being kissed by this chick, my eyes are open and I'm completely distracted by what's unfolding on the other side of the room. I'm not liking it and it's making me kind of angry, actually kind of furious as I see that other bitch flirting and touching Emily's arm as she speaks to her… I know. You don't have to tell me. I'm fucked in the head. If I'm allowed to fuck around and see different people then Ems has that same right too. We're not even together and I'm acting like a jealous girlfriend…
This girl I'm with is starting to get a little annoyed because I'm not really paying attention to her even though she's trying everything she can to gain it.
"What the hell are you looking at?" She finally asks me.
I didn't really hear her to be honest. She cast her gaze over to where I was looking.
"Which one?"
"What?" I asked.
"The brunette or the red head?"
I didn't say anything. She sighed.
"Why are you here with me when you should clearly be over there?" She said matter of factly.
"Huh?"
She frowned at me. I stared at her for a moment deciding on what to do.
(Fuck it.)
I leaned in and kissed her roughly. I swapped our positions and pinned her against the wall. I pulled back and took another swig of scotch and crashed our lips together once again. I was well out of it and because of my angered state; I was going to give it to her good and fucking proper. I started to run my hand up and down her thigh and roughly lifted her skirt as she brought her leg around my waist… I started rubbing my hand over her knickers as I kissed her open mouthed. She started to move her hips slightly as she groaned and just as I was about to rip her knickers from her body… I was pulled away from her.
"What the fuck are you doing?" She shrieked.
"Um, isn't it obvious? I replied.
"Come on, we're going home." She said as she dragged me away.
I was in a bit of shock and kind of speechless for about five minutes. It wasn't until my intoxicated brain had gotten some fresh air did I realise that Emily was dragging me down the street.
"Wait… what the fuck Ems?"
She stopped and turned to face me. Her eyebrow raised and her arms folded.
"What the hell is wrong with you?" She asked.
I looked at her completely confused.
"Forget it." She said.
She spun around and stormed her way down the street. I stood there for a moment unable to process what the fuck was going on exactly. I shook it off and caught up to her.
"Forget what?" I asked.
"Nothing, don't worry about it." She replied quickly.
I gently grabbed her arm to stop her.
"Ems, why are you pissed? What did I do?"
"Can we just go home please?" She pleaded angrily.
I observed her for a short moment. The look in her eye confused the fuck out of me even more.
"Um yeah, okay." I replied softly.
A half an hour later we arrived at my place. We went into my bedroom in complete silence. The only noise was coming from my CD player which Emily had just turned on.
"I…um, I'm gonna go and get a drink... You want one?" I asked gently.
She nodded and sat on the edge of my bed. She grabbed a cigarette from my packet and lit up. I looked at her for a moment. She appeared to be pissed off but a little bit on the stressed side…
(What the fuck is going on?)
5 minutes later I was back inside my room. I passed her a drink and I went over to my desk and grabbed a spliff and sparked up. I felt all fucking awkward. I needed something to distract myself. Emily was sitting on my bed with her legs crossed flipping through one of my books about serial killers. I know that sounds a bit psychotic. Like why would I have a book like that?... Before you say anything, it was an FBI agent who wrote it. He was a forensic psychologist who studied the minds of the most infamous serial killers in America and it's a really interesting read. Charles Manson and that Son of Sam guy are in it. And yes I know I don't like school but I do read some things. BIG surprise… I held the spliff out towards Emily.
"You want some?" I offered.
She shook her head. I sat down on the bed and watched her for a few moments. I don't think she was even reading the book. She was mindlessly flipping the pages.
"What's… um, what's wrong?" I asked hesitantly.
She looked up towards me and the expression on her face was unfamiliar. When I say unfamiliar I mean that I have seen it before but she had never looked at me in that way because I have never hurt her… She let out a shaky breath before she spoke.
"Naomi… if I ask you something, will you answer me truthfully?"
"Yeah..."
"You won't shut off and ignore me?"
"No, of course not..."
She observed me for a moment, kind of like she was searching my eyes to see if I was being honest with my answers. She seemed satisfied.
"Why did you tell me that you loved me?"
(OH FUCK. She heard.)
I was stunned. Completely fucking shocked. My brain… all thoughts frozen. My mouth was opening and closing, trying to speak, although I'm not sure what I was trying to say.
"Forget it." She said as she got up off the bed. "I think it's best if I go home."
I still couldn't speak… all I could do was move. I didn't want her to go. I stood up as she opened the door of my bedroom. I placed my hand above her head and pushed it closed. She turned around, her back against the door with tears sliding slowly down her cheeks. I stared into her gorgeous brown eyes, trying to say something but nothing was happening… I leaned down slowly and placed a tender kiss on her lips. She pushed me back slightly…
"Please don't do that." She whispered.
I leaned down again, her hand still pushing on my chest, stopping me from getting any closer. I lifted my hand and placed it tenderly on her cheek and wiped away a tear that had escaped her eye… She let out a ragged breath as her eyes closed and I felt her hand, the one that was placed upon my chest, slip away. I closed the gap and kissed her again. This time she didn't try and stop me. I ran my tongue across her bottom lip and as she knew what I was asking, she allowed me to continue. I deepened it and she responded back, softly groaning into it. It was slow, it was gentle and it was meaningful… She pushed me back again.
"Naoms, please... I, I can't. I have to go."
She turned around and opened the door. I took a step back so she could open it and get through the doorway. To say I was disappointed would be an understatement. Don't get me wrong, I wasn't expecting to get anything from her; I was disappointed because she obviously didn't feel the same way. I hope this doesn't fuck up our friendship because I'd be fucking shattered and devastated. FUCK SAKE… I knew I would fuck everything up.
(You're a fucking twat Naomi.)
Emily hasn't been at school for the last week. The reason I know this is because I have gone EVERY fucking day in the hopes of seeing her. She hasn't picked up any of my calls and quite frankly I'm heart broken because I think I've just lost my best friend, one that I hold close to my heart. Today's Friday and I've just gotten home from school. I feel kind of like a zombie, but that could be due to the amount of weed I've been smoking to get myself through this… I can't stand this 'feeling' shit. I've never loved something and then lost it. This is all new to me… its fuck-ing unbearable and it hurts. I hate it. I decided that I'd send Emily a text before I decide to leave it. I don't want to annoy her and cause her any grief because I can't keep my feelings for her to myself, but she needs to know…
Ems, I miss you yeah. You know how much your friendship means too me. I don't want to lose you because of my own stupidity… I'm sorry. Please don't hate me for it…
Fucking hell that was hard to write, I'm not use to this… BUT I meant every word and Emily means too much to just let her go without some sort of fight on my behalf… I headed down stairs and sat at the kitchen table. Mum was getting dinner prepared.
"You okay love? You've had a long face all week?"
I didn't say anything. I was lost in my thoughts.
"Naomi?" She said gently as she took a seat next to me.
I turned to face her and I think she saw the devastation spread right across my face.
"What's going on? You can talk to me." She said.
"I… I kissed her."
My mum frowned slightly in confusion.
"Who love?"
"Emily… I kissed Emily."
She stayed silent for a moment and went to speak but I cut her off. I think she was going to yell at me, judging by her facial expression.
"I love her mum, but I think I… I scared her."
My mum almost passed out when I admitted that I loved Emily. She has never heard me say that about someone before. She knew I meant it.
"Ohh hun, I don't think you scared her…"
"She won't talk too me…"
"Naomi, listen love… I think she might be hesitant that's all. I can see the way she looks at you. She might just need some time to wrap her head around it…"
"Wrap her head around what?" I asked confused.
My mum gave me weird look.
"You're my daughter and I love you, but you're not exactly girlfriend material are you dear? She loves you, I can see that… but she needs to trust you and you haven't proved to her that you can be trusted. She just doesn't want to get hurt…"
I was about to tell my mum to piss off… but I stopped myself, because she was right. I'm far from 'girlfriend material' and lately I've proved that beyond a reasonable doubt.
"So how do I prove it then?"
"Honestly love."
I nodded.
"You need to keep it in your pants. If you truly love her, it shouldn't be hard to do."
God she can be straight out sometimes, but it's the only way to be I spose. She tells me the truth and she tells me what's what.
"Just leave her be, when she's ready she'll come to you."
"How did you get to be so, I dunno… insightful?"
She chuckled lightly.
"I've always been that love… you just never listened." She said as she went back to preparing dinner. I stood up and walked over to her and placed a peck on her cheek.
"Thanks mum."
She smiled. I went into the backyard and smoked a fag before dinner. I had me some serious thinking to do but I admit that I was feeling a little bit more hopeful then I did earlier in the day.
Emily hadn't replied to my message. I'm starting to doubt what my mum had said to me but there's nothing I can really do about it. I've just got to accept the fact that I've possibly fucked up the best relationship I've ever had with another person… I've never been big on friends. All the people I have known have either been a shag or an associate. Friends were kind of dangerous ya know, especially to me and the things I get involved with sometimes. I'm a huge believer of the 'less people that know the better'. I mean I'm no master mind criminal or anything but I can't afford to get into trouble. The last time I had actual friends that I shared things with was when I was around 11. They got up to the same shit I did. We were like a little gang. That was until we had gone into a supermarket one fine day and stole a heap of fucking alcohol. One of the girls in our little group of 6 got caught as we ran out of the store. She rolled on all of us when the police questioned her. Fuck did I get into a heap of trouble… with the police, we all just got a slap on the wrist because of our age but when it came to mum, fucking hell… what she did to me was a crime in itself. Let's just say she wasn't at all impressed. No need for details here. Anyway, the lesson learned, DON'T trust anyone. Since then I never have. I don't like getting to close to people. I don't like them knowing too much about me. That's why that day after Ems got hit at school she was in shock when my mum mentioned the whole jail thing. She had absolutely no idea… but I did eventually tell her. I told her everything because I trusted her… I still do, nothings changed but I suppose this is the reason I'm going mental. I've let her in… I dunno, I'm ranting. Sorry, I get like this when I'm hungry and this bell is taking forever to ring… Still got a good 20 fucking minutes. Fuck sake…
I decided to tune out and listen to my iPod. It's more exciting then what the teacher's talking about, which I have no idea. As soon as Miss Garner mentioned that we had to do an essay, my brain wandered off. I can't be fucked to be honest. I'm not in the mood for this shit. I'm pissed off by the fact that Emily has returned to school and is sitting right next to me. She hasn't spoken one word. Not even a 'hello'. She just keeps looking at me and it's frustrating me… I heard my teacher clear her throat, but I didn't pay attention. She actually reached over and physically removed my headphones from my ears which I found to be a bit on the rude side.
"Yes, can I help you?" I asked with a huge shot of sarcasm.
"Hand it over." She replied with her eyebrow raised.
I hated this teacher and there was no way I was handing anything over to this bitch. She had some sort of obsession with me and it was creepy as all fuck and not to mention annoying. Lately, she's been holding me back after class to lecture me about my behaviour or because I'm not wearing my uniform correctly. She's even been pulling the people I kind of associate with aside and asking them all kinds of fucking weird and personal questions about me. What's Naomi's home life like? What does Naomi get up too outside of school? One day she noticed I was kind of off my tits in class by the fact that I couldn't keep my eyes open so the first thing she does is ask one of my 'friends' if I take drugs. That's crossing the line just a little bit, don't you think? I could have just been tired, you know what I mean? Just thinking about that makes me even more fucking agro.
"Hand what over, Miss?"
"That." She points out. "You're walkman."
I had to laugh. Do walkman's even exists anymore?
"Sorry Miss, I can't help you. I don't own a walkman." I chuckled.
She squinted at me angrily. Her face was turning bright fucking red. It was starting to match her red jacket that she seemed to be so fond of. She wore it every fucking day.
"Naomi, whatever it is… hand it over right this very minute." She said sternly.
"You want one, get your own."
(Relax Naoms… you're starting to fire up.)
She wouldn't let it go. She just kept glaring at me. The whole class was turned in their seats and watching on in shock and amusement. No one really messed with this teacher because she could be a right bitch sometimes, but me being me, well quite frankly I just don't give two fat fucks. She extended her hand with her palm facing up expecting me to cave in and hand it over but instead, I slapped her hand, giving her a five. The class giggled.
"Now Naomi."
I turned my head and cast my gaze to the front of the class with my arms folded, paying absolutely no attention to her whatsoever. I felt someone elbow me in the ribs and so I turned to face them.
"Naoms, just give it to her." Emily whispered.
'Oh hello… do I know you?" I smirked sarcastically.
After two whole weeks of me stressing out about her, that's the first thing she says to me. Her face fell and she looked at me with hurt clearly visible in her eyes. I should feel bad and I kind of want to feel bad but right now, my temper is getting the better of me. The teacher snapped my attention back to her.
"Naomi, you're heading straight for detention." Miss Garner said firmly.
(Ooooh I'm fucking terrified…)
I stood up instantly and slammed my fists on my desk causing Emily and the whole class to jump at my unexpected outburst.
"DOES IT LOOK LIKE I GIVE A FUCK?"
"Get out, right now." The teacher said as she grabbed my arm and tried to drag me out of the class room.
I flicked her arm away forcefully and stepped towards her in fucking fury.
(Fuck babe… chill.)
"Don't fucking touch me you cunt." I snarled.
I heard the unmistakable gasp of Emily. She stood up and grabbed my arm and dragged me out of the classroom.
"That goes for you too yeah." I said once we were outside.
I flicked Ems arm away also, but I was gentle. I was angry with her, but I didn't want to hurt her ya know. The teacher on the other hand, fuck I'd love to kick that bitch in the fucking head right about now… I glared at Emily and walked off towards my little hiding spot behind the classrooms. That's were I would have my spliff breaks and right now, I really needed one… Emily just HAD to follow me.
"I'm fucking sorry okay. I can't stand this…" Emily yelled.
"What's that Ems?" I replied with sarcasm still present.
"Us, not talking…" She replied.
"Well you know… that's not exactly my fault now is it."
I turned away and went behind some bushes and sat down. I pulled out a spliff and sparked up and dragged the fuck out of it, praying that it would give me a calming effect. Emily hesitantly ducked under a branch and sat beside me.
"I know and I'm sorry okay… I'm confused Naoms… I just needed…" She trailed off and sighed heavily. "I just needed some time to think. Put things back into perspective."
I stayed silent. I didn't want to argue with her. I was in a foul mood and the best thing would be if I just kept tight lipped until I was calmer.
"Naoms? Talk to me please." She pleaded.
Her voice cracked very slightly. I allowed sometime to pass so I didn't snap at her.
"You could have told me. I would have understood, but you chose to ignore me." I replied depressingly.
There was silence. I took another drag and exhaled a thick cloud of smoke. Emily leaned over and took the spliff from my hand and took a drag.
"I'm sorry." She whispered.
(Naoms its Emily here, how can you not forgive her?)
I don't know why but I stood up and left her there. I was hurt and I've never really felt like this before. I didn't know how to handle it. I went to my locker, grabbed my belongings and left school early. On the way home I started to feel guilty. I know Emily, I know how she is and how she can get and I understand all that BUT what I couldn't understand was why I was feeling so fucking angry towards her. Why couldn't I just suck it up and talk to her properly. I had a chance to fix it with her and I decided to just up and leave.
(Fantastic move Naomi, well done yeah.)
I got home and mum was waiting in the lounge room for me. No doubt the school called.
"Naomi, what's going on with you hun?"
(That's different. Shouldn't she be yelling at me or something?)
"Just leave it mum. I'm not in the mood okay."
She looked at me in concern. She nodded towards me as if to say 'okay'. I turned away and walked up the stairs and entered my bedroom. I was going to have another spliff but I needed to feel the high straight away, like right now so I had a few cones instead. It made me cough a bit because it's been awhile since I've smoked weed through a bong…
Knock Knock
"What?" I yelled.
My bedroom door opened and mum stuck her head in.
"Love, there's someone here to see you." She replied gently.
"Tell them to fuck off." I said.
She looked at me for a moment.
"You tell them." She simply replied.
She opened the door fully and Emily was standing in the doorway beside my mother. Well, before I saw who it was, I was all ready to tell them where to go, but when I saw it was Emily my words got caught in the back of my throat. I turned away and had another cone.
"Naomi don't do that, it's not very lady like." My mum said.
"Piss off." I replied.
I heard her sigh.
"Well… I'll leave you two to it." She said before she walked back down stairs.
There was an awkward silence.
"Naoms, can I come in?"
"Please yourself." I replied.
I heard Emily take a step and close my bedroom door behind her. She sat on my bed and just stared at me worriedly. I couldn't be angry with her… I took a deep breathe.
"I'm sorry." I said.
I reached into my desk draw and pulled out a spliff and extended it towards her.
"Peace offering?"
She stared at me for a moment longer, analysing. She threw me a warm smile and nodded. She took the spliff and put it between her lips as I leaned over and lit it for her. I had another three cones as Emily and I sat in silence. I turned in my chair and faced her.
"You um, you want to stay for dinner?" I asked.
"Only if you want me too." She replied.
I grinned.
"No, it's if you want to."
She chuckled as she remembered what I had said the first day we had met.
"Yes."
After we had finished our little smoking session, we headed down stairs and sat at the kitchen table. Mum turned to face us as she was dishing up our dinner. She already had a place set for Emily, like she had already known that Emily was staying before it had even been discussed. Freaky as… Ems and me didn't really speak much during the meal but her and mum were deep in conversation, catching up. They got along really well… We finished up and Ems helped mum with the dishes. She always did when she came over to eat. It was like a respect thing… I was out the back having a fag when Ems came out to join me. I turned towards her and gave her a nervous smile. I kind of felt like an idiot for the way I had been acting around her. I mean just because I can't deal with certain things doesn't mean I should treat Emily coldly. I mean for Ems to even be here, it took a lot of courage because of how she's been treated by others in the past. I know it happened ages ago, but ya know mentally the scars are still there and it's going to take a while for those to heal, if they ever do. Getting bullied and put down, I mean that can affect a person for a life time.
"You wanna watch a movie before you go?" I asked.
'What did you have in mind?" She replied smiling shyly.
"Um, I dunno… I thought maybe you would want to choose."
She paused for a moment.
"I chose the last one, so it's you're turn."
I chuckled lightly.
"Ahhh okay, how about… Pretty Woman?" I said trying to keep a straight face.
"Fuck off."
We laughed and it felt fucking fantastic. I missed this and I fucking missed her.
"Old school or new school?" I asked.
She frowned at me.
"Yeah okay, chill… Old school it is." I paused for a moment. "Child's Play, IT or Pet Sematary?
She looked at me and grinned.
"Pet Sematary." She replied.
(Haha... got her to choose without her even realising.)
"Come on then." I said.
We both went into the house and entered the lounge room. Mum announced that she was turning in early and headed to her room. I set up the DVD player and we began to watch. I couldn't really concentrate on the movie because I was worried. I was worried about whether or not me and Ems were okay. Like I know she's here with me but we haven't spoken about the issue that kept us apart for the last two weeks so you know, I was concerned. I shifted over to get closer to Ems and reached over and took her hand. She looked towards me curiously with her eyes big and wide. I just took in the image before me… after a long while I finally found my voice.
"Friends?"
It took a moment for Emily to respond. Her eyes were sparkling and her lips curled up into a warm smile.
"Always."
I returned the smile as my heart almost stopped dead in my chest, in a good way of course. I had to like dig my nails into my free hand to cause a distraction so I wouldn't jump for joy and make myself look like a complete fucking mental patient. Friend's was better then nothing. I cared about her to much to not have her in my life at all. If it was friends she wanted to be then that's what I would give her. My friendship… It was getting late, the movie had finished and it was time for Ems to go. I was going to offer for her to stay but decided against it. I didn't want her to think that I was trying to put pressure on her. She knew how I felt about her and I didn't want her to feel uncomfortable because she thought I wanted more so instead I offered to walk her home and she said that that would be lovely.
We didn't speak during the walk and before I knew it we were standing right out the front of her house.
"Do you want to come over again tomorrow?" I asked hesitantly.
She smirked cheekily at me.
"To watch another movie?" She said with her eyebrow cocked.
It made me feel a little uncomfortable to be honest.
"Um, you don't have to…" I replied.
Her facial expression changed and she started to look at me intensely. I didn't really know what she was thinking or going to say and it was making me feel kind of edgy so I turned my gaze away. She sighed.
"Naoms, I think we need to talk."
I didn't respond.
"Naomi?"
"Ah, yeah okay."
"What time tomorrow?" She asked softly.
"I… um I dunno, say around 2pm?"
"Okay." She replied.
She turned around and went to walk towards her front door. She stopped and looked towards the night sky and took in a huge breath of fresh air. She turned back around and walked back towards me and wrapped me in her warm embrace.
"I'll see you tomorrow." She whispered into my ear.
I nodded as she pulled back. She placed a tender kiss on my cheek and walked towards her house. The whole walk home and into the early hours of the morning I was trying to sort out everything I was feeling so I could put them in some sort of order to prepare for tomorrow's 'talk'…
(Fuck you're an idiot.)
Why did Emily drag me away from that girl at the party? She was acting kind of jealous. Why didn't I see that before? That's why she wanted to know why I said I loved her… that's why she has been weird and hasn't fucking called me. That's why she said 'what the fuck is wrong with you?' because she was waiting for me to say or do something… not go off and fuck other girls. She's put herself out there the only way she knows how. She wants me to be the one to admit everything first… When she asked me why I didn't kiss her that was her way but I didn't have the balls to answer her. FUCK. No wonder she needed to put things back into perspective. She's confused… I'm fucking confused. One minute I'm thinking this and the next I'm thinking that… I'm all over the place. Completely fucking scattered.
(Just make a decision and stick to it for fucks sake. It's simple, you want her or you don't… If you do want her, you know what YOU need to do…)
I couldn't sleep all night due to the puzzling thoughts that were going through my mind. Did Ems feel the same way or have I read everything wrong? As much as I tried I still couldn't make sense of it all so I decided to get up early and get myself organised for the day. To say I was anxious about Emily coming over wouldn't be quite accurate. I was fucking petrified. I mean what did she want to talk about exactly? I'm not good with heart to hearts and that's the type of conversation I suspected it was going to be… I was so nervous I started cleaning my room and then I moved onto the rest of the house. Before I knew it, Emily was knocking on the door and we both headed up to my bedroom.
"Do you want anything? Food, drink?" I asked
"No that's okay Naoms."
She was sitting on my bed and patted the spot next to her for me to take a seat. I exhaled and slowly made my way and sat beside her… I closed my eyes because I knew that the questions would start up and knowing Emily she would jump straight into it.
"Naoms, why did you kiss me?" She almost whispered.
Well I was right about that. She asks because she wants me to answer. She won't tell me straight out. She wants to hear what I've got to say first.
"I, I um…" I trailed off to start again. "Because I, ah… I like you."
(You like her?… Fuck sake Naomi. Stop acting like a little fuck-ing school girl. Jesus.)
I couldn't admit that and look at her at the same time. I was fucking terrified. It was safer to look at my hands. Emily sighed.
"I'm scared Naomi… whatever's happening between us…"
She stopped for a moment.
"I like you… no, I think it's more than that… I just, I don't know if I can allow myself to feel this way about you."
I didn't say anything.
"I really do care for you, but I've never been with anyone…" She sighed again. "Please don't take this the wrong way okay, but I don't know if I can trust you."
I turned to face her.
"What do you mean?" I asked.
"I know without a doubt that I can trust you as a friend, but as a lover… I don't know. You seem to…"
She stopped herself as if she didn't know how to put it so I wouldn't get offended.
"It's okay Ems, whatever's going through your mind, just say it… its fine." I said to try and reassure her that I wouldn't get defensive about it.
"You sleep with a lot a girls and I just, I don't want to be one of those girls that you toss to the side when you're done." She replied quickly.
She cringed when she said it, but she seemed relieved that she was able to get it out. Whatever fear I was feeling before was replaced with something else. I turned to face her seriously as I grabbed her hand.
(Okay Naoms… you know you can do this. It's time to 'man up'…)
"Emily."
She turned to face me and for someone who lacked in confidence she was doing a good job at holding my gaze.
"If we ever did take things further, I would never just toss you aside when I was done. Truth be told, I don't think I'd ever be done with you."
"That's just it Naoms, you 'think'… I need you to know for sure." She paused. "I don't want to give myself to you only to be made a fool of."
"I would never do that Ems."
"But you have done to others." She replied.
Well, I couldn't deny it. I have done that to others and she's witnessed it.
"What makes me so special?" She asked.
"I care about you, that's why." I replied whole heartedly.
She didn't respond straight away. The way she answered was as if she didn't hear what I had said.
"I don't know if I can trust you. I'm so terrified about this. I worry that you'll get sick of me, Naoms, I'm not trying to be funny, but can you even manage to stay with the one girl?
I cut her off.
"Emily, I get why you think that… but I wouldn't do that to you and the answer is yes."
She wasn't convinced. I could see it.
"Naomi… this is different for me. I've never slept with anyone before, I… I…"
"Ems, I don't care about that. I'm not trying to get into your pants… I can't explain it yeah, but I just want you… It's that simple."
(Phew… fuck me; you have no idea how good it feels to actually get this shit off my fuck-ing chest.)
"How… how do I know you're telling me the truth Naomi?"
It was a good question. A valid question.
"How about we just take it slow? Let me prove to you that I can be loyal and that you can trust me… at least give me that chance. If you can't do that, it's okay ya know, I understand but I still want us to be friends okay."
Emily stared at me like she was trying to figure me out. I could tell she didn't expect me to say any of that. In fact I don't think she expected me to talk at all, but it was a now or never type situation. Although I am very much confused about what I am feeling because obviously I have never felt this way before, I can identify a good thing when it presents itself and there was no way I was going to just let this slide without speaking up about it ya know. I'd live to regret it, I'm fucking sure of it. If there was one thing I'm sure of though, it's that I do love her… I've come to realise and accept that.
"Okay, we can do that… take it slow." She replied.
We both stared at each other for a moment.
"Babe, I just want you to know this… There is absolutely no pressure about the whole sex thing. This, between us... It's not about all that, okay?"
She nodded as tears slowly trickled down her cheeks. This confused me. Did I say something wrong? I mean it's possible; I've never been in this situation before. Like, I have been with virgins before and look I know this is horrible, but I never cared about them BUT I never pressured them into anything. They wanted to do it so I never had to give a speech. Does that make sense? Everything I just said to Emily was the gospel truth. I loved her, I wanted her, I would never pressure her and I know I get around but I know that what I feel for Ems is true. I know that I would never look at another girl if she gave me the chance to be hers… She saw the look of confusion on my face. She didn't say anything… She came closer and at first she hesitated but she slowly leaned in and placed a gentle kiss upon my lips. I didn't move, petrified that I'd scare her. I decided that I'd give her full control of our relationship until she was ready for me to take the reigns and show her… She nipped gently on my bottom lip and I responded. Fuck me; I didn't know a kiss could cause so many different emotions and feelings to course through my entire body. Christ… she maybe worried and scared about certain issues but so was I. Fucking hell, her lips on mine was causing my whole body to tingle. It was sending volts of electricity from my brain and right down my spine. Even my fucking toes were feeling it. That's how intense. I can't explain it. I'm lost for words… just WOW.
Emily ended up sleeping over. We had a few more tender kissing sessions and decided to get some sleep. It was cute. I was lying on my back and Ems slowly came over to me… like she was easing her way towards me like a scared little puppy. She was going to ask me if she could snuggle up but I stopped her. She doesn't need to ask. I lifted my arm so she could get closer and I wrapped my arm around her as she rested her head onto my chest. It was weird because we both woke up in that same position… It was weird because I'm a restless sleeper. I toss and turn all night, but when I think about it, whenever Emily sleeps over… that's when I have the best sleep…
It's been 2 and a half months and I'm passing the test with flying colours. I know huh, unbelievable. I haven't had a shag for ages and yeah, I'm more then a little frustrated but oh well there are more important things. It's funny, when me and Ems hide out in my room and snog, sometimes she gets carried away without realising it and I have to almost throw her off me before my hands wander to places they shouldn't. I never thought I'd ever be able to do that. Control myself. I thought it was going to be the hardest thing for me to do because in the past I've never been able, but here I am controlling it. It's a spin out… You wanna see her. She's like 'Oh my God I'm so sorry' Hahaha. That's a first. Someone apologising for turning me on…
"Hey Naoms."
I turned to see who was annoying me.
"Ahh yeah… hi." I replied coldly.
I felt Emily tense up beside me. Nobody knew that we were together. She asked me not to say anything just yet because it was sort of like a trial run to gain Emily's trust. It had been broken by so many people in the past she finds it hard to let herself go, which I understand. My trust has been broken but obviously for different reasons. She does trust me to a certain extent but I think there's doubt in the back of her mind. It's like a defense mechanism for her. If she doubts and doesn't allow herself to trust you fully, well, if you do break it she won't be as hurt because in her mind she knew it all along.
"How have you been?" Amanda asked.
"Um, yeah, I'm pretty good. You?" I frowned.
"I've missed you."
(Ohhhh-kaaaay… is this chick alright upstairs or what? Doesn't she remember what happened the last time she saw me?)
I didn't reply and Emily kept silent. She didn't say one word but when I looked down at her she didn't appear to be too happy.
"What are you doing after school? You want to hang out?" She asked seductively.
I was in shock. I couldn't believe that she was actually asking me after the way I had treated her. I couldn't find the words… Emily looked towards me angrily because of my delayed response. Whatever expression I had on my face, she had read it wrong because she stormed off. I turned to Amanda.
"I'm busy."
"How about tomorrow then?" She asked.
"Nah… sorry. I'm with someone."
I turned away from her and sprinted off towards the direction Emily went. I finally caught up with her and had to forcefully grab her because she wouldn't listen to my plea for her to stop.
"Considering it were you?" Emily spat.
"What?"
"Shagging her…"
"No fucking way Emily. If I wanted too, I wouldn't have bothered to even chase you."
"Don't lie."
"Emily I'm not lying. Why would I want to fuck that bitch anyway? Especially after the way she treated you?"
She sighed heavily to calm herself. She continued to walk but a lot calmer this time round. I assumed she didn't mind me following her because she would have told me to fuck off.
"I'm sorry… I dunno, I just think that the first girl that throws herself at you, you're going to take her up on it."
"Ems, this is the last time I'm going to tell you, I don't want anyone else okay. Please believe me… I hate fighting with you about this. I know you're worried and all that but ya know, I haven't even flirted with another girl let alone shag one."
"How do I know that?"
Fuck sake I was ready to explode at her but she started laughing.
"I'm joking babe. Sorry it was in bad taste. I know, I'm sorry. Please don't be angry with me." She said as I frowned at her.
"Come on let's go home yeah." I said firmly.
Emily smiled and nodded. We walked for about five minutes before she said anything. It's because she knows what my tempers like so she allows me some time to relax.
"Naoms?"
"Hmm." I mumbled.
"Would you wear a sticker?"
"Huh?"
"A sticker… would you wear one?"
"Ahhh, what kind of sticker?"
(What the hell is she talking about?)
"One that says 'Property of Emily Fitch'."
I turned to her and cracked up laughing.
"Babe, I'd get that tattooed on my forehead if it made you feel better."
She smirked.
"Good." She nodded.
"Naoms, would you come over to my place for dinner?"
I almost choked on my drink.
"Ahh Ems, you're mum yeah, she doesn't like me." I replied.
"She just doesn't know you, that's all."
"Somehow I don't think that's the reason."
Emily sighed heavily.
"Okay fine, I'm not going to force you." She said as she walked out of the kitchen.
I stood up and followed her. She sat on the couch and so I sat beside her.
"When?" I asked.
She squinted at me for a moment.
"Really?"
"Yeah… when is it?"
"Tonight." She replied.
"Fuck sake Ems…" I sighed. "Yeah okay."
(Bloody hell… She could have given me a bit more notice.)
She got all excited on me. She wrapped my in the tightest hug known to mankind and when she released me she roughly crashed her lips onto mine. I pushed her back slightly.
"Ems, how do I like ya know, introduce myself."
She beamed from ear to ear.
"Girlfriend." She replied leaning in and kissing me again.
She kissed me so sensually I couldn't help but run my hands over a very private part of her body. I didn't really mean it; I just got caught up in the way she was kissing me. She gasped and it was followed by a groan. I pulled back straight away.
"Fuck, I'm sorry yeah."
She smirked sexily at me.
"It's okay; I'll let that one slide." She replied.
She leaned back in and kissed me again. She was making me all dizzy and she was being mean. She was teasing me. She's been doing that a lot lately. Making me get all fucking hot and bothered. She doesn't apologise anymore. She chuckled lightly to herself. I think she's enjoying the effect she has on me and my distress because of what her kisses can do, a little too much nowadays. I think she's getting more comfortable.
"Fuck, stop, stop… fucking hell." I said frantically as I stood up off the couch.
And as I had guessed, she laughed her arse off.
"That's just cruel Ems." I said.
Fuck me. You don't understand what she's doing to me. It's painful, VERY fucking painful.
"Babes don't go… I'm sorry." She said as I walked off.
I stopped and turned to face her.
"If I sit on that couch, you can't come near me okay." I warned.
She put a hand over her heart.
"Scout's honour." She replied smirking.
I frowned at her for a moment, not sure if she was tricking me. I was praying that she wasn't because if she were to even touch me right now, I'd be on top of her in two seconds flat… and we both know that she is not ready for that.
"About tonight yeah… like does you're mum even know you're gay?" I asked.
Ems doesn't really talk about her family much and I wasn't sure why but I never asked her. I wasn't sure if the relationship she had with them was a good one or not. I didn't want to upset her. I figured she'd talk to me about them in her own time.
"Yeah but they don't really agree with my lifestyle."
"Geez Ems, if you don't want to be with me just say so, you don't have to lure me into the demon's lair." I smirked.
She laughed.
"Katie knows and she's kind of okay about it I suppose."
"What? About us?"
"No. I mean she knows I'm gay. My dad's okay with it… Um James is a just a little perv… really it's just mum that has a problem with it."
"Yeah well, I don't like my chances with La Strega."
Ems gasped at the nickname I had given her mother. I had to grin. It was impossible not too. She had no idea what I had just said but obviously she knew it wasn't nice. La Strega just meant The Witch… sounds better in Italian though.
"What the hell did you just call my mother?"
I smirked.
"Emily just, please yeah, tell her not the face. I want to have an open casket ya know, so my mum can see me one last time."
"Oh my God she is not that bad."
"Make a bet. I'll be lucky to get out of there alive."
Emily came closer towards me with the cheekiest look in her eye.
"Hey… don't even think about it." I said.
"Behave then." She grinned.
"Okay, I take it ALL back. Your mum's lovely." I replied sarcastically, getting up quickly.
I ran out of the room and up the stairs in an effort to get away from her. Fuck she's quick. She backed me into a corner of my room. My legs had gone to jelly as she started kissing me again. I wiggled free.
"You're killing me… please no more." I pleaded. "I'm like begging you right now babe. Please yeah."
She pouted playfully but said okay. I breathed in and out heavily a few times to try and get my raging hormones under control. She is driving me crazy…
"What times this dinner?" I asked.
"6 o'clock." She replied.
"I better get organised then, ey."
She smiled. I got some fresh clothes and jumped in for an extremely cold fucking shower. Right at the end I turned the heat up a bit because I was so cold I was shivering uncontrollably… I got myself dressed and me and Ems left to go to her house. I was shitting myself if I was to be perfectly honest but I was doing this for Ems even though I knew it wasn't going to be the most pleasant night of my life.
Bloody hell. Jenna Fitch is like a character out of a comic book. She is The Joker to every Batman, the Green Goblin to every Spiderman fuck sake she deserves her own comic. She is unbelievable. She wasn't very talkative during the dinner, well not with me anyway. The only thing I got off her was her daggered stares and the look of disgust… When she got me on my own, she basically told me to fuck off and get out of her daughters life and that's putting it nicely. Rob was pretty cool. He smiled and spoke to me and I do believe he was being genuine, not just polite. I could tell by his eyes. Emily takes after her father without a doubt. Katie was her usual self but when Ems was helping her mum with the dishes she slammed me up against the wall and told me if I hurt Ems, my life wouldn't be worth living. This I can understand, but fuck couldn't she just tell me like a civilised person. James, well he was kind of cute until he opened his mouth. Ems was right, he is a perv but I suppose at his age he can get away with it. If it continues to be like that, it might become a little creepy ya know, like as he gets older. Anyway, Ems was absolutely ecstatic that I had finally met her family properly. I think it shifted some doubt about me in her mind. Like if I wasn't serious about her I wouldn't have bothered going… I dunno sometimes she's hard to read at times but when we got back to my place she was in a good mood so the night was a success in her mind. It kind of was in mine too, except for The Wicked Witch Of The West. As we were leaving, I could have sworn Jenna was hanging out the window screaming 'FLY… FLY MY PRETTIES… FFFLLLYYY.' I was waiting for her band of monkeys to swoop down and get me…
I was out the back having a fag when I heard my phone ring.
"Ems, can you get that babe?"
I heard her run into the lounge and pick up my phone and saw her making her way back towards me.
"Hello?"
"Um, hi… Sam." Emily frowned.
"What?" Emily spat.
Emily came over and threw the phone at me and stormed back into the house.
(What the fuck?)
The phone connected with the top of my thigh and dropped to the floor. I quickly bent down, picked it up and put it to my ear.
"What do you want?"
"I was wondering what you were up too?"
"I'm kind of busy yeah. Why?"
"Just, I dunno, if you weren't doing anything you could come over to mine?"
"Are you serious? If I remember correctly, the last time I saw you, you called me a prick and you fucking threw something at me, Jesus fucking Christ. Listen, delete my number. Find someone else to head fuck."
"I'm sorry but you pissed me off…" She replied.
I sighed.
"Sam, look… I'm not interested okay. I'm spoken for."
I hung up the phone and ran inside to find Ems but… she found me.
SLAP
I looked back at her completely fucking stunned.
"What the hell was that for?" I asked.
"I knew I couldn't trust you." She yelled.
"What are you talking about?"
"Fucking Sam… that's what I'm talking about."
(Fucking hell.)
"Ems, I can't help that she called..."
"She's got me fooled then, hasn't she?" She replied.
"Huh?"
"She wanted to know why I was answering her girlfriend's phone." Emily said with her eyebrow cocked and her hands on her hips.
"Fuck off… fuck, not you… I mean, I mean no." I replied panicked.
She glared at me angrily.
"Why the FUCK are you all panicky then? Huh?"
"I'm fucking panicked because you don't believe me."
Emily scoffed and turned around to go out the front door in a fit of rage. I lunged forward and grabbed her wrist and shut the front door and pinned her against it.
"Don't do that." I said sternly.
"Naomi, get OFF of me."
"Emily, listen to me… you are my girlfriend okay. YOU."
"Let me go." She said.
"No… not until you believe me." I replied calmly.
I know how this makes Emily look. Insanely jealous… You've got to understand that she is extremely insecure. She's not as bad as she use too be on the account that she isn't getting put down anymore but it's still there, it'll fade away in time but I have to keep reminding her that she's the one I want ya know. I can't really blame her for being like this, I mean, I have shagged Sam so of course if Sam's calling me, Emily is going to immediately assume that something is going on… Oh and don't forget the bitch just said she was my girlfriend... It's like Emily is still getting bullied but in a different way. They're doing it through me now. I can see it.
"Why would she say that Naomi? Huh? Why would she say that you were her girlfriend?"
"I don't know babe. She's fucking mental." I replied.
"You couldn't come up with something better then that?"
I just looked into her big brown furious eyes. If she couldn't hear what I was saying, maybe she could see I was being truthful.
"Tell me what to do Ems… what do I have to do to make you believe me?" I said keeping my voice gentle and calm.
She didn't reply. I pulled my phone out of my pocket. I called Sam.
"What." Sam spat.
I put the phone on loud speaker.
"Why did you tell Emily I was your girlfriend?"
"I…I… I didn't."
"Don't fucking lie to me Sam."
There was no answer.
"Fucking speak yeah. WHY DID YOU SAY IT?"
"Fucking hell… I was only muckin' around. Fuck, can't she take a joke?"
I hung up immediately, dropped my phone and stomped on it that hard, it was in pieces.
"There okay. You heard what she said and she won't be calling me again because I don't have a fucking phone. Are you satisfied?"
I said it a little too harshly. Sam had really gotten on my tits and I kind of took it out on Emily. She pushed me out the way and ran up the stairs and slammed my bedroom door closed.
(Fuck)
I walked up and opened it. She was sitting at my desk staring out the window. I hurt her.
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to say it like that."
She sniffed and wiped her face with the back of her sleeve. She turned to face me.
"I hope your not be lying to me…"
I cut her off.
"I swear Emily… I mean you heard what she said. She was just being a bitch." I replied.
Emily analysed me for a long moment.
"Ems, think about it yeah. When would I have the time to see anyone else? Me and you are ALWAYS together. Fuck, when was the last time you were even home?"
"About a month." She whispered.
"See… the only girl that's been in my bed is you."
"I'm not worried about who's been in YOUR bed. I'm worried about whose bed you've been in."
"Well I think you already know the answer to that?" I replied.
She looked at me for a while longer and then gave me a quick nod in agreement. I took a deep breath, fucking relieved. I walked over to her and kneeled in front of her. She had doubts about us. I could tell.
"Ems you know me better then anyone. When have I ever chased a girl for months just so I could get into her pants?"
See chuckled lightly through her silent tears.
"Never."
I grinned.
"So what does that say about you and me?"
She blushed.
"Yeah see… you know." I smiled as I wiped her tears away. "So stop thinking the worst of me. You have an advantage. We were friends before. You know how I act when I'm juggling a few chicks at the same time and I bet you a million dollars I haven't been acting that way."
She looked up at me and smiled.
"I don't have a million dollars."
"It's okay, because neither do I." I chuckled. "We okay?"
"Yes." She replied.
She leaned in and gave me a chaste kiss. She pulled back and changed her mind. She leaned in again and gave me a proper one. I wasn't complaining because I thoroughly enjoyed kissing Emily. Before, I never enjoyed it really, I just did it because it was kind of a 'have to do' type of thing but the first time my lips felt Emily's that changed. Fuck did that change. It's like a drug and I'm not ashamed to say that I'm addicted… I pulled back slightly and Emily looked at me slightly confused…
"Babe." I whispered.
"Hmm." She mumbled.
She seemed a little distracted and I knew why if her eyes were anything to go by. Her pupils were dilated as all fuck. She looked as if she just snorted a massive line of amphetamine. Bloody hell…
"I need to buy a new phone." I grinned.
Things have been going really good with Ems. We've had a few little hiccups like when Sam called, but apart from that it's all been pretty fucking fantastic. I should mention that she's been getting a heap of fucking attention also and it makes my blood boil. I keep thinking that she might ditch me for someone who is more deserving of her trust even though I haven't done anything for her not to trust me… I dunno I'm just being stupid, but the fear of losing her is a good thing because it reminds me not to fuck up… Not that I need to be reminded because there is no way I would fuck her around but rather then let it get on top of me and stress me the fuck out, I look at it as a positive thing. At the end of the day, if I'm scared of losing her well all that means is that I care…
"That was crap."
"Wasn't all bad." I chuckled as I put a little skip into my step.
Me and Ems just walked out of the cinema after watching The Devil Inside. Bloody hell, what the fuck is happening to the horror genre. Actually, it's not just horror it's ALL movies. They just don't make them the same as they use to. I don't know what it is exactly but it just seems like there missing something, ya know?
"Wasn't bad? Emily asked.
She gasped.
"Ohhh, you were perving on that Isabella chick weren't you?"
"What? Nooo… how could you think such a thing?" I replied sarcastically.
Emily paused for a moment looking thoughtful.
"I don't blame you. I was too." Emily laughed.
"Cheeky." I replied.
I pulled her in closer, wrapping my arm around her and placing a quick peck on her lips as we walked towards home.
"You hungry babe?"
"No I'm okay."
"You sure? I mean after eating a large popcorn, a block of chocolate and two ice creams, surely that's not nearly enough. I don't want you fading away on me." I said trying to keep a straight face.
She looked at me pretending to be offended.
"What are you getting at?"
"Oh nothing babe… just I don't want you to starve or anything."
"Actually on second thought… I could go for something sweet." She replied.
My jaw dropped because she looked as if she was being dead serious. How the fuck does she fit it all in? Fuck me… She started laughing hysterically at my facial expression. After she got her laughter under control she leaned in closer to me…
"By sweet I mean…"
I pulled away because I knew exactly what she was getting at. I didn't hear what the rest of her sentence was, but I didn't have to. I gulped as my head filled with all sorts of filthy images of me doing certain things to Emily. She noticed no doubt, by the look of me, because my cheeks felt red hot from the heat that had swept throughout my body. Fuck sake. I shook it off. I've really got to talk to her about this teasing shit. Fuck it's becoming unbearable ya know… I don't think she realises what she's doing to me… She nudged me in the ribs with her elbow as I stared blankly towards her, my thoughts thousand of light years away.
"Naoms?"
"Um yeah sorry." I replied as I shook my head to get out of my little day dream.
She just smiled and took my hand, entwining her fingers with mine as we continued home… We arrived there about 35 minutes later. I turned to face Emily.
"You want a spliff or something?" I asked.
She shook her head.
"No I'm fine." She replied shyly.
(Is she okay? She seems kind of weird.)
"What about vodka?"
She shook her head again.
"I'll have a coke though." She said.
I walked over to the fridge and grabbed two cans, passed her one and pulled her gently by the hand up the stairs and into my bedroom. She sat on the end of my bed and took a sip from her coke as I sat at my desk. I opened the drawer and pulled out my little bag of weed and some papers and started to roll two spliffs. I sparked one up and took a long, satisfying drag as I leaned back on the chair, releasing the thick smoke. I rolled my head to the side and looked towards Emily who was staring at me strangely. I extended my arm that was holding the joint, thinking she wanted a drag. Instead of grabbing the spliff, she grabbed my wrist gently instead and tugged me towards her. I sat next to her and went to have another toke but she took it off me, leaned over and butted it out in the ashtray on my desk. I just stared at her in bewilderment. I couldn't believe that she just done that… She turned back to face me and as I looked into her eyes, she seemed to be extremely nervous about something. She saw the confusing look I had written all over my face…
"I don't, um… I don't want you to be too fucked up…" She said softly.
Her voice was extremely low and husky.
(What? Is she… Ohhhh fuck. Um, is she like saying she's ready?)
She slowly leaned forward and brushed her lips against mine. I didn't respond straight away because I was in fucking shock… She went to pull back due to my lack of response but I delicately placed my hand around the back of her head and pulled her in closer, reconnecting our lips. I nipped her bottom lip gently and she parted her lips just enough for me to slip my tongue inside. She moaned softly into it. I felt Emily shift slightly and I could feel her slowly undo each button of my shirt. Her hands were shaking terribly. I kept my hands on her hips because I didn't want to freak her out but having said that it was almost fucking impossible for me too do. With the buttons on my shirt undone, she slowly slid my shirt off with me wiggling my arms out of the sleeves. She came closer to me and I could feel her body trembling…
"Emily, are… are you sure you want to do this?" I asked concerned.
She didn't speak. She gave me her answer when she removed her own top and slid herself further up the bed. I crawled over towards her trying my fucking hardest to keep my movements slow. I could see she wanted to do this, but she was terrified at the same time. I kneeled in front of her and just found myself staring into her eyes… She reached out an unsteady hand and hesitantly extended it towards me. As her fingers came into contact with the flesh of my stomach she retracted her hand as if she had been burnt. She looked back up towards me with a fearful kind of look in her eye.
"It's okay." I said to her reassuringly.
She extended her hand again and this time when she touched me, she softly stroked the skin that was beneath her fingers. She moved herself on to her knees, coming closer and brought her hands to caress the sides of my body. She ran her fingers over a sensitive spot which caused me to gasp. It gave her a boost of confidence hearing me react to her soft and careful touches… She ran her hands slowly around to my back and then all over my body with her eyes following the movement of her hands. She was staring intensely, taking in every inch of skin and every curve. She was exploring it and paying close attention. Getting familiar with how another woman's body felt against her fingertips, memorising every detail. I felt her hands slide upwards and rest near the band of my bra. She looked up towards me again as if she was asking for my permission to remove the undergarment. I leaned down and kissed her tenderly with her bringing her body closer. When I ran my hands around her hips and to her lower back, pushing her body even closer to mine, her breathing had become heavier as she felt herself pressed against me. I felt her fingers fumbling with the clasp and finally she was able to unhook it. She pulled back from the kiss and raised her hands up and carefully slid the straps of my bra off of my shoulders. When she saw my naked breasts for the first time, I could see by her facial expression that she liked them. I'm not saying that their the best looking tits in the world or anything, what I mean is, she was fascinated. She seemed reluctant to take the next step. I could see it as clear as day… I gently took her right hand and slowly raised it up and placed it on my left breast. Jesus as soon as I felt her hand there, my heart almost jumped out of my chest and when she delicately ran her thumb over my nipple, Christ, they instantly stood at attention. She looked up towards me again like she was amazed that her touch caused my body to react in such a way…
I instantly crashed my lips onto hers and kissed her open mouthed. It wasn't rushed; I was still taking it slow. It was up to her to set the pace, it was whatever she felt comfortable with. She seemed to be happy with the way things were going at the moment. I reached around and unclasped her bra and carefully removed it. She wrapped her arms around me, motioning me to lie down on top of her…
When I cast my eyes on her naked chest, my eyes closed on there own accord as I let out a small groan. I felt embarrassed for a moment by my reaction mainly due to the fact that I have never reacted like that before by just simply looking. I soon got over it as Emily wrapped an arm around my neck, pulling me down, wanting me to kiss her. As I ran my hands slowly over Emily's body and over her breasts, she let out an animalistic type growl. She pushed me up and started to undo her jeans… She was having a hard time as her hands shook nervously, so I happily assisted… With the remainder of our clothes off, I laid half on top of her and kissed her passionately while I ran my hand up and down her bare thigh leaving a trail of goose bumps. Her breathing was heavy and she was shivering… I pulled back and gazed down at the most beautiful girl I have EVER cast my eyes on. She had her eyes tightly shut…
"Emily… look at me."
I descended down and kissed my way from her neck and to her ear.
"Look at me." I whispered.
I lifted my head and found her gorgeous dark brown eyes staring back at me.
"Are you okay?"
"Yes." She whispered.
I shifted myself so that I was in between her thighs but careful not to come into contact with her just yet. I wanted to be sure that she was ready… I knew she was… but I HAD to make sure. She seemed extremely nervous and tense… She noticed that I was worried and as I went to speak she cut me off.
"It's okay Naoms, I want you too."
I smiled lovingly at her and gave her a heart felt kiss… I descended my hand down between her legs as I pulled back from the kiss so I could observe her. I touched the sensitive spot that I just know was throbbing intensely and her whole body jolted. She gasped loudly and as I started to slowly rub my hand against her, she let out a soft whimper… I picked up the pace slightly which caused a few moans to escape, with her pushing herself closer into my hand. I went to place a SOFT kiss on her lips but Emily had other ideas. She wrapped her arm around my neck and crashed our lips together urgently like she would surely die if she didn't. She pulled away completely breathless with her eyes closed. I could see she was in ecstasy…
"Ohhh… Naoms, I think I... I want… Ohh."
She couldn't finish her sentence but I knew what she was trying to say, even if she kind of didn't. She wanted more… I lifted myself up slightly and entered carefully and slowly because the last thing I wanted to do was hurt her… I lowered myself and started to grind against her using my hips to guide my hand. The way she was responding had set my whole body on fire. My heart was racing uncontrollably and my breathing was just as ragged as hers… I grinded against her slowly and could feel myself getting worked up. It was unreal, whatever she was feeling, I was feeling. She wasn't even touching me. I picked up the pace slightly and applied some more pressure. She grabbed my shoulders and let out a small cry with me immediately stopping, thinking that I had hurt her…
"Please don't stop…" She panted quickly.
I placed my head in the crook of her neck, nipping and kissing as I continued the movement. She wrapped her arms around me as I started to grind a little faster. Her nails were digging into my back.
"Ohh fuck Ems…" I groaned.
(Christ… what is doing to me?)
The movement of her hips became more wild as she was getting closer to the edge. She was becoming louder and louder. She was struggling to breathe with her nails drawing blood as she clawed at my flesh. It was painful but it caused a massive wave of pleasure to sweep throughout my entire body at the same time. She wrapped her legs around my waist holding me tightly against her…
"Naomi… ohhh… ohhh fuck..."
It took only just a few more thrusts for the orgasm to explode and rip throughout her body… The noises that passed through her beautiful lips caused me to come right along with her. Her whole body shook as she clung to me tightly as if she was scared to let go, in fear that she was going to fall. I continued to grind against her slowly until she came back down… until we both came down…
It took her quite sometime to recover from her climax. Her chest was heaving up and down as she struggled to recapture her breath. She was still holding on to me tightly as I placed soft and gentle kisses all over her face. Her eyes where closed. Her face was completely flushed… When she did finally open her eyes, the way she was looking at me, caused me to stop breathing with my heart swelling within my chest. She was looking at me in such a loving way it had actually stunned me. No one has ever looked at me like that before. It was amazing. SHE was amazing… I leaned down and gave her the most passionate and heartfelt kiss I have ever given anyone… It was like I had been saving it for her.
"I love you." I whispered before I descended back down and reconnected our lips.
She was completely spent and struggling to stay conscious. She was exhausted. I shifted us both so we were lying on the bed properly and placed my quilt over her first before I slid underneath. She draped one of her legs over me with her head on my chest as she started to drift off. She wrapped her arm around my torso and squeezed me tight as I placed a gentle kiss on the top of her head…
As I observed her sleeping contently, I realised just how much I loved Emily. She was the first girl I had ever made LOVE too. She was the first girl who I wanted to stay with afterwards… She was the first girl I would do anything for. She was the first girl I would die for without a second thought… She was my first for pretty much everything… For the both of us, it was our first time for a lot of things…
It's been 3 months since Emily's first time and its official. Emily is a sex maniac. I don't mean to be crude about it or anything and she's not just some tart you brag to you're mates about but bloody hell, when we finish shagging, well actually with Emily I like to say making love, I drift off to sleep and she's waking me up because she wants more. I'm sure she's elbowing me in the ribs while I sleep. She denies it, but I'm all tender. I think she's elbowing me to wake me up without making it obvious, ya know… I'm not complaining really, it's just I don't fancy copping a cracked rib… At first, I was expecting her to be a bit weird or should I say hesitant to do the things I do to her, to me… Boy was I wrong. I didn't even bring it up… she just got right into it… the activity I mean and like shhhh ya know, she has a natural talent for certain things… quick learner.
Anyway, enough of that yeah… Mrs. Jenna Fitch invited me over to the family home to have dinner which we have already been through. It was just as awkward as the first time I was over, actually possibly more so… I mean Emily has this glow about her as of late and I think Jenna has kind of picked up on it and I get the feeling that she knows the cause of it. Somehow, I don't think she's over the moon about it to be perfectly honest if the lasers shooting out of her eyes are anything to go by. Fucking hell… I was sitting at the table trying my best to shrink and disappear… I think at one stage I had actually slid down my chair with only my head peeking over the table like a small child who can't quite reach… That's how Jenna makes you feel without saying a word. It's fucking strange… Ems and me had gone into her room for a bit while Jenna and Katie cleared the table and cleaned up. Rob couldn't join us for dinner because he had to work late and James was sleeping over a friend's so I was completely left to fend for myself…
Emily was going through her draws trying to find this CD she bought over the internet. It was called Ministry Of Sound and she had gotten it from Australia… apparently it had some good club stuff on it… Don't really know though because I've never heard of it.
"Fucking Katie…" Emily huffed.
I chuckled because of the way she said it.
"What's up?" I asked.
She held the CD up to my face to show me.
"She's fucked it… look how deep the fucking scratches are… FUCK SAKE… If she just put the CD back in its cover this shit wouldn't happen." She replied seriously as she threw the CD into the corner.
"Babe, relax… I'll buy you another one okay."
"It's not the point Naoms… She's got no respect for my stuff."
I reached over and dragged her towards me with her sitting on my knee.
"Don't let it get to you… I don't think she done it on purpose, she just doesn't think, ya know." I replied.
Emily sighed.
"I know… sorry. She just really annoys me sometimes."
I leaned in and gave her a tender kiss.
"You know what annoys me…"
Emily looked at me questioningly.
"… that I can't…"
She cut me off because she knew exactly what I was going to say.
"Who says you can't?" She asked as if she was daring me.
She leaned in and claimed my lips while she ran her hand down the front of my jeans.
"Fuck… Ems, your mum's downstairs." I said slightly panicked.
"We'll just have to be quiet then, won't we?" She replied as she touched me in a very sensitive area, causing me to gasp.
I went to speak but Emily 'took the words right out of my mouth', you know, kind of like that Meatloaf song. Christ…
Emily stood up without breaking the kiss and repositioned herself by straddling my legs. I knew that I shouldn't, but fuck me, its Emily… I can't say no, I'm just not that strong. She lifted her skirt up and my hands immediately became attached to her thighs…
"Anytime you're ready Naoms." Emily whispered huskily.
She is so asking for it… I'll take that smug looking smirk right off her face. I roughly placed my hand between her thighs… I gasped as I lifted the front of her skirt up to have a look.
"Um… Ems, where are you're knickers?"
She chuckled evilly at me and placed a rough kiss upon my lips. She reached for my hand and put it where she wanted it the most. I entered. She broke away and let out a soft moan as she started to move her hips. She wrapped her arms around me so she wouldn't fall backwards and increased the movement while she stared intensely into my eyes…
"Fuck…" She groaned a little too loudly.
"Shhh." I hissed.
She pushed herself closer to me and started grinding harder against me. She leaned back and arched her back slightly and I knew she was about to scream out something else.
"Ohhh Nao…"
I instantly crashed my lips onto hers to muffle out her moans…
"HOW DARE YOU DEFILE MY HOME?" Jenna screamed.
(Ohhh fuck… I'm dead.)
"Fuck sake mum, can't you knock." Emily shrieked as she tried to pull her skirt down to cover her bare thighs.
Jenna stormed over towards Emily and dragged her off of my lap, slapping her face. She turned towards me and I scrunched up my face and closed one of my eyes, waiting for the blow.
"Mum, don't you dare." Emily yelled in my defense.
She glared at her daughter completely furious.
"You disgust me. How can you let this, this girl touch you in such a way?" Jenna said hatefully.
"She's my fucking girlfriend."
"Not anymore she's not. I'm putting an end to this nonsense once and for all." Jenna replied quickly.
Meanwhile, I'm still sitting on Emily's bed in complete and total fucking shock.
"What the hells going on." Katie asked as she ran into the room.
Katie looked at me and then to Emily. When she saw the 'just fucked' look on Emily's face she covered her mouth and gasped. I sensed that Katie knew what was about to happen.
"Katie." Jenna said as she turned and glared at me. "Get this sexual deviant out of our house."
"What?" Katie replied. "Mum, she's Emily's girlfriend…"
I stood up.
"Um… It's okay… I'll go." I said awkwardly.
I mean you'd feel awkward too when the mother of your girlfriend catches you shagging her daughter, bloody hell. Especially when it's Jenna Fucking Fitch… Emily grabbed my arm and dragged me out of her room with Jenna following, screaming all kinds of abuse, directed at me. We walked down the stairs and got to the front door. Jenna grabbed me and yanked me from Emily's grasp. She pushed me out the way and grabbed her daughter's arm and dragged her back into the house.
"You're not going anywhere young lady. Go up stairs and clean yourself up, for God's sake." She said through clenched teeth.
"FUCK OFF." Emily screamed as she got out of her mothers clutches and pulled me with her by the hand.
Fucking hell, it was like they were playing tug-of-war and I was the fuck-ing rope. Fuck sake.
"Emily, if you leave with HER, don't even think about coming back. I WILL NOT put up with this kind of behaviour. It's sick."
All of a sudden I became furious. I stepped back towards the house.
"You're the one that's fucking sick… That's you're fuck-ing daughter you're talking too…"
"Naomi don't…" Emily said as she came up beside me and grabbed my arm tightly.
"Nah, fuck that Ems… what kind of a mother kicks out there own daughter for being in love. That's fucked up." I yelled.
"It's okay babe… just leave it." She pleaded.
I turned to face Jenna, glaring at her hatefully.
"You know what Jenna, you can go fuck yourself. You're doing Emily a favour. You do realise that don't you?"
Jenna squinted at me and folded her arms.
"Stop this yeah…" Katie interrupted.
"Get inside Katie. I don't want you anywhere near them." Jenna replied coldly.
"Fuck sake mum, Emily's my fucking twin…"
"Not anymore she isn't. She is no longer part of this family. Not while she's with her." Jenna replied.
I was so angry… I started to laugh like a fucking lunatic.
"You're un-fucking-believable… you know that?" I said as I started walking towards Jenna, shaking my head in disbelief at what she had just said.
"Naomi NO." Emily shrieked as she pulled me back. "Let's just go."
I sighed heavily.
"You'll have to excuse me Jenna… I have some business to attend to." I said sarcastically.
Jenna scoffed at me.
"What business would that be NA-OMI." She replied.
"Fucking the arse off of you're daughter." I smirked.
(HA… picture that you homophobic bitch.)
Jenna's jaw dropped.
"OH MY GOD NAOMI..." Emily screamed as she dragged me down the street.
Emily pulled me along for about 5 minutes before she spoke.
"Fucking hell, I can't believe you just said that to my mother."
"Fuck her." I simply replied.
"I know she's a bitch okay, but she's still my mother." Emily replied distressed.
"Emily… did you hear what she said?"
"Yes I did. I WAS there…" She said looking at me, hurt.
I pulled her up and took a deep breath. I was still furious but I couldn't stand to see Emily hurting. Her lip quivered and she collapsed into my arms as she broke down completely distraught.
"Shhh, its okay yeah… everything will be alright." I said trying to sooth the ache in her heart that her own mother had put there.
"She hates me…" She cried.
"She doesn't hate you Ems… She hates me." I replied softly. "We'll figure something out okay. Until then, you can stay at mine. It'll be okay… I promise."
TBC…
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