I'm sorry for not updating in a gazillion years, I've been busy doing life stuff-I know, disgusting. Anyhow, this might be the last chapter of this story, I haven't really decided yet but... I'll just let you guys read and tell me what you think.

"I grew, day by day, more moody,

more irritable, more regardless

of the feelings of others."

Edgar Allan Poe

Olivia Benson doesn't quite remember all that happened last night. Vaguely, she recalls her door being opened-probably by her nosy next door neighbor, Mrs. Hanson-and she has a distant memory of being surrounded by uniformed men. The only thing she knows for certain is that she's just woken up in the hospital, and something is very wrong. She can feel it in the air around her, an overwhelming sense of emptiness and despair that threatens to suffocate her.

"Miss Benson?" A voice calls from the doorway. There stands a nurse, her graying hair pulled back into a tight bun and her soft blue eyes piercing the detective's soul with their kind stare. "Glad to see that you're up, you've been out of it for quite sometime. I was starting to worry," she states with a minute smile, entering the sterile room. The woman, who's name tag reads 'Jayne M.', halts at the end of her patient's bed, raising a pair of wired glasses to rest on the bridge of her nose as she begins to read over a clipboard.

"What... Uh, what happened?" Olivia inquires, her voice hoarse from lack of being used. Of course, she knows that she had been practically hemorrhaging on her kitchen floor but as to why, she's still unclear. She hopes to god that it wasn't because of what the 911 operator had suggested.

"Well..." the nurse murmurs, her eyes lifting from the clipboard to look back at the brunette dolefully, "You had a miscarriage, sweetheart."

The room falls into an abysmal silence, the only sound being the beeping of Olivia's heart monitor, though she's sure that her heart just stopped beating. She has no idea what to do with this information. Should she be happy? She obviously is in no condition to take care of a child, so maybe... No, no this isn't a good thing, not by a long shot. She killed her child, their child.

"I-I didn't know... I didn't know I was pregnant! How could I not know?" She whispers, feeling as though she has to justify herself to the older woman. She needs her to know that this isn't her, that she wants a child more than anything in the world- that she wants his child more than anything in the world; that if she had known, she would have done anything and everything in her power to keep it with her.

"It's perfectly normal for women to not know they're pregnant, Miss Benson. It's called a cryptic pregnancy and they're extremely common." Jayne says in a pointless effort to reassure her patient. Olivia shakes her head, unable to fight the burning sensation behind her eyes any longer as the tears cascade along her pallid cheeks.

"How far along?" The detective asks, though she already knows what the answer is. She just needs conformation that this child is-was-in fact the product of her one night affair with Elliot Stabler.

"Three months," she responds, hesitating for a moment before continuing, "the doctors removed the fetus while you were unconscious to prevent any further hemorrhaging. They concluded that he died from overexposure to alcohol."

"He?" Olivia breaths, her wide eyes staring at the older woman in horror. Somehow, regarding her unborn child as a person makes the pain even more unbearable. "I would've had a son." She finds herself sobbing into her hands, the new information on her baby and her self loathing becoming too much for her to handle. She doesn't want to be here anymore, she wants to go home, to be able to cry in her own bed; she doesn't want to be alone when she does it. She wants him to hold her, to tell her that everything is going to be okay.

"When can I leave?" She asks abruptly, wiping at the the tears that still continue to fall. The nurse is stunned by the younger woman's sudden change in mood, blinking a few times before answering the question.

"You're free to leave whenever you like, though I recommend you stay for at least a few more hours. We found that you were extremely malnourished when we examined you, so we've been giving you nutrients through the IV." Jayne explains, gesturing to the clear bag hanging next to her bed.

"Thank you, but I just... I want to go home." The brunette says weakly, her fingers picking at the tape securing the needle in her vein. The nurse nods and smiles, albeit sadly, turning to leave the room and retrieve her release forms. However, she pauses at the door when a forgotten thought enters her mind.

"When we tried to call your emergency contact, Elliot Stabler I believe it was, the number was disconnected," she pauses, turning to find her patient has gone completely rigid at the mention of this man, "is there anyone else we could possibly call for you? You'll need someone to take you home..."

"No-yes, just... I'll call them." Olivia mutters, shifting to grab the phone resting on the table next to the hospital bed. The nurse simply nods, exiting the room while the detective punches in a series of numbers.

Fin and Cragen are out of the question, considering how tense things have been between the both of them ever since her partner left and there's no way in hell she's calling either of the two rookies, so she's left with her final and only option.

"Sergeant John Munch, Special Vic-"

"It's Olivia."

"Liv? Where the hell are you, the captain has been trying your cell all morning!"

"To make a long story short, I'm at Mercy and-"

"You're at a hospital? What happened? Are you okay?"

"I'm... Just come pick me up John, please."

"Okay okay, I'll be there as soon as possible."

"Thank you... John?"

"Yes Olivia?"

"Don't tell anyone about this?"

"Wouldn't dream of it. See you in a bit Liv."

After sitting on a bench located in front of the hospital for about fifteen minutes, she's glad to see the familiar burgundy Crowned Victoria approaching. It comes to a halt directly in front of me and the door swings open, revealing a very concerned John Munch. She offers him a meek smile as he steps towards her, lowering himself onto the bench without a word.

"I'm sorry about this, John." She says softly, her eyes never leaving her feet that are currently covered by a pair of white slippers that Jayne gave her, along with a set of blue scrubs.

"Don't worry about it Liv. The only thing I'm upset about is that you left me to answer all of your rookie's questions." He quips in an effort to lighten the mood. He's disheartened when his friend doesn't show any signs of emotion but instead mumbles another apology. Her arms are wrapped tightly around her abdomen, looking as if she were trying to protect it from something.

"What happened last night Olivia?" He asks after a moment of silence. She lowers her chin to her chest, her long hair falling to mask the tears leaking from her eyes. Despite her attempt at hiding, John can clearly tell that she's crying by the way her shoulders are shaking.

"I don't want to talk about it, John." She breaths through gritted teeth and waits for a beat before lifting her head. "I just want to go home." Olivia stands rather abruptly, roughly scrubbing at her tear stained face with the palms of her hands.

The older man merely sighs in response, rising from his spot on the bench; shuffling ahead and swinging the door open for his forlorn friend. Without a word she slips into the car, sinking into the worn leather seat of the age old cruiser. Once inside John chances a glance in her direction, knowing that he shouldn't question her further no matter how desperately he wants to. So he drives, pulling away from Mercy General Hospital and-unknowingly-away from Olivia Benson and Elliot Stabler's lost child.

I'm gonna go hide in a cave for a little while so that none of you murder me...