Holy crapballs, I suck at updating. (*Me singing terribly* When you try your best but you don't succeed…)(Yes I know how stale that meme is) Hope you are having a *Pewds impression* FABULOUS day.
Warning: There is some language, not a lot. And some homophobic slurs that were painful to write.
*Phil's POV*
The actual flight wasn't too awful. But the fact that Dan procrastinated on packing, nearly blinded himself, and wouldn't throw away that muffin...was a little bit of a day ruiner. Let's just skip that part of the story it's not relevant...at least I think.
Which brings me to where I am now: standing in an Australian airport, with my best friend, trying to find our luggage.(Another thing for the list: The fact that I can use the word 'our' without it being weird.) On the way to the baggage claim, I realize drinking all that soda on the flight probably wasn't the best idea ever.
"Umm… Dan?" I say, trying to get his attention.
"What?" he says sharply. Like I pulled him away from something important.
"Can you see a sign for the bathroom?" I asked semi-timidly, I really didn't want to have an argument in the middle of a foreign airport.
"Really Phil? Now?" he asked incredulously, with the crease between his eyebrows becoming larger.
"Yes, now. I can't exactly control my bladder can I ?" I asked growing increasingly frustrated at his irritation with things I can't consciously control.
"No, but...Ugh! Can't you just hold it!" Dan said his voice approaching a shout.
"No I can't" I nearly screamed. "Why are you so irritated with me when you almost made us miss the flight and nearly blinded yourself, almost giving me a heart attack in the process. So, I really doubt that you have any right to tell me off for having to use the restroom."
He just looked at me with a look of guilt. It was that look of pure guilt that nearly made me apologise, but Dan beat me to it.
"You're right… Sorry." He said with a sad look and a sigh. He looked down and kicked the floor with his toe. "Go, I'll be here when you get back"
"Umm… okay?" I said looking at him, with a confused look on my face.. Why did he just give up like that? Like he lost all the energy that was there seconds before. Whenever we argue over something stupid like that, Dan fumes for a few minutes (Read: "Few hours") and then we're all good. We go back to our normal routine of filming, video games, and food. But Dan Howell never loses an argument without a fit that is sometimes real and sometimes not so much. So what made today any different?
*Dan's POV*
Dammit Phil! Damn your beautiful eyes. Damn your cute as f*** annoyed face. Damn your adorable confused face. Why does everything about you have to be so f***ing captivating! You make it impossible to stop pining.
"Dan" Phil says snapping his fingers in my face. "Just wanted to make sure you knew where I going." he said pointing to the sign that said 'Men's Restroom' in three different languages. I nodded.
"I'll be here, go before your bladder explodes." I say shooing him away with my hands. I watch as he walks away until he's out of sight. I lean against the wall around the corner from the bathroom, opening twitter on my phone, hoping to alert the internet of our arrival. I then turn to the wonders of Tumblr to provide me with entertainment.
After a good ten minutes I notice Phil still isn't back yet. He sometimes takes a while, but never this long. I take this as my cue to go find him.I push myself up from the wall, stuffing my phone in my back pocket simultaneously. As I walk around the corner, I come face to face with a picture I never wanted to see.
There is a woman standing close to Phil, a little too close in my opinion. She was wearing a black, skin-tight cocktail dress and ridiculous black high heels that made her 4 inches taller than she actually was, even then her eyes barely reached his shoulder. Her brown hair was let down her back with curls aplenty. Her unnaturally tanned face was caked in makeup.
She looked like she was attempting to talk him up, which was just creeping him out. He was subtly leaning away from her, it looked like he was trying to escape having her cleavage stuffed in his face.
I could barely make out what she was saying to Phil but from around 8ft behind them, I could make out just a little bit of what she was saying,
"I've seen you before... aren't you on the internet sometimes. Isn't there two of you?" She questioned trying to lean into his side before he shuffled away a bit.
"Umm...yeah you might've seen me. I do YouTube and a radio show sometimes with my best friend, Dan." He said awkwardly, obviously uncomfortable with the situation. 'Heels', as I had nicknamed her, unfortunately didn't pick up on this and kept going with her little act.
"Well cutie, I think you would like to buy me a drink and then maybe…" I didn't hear anything after that. I watched with wide eyes as her hand slowly down his side and onto his thigh, thumb dangerously close to his crotch. I could tell from the way Phil's ears went red, he was humiliated.
At this moment it finally occurred to me that I had been standing there watching my best friend (and crush) be uncomfortable for a considerable amount of time. That's when I started thinking of ways to get him out of this situation, but the only thing in my head was the most cliche thing ever: pretend to be the boyfriend.
I know I could pull it off with my acting skills, but could Phil catch on quick enough? At this point Heels was leaning all her weight on Phil, and his neck was craning away from her boobs. At the sight of this woman trying to defile my Best Friend I lost all thoughts of caring about his reaction times, I stopped caring if a viewer saw me, I let my impulses take over. This is not going to end well for her.
"Phil!" I said loudly. "I've been looking all over for you!" I said with a little less volume as I walked up to them. Phil's face flooded with relief when he saw me, and then confusion started to drip in when I almost naturally wrapped my arms around his waist and pecked him on the cheek before resting my head on his shoulder. (I had thought about doing that so many times, dreams do come true.)
"Hey Dan." He said with a fine layer of confusion in his voice.
"Just play along." I whispered as discretely as possible. Phil nodded subtly. I looked over at Heels, and gave her a look that radiates nothing but hostility.
"Who are you?" I said in a painfully polite tone. She stuck her nose up, and responded in the most prim voice possible.
"Why should I tell you fag?" For F***s Sake Bitch. I was about to blow right up in her face, but Phil beat me to it.
"Don't you F***ing dare say another word" he took a step away from me while I let my arms fall limply to my sides. Phil used his full height against her and took the most menacing posture possible.
"Why, out of every word in the world, must you use that one. Do you feel better now? Does this " He gestured to the three of us with slightly wild hands.. "Make you feel better? 'Cause if it does then you are a sick person, with no sense of empathy for other humans."
She looked up at him stunned, I had a similar expression, Phil usually hates conflict. She was the first to snap out of it. Flicking her hair stalking away towards the Starbucks at the end of the grand room, Mumbling something about "stupid fags", stupid courage", and my favorite, "stupid equality"
Phil turned around with an almost horrified look on his face, only to find me laughing.I was full on, bent over, arms-crushing-my-stomach-'cause- I-can't-breathe, laughing. I don't know why it was so funny to me, it just was. Phil looked at me for a second before a wide grin covered his face and started to giggle. Soon we were both doubling over laughing clutching at our stomachs. Once we were able to calm ourselves down I threw my arm over his shoulder and said in a cheerful tone.
"C'mon Phillip! Let's find our stuff and catch a cab." And we walked off to the Baggage Claim.
Oh My Gosh that was terribly hard to write. I'm sorry It was so bad. I really appreciate you putting up with my terribly slow uploads. I hope you are having a good day!