Chapter 3
3 years later…
I wake up groggily, with sleep still weighing my eyes down like barbells. Bright sunlight flows through the glass windows of the girl's sleeping bunker, and for a moment its heat caressing my skin distracts me from how exhausted I really am. I couldn't get any sense of peace in the nighttime, because my mind was overflowing with the thought of graduating. After all this time, the days were finally counting down where I'd have to choose the branch of the military that I'd be dedicating my whole existence to. Maybe it shouldn't be so hard for me to pick between my only two options, but it is. I've made up my mind, changed it, and then made it up all over again. There's no easy way to decide which entity you'll sell your soul to, but with that negativity aside, there have been so many advantages to being a cadet. My life has felt more lighthearted and joyful in these last years than it ever did back at home.
After washing myself and eating in the mess hall with my friends, we go to scale wall rose for cannon inspection. We all talk about what regiments we'll be joining after all these years of training, and I think about how far I've come since day one.
Over the years spent training as a cadet, I transformed as a human being. Not only did I become a woman, but my character did a complete 360. I used to be a weak, helpless little girl that had to rely on everyone else to do everything for me that I couldn't do for myself. Part of it was because I truly was weak, and someone's level of strength isn't necessarily left up to them to dictate. The other part though, was me believing that I never could be strong. That I never could be a protector, and would always need to be protected. I subjected myself to weakness, but I quickly found out that no one here cares about your pathetic excuses or your low self-esteem. It's do or die, and I prefer not to die by far. The test of my strength began with the ODM gear. I immediately thought that I would be a failure, and would be sent back home to frequent a whore house for the rest of my life, but I quickly found something that I'm extremely good at. Balance. I got the hang of it so quickly, and even rivaled Mikasa, the Asian girl who seemed to have a problem with me, at the craft. The officers told me that my small stature would aid me in my sense of equilibrium and agility. For once, being the smallest wasn't something I was ashamed of, because I learned that it could be utilized as an asset that keeps me alive.
I learned that matter of fact, I'm not so stupid after all. When they weren't busy pounding information about the titans repeatedly into our heads, they taught us math and literature to keep our brains sharp and aware, and I excelled and reveled in it. I always thought that if someone was in the scouts or the garrison, they didn't really need to be that smart, but I was proven wrong once again, about something I thought I knew. I can't speak on behalf of the garrison, but the scouts must be some of the biggest intellectuals in the whole land. These people have to constantly think of new plans and strategies off the top of their heads all the time, because encounters with titans just aren't predictable and uniform. They have to remember landmarks, be knowledgeable about all the titans around them, and be extremely alert all the time. A dead, dumb, barely stimulated mind can't do that. Many of the things they tested us on during learning hours were common sense scenarios. If a soldier doesn't have common sense, not only will he surely die, but he will cause the deaths of others around him, and I don't want to bring my friends any type of harm.
I've built meaningful friendships in my time spent here. Armin and I studied together all the time, and eventually a friendship blossomed. I think we both gravitated towards one another because we both could relate to being the weakling, but we both recognized the power of knowledge. My friendship with Connie was based simply on the fact that he made me laugh, and distracted me from the fact that soon, there would probably be nothing funny. I love him because he's never made fun of my looks, and just treats me like a little sister. He'll probably be going to the military police, so I cherish every bit of banter we ever have while I still can. When you find someone who can laugh in the very face of the worst thing ever, you never let that go. I grew to have a strong respect for Mikasa. She's strong and intelligent, and so extremely determined to excel so that she can keep Eren alive. She's always a voice of reason, and seems to be above any petty, childish bullshit that occurs within the cadets. She's here for one reason and one reason only, and I admire her for knowing exactly what she's here for. Last but never least, Eren. From the very first minute I met him, his passion and hunger to not only survive, but to live, completely overwhelmed me. His energy flowed through my veins until I became addicted to it. Eren always pushed me to become stronger, and to work harder, and to be the best. I used to think he was just the type of guy that liked to control everything and everyone, but the true nature of his actions were revealed.
"You have to get up Mahala! Get up now" Eren yelled fiercely into my face. 'What the hell is his problem lately?' I thought. I went to get into my offensive stance again, and as I brought my arm swinging at his face, he grabbed it and flipped my body hard onto the ground.
"GET UP! How many times do we have to go over this before you finally get it right?!" he screamed. Anger swelled inside my body and bubbled to the surface. My face burned hot with blood and I could just imagine steam flowing from my ears in a never ending streamline. I caught my breath and finally went off on him.
"What the fuck is your problem Eren? You've been on my back nonstop and I fucking swear you've been harder on me than you have ANY other person here! What the fuck do you want from me? I'm trying my damn best!" I cried out with tears in my eyes. Not only was I upset that Eren seemed to have something against me in this moment, failing to fight him reflected how poorly I was performing in training. I can't survive as a scout if I can't even master hand to hand combat. There's no need for me to be here if I can't do it. I get up with pain in my body, preparing to walk away and pack my bags to save myself from more embarrassment.
Before I get up, Eren sits down beside me, and I look to see tears are also in his eyes. It shocked me to my core.
"What are you crying about Eren? I'm the one who can't fight for shit." I deadpanned. He didn't respond for a while, and we sat there in a mutual silence, until he pierced my soul with his forest green eyes.
"I need you to survive Mahala." He shakily responded.
"I need you to know how to fight, because I need you to be able to protect yourself. I need you to fight as well as me, because I need you to be safe even when you're not by my side in the scouts. Because I can't watch after you, and I can't protect you. I'll be too busy protecting myself, Armin, Mikasa… I can't do what I need to do, and I can't be who I need to be, if I don't know you're okay. How am I supposed to kill all the titans if I'm crippled from losing you?" he let out calmly with tears streaming down his face. I was frozen into place. What was he saying?
"So I can't go easy on you, because you need to get better. I don't want to look up and you're not there." He said finally before getting up and walking away.
That day, Eren told me he valued my existence. He cared about me as a dear friend. I'm determined to hold onto anybody that cares about my life, and my existence. I think back to that day, and I smile. I've come a long way from just rolling over and accepting defeat. I could've gotten lost in my thoughts, but as I said before, I'm never allowed. Because in the blink of an eye, green lightning crackled to the core of the earth, heat burned my skin, and I watched Wall Rose crack open the same way I'd heard Wall Maria did. The Colossus Titan was here, and Wall Rose has fallen.
Authors Note:
Hi! Thank you so much for reading to chapter 3. This was a chapter to showcase character development. If you were confused, the portion in italics was a flashback. It's going to be important in the future, so remember it! For all the Levi fans out there, Levi is coming soon! I needed to focus on my main character instead of catapulting into an underdeveloped relationship though, but he's definitely coming! I'm asking for honest feedback and even suggestions. My plot for this story is not set in stone. Thanks again.