Disclaimer: As before...y'know...same old.
Out of all of the 'fics I have this one has to have the most humor in it. Maybe because the characters are so naturally funny? Either way – enjoy!
Al had quickly realized upon entering the first shop selling tuxedos and suits that he would have a difficult time finding the right outfit. With such a cumbersome body there was very little available in the shops for him. He would, he decided, have to make do with an extra layer of polish.
Despite having a much larger choice than Al, Ed was not an easy person to buy for either. The extra bulkiness of his mechanical arm meant that one sleeve would have to be slightly larger than the other. The tailoring would be difficult as it would be a custom made job and would have to be discreetly done so as not to give a lopsided shape. Although Ed would have happily gone with the first tailor (as would Al and Roy) they met, Lieutenant Hawkeye was adamant that they look around in order to find the best price, the best selection and the best skill. As a result the three men trailed after Riza and entered shop after endless shop.
"Why do women like shopping so much?" Roy grumbled when they entered the twentieth shop. There was the usual tinkling of bells and hearty greetings as they opened the door. Racks of suits covered the four walls of the building and the owner jumped up eagerly at the scent of money.
"Why do they have to go through every single shop in the street?" For once, Ed grumbled along with Roy in agreement.
"Why can't they just buy the first thing they see and be happy with it?" Al added in desperation.
The three men sighed loudly.
Riza turned to them, a handful of suits already in her arms, "What are you three grumbling about? Ed, come and try these on!"
Remembering that the first time he had resisted she had pulled a gun out at him, Ed sighed and murmured, "Yes, ma'am" as he slopped off to the changing rooms.
Roy scratched his head and mumbled. "All of this makes me wish I was back at the office."
He must have been feeling desperate, Al thought, to say that. Normally the Colonel would do anything to stay away from the office.
Al stood next to the Colonel and held the numerous, white-boxed parcels in his arms. He had been unanimously voted to carry the packages but he didn't particularly mind. The body he had never got tired and the weight of the packages (and judging by the looks on Roy and Ed's faces as they first carried the parcels that they were heavy) didn't hinder him.
He looked over the racks of dark suits and wondered which one he would prefer to pass the time. The black one with the blue shirt and pale blue tie looked quite nice…or the one with the white shirt. The last time he had properly worn a suit was at his mother's funeral – and memory told him that it had been uncomfortable – but this time it was different. Rather than detesting the restricting tie, Al actually wanted to wear one. He wanted to wear a posh, grown-up outfit to the posh, grow-up ball. He didn't want to go with a battered looking suit of armour who would stick out like a sore auto mail thumb. He wanted to go looking like a normal boy in gentlemen attire.
Al's deep sigh alerted Roy.
"Something on your mind?" The Colonel asked.
"O-oh, no, Colonel." He laughed nervously, feeling embarrassed by his selfish thoughts – he should be grateful that he was actually going to the ball. "I was just wondering when we would finish."
"Hmm." Roy wasn't convinced. Wildly guessing what was on the young boy's mind, he said quietly. "I wouldn't worry too much about this ball, Alphonse."
"I wasn't worrying!" Al's flustered protests made it clear that Roy had pinpointed the problem. "Maybe I'm a little nervous but…" he trailed off.
Roy laughed heartily. "There's nothing to be worried about! These balls usually follow the same routine of meeting and greeting, a little dancing for the first hour and then the room dividing into males and females with the men getting footless drunk!" He smiled up at him. "From what I could gather you two are going to leave pretty soon, right? You'll be leaving before you know it!"
"Hmm." Al murmured, thinking the Colonel's reasoning over.
"And if you're worried about what people will think," Roy muttered quietly so that only Al could hear. "They won't think anything. They'll be too focussed on their booze, women and the Fuhrer." He patted the side of the armour to comfort him.
Alphonse brightened at his words. "Really?"
"Yup. Hey, Fullmetal," Roy called out as Edward emerged from the changing rooms to be scrutinized by Riza. "That colour is good on you!"
"You think so?" Ed looked down at the pink shirt uncertainly and picked at it.
"Yeah, it's a good shrimp colour!" Roy grinned.
The calm shoppers passing by the shop jumped and shouted in alarm as a loud, angry voice screamed from within, "Who are calling a shrimp, you loud mouthed, two faced, lame excuse for a soldier Colonel?!"
Alphonse carefully placed the last of the parcels into the boot of the car. Edward and Roy bickered noisily on the pavement as Riza frowned and scratched her head. "I thought we had one more parcel…"
"Maybe we left one behind at last the shop?" The number of shops they had entered flickered through Al's mind. It would be so much easier to leave one behind rather than have to trawl through all of them again…but knowing Riza they would be forced to go back through all of them. He groaned inwardly at the thought.
"I made sure we had all of them before we left." She rummaged through the parcels carefully. "It must have been forgotten at the last shop."
Alphonse straightened up. "I'll go back and get it, Lieutenant."
"I can go back…" she began but Al interrupted her.
He glanced over at the squabbling pair. "I think you're the only one who can control them if things get out of hand, Lieutenant Hawkeye."
She followed his gaze and immediately caught his meaning. "Ah." She smiled. "I understand. We'll wait here until you come back then, Alphonse."
"Okay!" He turned and jogged back down the street to return to the shop.
Alphonse bowed as he left, the retrieved parcel in his hand. "Thank you – sorry again!"
"It's quite all right, sir!" The cheerful old shop owner smiled at him. "Please come again!"
Al bowed again and closed the door of the shop. He strolled quickly back down the street, eager to meet up with the others and return to the hotel. It would be nice to spend the rest of the afternoon shop-free…
"Oof!"
Alphonse, the parcel and a stranger dressed in black fell to the floor in a crumpled heap. The stranger had ran out of an alleyway and straight into Al, causing them both to fall to the ground. The sound of metal meeting concrete echoed hollowly across the street and the heads of shoppers turned to see what the commotion was.
"Are you alright?" Al jumped up and tried to help the stranger to his feet. "You aren't hurt are you?"
"Ohhh." The man in black nursed his head and groaned in reply. He unsteadily wavered on his feet.
"Wait! Stop that man!" A loud shout echoed down the alley he had emerged from. The sound of feet slapping against the pavement drew nearer. "Stop him!"
"What??" Al said in confusion.
The man tensed and tried to barge past Al. His eyes were wide and lolled in terror and his voice was urgent and angry, "Let go of me!" He darted forward but slowly fell to the ground with a distinct moan.
Al attempted to catch him. "Mister! Are you al-"
"Hold it!"
The gentle click of a gun made Al jump up in alarm, his hands held up. The wavering man fell to the ground on his knees with a gentle thunk. He moaned again as he head hit against the hard floor.
"Oh!" Al moved slightly to help the man. "Mister-"
"I said, hold it!" A harsh voice ordered again. "If you move again, I'm gonna shoot!"
Alphonse gave a startled squeak and returned to his former 'surrender' position. "S-s-sorry!" He apologized again and turned to face the harsh sounding person.
He blinked and stared at the military uniform wearing woman, whose gun was pointed straight at Al. The gun switched its position to the man as she stared at Alphonse with narrowed green eyes.
"Are an accomplice?" She barked at him.
Alphonse jumped at the abrupt harshness of her tone. If he had a body he would have been sweating profusely. "O-o-o-o-o-oh," the gun and the murderous look in her eyes, was very unnerving. "Oh, no! He bumped into me!"
"Really," she said dryly, looking his strange outfit up and down.
"Yes!"
The gun abruptly went off and the sound echoed across the street. The shoppers screamed in alarm and scattered inside the shops for safety. Alphonse squealed in fright, "No! Don't shoot!"
The woman glanced up at him, "I didn't shoot you."
He blinked and then looked at the man who had been trying to make a smooth getaway, his face deathly white. His eyes were filled with horrified tears as he stared at the neat bullet hole in the pavement besides his right hand. A squeaky, "Mommy," escaped from his ashen lips before he fainted.
The woman sighed and tucked the gun back into the holster. She bent down and slid handcuffs on to the unconscious man and then straightened up to bow at a flustered, still terrified Alphonse. "My apologies for acting in that way. This man is a criminal who has been on the run for some time. I was lucky to be able to-"
"Alphonse!"
He turned his head at the sound of the familiar voice. "Nii-san!" He said in mild surprise as Roy, Riza and Edward ran towards him.
"We heard a gun shot." Roy explained breathlessly. "Are you ok-ahhhh!" He spotted the young, black haired officer and shouted in surprise. "Emily!"
'Emily?' Alphonse wondered and stared at the now calm military officer who had threatened him.