Story 1: Fortieth Chance Part III

Gon felt bored.

No, wait. He was never bored. Preoccupied and jumpy maybe, but never bored. Though being the blatantly honest person he was, he didn't doubt that something in his life had drastically changed.

Something, that something always felt missing when he gazed over those unoccupied spots around him at school just before seating himself. One of the chairs had moved a centimeter since lunch. It resonated as he walked down that same dirty path at sunset, reaching the empty two-room apartment just to take that bath he promised his invisible mother every morning. The water was cold but he didn't mind. It refused to leave when he went to bed in a flurry of yawns and stretches, hoping to see Gonta once eyelids shut. But, it invaded his dreams all night and stayed into the morning. Turn the clock back and reset.

Killua.

Before, it never crossed his mind. Living this way and working towards a cause was all he needed. But ever since he met his best friend, that new feeling had been nothing short of overwhelming this past bundle of days. Eventually through all his confusion and thinking, Gon could come to one simple conclusion about his own life.

It was lonely.

Lonely and just a little boring.

He was worried about Killua. It had been weeks since they last saw each other. Weeks since Gon looked back from that treasured graveyard to see eyes filled with fear etched in hate. All of it was directed at him. As if he was the cause of his problems until now, and just decided that day he was done. Killua was done with him. And then left. Gon didn't stop him.

There wasn't anything more he's been regretting the second that fluffy-haired silhouette under the rain disappeared.

Back then it had taken a full five seconds for him to realize what had happened. Five seconds was too long. Even when he took off sprinting full speed down the slippery steps, the white-haired boy was gone in the mist. Just like it's been since they've known each other. Gon continued searching into the night, visiting the grave as much as he could in-between work and school just in case his lost friend returned. He didn't. It was like Killua disappeared off the face of the planet. And for the second time in his life, he felt completely helpless. Helpless and weak for not being able to do anything about it.

You cheated, Killua. Gon was currently sprawled out across his bed, the cycle of his life since his friend left it preparing to restart once more. He was if not just slightly very pissed.

*RING*

It was from the hospital. Which meant it was important, and sickening.

Killua is MORE important! He had almost slammed the thing into his ear to yell just that, but stopped himself. It was unlikely. But if it was Ging calling, he didn't want him to know about his best friend just yet. Not until they were both at his side. Clumsily packaging all feelings of resentment, he picked up the hard object in the middle of the second ring.

"Hello?" He didn't introduce himself.

"Why hello, Gon." Something was off. He could tell by the first syllable. Sandy-chan never came off so pitiful and bursting with emotion.

So they were both in a rock-bottom mood. "Is something wrong, Sandy?"

"…" The nurse was silent, just as silent as his home, at least for a while. "Thursday November 8th, 2012. A thunder storm passed through the area with wind speeds up to 90km/hour and cut off an adjacent wire. There was no electricity in the building for approximately 15 hours, 49 minutes and 22 and three quarter seconds."

Gon leaned the phone against his shoulder in overcoming sleepiness. It's not the first time the hospital experienced power outages. Luckily despite being the cheapest one he could find, all health care centers were required to have emergency electric supplies. And they happened quite a lot for small reasons, such as rat infestations and even street thieves. This particular big one was new to him. Suddenly her name sounded really ironic to Gon. "Ah, yeah! I heard about the hurricane that hit a while ago. Are you okay?"

"I am fine." She sounded constipated. "During the blackout, although energy was supplied to our main machines and surgery tools, the security cameras could not be spared."

"Did…something happen?"

"Not really." They stayed silent over the line. It didn't seem so but the two had known each other for a while. Apparently all the patients were assigned specific nurses and he happened to be stuck with her. She was another on the number of people he could count on one hand who talked to him without that same fear and suspicion he was so nonchalant about. The crazy thing was that the woman also knew everything, but claimed to never let it affect her work life. Eventually without knowing, she fully came to understand the type of person Gon was. They almost wished she hadn't.

"I am calling to announce the death of Ging Freecss as of Friday November 9th, 2012 at exactly 2:46am Eastern time."

No reaction, other than large caramel eyes turning to the ceiling. Blue rain and thunder.

"When the security cameras were turned back on at half-past two in the morning, the machine providing his body with oxygen and blood was found ripped apart and mutilated. We suspect a suicide while the doctors were not looking."

He poked at a loose strand of yarn dangling the side of his mattress. White bandages and blood.

"…Sir?" The woman stuttered in a very un-business-like voice.

Rusty skateboard and yo-yo.

"How much money?"

Sandy seemed taken aback by just how off his tone was. She'd never heard it before. "Um, sir…?"

Repeat. "How much money do I get back from the deposit?"

It took a full minute for her to process what he meant, before the sounds of rushing heels and dropped clipboards overtook the receiving end in a sudden explosion. Gon waited patiently, his once fidgety body now stark still on the unwashed bed.

"Oh, l-let's see here…" He could imagine her squinting at the papers in mock concentration. "We hadn't used up last time's payment yet so…almost all of it. I-I'll transfer the remaining cash into your savings by tomorrow."

"Good. Thanks Sandy-chan, for everything." Apparently that was the end.

"…Um, Gon?"

He had almost hung up. "Hm?"

"He's a jerk."

Gon gave a weak smile. "I know."

-H-H-H-H-H-H-

His bank book was the richest it's been his whole life. Bright green digits increased a day later as promised, expanding every possible horizon that wasn't there before. It was enough to move out of the smelly apartment and into a nicer one, enough to purchase real food and not ramen noodles and self-caught fish he went to get at ridiculous hours of the night. He could buy that fox-cub doll he's always wanted and display it in his room as a keepsake to Gonta. It was all enough to live as a normal teenager, slowly paying off the families his father had hurt through charities and community service. That was what most would have done.

Bleh. I like this idea more.

Gon huddled against the steel hard seat of the train, poorly dressed self shivering under the suddenly lowering temperatures and conduction of metal on body. He didn't know it'd be freezing, what about the fish?! Are the birds okay? And he couldn't imagine the bears! His breath formed faint clouds in the poorly lit machine. Watching it, he decided to worry later. It would all be worth it after. He just knew.

His back tilted and ignored the stinging cold of the seat. To make things straight, this didn't come out of nowhere. It was what he wanted. The invisible force that suffocated him slowly built up over the weeks, contributing to his increasing edginess and discomfort. It was the cause of many of spilled drinks and sleepless nights. Despite this, the urge remained peacefully teasing, waiting for its moment to pounce on him with no mercy. That one wrongly-placed straw would've tipped everything. Except it wasn't just that. When that phone call had come, it was wrapped right against his neck and choked on in attempted murder. Emotional walls came undone, he wasn't stupid. Not for a second was he going to stand against it.

He needed to see Killua, badly.

Over two-thirds his savings; that's how much he planned to spend and would gladly hand over more. The Zoldyck Estate was almost halfway across the world, which was the only thing keeping Gon from running there on foot in the first place. In a mess of strange emptiness coupled with a hidden unknown, it was the only goal he had left. But it was a long shot. He knew that too.

The boy distractedly sketched figures of stick people and trees along the clouded glass, breath and finger as his only apparatus. Long rides on third-class planes and rusty subways meant many hours to himself. During this time, his mind drew blanks. Nothing but blanks and thoughts of awkwardly drawn birds as his hand dragged across the window in slow strides.

Occasionally he would hallucinate a shine of white hair in the sky or road below. On skateboard and smirking up at him in a playful dare. Each time it happened Gon would let that determined smile invade his features, the only sign of sincere emotion he's had since leaving, and think I won't lose, Killua.

-H-H-H-H-H-H-

The Zoldyck Estate was ginormous.

Gon had to take a moment to wonder just why Killua found it weird that size was the first thing that came to his mind. He was pretty sure two or three classrooms around here were equal to all of his whole school back at home. Never mind stairs, just walking to get a drink of water would've been enough exercise to keep all the students fit and healthy. So that's how Killua was so slim.

Deep in awe, Gon didn't notice the two bulky guards hovering closer and closer to him with accusing stares. It wasn't the first time he was caught for loitering. It happened a lot those days when he had to deliver beer to expensive mansions in the dead of the night. Clearly there were many who could not resist the taste of Satotz's rare collection. He didn't think there was anything wrong with scrambling in front and around the icy black gates, eyes shining and jaw hanging open. So he didn't run away as they grabbed him firmly by his upper arm. Almost a sickly blue from frostbite.

He supposed he looked a tad ridiculous, clad in nothing but jeans and a t-shirt out in this snowy weather.

"Do you need anything, boy?" A deep voice reverberated from the one clinging to him; he resembled one of the men in black.

Gon smiled good naturedly. It didn't reach his eyes. "Yes, mister! I'm looking for a friend of mine."

The taller of the two who was watching silently grunted. "I've heard that one before. I'm sorry but visitors are not allowed without special permission."

"How do I get special permission?"

"You must have talked to one of the board of chairmen or have been reserved to come by a student council member."

"Uh…" That sounded like a lot of confusing business stuff. "How do I do that if I can't go in?"

"…"

Gon pouted. "Well?"

"You cannot." The shorter boy felt his legs being lifted off the floor, hanging by that one captive arm. They were starting to grow weary despite his seemingly thin stature and seemed to be preparing to throw the threat out onto the streets. "We do not allow our students to interact with the outside people of lower class."

He didn't know how. But under that unforgiving wind which sent icicles down his spine in cracked waves, old socks long past soaked in silver puddles of frost and patience from nearly two months running thin, something snapped.

"YOU CAN'T DECIDE THAT FOR THEM!" In one capricious move, Gon twisted his wrist with a sudden force that caused the larger man to release it. Shoes landed on pavement. "I just came here TO SEE KILLUA!"

That triggered the end of pleasantries. In nearly half a second, Gon found himself at gunpoint by the one in back and retractable-knife pressed near throat by that same guard who had once held him 'captive'. They were weak, but had weapons.

"…Gon?" A fourth voice he hadn't heard in a long time ripped between the feud like thunder.

The addressed turned in shock along with the two men, temporarily distracted. A relieved smile adorned his face right after.

"Pokkle!"

-H-H-H-H-H-H-

"I came here to see Killua." It was the one sentence that ingrained itself in his brain so it could be let out in a heartbeat. No trouble, no thinking needed.

Two bodies were seated in a comfy longue, surprisingly one of the smallest rooms in the whole campus. Gon was immensely thankful for the heat and had long kicked off his shoes and socks in favor of drying his feet over the fire in a tirade of sighs. His paling skin was quickly gaining back its healthy glow. Mito-san always said he had a strong immune system.

Adjacent to him, Pokkle sat against a pile of papers and notebooks, pens scattered to the floor and some broken from being stepped on more than one occasion. Having newly transferred to the school with top marks, those around the grounds had a deep respect for the hat-wearing student. But that didn't mean living in luxury or anything. He had an essay due the next day, didn't procrastinate, and had started the day he had gotten it, but was just barely finishing the colossal wall of text. Though, his mind was clearly on something else.

"I remember you saying that name once." Images of that much warmer day from what felt like years ago played themselves. With them brought something too tainted to see. "I don't understand."

"I came here to see Killua."

"So you…" the other trailed off but stayed silent. No one ever understood Gon. That didn't make him a monster like he'd heard those people around them whispering every morning. He was too logical to believe it. His thoughts went somewhere else. "What does he look like?"

The thin tension between them eased as Gon sent an appreciative smile. "A cat."

"A…cat?"

"Mhm." Pokkle busied himself by scrambling for the laptop wedged within his backpack as his acquaintance-sort-of-friend continued talking. Clicks of the keyboard and mouse soon interrupted the quiet room. While he wasn't looking, a strange gleam of happiness invaded the other teen's warm brown eyes. "A cat with messy cloud white hair and ocean blue eyes. He loves chocolate so much he'd eat a castle of it in under 5 minutes. That's the only thing I ever let him beat me in. He's fun to be around with but gets embarrassed easily."

The student in the woolen hat paused halfway through reading, eyes widening at the screen first in surprise. It was quickly overpowered by a small tint of horror.

"And he's also my best bestest friend in the whole world." Gon finished off with a grin. Absence did make the heart grow fonder.

Pokkle peered at him apprehensively, doubtful yet willing to give it a shot. The fireplace had flickered out sometime before which left only lamp light for the two to converse in. They both ignored it in favor for the turned computer. "Gon, is this him?" pointing to a prestige photo. A boy clad in a tuxedo that didn't suit him at all.

With his eyesight, no squinting was needed for a cheerful "yup!" to be thrown across the room. Screen glowing fluorescent, he asked again hoping Gon had seen wrong, but only received a second nod in confirmation. So, he could only shut the lid of his laptop and tell the truth.

"Killua Zoldyck. Age 15. Height 164cm. He was the chosen heir to the entire Zoldyck Estate and several trillions of dollars; top in intelligence and skill for 9 years running, the longest anyone has held.

Status: deceased…died two years ago from an unknown injury to the head."

It was like day and night.

Pokkle felt a strong hand grab his collar behind closed eyelids. Spit was dislodged his way in accompany with words that felt like falling rocks and sharp knives. Angry yet brutally honest brown eyes forced themselves into his sight. Between the adrenaline and shock, he could only notice that they looked darker than he'd ever seen from anyone before.

"Killua would NEVER die!" Bare voice stomped. "It would never happen, you understand?! Killua isn't anything like him!" No hate laced his tone even as he hissed the last word in antagonism. It was just there, complete acceptance of one hidden behind exploding denial for the other.

In height of Gon's rough breath preparing to enter another blast, Pokkle managed to hold up a hand in desperation. "Wait!" Long enough for the on come of yells to stop, but his collar remained trapped in the tight grip. Pokkle was somehow unsure the other wouldn't hurt him but, no. He breathed to calm himself.

"Listen, I was there Gon. I remembered just now when I saw his picture. Those two years were the same I visited here with my parents to watch him receive a reward I lost to him for!" Finally feeling the handful around his shirt loosen, he continued. "Killua was on stage when the man who was supposed to hand him the medal suddenly pulled a sharp blade. He was stabbed in front of thousands…and before anyone knew it, was declared dead three days later. I saw his body being lowered into that case at the funeral. He's-" The awkwardness made that essay sound really tempting right now. "He's the one from that story, Gon."

"…an imperfection…gravely damage their reputation…"

The lack of light and acute silence didn't do well to quench either of the two's uneasiness.

"Whatever you've been seeing these past few months…" For the second time, he didn't finish his own sentence. He wasn't dumb enough to say it.

Gon stepped back and stared out the window. He knew the other wouldn't lie.

"I'm sorry, but I can't help you find him."

-H-H-H-H-H-H-

The ride back was macabre dry.

Days, that's how long he spent afterwards. Days scouting out that horrid place hidden in the central mountains. Knocking brick hard against gates, the butlers and dogs alike were chased away by his lingering anger and glare as sharp as razors. Blood and bruises remained in his bones from hours exerted to kicking unconscious any creature and every building and corner that stood against him. Then, finally, he was left face to face with a pink-clad woman as the sun set behind the ridged edges of upturned rock.

Her never fading grin as he yelled futile words pissed him off.

They didn't deserve to be Killua's family.

Gon leaned against a nearby pole and waited for his flight to arrive. A dusty flat-screen TV was hung above him with the morning news but no one paid much mind to the gaudy hosts.

His visit had likely done billions of dollars of damage to their immodest home. And he was not paying a single penny back of it. It didn't even begin to cover the value of Killua's life. He should have just burned the whole thing to the ground, starting with that jail cell that was supposed to be his friend's room. Then he could move on to that snobby brother's Yuri collection. With the resolution which overflowed his body in spades, it was weird he didn't. He just left.

Realization really hit then. When all was said and done, tickets reordered and minimal supplies packed, nothing had changed.

He was still gone.

It left an overwhelming weight on his once lively eyes and jumpy posture. The returning train he took seemed duller as the sound of creaking tracks only irritated his ears. The sunlight from changing regions beaming back into his hair felt that much more unbearable. The birds chirping through the sky fell silent and the people he past apathetic. All of a sudden none of these meant anything to him anymore. It was like when he first heard about Ging, but returned at infinity timed strength.

"…and it was discovered last night that a manuscript was found underneath his mattress in tatters and completely illegible. It seemed that the Ging Freecss police were still questioning about had just completed a book and ripped it to shreds before leaving this world."

Gon tiredly lifted his head.

"Not all of it has been uncovered and so far, only one page appeared which could be read." The screen flashed in a bizarre arrange of colors, focusing in on a yellow object. Tea stained its corners yet written in messy cursive against the fine lines of the sheet spelled out two words.

Fortieth Chance

A monotone beep signaled above him. It was the last plane he had until he would be forced back into his old life. His old life but with nothing left. He could do it. Return and somehow keep on going with this fake ambition until middle age. Then retire into a cottage by the woods during his remaining days. By then no one would remember the significance behind the name of Freecss. He would die peacefully but with that lingering itch that never went away. For the first time in ages, Gon allowed a real smile to crack past his mouth.

No way in hell was that happening.

I'll see you soon. Killua.

-H-H-H-H-H-H-

It was everywhere. Mutilated on the moldy walls in a cruel symphony of thick stench. Dark lines of black and red drew colors on the stark white carpet, forever staining the sight with the art of Mother Nature in the darkest way possible. Bundles of black hair mixed in the pool like the brush used to paint this masterpiece. It twisted around a stiff sack of clothing, unmoving against the flashes of late night traffic from the outside world. Behind it all, soft ugly sobs raked the deafening silence.

"Nee...please don't cry…"

Sapphire eyes stayed hidden behind a wet sleeve. Blood covered knees and shaking hands were all that answered him.

"I wanted to do this." Arms lifted up in the air just as another car rolled by, encompassing them in a second of light. That second revealed unwashed dishes on the table next to them which could be seen right through the limb. It didn't scare him.

"So please. Don't cry anymore, Killua."

It took another minute of standing and waiting in the dark. But he was patient. They had all eternity. The sniffling eventually subsided enough for the two to be engulfed in silence once more. Gon noticed him making a slow grab for the hand of the corpse, only for his own to disappear in a haze of mist. It was only then that he realized that, not once since knowing each other, had Killua allowed him to touch the other.

Then, a stuttering voice. "I-It's all…my fault, you know."

"No." It cut through and left no room for argument. "It's everyone else's but yours."

"That…"

"Even mine." Gon finished with resolve. "Because you never left me in the first place."

Killua fell silent, his longing gaze on the dead body shifting to the spirit in small increments. His friend could only note how the wet stains on his pale cheeks made him look like one of those fallen angels he'd seen in a picture book. Aside that, hesitance and something that was bottled up was slowly spilling out of that face in static patterns.

"…Why?" It sounded stupid, and was too easy to answer.

"Cuz," he grinned with full confidence. "I love Killua!"

It didn't happen in slow motion. Life in itself sped up the moment Gon felt himself being tackled hugged in a childish bout of tears and pure laughter. Body against body for the first time. Blood and broken glass left forgotten, the dull quake of the earth brightened back to something he'd never experienced. And for just that one moment, Gon let himself cry for everything he's been holding in.

Because for both boys, no one had ever gone that far to be with them.

-H-H-H-Fortieth-Chance-End-H-H-H-

I like cheese, don't you?

Nothing's cheesier than having your OTP bound together for eternity. Sorry for horrible ending.

More chapters will be coming up so don't think this is the end of this fanfic!

Oh, and let me explain. Killua in this story can touch inanimate objects whenever he wants but will faze if he tries to touch anything living (that's why we hear of floating objects in myths and stuff). As for the bleeding, there was a period during his afterlife where he was given a limited amount of time to be 'seen' by a certain number of humans and be able to drink and bleed. He used it up by the end of chapter 2 and left Gon for a few days but was quick to come back. By the beginning of chapter 3 he's already with Gon but couldn't say anything.