Trials & Tribulations
Disclaimer: I do not own Glee or any of its characters. I'm simply having a little fun with them.
Chapter Three: Listening
It had become routine to perch in the empty bleachers on the football field, pretending to be watching her boyfriend when she was in fact paying way more attention to the perky brunette who was parading around in a little cheerleading uniform. Whoever had designed the Cheerios' uniform was a complete pervert. Quinn had been mortified when she had first realized that she was thankful for the designer's perversions. That was not normal. She should not be thinking about what color spanks Rachel Berry was wearing and she should definitely not be wondering if she was going to be able to get a peek of them if she paid close enough attention. Quinn had been coming to 'see her boyfriend practice' for a little over two weeks now, even after they won their game against Thorndale. Finn didn't even have to ask his girlfriend if she'd be there because he already knew the answer. Quinn just felt bad that he assumed that she was actually there for him. But that guilt was nothing compared to how guilty she felt deep down inside. As if she had gone against God's word by fantasizing about a girl. Even though she prayed extra hard each day, she still went, and she still watched. Sometimes she would even talk Finn into showering if the football team finished before the Cheerios, just so she could actually say hi to their captain. Finn was lumbering off after his team, his helmet in his hand as he talked animatedly with Karofsky and Puck about the scrimmage. Quinn had just convinced him to go take a shower, promising him that she was fine with waiting an extra ten minutes.
The Cheerios finished their pyramid formation approximately three minutes later and Rachel dismissed them before heading for her gym bag. The blonde leaped to her feet and made her way down the bleachers, making sure not to get the edge of her dress stuck on anything. The chilly autumn mornings were turning into chilly autumn days and Quinn would soon have to opt for jeans instead of dresses, though she preferred the former. Quinn's fingers played with the little silver cross around her neck as the blonde stopped right beside Rachel, who was bending down and digging through her gym bag. Quinn's lips pursed into a straight line as hazel eyes drifted lower and rested on a sliver of bright red spanks. She shouldn't have been surprised – Rachel's spanks were either red or black – but Quinn could feel her breath hitch nonetheless. She silently recited a prayer, squeezing her eyes shut for a few seconds before silently saying amen and then opening them to see a bemused Rachel Berry looking at her.
"Hello Quinn, are you alright?" The melodious voice nearly swept Quinn away again but she kept herself grounded. Rachel was always so formal with her – although the two had been speaking a lot more over the last two weeks – ever since Rachel had took the initiative to introduce herself in the most peculiar way. Quinn had never pegged the short brunette as a rambler.
"Yeah I just wanted to say hi, y'know." Quinn almost closed her eyes again because of the sheer lameness that emanated from her voice. She was glad that she didn't close them though, because then she would've missed the wide toothy smile that Rachel gave her. Suddenly, being lame wasn't looking all that bad.
Rachel's smile slowly dissipated as she shifted her weight awkwardly. Quinn took notice of the bottle of water in the brunette's grasp and wondered if the girl was itching to get into the shower like the rest of the Cheerios were. Thinking of Rachel Berry and a hot steaming shower really wasn't one of Quinn's brightest moments. The blonde felt a hot blush invading her face but she resisted the urge to duck her head and look away since it'd just draw more attention to her random bashfulness.
"Are you waiting for Finn?" Rachel questioned lightly.
Quinn didn't think the question really needed an answer, since she was sure Rachel already knew the answer. But it was a part of their little routine. Finn would go off to shower or the Cheerios would finish first and then she and Rachel would exchange pleasantries. After that was out of the way it would be a little awkward and then Rachel would ask if Quinn was waiting for Finn. After a while Quinn had simply stopping vocally answering the question. So she just nodded and hummed a little in the affirmative. Rachel rocked on the balls of her feet for a few moments before she offered Quinn a sheepish grin and clasped her hands behind her back.
"Well I was going to ask you something but when I saw that football practice was over I figured you'd be gone by the time I finished up," Rachel admitted shyly.
Quinn's interest was officially piqued and she leaned in a little closer so she could be slightly eye level with Rachel. It was almost funny how short the girl was. She couldn't be any taller than 5'2 and compared to Quinn's 5'6 that was extremely tiny.
"I was wondering if you would like to eat lunch with Santana, Brittany and I tomorrow. I mean I know you eat with the chastity club but I thought you'd like a little change of scenery." Rachel explained in one huge breath.
It hadn't exactly been what Quinn had been expecting to hear. The blonde tucked her lower lip between two rows of pearly white teeth as she thought about Rachel's offer. She already knew she was going to accept but seeing the brunette fidget was fun. Quinn even went as far as to tap her chin with her index finger before Rachel huffed indignantly and stomped her foot.
"Yes I will eat lunch with you," Quinn chuckled as she situated her tote bag on her shoulder.
Rachel's brown eyes brightened as she perked up immediately. She looked ready to vibrate with excitement and it was one of the most endearing things Quinn had ever seen in her short sixteen years.
"Great! I've gotta go before Santana and Brittany defile the showers, see you tomorrow Quinn." Rachel gushed before stepping forward and boldly pulling Quinn into a tight hug. The blonde immediately stiffened and just as she started to melt into the smell and feel of Rachel Berry, the hug was over. Rachel picked up her gym bag and gave Quinn one last wave and smile before heading for the entrance into the Cheerios' locker room. As Quinn watched her go, her fingers shot back up to caress her silver cross.
That night, after Quinn helped her mother with the dishes and finished the last of her homework, the blonde slipped onto her knees beside her bed and stared at her white duvet. Quinn stayed there, reciting the mantra that her father had nailed into her brain as soon as he deemed her mature enough to understand.
"It's a shame what Lima's become. Allowing two gay men to parade around the mall with that abomination of a daughter," Russell Fabray spat as he led his family to their car. The family had been planning on spending a nice day together at the mall before catching a family friendly movie later on. Amanda was pushing seventeen and Quinn was only eleven.
Quinn was too engrossed in the lollipop her mother had allowed her to get to even notice the angry tone of her father and the pinched expression on her mother's usually pretty face. The drive home was quiet and tense, Russell still going on and on about what had happened at the mall. The Fabrays had been exiting a home appliance store when Russell caught sight of Hiram and Leroy Berry with their bubbly brunette daughter hanging on both of their arms. Russell had immediately shepherded his family away from them and their nice family outing was abruptly cut short.
The small blonde heard her father saying downright awful and surely sinful things about little Rachel Berry and it didn't sit well with her, so she decided to speak. "I liked that girl's hair bow mom; can I have one like that?" Quinn asked innocently.
Russell's foot had hit the brake so hard that the car behind them almost rear ended their silver SUV. The man twisted around in his seat so fast that Quinn had flinched back as a reflex.
"You will have nothing that that little girl has, Lucy Quinn. She is not raised properly and I'll be damned if you start wanting to make friends." Russell hissed.
"Yes papa," Quinn said quietly as she hid her face in Amanda's comforting arm. Quinn didn't relax until her father started driving again.
"You are a Fabray, Quinn. That girl…that girl is a Berry and we do not associate with Berry's." Russell explained in a calmer manner as he eyed his daughter through his rearview mirror.
"Why papa?" Quinn asked with genuine curiosity. The car was silent for a few moments; Quinn's mother looked like she needed a drink and Russell looked contemplative. Finally making up his mind, the man spoke clearly and firmly.
"Because her home dynamic is not natural. She has two fathers." Russell stated. He must've noted the still perplexed expression on his youngest daughter's face so he went on to explain, though his grip on the steering wheel tightened considerably.
"They are homosexual and homosexuality is a sin and is a one-way ticket to Hell." Russell said darkly.
Quinn stared out of the car window for the rest of the ride with her father's words playing over and over in her head. She understood now, though she was not sure if she totally agreed with her papa.
Hot tears silently streamed down Quinn's cheeks as her fingers clenched her duvet for support. Thoughts of Rachel flickered through Quinn's mind like a picture show and she felt guilt swirl in her stomach. Never before had Quinn Fabray disobeyed her father, and now she was challenging his whole way of life by thinking of the unthinkable. By wanting to do the unforgivable. Quinn didn't know what to do, so she prayed.
"O my God, I am heartily sorry for having offended thee, and I detest all my sins, because I dread the loss of Heaven, and the pains of Hell; but most of all because I love thee, my God, who art all good and deserving of all my love. I firmly resolve, with the help of thy grace, to confess my sins, to do penance, and to amend my life. Amen."
Quinn had never before had to recite that verse in her life and doing so made her feel like she had lost a piece of her soul. Her voice shook and her chest heaved with dry sobs but once she finished she felt like a weight had been lifted off of her shoulders.
Despite her guilt and her beg for forgiveness, Quinn Fabray still went to sleep that night with thoughts of Rachel Berry.
Rachel was still in a severe case of shock as she made her way through the halls of McKinley the next day. She had finally gotten up the nerve to take Brittany's lunch suggestion and ask Quinn about it. Never mind the fact that Brittany had mentioned the lunch 'date' a whole week before Rachel had mustered up the courage to actually ask. The fact was that she had done it and she was now walking on air. When Rachel informed the bubbly blonde about it Brittany had jumped up in the air while the towel she was wearing flapped against her legs. Santana had decided to sulk for another five minutes in the shower, upset that Rachel had interrupted some "potentially hot shower humping". Rachel had to fight back the shiver at the horrifying images that invaded her mind. She would admit that her two friends were aesthetically pleasing together but imagining them having sex was just too freaky, no pun intended. She had known both of them before they had come out of the (barely there) closet, and although she had accepted them fully it was still a little weird to see them 'macking' on each other.
As Rachel reached her locker she felt the familiar buzzing of her cellphone. The brunette unlocked her locker before digging her phone out of her backpack. She glanced at the screen and almost stomped her foot when she saw that it was Santana and that she was being summoned.
Meet me & Britt-Britt in the Cheerio lounge. If u don't show up I'll burn ur Streisand posters.
Rachel rolled her eyes at the text language – something that Santana knew drove the girl crazy – before unlocking her phone so she could quickly reply.
Good morning to you as well, Santana. I hope you know that you are impeding upon my education and that if any of my Barbra posters go missing I will contact my lawyer.
The brunette's 'lawyer' was actually her dad Leroy, who was a well-known attorney in Lima. Her daddy claimed that that was where Rachel got her insufferable stubbornness. Rachel looked at it as more of a compliment than anything else though. If she didn't manage to make it on Broadway – God forbid – than she could always take up a career in law. Santana replied back quicker than usual and Rachel glared down at the five simple words.
Stop being a drama queen.
Ugh! Rachel would show her a drama queen. The small brunette slammed her locker shut, finally coming to grasps with the fact that she was indeed going to miss her first class of the day. The Cheerio made her way through the halls of McKinley, her pace quick and determined as she headed in the direction of the Cheerio lounge. Rachel's speech was already flying out of her mouth seconds before she opened the door and entered the posh red and black room.
"Santana Lopez! I cannot believe you would even insinuate that I was being a drama queen!" Rachel huffed petulantly as she allowed the door to close behind her.
Santana and Brittany were sprawled out over one of the black leather couches, their limbs intertwined. Rachel felt a small sliver of jealousy bloom in her chest and she had to avert her eyes before she started to sulk. But Santana and Brittany didn't even bother untangling themselves so Rachel sighed and took a seat in one of the armchairs directly across from them. SpongeBob – one of Brittany's all-time favorites – was playing on the decent sized TV. Rachel still wondered to this very day how Coach Sylvester had talked Principle Figgins into allowing her to build this lounge for her Cheerios.
"Morning Rachel!" Brittany said happily. Rachel smiled at the girl and murmured a hello back before turning to glare at Santana. The Latina seemed to be contemplating something because she had a glazed over look in her dark brown eyes.
"Well?" Rachel asked after a few moments of silence stretched by.
"Well what?" Santana snapped. Rachel glowered and folded her arms across her chest. The day had started off so well – she had even managed to eat two of her daddy's world famous vegan waffles this morning – but Santana was quickly ruining the brunette's good mood.
"Why am I not in class right now? Do you know how hard it is to make up work from an AP course? I'm going to be set back for days!" Rachel wailed in indignation. She gave serious thought to throwing her backpack at the Latina's head as the girl snickered behind her hand.
"Well we found out something super important last night Rach, like really super important." Brittany explained softly.
Ugh. How was Rachel supposed to stay mad when Brittany gave her that trademark puppy dog look? Rachel could already feel her annoyance dissipating. Santana had also sobered and nodded solemnly as she intertwined her fingers with Brittany's and pressed a kiss to the back of the girl's hand. Rachel was forced to avert her eyes once again. She felt like she was interrupting something really special between her two friends so she let them have their little moment.
"Well what Britt says is true, some shit went down last night," Santana explained.
Rachel simply stared the girl in the eye, silently telling her to continue. She was sure that Santana had gotten the message but the Latina didn't continue. In fact, she couldn't even look Rachel in the eye anymore. This caused Rachel to sit up straight, her shoulders tense as she braced herself for the worst. Had someone died? Rachel racked over a list of people who could have possibly perished over the last twenty-four hours but before she could finish her list Brittany's voice broke her out of her reverie.
"The little Puckasauras slipped up," Brittany's voice was sad but her words made absolutely no sense. It was obviously something that involved Noah, no one else would go by such an absurd penname. Santana must've seen the confusion on Rachel's face because the Latina pinched the bridge of her nose before taking a steadying breath.
"Britt means that…Puck slipped up." Santana murmured quietly.
Rachel had never seen her friends so serious before. Even though Santana had just restated what Brittany had said, the words hit Rachel in an entire different way. She was no longer confused, now she was dazed. Brown eyes blinked owlishly as the small brunette's arms fell limply to her sides.
"Oh." Rachel's voice sounded foreign, even to her. Sure, she didn't think that she and Noah were anything overly serious, but she had still expected the boy to at least respect her enough to not do it with another girl while he was seeing her. Obviously that was too much to ask from the dumb man whore.
"It's his lost, Rach." Brittany said as she untangled herself from Santana and bent down to try and look Rachel in the eyes. Rachel just ducked her head and sucked her lower lip into her mouth as she tried to push away the tears that were threatening to fall.
She hadn't loved Noah Puckerman, but it still didn't hurt any less.
Quinn had been going through her classes like a zombie. She had been contemplating if she should break off the lunch thing with Rachel but the girl didn't even show up to U.S. History that morning. Quinn tried to push away the thoughts that were running rampant in her head. It was none of her business about where Rachel was or what she was doing. She had clearly seen the girl walk into the school earlier so she knew the Cheerio wasn't absent. Lunch came quicker than ever before – to Quinn's utter dismay – and the blonde shuffled to the cafeteria in a daze. She didn't even bother looking around the lunchroom as she made a beeline for one of the growing lunch lines. After Quinn got her lunch – a Caesar salad with French dressing – she stood in the middle of the lunchroom with timid eyes. Her usual table looked so appealing but she had told Rachel that she'd have lunch with her, and Fabrays were always people of their word. With squared shoulders and raised chin, Quinn made her way towards the sea of McKinley letterman jackets. Cheerios threw her disgruntled looks, most likely thinking she was there to sit with Finn. Her boyfriend was actually looking at her with wide eyes and a dopy grin, probably thinking the same thing. Quinn just smiled apologetically at him before sitting her tray down directly in front of a distracted Santana and worried looking Brittany.
"Hey um, Rachel asked me to sit with her today but I guess she's not here yet…" Quinn trailed off, leaving the questioning tone up in the air. She had never directly addressed Santana before but she and Brittany had exchanged a few words on multiple occasions. The girl was a little out there but she was pure at heart and that made her okay in Quinn's book.
"I don't think the midget is gonna be joining us," Santana murmured as she stared down at her untouched slice of pizza. Quinn threw a glare at the girl – who wasn't all that much taller than Rachel herself – before plopping down in the seat anyways. Brittany gave Santana a little nudge before turning her attention back to Quinn.
"Santana's just worried. It's her deaf mechanic." Brittany explained as she rubbed Santana's bare arm. The Latina huffed but gave the tall blonde a weak grin and resting her hand on the girl's leg.
"It's called a defense mechanism, Britt-Britt." Santana corrected the girl. Brittany just shrugged and flashed a bright smile in Quinn's direction.
If Quinn was being honest, she was a little uncomfortable at the moment. She felt extremely third wheel-ish and it wasn't sitting well with her. She also felt angry, angry at Rachel for standing her up when she had been the one to ask in the first place. Quinn was just about ready to go sit with her usual group when Santana gave Quinn a piercing stare.
"Rachel was really looking forward to this lunch but some stuff came up earlier this morning and she's just not up for anything right now," Santana explained as she supported her head by resting her chin in the palm of her hand. Okay that was weird. It was almost like the Latina had known what Quinn was thinking.
Quinn's curiosity was starting to get the best of her, but she had a feeling that Santana would never tell Rachel's business without the girl's permission. Although Santana came off as a huge bitch – which she indeed was – Quinn also knew that the girl could probably be extremely loyal. Quinn also knew that the only two people that that loyalty most likely extended to were Brittany and Rachel.
"I think she deserves to know San, everyone else knows already." Brittany frowned deeply. Santana stared at her for a few moments before shaking her head and then throwing a glare at Quinn.
"Rachel wants to be alone right now, Britt." Santana explained, although her voice was a bit more tense now.
"Rachel never wants to be alone, San. She just doesn't want us to be there for some reason. Maybe Quinn can make her feel better!" Brittany pressed on, determined to get what she wanted.
Quinn was lost. Beyond lost, actually. She had shaken up her salad so that the dressing was spread everywhere and now she was spearing a piece of grilled chicken into her mouth. In the middle of her second forkful of salad, Santana groaned and threw her hands in the air.
"Dios mio, fine!" Quinn's eyes widened as Santana leveled her with the iciest glare the blonde had ever seen. "Listen here Fabray, I don't know you and therefore your ass shouldn't even be involved in this. But my Britts seems to think that you're exactly what we need so you're going to do something. Rachel is in the Cheerio lounge and she's really sad but I'll leave the explaining to her." Santana looked like every word she was speaking was causing her physical pain. Quinn was just blinking owlishly while Brittany smiled.
"Well? Move your ass, Fabray!" Santana snapped impatiently.
Quinn glared but grabbed her salad, snapping the plastic lid shut and getting to her feet. She didn't even bother saying bye to the two Cheerios as she made a beeline for the nearest lunchroom exit. The last thing that Quinn heard before she slipped into the empty hallway was Brittany squealing and clapping her hands.
Being a wholesome Christian girl and raised in a strict household meant that Quinn rarely ever cursed. But she had been mumbling shits and damns under her breath for the last five minutes as she scoured the halls of McKinley for a fucking lounge. The only lounge she knew of was the teacher's lounge and Santana hadn't bothered to give her freaking directions. Quinn was about to just sit down in the hall and finish her salad when she saw a large oak door that had a Cheerios plaque on it. Quinn rolled her eyes but decided to walk inside anyways. Santana had said that Rachel was really sad about something so she didn't want to leave the girl to sulk by herself. Quinn knew how crappy it felt to be upset and have no one to lean on. At first Quinn thought that she was standing in an empty room, but then she heard the sniffles and the sound of a television. The blonde closed the door quietly and looked around, drinking in the surroundings before calling out in a soft voice.
"Rachel? Are you in here?" There was no immediate answer but Quinn heard the frequent sniffles suddenly stop.
Moments later, Rachel's brunette head ducked up from the back of a couch. Her hair was in total disarray and her brown eyes were red and puffy from the tears she had most likely been shedding for quite some time. There was an awkward silence as Quinn shifted her wait uncomfortably and Rachel tried to pat down her hair. The attempts were futile and Quinn could already see a fresh wave of tears assaulting Rachel's eyes. Upon seeing the wetness pooling in brown orbs, a little part of Quinn's heart broke. Quinn ducked her head and walked around the couch. The blonde gingerly sat down on the edge of the couch while Rachel tucked her knees against her chest, resting her chin on top of them.
"What are you doing here?" Rachel's voice was despondent and raspy but Quinn's heart still sped up a little.
Quinn looked down at her salad for a moment before holding it up and shrugging. "Just looking for a place to eat, the cafeteria was a little crowded."
Rachel scoffed and rolled her eyes, but Quinn could clearly see a hint of a smile on the crestfallen girl's face. Quinn smiled brightly and turned her body around so that her front was facing Rachel's. The two girls just stared at each other for a few moments before things got way too intense and Quinn was forced to avert her eyes.
"I was waiting for you and you never showed so I thought I'd come looking for you. Good thing too, what's wrong?" Quinn questioned softly. Rachel was now hiding behind her own hair, her chestnut brown waves casting her face into shadows. It now occurred to Quinn that this was the first time she had seen Rachel Berry with her hair down. Her fingertips were suddenly itching to touch the soft strands.
"I-…Noah," Rachel whimpered lowly as fresh tears started making their way down her cheeks. Quinn's eyes pinched as she sat her salad down on the glass coffee table and kicked off her flats before tucking her feet under her so she could sit Indian-style. She had the sneaking suspicion that neither she nor Rachel was going to be leaving this 'lounge' anytime soon. She also had the sneaking suspicion that that stupid Noah Puckerman was behind all of this.
"What did Puck do?" Quinn asked softly as she rested a tentative hand on one of Rachel's knees. The brunette had curled into a version of the fetal position while small whimpers passed through her mouth every once and a while. Yeah, Quinn's heart was definitely breaking.
"He cheated," Rachel breathed out before she hid her face in one of the pillows that decorated the couch. If it was anyone else Quinn would have been annoyed. Noah Puckerman was the biggest man whore to walk Lima, Ohio and the fact that he had managed to control himself for months was a miracle. He was bound to slip up eventually so Rachel shouldn't have been having a complete meltdown over it. Usually Quinn would have been brutally honest, but her heart would not allow her to say such cruel things to the brunette that was sitting in front of her.
"And then I went to talk to him about it and he didn't even deny it!" Rachel's tears had started to subside again and a glint of anger hardened her eyes. Quinn quirked one eyebrow but let Rachel continue. She knew that the girl needed someone to vent to and she was willing to be there for it.
"Then he had the audacity to start flirting with me! I should have castrated him right there but then Santana pulled me away before I could get my hands on him. I'm only in here because I can't take the risk of seeing his stupid face and rearranging it." Rachel snarled out.
Well, talk about mood swings. Quinn's mouth was set into a firm line as she tried to stop the giggles that were threatening to slip through her lips. Although Rachel looked adorably angry Quinn knew that the girl was still in a vulnerable position and laughing would only make it worst. So she decided to console her instead.
"Puck's an idiot Rachel, and no offense but you were kind of an idiot for giving him your time." Quinn pointed out. Rachel glared at her for a fraction of a second before sighing and rubbing her temples.
"You're right, I brought this on myself." Quinn's eyes had hardened before Rachel had even finished her sentence.
"No you did not! It was no one's fault but Puck's. Guys like him are the worst, they just think with their penis and don't care who gets hurt on the way." Quinn affirmed hotly. Rachel stared at the girl for a few seconds before a big smile spread across her face.
Quinn sighed in relief and then squeaked in surprise when she felt strong – yet strong – arms pull her in for a tight hug. Quinn slowly melted into the other girl immediately and even took a deep breath so she could take in Rachel's scent. It was the most intoxicating thing that Quinn had ever smelled. It was a mixture of cherry blossoms, vanilla, and some kind of fruit. As Rachel murmured soft "thank you's" in Quinn's ear, the blonde tried to slow down her racing pulse.
They stayed like that for a long time, long enough to miss a good majority of their next class and not even bother to get up and attend the rest. That was when Quinn realized that even though she had begged God for his forgiveness and for him to lead her on the right path, she was still so lost.
Her sinful feelings had not dissipated at all and God had not been listening to her pleas. And a tiny part of her – the part that wanted to do more than just hug Rachel Berry – was okay with that.
A/N: Let me know what you think! xx