Author's Note:
This story evolved as an as I went thing with no real end in mind. It was more of a character exploration of what would happen if... So enjoy this bitter exploration into hurt, healing and hope.
Be warned, since I haven't followed the series closely in years or seen the Final Act, I'm pretty sure some things won't fit into cannon.
Of Pride and Power
Chapter 3: Reasons
Days passed, each as uneventful as the last. Sesshomaru made for terribly poor travel company. Aside from the casual twitch of his ear when she sneezed or whistled, the silk garbed Daiyoukai made no notice of her.
At first, Kagome was grateful for the distance. Afterall, when looking at him all she could think of was a battlefield rich with dissipating miasma and the curdled cries of her friends. The devilish smirk of the beloved hanyou came to mind, and Kagome's eyes watered for it. Inuyasha had fought the hardest and was the last to fall.
Looking to the clear blue sky, Kagome could only wonder how it ended up that she was following the murderer of her friends like a lost puppy. Mashing her palms against her head, Kagome forced herself to think of anything other than the tragedy she found herself living.
Ruminating on what was wouldn't help her at all. Her friends were gone, Sesshomaru killed them, and to a degree she was going to have to accept it. The problem that she needed to solve was how to get the jewel from 'So-so-spoiled'. This all happened because Rin was hurt, or more likely, dead.
What was a mystery was how. Jogging up to his side, Kagome asked her question. "How'd it happen?" she asked, keeping her tone sober. "Rin I mean."
Sesshomaru suffered a sidelong glance in her direction before facing forward. Of course he said nothing, but Kagome allowed him the silence to gather his thoughts. Her patience was rewarded with an answer but not without an hour passing.
"Naraku." he offered by ways of explanation and honestly, it was enough. Not enough to justify the hour long wait, but it was something. To her surprise, he expounded. "I was fooled, again." he admitted. "I thought Rin safe with Ah-Uhn and Jaken. I was mistaken."
"Where are they?" she asked softly, turning her cheek to face him.
Sesshomaru looked to a billowing cloud as it rolled across the sky. "With Rin." he answered solemnly.
Kagome's brows knit together with a thought. "Couldn't tenseiga revive them?" she asked. "I thought it could bring people back from the dead."
At her question, though slight, Sesshomaru's shoulders sank, his gaze turning inward. "My father's fang is not without limitations." he admitted. "Nothing can return Rin and now, Jaken and Ah-Uhn protect her in the afterlife."
Doing what he failed to in this life. That part was left unsaid, but by the regret in his words it was implied. Slowly everything started to make sense. Sesshomaru was a proud being, one seemingly without fault. For the first time in his life he made a mistake, one that could never be fixed.
"I get it." Kagome mused as she meditated on the events. "It's like a report I once heard. There was this kid who never was allowed to eat sweet buns." she began, speaking thoughtfully as she recalled the story. "So he goes through his whole childhood never eating sweet buns and when he graduates from school, he leaves home and goes to college. Well, when he got there he ate so many sweet buns that it made him sick and he got sent to the hospital."
Pausing, Kagome gathered her thoughts. "You probably don't experience death often." she mused. "The last person to go was your dad right? There wasn't anything you could do to stop that from happening. With Rin though, you could've stopped it."
"What does Rin have to do with your scholar?" he asked pointedly, his words clipped with annoyance.
With a casual shrug, Kagome answered him. "Neither of you had self control. Just like he didn't know what to do with himself when he could finally eat sweet buns, you didn't know what to do with yourself when Rin died." Pausing, Kagome took in a deep, rattled breath. "Did you really mean to kill everyone?"
Quiet enveloped them like a duvet, insulating and smothering. "This Sesshomaru is not without control." he announced. "Aside from you and I, the history of this jewel has been erased and now there is peace within my lands."
Gently Kagome clasped her hands together in thought, her expression going distant as she waded back into the depths of her nightmares. "Sesshomaru, if I had been the first one you attacked, and if my barrier had snapped you out of your rage sooner... would everyone still be alive?"
Silence was her answer.