This chapter is set during the evening following the end of S4E5 - "She's your priority now."
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No spring nor summer beauty hath such grace
As I have seen in one autumnal face.
John Donne, The Autumnal
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Jean sat in front of her dressing table mirror, taking off her make up. She knew she looked tired, and she closed her eyes for a moment, covering her face with her hands. There was no point in getting into bed. She turned out the light and waited in the gloom.
She knew Lucien would knock on her door soon; they had unfinished business.
Their conversation in the kitchen earlier had unsettled her. She hadn't expected his halting, badly expressed assurances that nothing had changed. Of course things had changed. Everything had changed. She knew he had meant his feelings for her had not changed, but what did feelings matter now?
She was trying to ignore her own feelings for Lucien, sure that she was taking the right course of action by steering him back towards Mei Lin. And if she could do that, well, so could he.
She glanced up as his shadow moved past her door on the way to the bathroom. She opened the door and left it ajar for him, letting in some more light from the landing.
As Lucien went to tap on the door, it fell open and he saw her standing at the window, looking out into the dark garden. She didn't turn round when he approached, so he touched her on the waist, running his hand down to her hip and drawing her back against him.
She leaned back into him but still did not speak.
"Jean?" He wrapped his arms around her waist and rested his chin on her shoulder gently.
"She's your wife, Lucien. You made promises to her and now you need to keep them." Her voice was quiet but firm.
"I made promises to you too, Jean, in Adelaide. I don't love Mei Lin any more, or at least, not in the same way. I just don't." He kissed her hair and she didn't pull away.
She was struggling to keep some distance between them, and she didn't dare turn round because she knew she would want to kiss him.
"You need to keep trying though, Lucien. You have a chance to have your family back. You and Mei Lin and Li. Don't you want that?" A little bit of Jean envied him the chance.
"You're my family now too."
He looked at her dim reflection in the glass window in front of them, and thought she had never seemed so lovely. Her hair was loose and the curls were free around her neck. Even the faint lines on her face were lovely.
She was like a flower fully opened, with petals slightly wild now, past its best moment but still beautiful. The life she had led showed on her face.
Their eyes met in the reflection and after a moment she closed her eyes, trying to shut him out.
"You should go now," she murmured.
A nod, and "Yes, goodnight, Jean."
He was closing the door behind him before he heard her reply, whispered. "Goodnight, Lucien."
She fell asleep that night with the feeling of his breath in her hair still fresh in her mind.