Chapter 3

As soon as Arizona closes the front door and leaves Callie on the porch, she rushes to the bathroom.

Five minutes. That's all she will give herself to get it together before she heads to the couch to be with her little boy. Five minutes to feel everything currently coursing through her. Five minutes to cry and get it out of her system.

Her heart feels like it is breaking all over again. They say time heals all wounds. Right now, Arizona Robbins doesn't agree with that though. Her wounds right at this moment, well, they feel just as raw as they did when everything happened six years ago.

Arizona leans against the bathroom sink. Her life with Callie flashes before her. She has heard people talk about that happening, but didn't understand how that could really happen. Until today. Every moment with Callie plays in her mind on fast forward. Scene by scene.

They met when the Robbins family moved to town. It was close to the base where Colonel Robbins was being stationed. Callie was with her father when he was showing the Robbins family different properties in the area.

Callie Torres would often end up going to work with her father Carlos after school, because her mom Lucia, or Lucy as she is called, would often be at work in the diner. Arizona knew Callie was special from the moment they met. Instant best friends are what they became. The girls were inseparable.

Fast forward several years to high school and their friendship took a turn. The girls slowly realized there was a lot more than simple friendship between them. Neither had ever dated other people, not that others didn't try to ask them out.

One night, after a football game, they were at a friend's house with a group playing truth or dare. Arizona's friend Alex dared Arizona to kiss someone in the group. Arizona chose Callie. It caught both of them by surprise when Arizona approached her. Callie wasn't sure why she picked her, but after the kiss, they both knew they wanted to do a lot more of that. It didn't take long for them to tell their families they were dating.

After Callie's senior year, she enrolled in college but it was close enough she could commute. She majored in English, wanting to be an editor or publisher one day. They continued to grow closer, making memories and dreaming of what their lives would shape into.

The night of Arizona's high school graduation, Callie enlisted Arizona's brother Tim, to help her propose. Tim gathered all Arizona's friends and family for a graduation party, and Callie proposed in front of everyone. Of course, Arizona said yes!

When Callie had graduated college and began working for a local paper as an editor, Arizona was about to be a sophomore in college, majoring in English, just like Callie. They decide that, amidst jobs and school, they didn't want to wait to get married.

Callie used her dad's realty connections to get access to the most beautiful lakeside property with an old farmhouse. It was for sure a fixer upper but it had been on the market forever, and her dad convinced the owners to let it go at a steal. Both sets of parents chipped in to help the girls make the purchase. They both worked but needed help with the down payment.

After they buy the house, they use the lake as a backdrop for a late summer outdoor wedding. It was everything they could have asked for even with the short time to plan. Arizona remembers Callie looking more beautiful than ever that day.

After getting settled into the new house, they were able to make it into a home. They had lots took keep them busy. Floors to sand, walls to paint, cabinets to redo…but would tackle everything in time.

They loved the charm the old farm house had. One of their first purchases as a married couple was a sign at the beginning of the driveway that read "R-T Farms". It wasn't a farm yet, but they had plenty of room, and Arizona wanted to add chickens and other farm animals to their family one day.

The next few years, they continued with school and work. Being newlyweds really suited them. Many laughs were shared and many nights were spent in front of the fireplace showing one another how in love they were.

Arizona graduated with her English degree and began working for the same paper as Callie. Callie was fortunate enough to land an editor's job at, and Arizona began writing pieces on a part time basis, helping to earn money while continuing on to grad school.

Arizona can see like it was yesterday, the look on Callie's face as Arizona told her she wanted them to have a baby. She felt their lives were almost complete, but a tiny little bundle of joy would complete them and she didn't want to wait. Arizona remembers how excited Callie was when Arizona told her she wanted Callie to carry. She wanted to use a donor that had her characteristics with blonde hair and blue eyes, and dimples if they could find them.

After looking through profile after profile, they found just the right donor. They decided to not do IVF to keep costs down. They opted to try it the somewhat old fashion way. It took a little longer that way, but they were ok with that.

Callie surprised Arizona on her birthday in the fall of Arizona's second year of grad school. She had a fire in the fireplace and dinner spread out on a blanket in front of it when Arizona came home from class that night. She handed her a wrapped box with a bow as they sat in front of the fire. Arizona thought it was a necklace. She couldn't have been more happy to find that it was a positive pregnancy test. They were overjoyed at the thought that they would be parents the following June.

The next thing that flashes through her mind, is seeing Callie covered in bruises and asleep in the hospital. She remembers the look on Callie's face when she told her they had lost the babies. Both of them.

Arizona was suddenly snapped out of her memories by her son Zac yelling for her. She rinsed her face off with a wash cloth, dried herself up, took another second to compose herself, and went to join her him on the couch. Those five minutes are all she can spare for Callie Torres today.

As she sits down with Zac, he looks at her and asks, "What's wrong Mommy? You been crying?"

Arizona is always amazed at how bright and observant he is. Arizona was very intelligent herself. She actually could have breezed through med school if that was where her heart had been.

Arizona looks at Zac, "Oh, mommy just isn't feeling good. But the best medicine is Zac cuddles so you will help me to start feeling better in no time."

She kissed his chubby cheeks and he asked, "Where did that lady go?"

"Well, Callie needed to go see her parents. I'm sure we will see her again though. I'm sure off it." Arizona knew Callie was not going to just let things slide this time. She fully expected Callie to be at her doorstep or take Arizona's threat to heart and take her to court.

"OK," Zac replied. "She is pretty."

"Yeah Zac, she is. Very pretty. But, let's cuddle and make mommy feel better."

A half hour later, there was another knock on the door. Arizona knew it was probably Tim, but her heart stopped none the less. Zac had fallen asleep shortly after Arizona sat down with him, so she laid him down and made her way for the door. This time, she checked before she opened it, relieved to see Tim standing there with some kind of toy, no doubt for Zac. She opened the door and Tim came in.

"Hey sis! What's for dinner? I'm starv…. Arizona, what's wrong?" He knew that look. He knew…he had dealt with it for the first six months after Callie left. It flared up on occasion after that too.

"Arizona…." As Tim reached out and put his hands on her shoulders, she broke down. For the second time today, Callie Torres was the source of her tears. Tim pulled her closer and wrapped his arms around her like only a brother can.

"Hey, I know that look. Did you get more papers from Callie? It's been a while since she sent the last ones." Tim realizes that maybe that was the wrong thing to say as Arizona only cries harder.

"Tim….it's ss..soooo much worse than that," Arizona cries.

Tim manages to get her to the kitchen and helps her to sit on a stool "Hey, hey, it's not the first time and it won't be the last time. Tear them up like you always do."

"I..I can't. She was here. She brought them with her." Tim was beyond surprised. He hasn't talked to Callie since she left. Not for lack of trying on her part, but he wasn't going to humor her with polite conversation when she left his sister.

"Oh. I see. Well, what exactly did she say?"

"She wants me to sign the papers. I told...I told her if she wanted me to sign them, then sh…she needs to take me to court, because I'm not going to sign them." Arizona is having a hard time finding the strength to tell Tim everything that was said.

"And how did she respond to That?"

"Well, she said something about me not needing to make this any more difficult and she said we needed the divorce. That's the gist."

As she sits there, she remembers, "Oh, and she saw Zac. She actually thought he was yours," Arizona said as she shook her head trying to dry her eyes.

"Did you tell her he was yours?"

"Yeah, I told her, and that she would have known that if she wouldn't have abandoned me. She started mumbling crap about how she didn't abandon me and that I knew why she left."

"Ok…and then?"

"I told her she didn't leave because of me. She left because of her and her self-pity. I told her we should have been working through things together."

"Yeah, I don't know that she ever realized that. Did she ask anything about Zac?"

"She just assumed I have moved on so she didn't ask much about him. She probably assumes I am with someone else. "

"Are you going to tell her?"

"Tell her what?"

"Arizona... since she knows about him now, she is probably going to have questions. Especially since he is technically her son, you know, seeing as how you are still married."

"Tim, if she takes me to court to sign the damn papers, there is really no good that can come from telling her much more about him. She wants a divorce so there is no reason for her to know."

"I'm not saying that she needs to know, or even deserves to know, for that matter. But maybe she would…."

"Tim, you didn't hear her." Arizona cuts him off. "She was pretty adamant about wanting a divorce. I have fought this for six years, but I think her finally coming here, coming back, means my time is up. She obviously doesn't love me and she obviously won't care about Zac. And he shouldn't play a part in any decision she makes. So, she doesn't need to know."

"Don't say that. You don't know for sure she will take it to court. It isn't exactly like she has been in a hurry to get a divorce. She's had six years for crying out loud. No matter what she says, no matter how bad she says she wants the divorce, there is a reason she hasn't done anything before now. I think there is a reason she has waited. Whether she loved you or not was never the question. You do know that, right?"

"I know she used to love me. I know she did. Now though, at this point in time today, if she loves me, she wouldn't be asking for a divorce. You know, I always hoped and dreamed that one day, I would open the door and she would be standing there, just like today." Arizona sat wringing her hands. Trying to keep her tears at bay.

"I always pictured her giving some grand speech, saying she made a huge mistake and was sorry for walking away. I thought she would realize how much she loves me and how much I love her, and that everything that happened didn't have to be the end of us. That our love would be enough and we could get past it. I wish she would see that I don't blame her. I never did. I feel like if she ever knew me at all, she should have known that."

"Arizona, you can't make her forgive herself. She is the only one who can do that. I think she hated herself at that point in time, and she had her mind made up that everyone else did too. I think she thought since she hated herself for what happened and couldn't forgive herself, that you wouldn't be able to either."

"No matter how many times I tried to tell her I didn't blame her, it just didn't matter. She totally shut down. I feel like I let her down though. Maybe I didn't try hard enough…."

"Arizona, I know seeing her again has brought everything back up. But you were there for her in any way you could be. Look, now you have her back in town. Show her what she is missing. Show her you still love her."

Tim looked up to see Arizona wipe her eyes. He shrugged, looked back up and said, "Don't give up. Hang in there. If she really wants the divorce make her take you to court. Until then, keep fighting for her. Now that she is back, do everything you can to show her you are strong and you still love her. Or go the total opposite route and make her jealous."

Arizona shook her head. "Tim, you can't make someone jealous if they don't love you anymore. Besides, you know she is all I want. I don't want someone else."

Needing to do what he came here to do, he stood up, and clapped his hands together."

" I know. So, where is my little man? Is he all ready to hang with Uncle Tim the next two days?"

Arizona looks up suddenly and gasps. "Oh my goodness Tim! With everything going on today, I can't believe I forgot about that!"

"Arizona, seriously? You have been looking forward to this for months!"

"Tim, I can't go now!"

"Yes you can!"

"No, with Callie here, I can't just leave."

Tim stops and takes a breath, realizing Arizona isn't going to go that easy. So he takes a different tactic.

"Arizona, look. You have been here for 6 years. It's always been about her and whether or not she is coming back. And guess what? The world doesn't revolve around her."

"I know that Tim!"

"Do you? Because I don't think you do. You have not even published your books with your name. You have been using a pen name on your books because you didn't want her to feel bad because you were having some success. You didn't want her to think that you were better off without her. So, do this for you. And Zac. She can wait a few days for you to get back if she wants those stupid papers signed that bad."

Arizona looked to the floor. She knew he was right but she didn't want to admit it. Arizona has authored 4 books. They have all been love stories about lovers who were torn apart. Heart wrenching and suspenseful is how many reviewers described them. Tim was right. The only reason she didn't want to use her real name on her books was because she didn't want Callie to think she had done the right thing by leaving, that she was accomplishing more without her. Because the truth is, it was her love for Callie that prompted her stories to begin with.

In every book, Callie had some influence on her story. Callie staying would probably have only given her more strength and courage to write.

Arizona had been an adjunct English professor at the college she and Callie graduated from. Writing books happened after Callie left. It helped her sort out her feelings. Up until then, she had been only writing small pieces for the paper. But, with the sudden free time she found herself with after Callie had gone, writing became her second passion.

"You know what Tim, if she wants a divorce anyway, maybe I should start thinking about using my real name. My agent has said for a while that I should. And right now, Zac is the most important person to me and I should do this for him. I want him to be proud of me."

"I know it's hard Arizona, but you can't keep from living your life in a way to somehow make her feel better about hers."

"I know," Arizona sadly agreed. "Look, let me get Zac's bag packed and then it will be time to wake him from his nap I'll whip up something real quick for us to eat and then you guys can head off. I should probably get some sleep if I'm going to catch that flight in the morning."

"I have a better idea. You go get his bag ready and I'll get him up. I'll even save you some time cooking and order pizza while you are doing that. I heard today that the new pizza place down by Chuck's delivers."

"I love you Tim. Zac and I are beyond lucky to have you. Oh, by the way, what kind of toy did you bring him this time? You spoil him entirely too much."

"Oh, just a new train I saw after I left work today. It was in the window of that antique place. Still in a box and everything. They don't make them like this any more. He will love it!"

"Really Tim, thanks."

"No problem sis. Now, go get him packed and I will go get him up and show him this train!"

Arizona chuckled as she walked away. Tim was right. She needed to do things for her and Zac. Anything to do with Callie would have to wait. She can't avoid Callie forever, but she could for at least a day or two. So she packs Zac's bag and gets ready to say goodbye to her little man.

As she walks into the kitchen, she sees Zac laughing at his Uncle Tim. Arizona sneaks up behind Zac and begins to tickle him as the doorbell rings. "I'll go grab the pizza," says Tim.

"I love pizza!" Yells Zac.

"Yep, I know!" says Arizona. "We are going to eat and then you are going to go stay a few nights with Uncle Tim. Mommy has to go to work for a few days but I'll be back before you know it."

"I miss you," Zac says. Arizona can't help but adore this little boy.

"I'll miss you too buddy. Now, let's get some pizza in your tummy!"

After a somewhat tearful goodbye with Zac and Tim, Arizona walks to the kitchen to pour a glass of wine. She walks in by the fireplace and curls up on the couch. She needs a few minutes to relax after the long day she has had before she heads to bed.

She remembers when Callie would light the fireplace and pour them wine. Those two things always led to a long night. Callie was so good at making her feel loved at one time. Arizona gets lost in her memories for a few minutes. Arizona suddenly stands, taking her glass to the kitchen. "Enough Arizona. You've spent enough time thinking about her today. Everything to do with Calliope will have to wait another day."