Chapter Three
Salem awoke the next day around noon. He rolled from the bed groaning and headed for the bathroom. As much as he wanted to he knew he couldn't avoid Rios but he hoped that Cielia wasn't there.
"Yo, Elliot you up."
"Yeah, I'll be out in a minute."
In the kitchen Rios prepared himself to facing a groggy, guilty, sullen Salem. He knew the man well enough to know that it was going to be a long day. Cielia had called earlier asking to come over at lunch, but Rios put her off. The last thing he needed was for Salem to have to face her right now. He needed to make sure the man was stable and not still manic from the night before. He set out a plate with grilled cheese and a glass of chocolate milk both were foods that typically calmed Salem down.
Salem shuffled out to the kitchen barefooted and slid into a stool at the breakfast bar. Rios frowned when he saw him. His eyes were bloodshot and puffy. He had a large black and blue mark on his forehead and soft gauze covered the cuts on both of his hands from smashing through the sliding glass door.
"Here go ahead and eat something you'll feel better."
"Thanks, not real hungry but I guess I should eat since you cooked it."
He took the glass of milk and sipped it. Rios made the best chocolate milk he'd ever tasted. He wasn't sure why. It was only milk and some chocolate, but for some reason when Tyson made the drink it just tasted better.
"Your chocolate milk is even better than Vivian's was, you know that."
"Vivian's?"
Rios knew Salem loved the way he mixed his chocolate milk but he'd never heard of Vivian.
"So have you heard from Cielia?"
"Yea, she called about three hours ago, wanted to come over for lunch but I told her you were still asleep. I told her you'd call when you felt up to it."
Salem pushed the plate with the quartered sandwich on it around in a small circle. Finally Rios picked up a piece, peeled the toasted corner of the bread back about halfway across the small square and blew gently on it to cool the cheese.
"Go on it's cool now. Who's Vivian?"
He handed the small square of sandwich to Salem, leaned back in his seat, crossed his arms over his broad chest and studied him worriedly.
Salem took a bite of the sandwich, finished off the milk and pushed the empty glass across the counter to Rios.
"More please."
The big man took it and started to make another glass while Salem rambled on about Vivian. It wasn't often that Salem talked about growing up so when he did Tyson hung on every word.
"Vivian, I lived with her, well her family, one of my million foster families when I was around five. My old man was in prison for some such shit and I guess my uncle wouldn't take me again. She'd make me chocolate milk at night when I couldn't sleep. Then let me fall asleep with my head in her lap. She sang a song too but fuck if I can remember it. She was soft; she was kind, I was happy there with them, Tyse. I got to go to school; I had a dad, a brother and sister and they loved me, well they said they did anyway, guess they did but who can say, people lie. It was like a dream, a fantasy for nearly two years. We were close to getting me adopted. Then the husband made her pregnant and said four kids was too many and I got the boot. Sent me back to the home then they sent me back to my old man when he got out supposedly reformed. Sometimes I lie awake and think I'll look her up. Tell her thanks, but fuck if she knew what I really was, she'd just slam the door in my face."
Tyson picked up a second square of grilled cheese and cooled it off before handing it to Salem with the fresh glass of milk.
"That stinks, Ellie."
"How did she sound, Cielia?"
"Fuck, what you think Elliot; she sounded concerned."
"Right, concerned who are you fuckin' kidding?"
Tyson sighed. Salem was an emotional roller coaster. Three sentences go by and the man jumps from childishly reminiscent to angry and belligerent.
"Nobody Elliot. Why don't you give her some credit? You scared the shit out of her. You bruised her neck showing her what you did to Heck, you destroyed the bedroom, she's never seen anything like one of your bad flashbacks, fuck they scare the hell outta me. Your girlfriend's worried and scared."
Tyson ducked as the plate followed by the half full milk glass shot within inches of his head and smashed against the kitchen window over the sink shattering it. Then he stepped back as Salem smashed and threw anything else in his reach.
"I don't have a fucking girlfriend! I don't want a fucking girlfriend! So just, just forget it alright. If she fucking calls fucking tell her I died. Fuck her and fuck you. She's nothing! She's nobody. I didn't even want to fuck her. She made me. Fucking just ruins everything. I don't want anybody, don't need anybody so just tell the fucking bitch to get lost; that I died. I can die, I can and you fucking know it. Tyse?"
As abruptly as the tantrum began it ended and after the final pleading Tyse, his cue that Elliot was ready for help, Rios rounded the breakfast bar and wrapped him in his huge arms. Unfortunately over Elliot's shaking shoulders he saw Cielia standing in the open doorway, in shock her keys dangling from trembling fingertips.
Rios had no time to be angry that she'd burst in or deal with why she was there. Getting Elliot calm was his priority. He knew that although the storm had passed a wrong word or action would reignite the flames. He shook his head no to Cielia but she frowned, ignored him and moved quickly forward. She wrapped her arms around Elliot from behind and spoke softly into his ear.
"Shh. I'm here now. Everything is going to be ok. Let him go, Rios. Elliot baby I'm here we're going to be ok. Rios back off."
Rios stepped away reluctantly. He looked to Salem for instructions but the younger man just slumped a bit in Cielia's arms and shook his head.
"Talk to me Ellie." Rios prodded softly. Ignoring the furious glare Cielia was sending him.
"I she's like Vivian Tyse. Just scares me. It'll be ok."
Tyson nodded and moved toward the still open front door. As he began to pull it closed behind him Elliot called out pulling free of Cielia's arms.
"Tyse, you'll be close. I can call if I want right Tyse. You're not mad?"
Rios looked to Cielia then back at a visibly concerned Salem.
"Always, Ellie always. I'll just be down at Rocco's. Love you Elliot."
Cielia watched Salem watch Rios disappear into the hallway pulling the door closed gently behind him. Then without turning to face her Elliot spoke in a very quiet, tense voice.
"You heard everything."
Cielia considered for a split second lying. But her gut told her that Elliot would see through it.
"I did."
He nodded, ran his hand back though his hair then went and sat down heavily on the couch.
"Then I guess we have some talking to do."
She turned and surveyed the destroyed kitchen, then looked back at Salem slouched on the sofa. They did need to talk but his tone was semi-belligerent and that worried her. He'd just blown up at Rios and Rios was only trying to settle him down, explain the situation and reassure Elliot that Cielia had not run away. What was she supposed to do? Suddenly she regretted allowing Rios to leave. Being alone with Elliot in this frame of mind reiterated to her just how far out of the man's emotional loop she was. Resolved she went into the small living room and sat down on the coffee table in front of him.
"So I guess that's it hunh. You're gonna haul ass right?"
"No."
"You heard what I said. Why the fuck were you even here! Rios told you to stay the fuck away."
"I came by anyway. I have the key. I was in the hall. I heard you screaming. I don't know Elliot, I came in I was worried."
"Guess you wish you hadn't, or maybe you're glad you did."
He stretched out on the couch on his right side so Cielia slid off the table and sat on the floor near his head.
"I am. It hurt to hear but I'm glad I did and no I'm not running away. I guess I'll go if that's truly what you want but I'd like to try and work this all out. You have to talk to me though Elliot I'm not a mind reader."
She reached out, brushed her fingers back through his hair and rubbed her thumb along his right cheek bone studying the old faint scar from Bosnia.
"Like this how'd you get this scar? We can start from the outside Elliot and work our way in. But you have to let me in. I know I'm not Tyson I can never be Tyson but if you want us, this…"
"The scar's none of your business." He snapped sitting up and forcing her backwards. "I don't talk shop. I keep telling you that."
That much was true. She had tried on numerous occasions to get him to talk about his work or childhood, the scars she saw when they surfed but just as Rios had warned her; Elliot stubbornly refused to budge and give up even the tiniest of clues.
Cielia followed him across the room and into the wrecked bedroom. He dragged open a drawer and started changing into battered jeans and a tee shirt. Then he slapped his hat on backwards, pulled on socks, stood back up, turned to exit the room and stopped short when he saw Cielia blocking the doorway.
"What? Fine, lunch let's just fucking go have some lunch. Last night didn't happen, I will not talk shop and you're right C you won't ever replace Tyson."
She held her ground. He might be bigger, not much taller actually but more muscled, and she'd seen how quickly he could become violent but she hadn't survived medical school and her internships because she was weak.
" No. Damn it Elliot if I'm going to have to manage nights like last night then I am going to need to know what the hell you two do exactly. Not just some vague, candy coated generalities but facts. You are covered in scars, you have a closet full of guns, you disappear for days on end and return looking like you've been through hell and now I find out that you have horrific flashbacks, that you're unstable enough to shove a loaded gun in one of your oldest and only friend's throats. Ellie for god's sake look at me talk to me."
Salem was at a loss. She should be backing down. Hadn't he made the arrangement perfectly clear?
"How am I supposed to talk to you? You must be fuckin' deaf." He shouted closing in on her and getting in her face. "I do not talk! Not to Rios, not to Alice, not to the shrink the fucking company sends me to, Elliot Salem doesn't need an outlet outside of killing, Vodka, strip joints and fucking some bitch senseless who he'll never see again and who could care fucking less how he got some scar or broken bone and who'll never see his bedroom so she won't have to manage his nightmares. That's the package Cielia. Lunch or not it's your fucking call. If not I think I'll just go and partake in all of the above activities until Rios finds me and drags my sad, drunk ass home."
Cielia took a step back but didn't clear the doorway. This was it she knew. Whatever decision she made here would decide the outcome of their relationship. If she went to lunch it meant she'd given in and he'd be allowed to continue slowly self-destructing. It was painfully clear to her that Rios and Salem's other friends were either content to see him waste away, were too stupid to see the damage enabling his behavior was causing or they too were as emotionally scarred from their profession as he was and just didn't see that there was anything wrong with him. Conversely if she let him go and he did all of the above activities would she be able to reconcile his acting out once he settled back down and still try to heal the relationship. Cielia was no fool. They'd been dating for nearly six months and when it had become clear that Elliot was either not interested in sex with her or simply didn't want the relationship to take that route she'd seen a few of her regular male friends. It was just the way it worked. She cared for Elliot but they'd never officially made their relationship exclusive. With that in mind she elected to let him go out and do his worst. After all they were not adolescents with silly ideas of monogamy and maybe after five months he needed a taste of freedom to help him decide just which way he did want to go with her. The problem was that by asking his friends questions when she could get them alone, Cielia knew that Salem had not gone to any of his regular haunts and had not been with any other women. Was that his way of displaying his choice for exclusivity? She hoped not, because if it was she'd failed on her end. She swallowed hard and fought back tears before speaking, hoping that the anxiety raging in her mind would not eek through in her voice.
"It's alright, go and enjoy yourself Elliot. I'll see you tomorrow after my shift."
He stared at her silently. The doctor read rage in his hazel eyes and knew she'd made the right choice. He blinked and his lower lip twitched as he took a step forward. When she held her ground he reached out, placed a hand on the door frame on either side of her head and continued to glower down at her. Cielia was certain there were tears welling in his eyes and she nearly gave in and threw her arms around him. He was desperate, he was lost and she knew he wanted her to tell him what to do. She had no intention of letting him off that easily. Rios, she knew would have caved in but Elliot had given her the ultimatum and she had chosen. She stared him down and waited for what seemed an eternity before he sniffled and blinked setting the tears free to finally slip down his anguished face. That was for Salem the culmination of the encounter and to try and cover up his apparent weakness he lashed out at her once more.
"Move you ungrateful fuck and don't ever, don't ever fucking call me Ellie again! I'll never be Ellie to you!"
Cielia stepped aside wordlessly and watched him complete the destruction of the kitchen in search of the keys to his motorcycle and his wallet then head for the door. As he passed the wall of photos he suddenly stopped, turned back, went into the bedroom and slammed open the closet door. Cielia turned and watched as he tore through a box of photographs until finally finding the one he wanted and returning to her. She crossed her arms over her breasts and stared at him defiantly.
"You want to know what we do." He screamed holding the photo up directly in front of her face only inches away. The photograph's detail was incredibly fine so it didn't take her long to sort out the situation it recorded.
It showed a small group of men carrying various weapons with one talking on a radio, all huddled in a forest clearing. There was knee deep snow on the ground and they all looked exhausted, filthy and terrified. They stood watching a quartet of similarly clad soldiers who knelt over a final man in an area of flattened snow, obviously wounded and by the look of anguish on his face in horrible pain. Cielia knew form the size of large bright red blood stain fanning out around the injured soldier's right side that situation was dire.
The first kneeling man, Giddy, knelt on the victim's left side holding his head by the chin and forehead, between bloody hands tilting it back slightly. He was leaning down close to the man's ashen face looking upward a bit, obviously having just finished preforming mouth to mouth. Bright crimson blood stained his stubbled chin, nose and lips she blanched slightly knowing that the victim had spit it up into his mouth.
The second man, whom she did not know, was fighting to control his wounded partner's thrashing legs. The third man, Heckler, and for some reason this shocked her, held an I.V. bag attached to the downed man's right arm aloft in his left hand and his right hand pressed a blood sodden wad of bandages against the wound with his index finger shoved down deeply into what had to be the bullet hole. Cielia could clearly see that Heckler had a knee firmly planted in victim's right palm to hold the arm still. He looked to the left, his mouth wide open screaming something toward the man with the radio. The forth soldier, Rios, was hunched over preforming frantic CPR, with his head tipped upward. The normally calm and controlled man's dark eyes were full of terror and locked with Giddy's blue ones, imploring the older man for answers. She gasped when she identified the face between Giddy's blood soaked hands as Salem's.
Salem heard her gasp and threw the picture across the room. It slammed into the surfboards, knocking them over and smashing on the Terrazzo floor.
"That's what we do. We die and die and die and die so that people like you can live the high life in Brentwood before scooting off to party away a few years at university playing at becoming a doctor or lawyer or some other money hungry fuck that bleeds the rest of humanity dry. Heck held his finger in the hole in my chest for over an hour in the chopper to stop the bleeding and I nearly killed him over you! I died three times that day and no Cielia I do not want to talk about it, or how devastated Rios was after I woke up after three weeks in a coma, after three weeks of thinking he'd lost me or the months of rehab or the unimaginable pain. No Cielia I don't want to remember and I will do everything in my power not to even if that means losing you."
Then before she could reach out and grab him he was gone. She tried to catch him going down the stairs but he was too fast and by the time she made it into the parking garage she only caught a glimpse of him tearing around the corner and popping a wheelie as he gunned his big red Ducati to full throttle.
As she turned to head back to the elevator Rios and Rocco came charging into the underground garage. The sound of Salem's Ducati at full throttle was unmistakable and when the pair heard it they knew immediately something was wrong.
"What the hell'd you say to him!"
Cielia could only shake her head as tears slipped down her flushed cheeks.
"Obviously, all the wrong words Rios, all the wrong words."
"And did he say where he was going, if he manages to survive the fucking trip?"
"To quote him, 'Elliot Salem doesn't need an outlet outside of killing, vodka, strip joints and fucking some bitch senseless who he'll never see again and who could care fucking less how he got some scar or broken bone, one who'll definitely never see his bedroom; so she won't have to manage his nightmares. That's the package Cielia. Lunch or not it's your fucking call. If not I think I'll just go and partake in all of the above activities until Rios finds me and drags my sad, drunk ass home.' I need to go back up and fetch my keys then I'll get out of your way."
"Come on I'll walk you up, later Rocco, and hey if anyone mentions seeing him out, call."
"You know it, man."
Upstairs Rios took in the newest destruction of the apartment. He picked up the surfboards then the thrown photo and carefully brushed away the shards of glass. He hated the picture which was why it had no place on the wall. Cielia stepped up beside him and touched it rubbing her index finger across the fallen Salem.
"I nearly lost him that time, it was close. It wasn't really until this, that I truly understood how he must have felt trapped alone blind and deaf for nearly three hours after that fucking case of flash bangs blew up on us, wrecked my face and trapped us in a mud hovel in Turkey. I could feel him cradling my head in his hands. I could feel him rocking back and forth. I could tell by the way he was touching me, because he was hurting me that he couldn't see. Hell I knew by the way he was gasping for breath that he was sobbing and screaming into his headset but I couldn't hear the words and neither could he. It's one of the bad times that fuel his flashbacks."
"I pushed him."
"No he's just Salem. You need to trust me when I try and help you help him. Go home and this time give us some space. I'll find him I always do."