Back at the manor, Regina is upstairs with Roland giving the grubby boy a bath as the chocolate sauce from his milkshake he devoured is all over his face. The bath is filled to the top with bubbles, and Rolands laughs as Regina plops a moundful ontop of his head, and chin giving him a white bubbly beard.
This is heaven she thinks, it has been so long since she has been able to hear such giggling, much less from her own doing.
"You look like a garden gnome with the beard" She cooes, dolloping more bubbles to his chin, laughing as he bears a toothy grin at her.
She is turns to grab shampoo from the tub's lip edge and is caught unawares when she turns back to Roland and recieves a cheekful of bubbles herself. "Now you're a gnome too‼" He squeals. Laughing at the littles boys spunk, she laughs to herself "if only people could see the evil queen with bubbles on her face in this moment, oh what would they say! " But that is a thought immediately dismissed when another face full of bubbles is blobbed onto her chin, and forehead. They both laugh, surrounded in their little moment together, but it is cut short when Regina notices a quizzical look on Rolands face.
"Baby what is it?" she questions, whiping away bubbles from his head.
"Is daddy going to love the new baby more than me?" He inquires sadly.
It is a comment that has her heart drop. She knew this conversation would eventually have to be brought up, but this soon? Zelena was still 4 months away from actually having the baby, she thought she would have more time to digest the unfairness of it all, none the less be able to have words for the sad little boy in front of her. "Ro, never ever think that your daddy or I will love you less than this baby, you are my little knight, and a queen needs her knight". Even with her words he still doesn't look convinced, so she tries another angle.
"Roland do you know that Henry is adopted?"
"What's adopted?"
"It means I didn't grow him in my belly, I found him, loved him and he is my son"
"Kinda like me right? I grew in mama's belly, but you found me and you love me and I am your knight right?"
"Exactly, and do you think I love Henry any less now that I have you?" She hopes in a baiting question he will follow her train of thought.
"No, you always say you love Henry with all your heart!" He replies
"And what do I always tell you before you go to sleep after a story?"
"That you love me with all your heart!" He finally gets it and smiles throwing his wet tiny arms around her. "I love you with all my heart Gina". And she glows at that response, trying to keep tears from falling and she kisses his soaking wet curls.
"No matter what happens with this baby, always know that I love you with all my heart, and so does your papa. Okay?"
"Okay!, Can you make me a gnome again?". And it is with that she scoops a large handful of bubbles and drowns in head in them as he giggles. She is once again caught off gaurd when Roland asks "Regina, are you sad you don't get to grow a baby in your belly?"
She swallows hard. Of course she is sad, but she couldn't let her mother use her in that way, not when she had taken everything from her; her first love, her freedom, her virtue. That decision to barren herself was made in true intention, she really didn't think anyone would love her, love her enough to want to have a baby, a family, a happy ending.
Tears prickling her eyes, Roland finally calls out "I didn't mean to make you sad" he pouts.
"You didn't my love". She swallows again trying to keep her composure "I would love nothing more to have a baby with your papa, but it's something that can't ever happen, I can't grow a baby".
"Why not?"
She had hoped that he wouldn't ask further but he is his fathers son, always pushing to know her feelings.
"I just can't baby….Now lets get you dried up and ready for story time" She replies back, hoping bribery will sway his questioning. It works, he jumps out of the tub arms extended into the fluffy towel she has waiting.
It's at that moment Robin decides to make his presences known, he had been standing there since the first bubble gnome game.
"Here my boy, let me take you for story time" he pulls his son into his arms and kisses Regina on the forehead and walks out with his son chatting about the magic of bubble baths. Regina sighs and pulls the plug in the bath, letting the warm water drain with all the bubbles of happiness she and Roland just shared. Her heart is heavy, she hasn't actually told Robin what she meant back in New York when she said he and Zelena would be tied in a way they never could be, and thankfully he didn't press the topic. But sitting on the toilet she knew that if he was standing there long enough he would have heard Rolands questions and her attempts to satisfy the boy and the topic would eventually have to come up. Sighing again, her face in her hands she lets out a quiet sob, letting the dispair of knowing she would never have Robins baby wash over her. Ten minutes go by before she decides she should clean up and get ready for bed.
It is then, that Robin walks in, Regina already tucked into the big comfy bed under the heavy duvet, her back turned away from him. He shucks off his clothes, leaving him in his traditional black briefs and slides in behind her, pulling her into his chest. They lay there back to chest, breathing deeply, his arms encircled around her waist, lightly pressing soft kisses to her neck.
"Are you okay my love?" he drops.
Unsure of what to really say, she just sighs and closes her eyes, trying once again to keep the tears from falling, knowing if she opens her mouth to speak she will crumble.
"Regina?" he baits her again " I know we haven't talked about it much but did what Roland ask you make you uncomfortable?"
That was it, a single tear fell onto her cheek with a light sob escaping her lips. She curses her lack of self control in emotions around him. "I suppose a bit, not uncomfortable, just sad." She finally releases.
He knows that she carries pain over this situation, he does to. "Talk to me" he pleads softly as he wipes the fallen tear. Composing herself she finally breathes "I don't know how to love this baby when I know what had to happen to concieve her….we aren't ever going to have that…." A minute passes before Robin pulls her even closer.
"Regina, I can't ever tell you how sorry I am about this" He takes a moment to chose his next words. "Leaving you was the worst decision of my life, I was miserable, and so angry at myself for letting you go and not knowing how to force myself to fall in love with Marion again….and this baby, it was only once that we were together and in truth when she told me she was pregnant my heart dropped. I felt like the worst human being alive"
Regina let another few tears fall as she listened to Robins confession . "The day I saw you at my door, I felt like I could breathe again, just holding you, breathing you in, feeling your heart beat against me, it just felt like home again. I know there is nothign I can do to rectify where we are, but I do love you Regina, and I promise to make sure you know that I choose you everyday". He ends with a kiss on her neck and buries his head into the crook of her neck, not knowing if she would respond or not.
She doesn't.
She lays there silently, letting his words wash over her, breathing in his love, knowing all along it wont suppress the ache that has permanently found its way into her heart. What is she supposed to say.
An hour passes, both still awake but unable to calm the storm between them. It is enough to break Robins heart.
"Regina, do you want to have a baby?" He knows it probably isn't the right question, but he needs to know what she meant when she told Roland she couldn't. She mentioned it back in New York but he in truth wasn't digesting everything she was saying being in the state of shock he was.
"It doesn't matter what I want" she finally manages to say, her voice filled with sadness.
"Of course it does my love, Regina, you are the love of my life…" but before he can continue Regina cuts him off.
"You say that, but you left me Robin. You left. You didn't chose me. You didn't love me enough to want to stay, I know Marion was your wife, and you thought it was truly her, but it doesn't escape the fact that you left me, you moved on and left me to lay alone in this bed night after night…..you left me". The last words come out cracked as her tears finally escape whether she wants them to or not.
Silence, long silence. How can he respond to that, when she is partially right? He didn't choose her, he loved her completely but he chose his honor over her. It broke her. He thought they could move past it, but deep down he always knew she would hold onto that pain and loss.
"And I can't have a baby Robin so don't worry about that"
"We can try? I want nothing more than a family with you Regina, a life with you and if a baby is something you want, then it is something I want, I want you Regina."
"Are you not paying attention….I just said I CAN'T HAVE A BABY!" Regina sits up and yells out. The deep set sadness and anger finally taking over her. It's his hurt and confused expression that commands her to keep going.
"I'm barren Robin, I took a potion years ago that made that point a fact. Why do you think I had to adopt Henry?" The sobs escape her now. Her body is trembling but she isn't sure if it is out of sadness or fear. Probably both she thinks.
He doesn't know what to say, he didn't know that was the rooted point. He sits up beside her and attempts to pull her into his arms, but she pulls away and walks into the bathroom. Unsure whether to follow, he lets her be for a few moments before going after her. He's not going to lose her again. When he opens the door, Regina is sitting in the shower, running over her silk clothed body, her shoulders trembling as she cries.
God what have I done? It's the only thought that he has….
Not caring that he is still in his underwear, Robin opens the shower door and sits down next to her, the hot water streaming across his torso. He drapes an arm around her and pulls her in, and thankfully she goes willingly, resting her head on his shoulder, her legs in between his tucked to her chest. She cries, and he kisses the top of her head whispering apolog after apology, love sentiment after love sentiment. They don't know how long they sit there for, together but feeling farther apart than ever. It's not until the water cools and Regina begins to shiver that Robin finally lifts her up, walks out to their bed and stands her at the foot of it. Gently he strips her of her sodden clothing, and discards his boxers. Settling down on his knees and pressing his forehead into her abdomen and wrapping his arms around her waist, he pressing a light kiss to her stomach and whispers an I Love You. Though she knows this is far from over, Regina can't help but love the man here with her. She combs through his wet hair and tries to calm her breathing.
"Please don't leave me" It's barely a whisper but Regina hears it escape from him against her soft skin. "Please don't leave me Regina" he whimpers out again.
She knows she won't ever leave him, she lived without him and that heartache is something she will never experience again. But in this moment her heart burns, and the depression that once claimed her is settling in the pit of her stomach.
"Come on, lets try to sleep, Roland will be up in a few hours" thats all she can muster to say back before she extricates herself from his arms and crawls into bed. He follows, as he always will. Laying on his back and her on her side facing him, she runs her palm up his chest and settles it over his heart. The steady pulse finally brings her some peace. She knows he loves her, she knows that he is in an impossible situation, but that doesn't make it hurt any less.
Minutes go by in silence and Robin thinks she has finally fallen asleep, he lets his eyes close and breathes in a deep breath. He feels her stir beside him, her body moving up his until her lips ghost above his. Opening his eyes, he sees her looking down at him, eyes still filled with tears but there is something else, Hope? Forgiveness? Love? He isn't really sure until she leans in and kisses him so softly and whispers "I am never going to leave you Robin, I won't ever let you go, I love you to much to ever have to live alone again". She kisses him again and settles back down onto his chest.
"I love you to Regina".