First year –
The doors swing open and the firsties pour in, wide eyed and trembling. One of them bounds forwards, passing McGonagall quickly, and jumps onto the nearest table.
"I am the great Harry Potter!" Skull cries, striking a heroic pose on top of the table with lots of red and gold.
He is quite honestly not expecting the thunderous applause that the statement receives. This is never the reply he gets unless he's doing a stunt show, and he hasn't done one of those in a very long while, so he soaks it up like a particularly porous sponge.
"I can't hear you!" Skull roars and the students double in volume, clapping their hands and stomping their feet. Skull laughs wickedly.
Snape stares in horror. The brat is worse than James Potter. He didn't think that was physically possible.
Skull lazily tosses a rock into the lake, Oodako splashing around in the shallows a few meters in front. He blinks in shock when a large tentacle pops out of the water and throws the rock back.
A startled laugh leaves him and he jumps to catch it. "Wow, you're amazing."
Oodako freezes and turns to the giant squid with a dark intensity.
.
"Damn it, Oodako, no!" Skull screams in horror.
The students outside slowly back away and the people peering from the castle windows gape in shock.
"Stop!" Skull frantically looks around, snatches up a rock, and throws it into the black lake to try and get the attention of his pet.
The octopus doesn't stop strangling the giant squid.
"Oodako!" Skull shrieks, his voice becoming higher with every word. "Oodako, no! Oodako!"
.
Skull sits opposite the Headmaster, miserable and dripping wet with a tiny Oodako no bigger than his thumb nail curled up in his hand, several tentacles wrapped tightly around his pinkie in apology.
The Headmaster smiles at him genially.
"It won't happen again," Skull promises. "He's just gets really jealous sometimes."
"Well, I do remember the folly of youth, despite my age," Dumbledore says kindly, appearing more amused than anything. "Make sure to keep your octopus away from the giant squid, okay?"
Skull nods sheepishly.
A curly haired girl darts past looking she's about to cry and Skull zones out of the conversation the boys next to him are having. He throws a glance back and finds a red head grimacing heavily in an 'I fucked up' kind of way and that is such a Skull-expression that the stuntman feels an instant kinship with the other boy.
So when the red head runs after a troll to save the curly haired girl, Skull doesn't think twice about following.
The students scream in horrified delight as Skull throws himself into another dive, waiting until the very last moment to pull up. He throws his arms out and they roar for another death defying stunt.
Deep inside the castle, on the third-floor corridor, below the trap door and past the challenges, is a rather upset Dark Lord.
"What the fuck even is this?" Voldemort grumbles, staring at the mirror. "Seriously, is the rock even in here? Damn it, Dumbledore, you asshole."
Second year -
"So I got really hungry yesterday," Ron begins.
Hermione and Skull sends him raised eyebrows as if to say 'oh, really? Didn't see that coming'.
Ron shrugs. "I'm a growing boy. Anyway, so I was hungry and a new room appeared filled with food - like it smelled way better than Hogwarts' food."
"Please tell me you didn't just eat the food," Hermione says with an already half crushed hope.
"Well that's why I'm bringing it up now," Ron admits. "I'm hungry again but also I figured I should get a second opinion."
Skull and Ron turn to Hermione with puppy dog eyes and she breaks easily.
"Okay, let's go look," she sighs. "But if I say no then we just go to the kitchens instead."
.
Skull stares at a tiara. He looks around the towering stacks of abandoned items in the room Ron found and then right back to the tiara. This is too easy. Something bad is going to happen.
Skull hesitantly reaches out and picks it up. Nothing happens.
Skull is paranoid for the next month.
Third year -
He does eventually crack and tell Mammon what he's doing.
Only because he has no idea how to do the homework and Hermione refuses to let him copy.
"Hey," Hermione murmurs.
Skull glances up from his origami attempts, and peers across the table they're occupying in the library.
"Do you think third year has been oddly normal?" Hermione continues. "I don't know why, I mean it's not like we did anything particularly strange second year and first was only that three-headed dog and troll."
Skull shrugs. "To be honest, I don't even know what normal is anymore. I mean don't get me started on the England mission with the other Arco-" he cuts himself off and drops into a fake coughing fit so hopefully none of his friends will question what he was saying.
Ron and Neville rush to pat him on the back and ask if he's okay.
Hermione just narrows her eyes. "England mission?"
Skull starts coughing louder and does a brief interpretive dance to communicate that he's going to get a glass of water. He escapes with Hermione's eyes boring into the back of his head.
Fourth year -
"The Triwizard Tournament is centuries old," James explains to a frustrated Lily. "We're not going to stop looking for a loophole, but we need another plan just in case. We have to prepare Harry."
Lily looks away and sighs. She catches sight of messy black hair just peeking out from behind the doorway and rolls her eyes. "Come in, Harry."
The boy steps into view, sheepish. "Hey, um. So I heard everything…"
James smirks but then startles when Lily glares at him. He puts on a disappointed expression instead and frowns at Harry.
"You're whipped," Harry mutters.
"You've been spending too much time with Sirius," James fires back.
"This is a trap," Lily blurts out and presses a hand to her mouth. "Harry, I'm sorry, I don't know why this keeps happening to you."
"Don't cry," James says, panicked as he hugs her.
Harry charges in fearlessly and glomps them both. "It'll be okay. I can always just… you know, participate but go sit in a corner while the other contestants do their thing."
Lily huffs out a laugh. "Hopefully it won't get to that point." She pulls away and sighs. "Alright, James, you can teach Harry a few things - but nothing too dangerous."
Two hours later, James swears on his mother's grave that the Nundu came out of nowhere and he couldn't have possibly predicted it, so it's really not his fault.
"Okay," Skull begins. "So just hear me out."
"Mou, this is going to cost you a lot," Mammon huffs even before Skull says anything else. They listen to the explanation and sigh. "Fine, I'll need a sample of the magic you need to trick it with and shape-shifter blood."
"Shape-shifter?" Skull hedges. "I don't know any sha- oh. Oh God."
.
Skull throws away whatever iota of dignity he has left and crawls along the carpeted floor on his hands and knees in effort to make as little noise as possible. The hammock set up in one corner sways gently and the young teen napping on it is motionless.
Skull pauses when he reaches the hammock and slowly, painfully slowly, rises to his knees to peer over the edge. Reborn has his fedora pulled down over his eyes and his hands are pillowed on his stomach. Leon is resting in the hollow of the hitman's throat.
Skull reaches over but involuntarily aborts the motion. He then tries reaching again but every part of him is screaming to just run. Surely there is another shape-shifter around here. Anything would be better than this.
'Leon,' Skull mouths silently as if that would wake the lizard up. The stuntman steels himself and slowly, gently pokes Leon on the back.
The lizard stirs and so does the hitman. Skull crawls under the hammock and waits with baited breath as Reborn turns onto his side and settles down again. The only reason Skull isn't dead is because Reborn knows him well enough that the stuntman's presence doesn't register as a threat and thus flies below the radar.
Skull edges out again when he thinks it's safe and barely refrains from screaming when he sees Leon perched in the dip of Reborn's waist, the lizard staring at Skull in exasperation.
'I need your help,' Skull mouths. 'For the love of Merlin, don't wake Reborn.'
Leon nods and hops off Reborn, landing easily on Skull's head. Skull crawls back out of the room.
"What the fuck even is that?!" Skull shrieks, sprinting away from some kind of crab-scorpion demon creature that probably spits acid or eats babies or something equally as terrifying.
The first and second tasks he could deal with. There was no real danger since Skull burns hotter than the dragon and the citizens of the Black lake are obligated to not hurt students or staff. This third task is a whole other matter.
He skids around a corner and spots a trophy, immediately lunging for it without hesitation because he wants to get out of this hellish maze. It takes him to a graveyard instead.
This is expected, and in fact the only reason Skull is still playing Harry Potter is because he needs to lure out Voldemort and keep the actual Harry safe. Except no thank you, this is not happening right now. Skull is traumatised enough for one day.
Skull doges a red spiral curse and grabs the trophy again. He appears back in Hogwarts and decides that he really does need to get rid of Voldemort.