DAY 3
Riding up the elevator to her office floor, she felt a strange mix of anxiety, fear, pain. She kept reliving the previous night's conversation. The word "marriage" kept echoing in her mind. She tried her best to ignore the impact it was having on her, pretending she was ok with it. The elevator doors opened to a blond figure standing at the reception. Damn! What a nice way to start the day. Callie was there, apparently waiting for someone. Probably Will.
Her eyes went down to the woman's fingers. There wasn't any shiny luxurious ring on her hand. Did he propose? Didn't he? Did he change his mind? Maybe she just wasn't wearing it while working? No, when Will Gardner proposes to you, you don't hide it you scream it to the whole world. Noticing that Callie was staring at her, she gave her an uncomfortable smile and rushed to her office.
She had to stop this. She needed to stop this. For her own mental sanity. Quickly dialing on her phone, she called Peter. "Hey, are you busy? Can we have lunch together?" She needed a distraction, and started to hope for a very busy day that would prevent her mind from wandering hopelessly on forbidden paths.
So when Diane showed up with a new client, she more than gladly accepted to work on it.
The hours separating her from lunch flied very fast, and she found herself sitting at the table with Peter.
"So, how is your day?" he asked very casually.
"Pretty busy." Busy trying not to think about the fact that Will is getting married.
"Did you see this?" Peter casually threw the question, while showing her the most recent issue of Chicago's Digest. Page 6, precisely. 'Will Gardner: How my life changed in six months'.
Are you kidding me? She went there to forget Will Gardner, not to read how the suspension changed his life! But that article magnetically held her attention. Her eyes stored some words. Book, time, changes, love.
Love. What did that even mean anymore?
'And what about love?' The question was simple and very straight coming from a veteran interviewer.
'No comment,' was Will's simple and not so straight answer.
No comment. This wasn't good. Not at all. Will Gardner's answer was supposed to be something like 'I'm not in love with anyone,' or 'I'm still waiting for the love of my life.' No comment' sounded like 'I found someone but it's too important to share it with a stupid magazine.' It hurt more than their last conversation. If that was even possible.
She looked up to see Peter deep into trying and scan her reaction.
"Nice interview," she said, in the attempt of dissipating every tiny hint of suspect from his side.
"Yes, especially the no comment part," Peter said looking straight in her eyes. "Very telling I'd say, don't you think?" She tried to figure out what he meant. Did he think she was the object of the no comment? Or did he know something about his love life? Or was she so visibly shaken by the marriage news that her attempts to hide it were failing miserably? She wasn't sure if she wanted to know what was crossing his mind.
"I don't know. It might be," she said that closing the magazine to get rid of that thought the soonest possible. "So how is your day, Peter?"
What a nice and natural change of subject. But thankfully he was nice enough to play along and didn't call her on it. Ah yes, the security of marriage…
And for the second time in two days, she found herself forced to face the reality of Will's feelings for another woman. It was real. Will's relationship was real. She couldn't get rid of that thought and that word.
The conversation eventually flowed into the comfortable and safe topics of kids, school and dinner arrangements, until she had to go back at the firm. Back facing the newWill.
For some reason she couldn't get rid of that old magazine. She kept it hidden, on the bottom of a drawer, for something like two years. Even when she had him, even after their break up, she just liked to sometimes read it, or stare at the picture. She couldn't stop thinking about how things had changed over that period of time.
So she took advantage of Peter showering to take a quick look at it. She went through the description of his ideal woman. She always thought it fit Tammy perfectly, but love is so irrational. The reporter more than obviously wasn't his ideal woman, seeing how quickly he got over her, especially considering she was replaced before the wheels of her plane left the ground.
"What are you reading so intently?" Alicia jumped upon hearing Peter's voice. So lost in her thoughts, she didn't notice he finished showering from quite a while.
"Nothing, just a magazine." Damn. She hoped he didn't get to see the huge picture accompanying the article. But the sudden change of look on his face confirmed her suspects.
She was failing and she knew it. All her attempts to keep a straight face at the mention of his name, at even seeing his picture in a magazine, were all failing.
"Is there something you want to talk about?" Peter's question took her by surprise.
"No," she said. And she wasn't really lying. "Is there something you want to talk about?" she returned the question hoping, deep down inside, that he wouldn't bring up that subject.
The last time they had a conversation about Will not ending in a fight was two years before. Sometimes Peter had been right. Sometimes his accusations were totally gratuitous and only meant to hurt her. She wasn't ready or strong enough to go there again. Not now.
"Not if you say there isn't anything worth discussing," he said, his voice showed the beginnings of annoyance, bordering on a grudge.
Now, she was the one getting annoyed. She hated these tricks. They had both agreed on full honesty but apparently they were not capable of it.
"Peter, what's this about?" She realized that the voice probably sounded slightly vexed.
"This is about one of us not being totally honest about giving our marriage another try, Alicia."
So there they were. It was once again going back at Will.
She took a deep breath. She didn't want a fight, so she carefully chose the words in her mind before speaking.
"If you think this is about Will, and I'm sure you do, Peter, then you have no idea what you are talking about, 'cause he's getting married. There isn't any Will and me. It stopped long ago and you know it."
"So this is why you're upset," he concluded, confident. "It's because he's getting married, isn't it?" he added.
She looked down. She stood there for a moment, unable to find the words, or a justification. Or an excuse, for what it was worth. Unable to either lie or admit the plain truth.
When she finally looked up, she caught the mixed look of anger, frustration, hurt in Peter's eyes. He didn't say anything. Just passed by her and left the room. Not a single word or look. Not a fight.