A/N: I'm impatient, so I'm posting early. Happy Tuesday :) Also, the story summary has been updated to reflect the lack of cowboys in the story, sorry for the confusion, lol.

Riding the Fence

Ch. 3

BPOV

I slide into the booth opposite from Alice and Jasper, still shaking my head with laughter from my conversation with Edward. I shouldn't laugh, I know that. But really, how fucking cocky can one asshat be? He almost had me, I was about two seconds away from giving in and fucking him right there. And then he got that triumphant glint in his eye, and I just lost it. I am no one's prey. Now, to explain that to my poor nipples and girly bits, which are all sharply throbbing their anger at me.

Jasper looks at me curiously, but I just wave him off, looking around for the waitress. I need a damned drink.

"Hey, guys, how's it going?" I ask while making eye contact with the waitress, letting her know I'm ready to order. I'm forcing a calm facade, because I refuse to allow Edward's unexpected presence to once again fuck with my head.

Alice sneered, "Nice of you to join us, Bella."

I'm not even in the mood for her shit tonight. If it wasn't for Jasper, I would have told her to go fuck herself a long time ago. But, he loves her. I'm not about to lose him as a friend, just because his girlfriend is an intolerant super-bitch.

I smirk at her, and then turn to Jasper. I don't even have time to get a word out, before I catch sight of Edward striding determinedly across the bar, right towards our table. Who the fuck follows around someone who has turned them down? He sits down next to me, like he belongs there, refusing to meet my glare.

"Dude, seriously? What the fuck? I said no, why are you here?" I'm not interested in a stalker, I figure the earlier I nip this in the bud, the less likely it is he will start collecting my stray hairs to use for pillow stuffing. Knowing that he is insane is helping, if only marginally, with the self-control problem I have around him. Although, maybe I should be more disturbed by the fact that bonafide insanity isn't quite the turn off that I would imagine it to be.

I'm still staring at him, waiting for him to answer, when I realize that Alice and Jasper are both looking at me like I am the crazy at the table.

Alice is the first to speak. "Do you two know each other?"

We answer her simultaneously: me with a definitive "No!" and him with a resolute "Yes!".

I turn to glare at him again, "Giving me your phone number, unsolicited and then stalking me at a bar, doesn't mean I know you. And you still haven't told me why you're sitting next to me."

On the outside, I'm definitely glaring at him and giving every back-the-fuck-off signal that I know. On the inside? On the inside, I'm ripping off his damned short-sleeved, plaid button up shirt and running my nails down his presumably perfectly muscled back. I almost hear the plink-plink-plink of the buttons hitting the table and floor. I can feel the cold metal of his nipple piercing as I run my tongue around it and flick his nipple back and forth. Speaking of licking- his tattoos are much more visible tonight, than the last time I saw him. From surreptitious glances I see that the one one his right arm is the black outline of flames, with light red shading climbing up his forearm from his wrist to the crook of his elbow. I feel damn near bereft when I realize the left one is too far away to see clearly.

He just laughs at me before speaking to Alice, "Yes, Alice, we've met. The night of the family dinner, actually."

Jasper, who has been sitting quietly, a look of intense concentration on his face, suddenly starts snickering under his breath, quickly progressing to outright guffaws. I can feel my cheeks flushing with anger. I'm missing something, and no one is filling in the goddamn blanks. Between my body's fucking traitorous reaction at being so close to Edward, and my general confusion, I've had all I can take.

My palm slaps the table, their eyes immediately snap to me. "Okay, what the fuck is going on? Who is this douche, and why do you know Alice?"

Jasper tries to speak through his laughter, but it just comes out as a series of snorts as he waves his hand in front of his face, tears streaming down his face and gasping for breath.

Alice is rolling her eyes at her idiot boyfriend, before she looks at me smugly. "This, Bella Swan, is my cousin, Edward Cullen."

I stare at her in shock for a minute, praying to baby Jesus that this is some kind of joke, and not a fucked up version of six degrees of separation. Pretty Boy, who I have jilled off to every night since I saw him a week ago, cannot be related to Satan's Mistress. Oh fuck. I've masturbated to a relative of Alice's. I think I just threw up a little in my mouth. I mean shit, yes, I fuck women and lots of them, but even I have standards.

The waitress chooses that moment of awkward silence, save Jasper's barely contained giggling, to show up. I order four shots of tequila, and offer her an extra $20 if she can have them back to me in the next ninety seconds. I figure that's about how long I have before I commit homicide.

By this point, even Alice is looking at Jasper like he's lost his fucking mind. And while I'm glad I'm no longer the crazy in the group, I really can't see what's so funny. The look of confusion on my face sends him into a new round of laughter.

And then it hits me. He fucking knows that Edward is Pretty Boy. Last week after I got off work, I went home and vented to my roommate about the hot as hell man that I almost dragged into Emmett's office and fucked six ways to Sunday.

Jasper must see that I know what the fuck he finds so hilarious. He must also see that I am not amused in the least, because he sits up straighter and makes something of an attempt to regain his composure. However, he's doing a shit job of it, and several stray snorts escape. The waitress comes rushing back over at that moment, lining up my drinks in front of me. I hand over her well earned tip without ever taking my eyes off Jasper.

Reaching in front of me, I grab the first shot and look him dead in the eye. "If you say," down goes shot one, "one motherfucking word," down goes shot two, "I will remove your dick with a rusty spork," shot three, "and force feed it to you," shot four.

Without another word, I stand up on my suddenly and increasingly shaky legs, stumble out of the bar, and catch a cab home.

The next morning I wake up extra early so that I can be out of the apartment before I have to face Jasper. I call my best friend, Angela, waking her up, and beg her to meet me for an emergency breakfast meeting. A two block walk later, I'm pulling open the door to the diner. Immediately, I take a deep breath as I'm enveloped in the scent of fried, sugary, syrupy, goodness. It's what I imagine a mother's hug feels like, well unless your mother is like mine, and a roadie for a Village People tribute band.

When she left me and my dad, Charlie, she told him she'd fallen in love with a baseball player and was going to follow him on the road. We thought she meant an actual baseball player. I think Charlie was more disappointed to find out that he wasn't gaining free season tickets, than he was about losing his wife.

I order black coffee and wait for Angela. She and I have been best friends since Middle School, when her family moved to Forks. She's loyal to the point of violence, and the kind of friend that will help you move a body without asking questions. She's the first person I told that I like both boys and girls. We were fifteen and in retrospect, telling her right after 'experimenting' by kissing each other probably wasn't the best time to reveal those particular feelings. But, being Angela, she was completely supportive- well, after a mildly uncomfortable discussion where I explained that I wasn't secretly in love with her. We both agreed that the kiss was awkward, her because I didn't have the proper equipment, me because it felt like kissing my sister.

When she shows up twenty minutes later, I'm feeling much more alive, and ready to talk to her. She's already filled in on my initial meeting with Edward. She got the XXX version of the story after my verbal-filter-less rant to Jasper. Fortunately, his version was the PG-13 version. Unfortunately, it included the phrase, "I swear to god my vagina cried in some sort of religious ecstasy just thinking about him touching me." That was the point that he left the room, I also think that might be why he was laughing at me last night.

She drops heavily into the chair across from me, flinging her purse in the seat beside her, and manages to convey to the waitress that she needs coffee using only a series of grunts and hand gestures. I open my mouth to speak to her, but one look at the hellfire burning in her uncaffeinated eyes makes me promptly close it again and look away in fear.

Minutes later, she is properly stimulated. This time when she looks at me I can see that reason has been restored to her eyes, and my reasonably sane friend has returned.

"So, B, I couldn't understand exactly what you said on the phone this morning, but I think you used some words. You'll need to repeat and expand, please," she says, looking over the rim of her coffee mug at me.

I recount being basically pinned to the wall by Pretty Boy at the entrance of the bar, then turning him down, and then finding out he's Alice's cousin. By the time I finish, she's had three cups of coffee, and is now firing on all cylinders- which is exactly how I'm going to need her for this conversation.

"So, you told him 'no'? Just like that?" She sounds genuinely surprised. I can't even be offended, because it's really just proof how well she knows me, and what a big deal it is for me to pass up a hot body. At the reminder of refusing to fuck him, my nipples throb sharply in reprimand. Now my body is not only rebelling, it's also trying to punish me.

It may or may not be true that I've never turned down a date with a reasonably attractive person. Well, shit that makes me sound like a gold digger. Okay, it may or may not be true that I've never turned down sex with a...wait, shit, now I sound like a whore. Oh, fuck it. I'm apparently a gold digging whore who never turns down free food, or a good fuck. Good to know- self-awareness is important.

"I just, I don't know, Ang. I feel insane when I'm within a ten foot radius of the man."

She quirks her eyebrow at me and snickers.

"Okay, fine. I feel more insane whenever I'm around him. I can't date him." I roll my eyes and then look back to her, hoping she'll have come through with some sort of fuck-awesome plan.

Instead I find her looking at me like I'm a moron. "So, don't date him. Just fuck him and move on with your life. I'm not calling you a whore, you know I love you, but it's not like you're so opposed to a fuck and duck."

I shake my head, "I'm not just fucking him, Ang, I won't give him the satisfaction. He's cocky and arrogant. I hate boys who think they can have any girl just because they happen to have gorgeous green eyes and fucking biteable ass cheeks."

"Let me ask you this. If he were a hot chick, what would you say?"

I roll my eyes at her. "If Pretty Boy were Pretty Girl? I'd say 'your place or mine?'"

"Exactly!" she shouts like she's just discovered how to bottle an orgasm and sell it.

"I'm not following, Ang. I've already said that I won't fuck him because he's a smug boy, the logical conclusion of that would be that if he were a girl, I'd be over there humping her right now. Unless you think I mean that after meeting him I'm becoming celibate."

We both just start laughing at the thought of me not having sex anymore, that's just funny shit. I only need two things to function in life: coffee and non-self-induced orgasms. One I need every day, the other I'm okay with a few times a week. I'm not saying which is which.

"What I'm saying, Bella, is that you need to be proactive about this. Make a decision about how you're going to handle him, and then stick with it. Stop running from the room and letting him freak you out. It's messing with my head to see you this worked up. You never shy away from attraction, especially one this intense."

I sigh and without even thinking say, "It's never been this intense before, Ang. Never!"

Now she looks truly shocked, like mouth hanging open, eyebrows raised to her hairline, frozen in place, shocked. She manages to regain her composure quickly, shaking her head and looking at me like maybe I've been a victim of body snatching.

Then her face transforms into a look of mock pride, and she wipes a fake tear from her eyes. "Aww, our little Bella is growing up!"

I smack her arm from across the table. "Fine, fucking make fun of me. I'm actually freaking out here. I have no idea what the hell to do about this."

"Sorry, sorry!" she exclaims, throwing her hands up in surrender. "Well, then, if you won't fuck him or date him, there's only one other solution I've come up with. Now, I know this is a novel concept for you, but maybe just try to be friends with him."

Obviously this is the part where I look at her like she's out of her damned mind. Last time I checked, you don't fantasize about ripping your friend's clothes off and licking them whenever you're within ten feet of them. Maybe I have the wrong kinds of friends though.

"All I'm saying is that you guys obviously have a connection, there's no law that says you can only explore it if you want to marry him and have two-point-five children."

"Well, connection or not, I think avoiding him as much as possible is the safer approach. I'm pretty sure the only way I'm not giving in and sleeping with him, is if we aren't anywhere near each other. I mean, it's a matter of principle, Ang. The guy's an arrogant jerk who thinks he can have anyone. Well, fuck him, he can't have me." I end my tirade with what I'm pretty sure is a self-satisfied smirk. I should at least look confident, even if I'm feeling anything but.

Ang gives me a look that is clearly doubtful, but she keeps further comment to herself.

A/N: Edward Cullen can stalk me anytime, j/s. Any bets on how long Bella will be able to avoid him? I'm thinking not long at all...

If you review, the teaser for Ch. 4 might give some clues to that question. I prefer not to think of it as bribery, so much as a very hot reward.

Oh, and I'm still taking tattoo ideas, so please, please send on your favorite tattoo on a guy!

I want to do dirty, inappropriate things to every one of you who have reviewed! I can't even begin to tell you how much I love hearing from you. I was so, so nervous when I posted this story that people were going to be not-nice about Bella's sexuality. I absolutely adore that even those of you who aren't sure how you feel or are a little squicked-out are giving it a chance.

A huge, huge thank you to everyone who has reviewed, alerted, fav'd, rec'd or even just read RtF! Y'all are amazing :)

Other teasers can be found on Mondays on Fictionators and Pictease blogs. I do different teasers for review replies and each of the blogs, so check them out!

I always want to do dirty and inappropriate things to my beta, Nitareality and my pre-reader Sammielynnsmom.

Check out the Baby It's Cold Outside contest for some winter themed fun! .net/u/2582445/

I still don't own anything. Until next Wednesday ~Kimberly