After I finished writing chapter two I went straight to writing chapter three and I gotta say I'm winded out and I got a little of a headache. I guess that's what happens when you write two chaps in a row and are puppy sitting as well... anyway enjoy the chapter
*Chapter 3: Pan tells Gohan and Videl*
Bra voice was load over the phone. "Your little time bomb is ticking away in there. If you're gonna tell them, you need to do it soon. It's been two weeks since you've known for sure, it's not going to get any easier the longer you wait. Your options don't get any better as the bean gets bigger. You're eight weeks now."
It was easy for Bra to have all the answers. Her brain wasn't foggy with pregnancy hormones and she wasn't the one who was stepping up to the guillotine.
"Thanks for the reminder. I'm going to tell them – but every time I open my mouth, it seems like the wrong moment." Not an hour went by that Pan didn't calculate how far along she was, and how much harder it was going to be to make a decision with every passing day.
"There isn't going to be a right moment, Pan, ever. You just have to get it out – it's like throwing up. You're an expert on that these days. Based on that alone, I'm surprised they haven't figured it out already." Bra made a retching noise to illustrate.
"I've gotten to a point where I can puke silently and you know my folks. They're pretty clueless. But you're right. I'm running out of time."
This is a disaster beyond disasters to say the least, Pan thought. Almost, but quiet not, Pan smiled at the irony of it all.
Her father the science professor at Orange Star University. Loved by all his students and fellow professors. Her mother the beloved doctor at Satan City Hospital. With one word, Pan was going turn her parents' world up-side-down.
Could she get away with feigning total ignorance as to how she ended up in this condition? Was there any way Gohan and Videl would buy a twenty-first-century immaculate conception? Although she doubted it, Pan was just that desperate to resort to such a fraud. The alternative, to tell them the truth, was an act of bravery she didn't think she had the guts for.
"Are you okay? You look pale, honey." Pan's mother briefly rested her hand on Pan's forehead. "No, no temperature. I hope you're not coming down with something right before school starts."
"No mama. I'm not sick." If she didn't say something soon, Pan was sure her body would say it for her. There wasn't much room on her small frame to hide anything, and although she might have been imagining it, she was certain her stomach was starting to bulge. "But I do want talk to you about something. Maybe tonight, after you get home from work."
"Sounds important. College stuff? Do you want to talk to Daddy, too?"
Having raised a good girl with values, Videl couldn't contemplate her only child getting into trouble. In her mind, a serious talk could only be about some academic decision, perhaps a change in the college list or a desire to take the SAT again, in pursuit of that elusive 2450.
One more year, Videl mused, and her only child would be off to college. The time had passed too quickly. As she climbed into her car and drove off to the hospital, she smiled feeling like she and Gohan had raised their daughter right and couldn't really relate to the other parents on the staff who said that the teen years were so difficult.
After the last of the dinner dishes were dried and returned to the cupboard, Pan hung up the linen towel and retreated to her bedroom. In spite of earlier determination to come clean to her parents, her nerve had once again failed her, and she decided to postpone her confession for yet another day… until the knock the door.
"Panny, your mother said you wanted to talk about something?" her father stood there, sipping from a steaming mug of coffee. "Do you want to go over your essay for common app? Get your stuff and come out to the living room." Gohan left leaving Pan there standing and her ponding in her chest.
College and essays had been the last thing on her mind the past few weeks. Now she was going have to tell them how their only child had lost her innocence to someone she barely knew, but had the audacity (they would never see it as just incredibly bad luck or a fleeting lapse of reason) to get pregnant.
Heart thudding mercilessly against her ribcage, Pan shuffled towards the living room and the inquisition that awaited her. Perhaps the adrenaline that was flooding her system would bring on a miscarriage or a heart attack. Either one would do.
She stepped into the living room where her parents were sitting in their favorite chairs by the fireplace.
"So kiddo, what's up? Your mother and I know you've probably put together something good enough for the New Yorker." Her father smiled up at her eagerly. "Are you reciting from memory?" asked, noting that Pan had brought no sheets of paper, no laptop. They had no idea that a meteor was about to crash land into their little oasis.
"That's not what I wanted to talk to you about." Speaking slowly in an effort to control the quaver in her voice, Pan was sure she must sound drugged.
Wishing she had rehearsed exactly what she was going to say, Pan didn't think she could actually get the words out. Pan's parents had never discussed sex with her, convinced that ignorance was bliss and that their child was not one of those girls who would ever be stupid enough or reckless enough to get pregnant.
They were good parents that raised their daughter to be a responsible young woman. Kissing, maybe, but not much beyond that, they were certain. Not their daughter. Their daughter knew better.
"What's up?" her mother asked. "Are you sure you're not ill? You're acting kind of strangely."
Planting her feet firmly, Pan took a deep breath. Uncertain what was going to come out of her mouth, she would either tell them she was pregnant or vomit all over their shoes.
"Mama, daddy, I did something bad, and I don't know what I was thinking, and I'm sorry, but please…." Stars danced in front of her eyes and she sank to the floor. She started breathing slowly as the tear began to pour.
"What did you do?" The way her mother asked, Pan knew that she had already figured it out, but her father was bewildered, looking first at his daughter and then at his wife, eyes wide. Men were so clueless.
"I'm pregnant." She had said it, and the word hadn't caught in her throat as she had feared. It had been surprisingly easy in the end.
A single gasp from her mother and the crash of her father's cup breaking on the living room floor.
"You're what?! That's impossible!" Her father sounded just like Bra had. Apparently you didn't look any different after you lost you virginity, because her father was clearly stunned by the news. Gohan could not believe his sixteen-year-old daughter did the nasty with some filthy boy.
But Pan's mother was less trusting, her voice was like steel – all business. She was already in damage control mode. "How far along are you?"
"Eight weeks," Pan whispered, chin down, not wanting to see the disappointment in her mother's eyes.
"Eight weeks," her mother echoed. "Nice of you to share this little tidbit with us. What were you waiting for?!" Videl almost screamed.
Now that she had told them the worst, she could be honest with them. Looking up at her parents, her eyes glistening with tears, Pan blinked twice and said simply, "I was afraid."
"Afraid? You should have been afraid eight weeks ago, before you let some boy…." Gohan couldn't bring himself to finish the sentence. "What the fuck were you thinking?!" Pan gulped. She had never heard her father say fuck before.
"I know, I was afraid then too, but I was just, and he…." There were no words to explain to her parents the feeling that washed over her body when Derrick had touched her and whispered in her ear how he'd never met anyone like her, how perfect they were for each other. Every time she closed her eyes, she could see his face hovering above hers. And even if she could somehow describe the situation, it wouldn't matter much.
"So who is this he? How the fuck could you let some reprobate anywhere near you when you know how we feel about such things?" now that her father found his new word, he seem to enjoy it, how the hard k sound made Videl wince.
"Gohan, I don't think we need to wade in the gutter just because our daughter has chosen togo for a swim there. That language is completely unnecessary… and beneath you." Videl's lips were pursed, and she glared down at Pan. "But it would be nice to know what kind of garbage you've been consorting with, Pan."
"His name is Derrick Warner. We only went out a few times. We just did it once. I thought we were being careful. I don't know what happened. He used a condom, but…."
The words tumbled out Pan's mouth, her face turning red as she said the word condom in front of her parents. She realized as the words petered out that no explanation on earth would suffice. Her parents were likely aware that condoms were only about ninety percent effective, a statistic that had been far from her consciousness when Derrick slipped his hand inside her jeans in the back of his truck.
"The only way to be careful is not to let some teenage playboy climb all over you. Where did this happen? Not in this house, I hope." Gohan raised his hand and Pan flinched, afraid he was going to hit her, but instead he swatted at a bug only he could see. If he had slapped her, she wouldn't have been surprised – he was that angry. "Like two animals!"
"We did it in the back of his car, down by Orange Star Lake." Doing it in the back of a car was both skanky and clichéd. But as horrible as it was to regurgitate all of these details for her parents, Pan thought that by confessing she could somehow repair a tiny bit of the trust she had shredded. If she came clean, she could prove she was worthy of being their daughter again.
"For such a smart girl, you certainly are proving to be pretty stupid when it comes to life. This is not how raised you. I expected lot more from my daughter." Her father's voice suddenly sounded detached as if he were talking to a total stranger.
As her father, Gohan knew he had no responsibility here. Educating a daughter about the hazards of dating and premarital sex fell squarely under the purview of maternal responsibility. Fathers brought home a regular paycheck, killed spiders and took out the garbage. The other stuff was for women to handle.
His rage cut through her, splitting her heart in two. "I know Daddy, and I don't know what I was thinking."
That wasn't true, she remembered exactly what she was thinking as Derrick slipped his hand inside her panties.
I don't know him well enough to be doing this, but it feels good, and everybody else is doing it, and if we're careful, nothing will happen, and if I don't do this, he won't like me anymore, but if I do it with him, he'll be my boyfriend and he'll love me, and I won't be a weirdo anymore.
"And what do you and this Derrick person propose to do about it?" her parents were taking turns interrogating her, but neither offered up even a modicum of sympathy or understanding. They weren't doing the good cop/bad cop thing; they were both bad cops.
"I haven't told him yet. I thought he was away for the summer, but he's here. I'm going to tell him tomorrow. I wanted to tell you first. I don't know what to do next." That was the truth, and that was why she had wanted to tell her parents. They would know how to handle this. They would make it right again – that was what parents were supposed to do. "I want you to help me figure out what to do. Please?"
Gohan grunted, and Pan could just barely see make out his face through the tears that were partly blinding her vision. His lips were clamped tight shut, almost disappearing inside his mouth, and his fists clenched into balls at his sides. Turning to her mother, he said in a monotone, "Videl, I'm done. Take care of this. I don't want to hear another word about it!" Saying nothing to Pan, avoiding her eyes, brushing past her hand as she reached out to touch him, he stormed upstairs and slammed the door to his office no likely pulling the doorknob off in his anger and Pan could clearly hear the sounds of him throwing thing against the wall.
"Mama, I'm sorry. I know it was stupid. I made a terrible mistake. Please forgive me," Pan whimpered as she crawled across the floor to where her mother was sitting in her chair.
Craving some sign that although she may not be forgiven – Pan knew that would probably take years – she was still loved, Pan reached for her mother's hand, tried to rest her head on her mother's lap. But Videl pulled her hand away, crossed her legs, and stared at the ceiling.
"Mommy, please, I need you." Pan was begging for what she felt in her heart was her right, in spite of what she done, but it was no use. A wall had been erected between them, and no amount of pleading would be enough to tear it down, or carve a tiny doorway.
Although her mother was less than a foot away from her, Pan had never felt more alone.
"You should have thought of that before. After all we've sacrificed for you, you behave like a common piece of trash. What will your grandparents think of this? If I'd known this is how it was going to turn out, I never would've had a child in the first place."
Her mother's words cut Pan to the core, she never felt so hurt in her life. It was far more painful than what her father had said to her.
She expected her parents to be angry, but she anticipated total rejection, a total denunciation of her life up to this point. When she looked up at Videl, it was not disappointment that she saw in her eyes, but stone-cold hate.
Bra had been right all along about not telling her parents, but there was no way to undo this now. Her mother regretted Pan's very existence. As furious as Videl was, Pan didn't want to believe that their relationship was really that fragile.
"Is he that good-looking boy with the blonde hair and green eyes you went out with a couple of times at the beginning of the summer?" Videl asked as she rubbed at her throbbing temples in vain.
"Yes."
A woman would have to be blind not to notice all of Derrick's outstanding qualities. Even her mother, seething with anger at what she saw as adolescent defiance, could recall the extraordinary features of Pan's fellow gutter rat. Had Derrick been less physically attractive, less magnetic, would she be in this situation now?
She recalled something her grandmother had told back when she was thirteen, something about not falling for a sharp haircut. At the time, Pan had just nodded at yet another of her grandma Chichi's outdated aphorisms, which had made no sense to her. Now Chichi's warning words echoed in her ears.
Derrick in all his Abercrombie & Fitch poster glory, was nothing more than a sharp haircut.
Next chapter Pan confronts Derrick and tells him about the baby.