One of those odd little thoughts that sneaks onto paper. I don't own the Teen Titans. Posted March 4th, 2007.
Lonely
I
still don't know why they ask me.
Beast Boy did it first, when he had a present for Terra. I am an empath, which was an excuse enough the first time, so I felt the twisted emotions. Shy anticipation and nervous hope, like wrinkled tissue paper tied with a smooth ribbon that twists around fingers- but it wasn't for me. I talked to him, and was just rooms away when that crinkling worry changed into stuttering happiness.
Robin was next. Beast Boy had mentioned that I helped, so it became my lot in life to advise just what a girl would like. Beast Boy's excuse was that I knew more about normal girls than Starfire, and it was only later that I knew those words stung. Robin avoids explanation, and I don't look too closely into his emotions. All but the surface emotions are twined with barbed wire.
He wanted to know if Starfire's feelings would be hurt, if he showed her what humans usually ate- and then I felt that half-step-back hesitation. They know that I'm not entirely human, but not how I react to any mention of that. I ignored that implication, and instead remarked that Starfire would be thrilled. He would have to save the concept of substitutions for later, but…
There was a flash of thanks and a brief nod, and then Robin was off to prepare. Cyborg saw that the computer in Robin's workroom was covered with recipes, and then he asked a few questions about what a guy says to a girl.
I'm an empath. They live with me- don't they know I'm not apathetic? I almost snapped at Starfire this afternoon, just because she wanted to ask me about a comment of Robin's.
I should be flattered that they are asking my opinion, I know. They trust my opinions. They think I understand them, maybe that I know more emotions than they do. It's not true. I know how people react to certain displays, perhaps- but I don't know how it feels when fast-paced tension blossoms into relief. Do sincere compliments feel different than beautiful lies? I believed Malchior, fool that I am, and still don't know if that's how flattering words are meant to feel.
It's always someone else's romance, someone else's cause. Just once- or is it just one more time?- I want it to be about me.