A/N: So, Garrus' story in this one is mostly for my own enjoyment. It is pretty much exactly what happens to me when I drive around Therum, and pretty much exactly my reaction, too. Hope it's as fun to read as it was to write!
The walk from his room to the command tent grew longer every day. It actually wasn't very long as a physical distance; the effort it took to make that walk with his eyes fixed firmly on his destination was growing however, and making the distance seem longer. It was an effort that needed to be made, though, as it would do the troops he commanded absolutely no good to see their general gaping up at the burning bulk of Palaven as it hung in the sky above them.
Adrien let out a silent sigh as he entered the command tent. Looking around, he saw he was alone - not surprising at such an early hour. He walked over to his secure terminal and pulled up the night's reports. He was still going over them when another set of footsteps approached and entered the tent. Adrien didn't look up until he was addressed by the wry drawl of the Primarch's Expert Reaper Advisor.
"Good morning, General. Are you sacrificing sleep or food to be at work so early this morning?"
Victus snorted softly and looked over. "Advisor Vakarian. I am sacrificing neither." At Vakarian's doubt filled expression, he clarified. "I am neither hungry nor tired, therefore no sacrifice is involved."
He was unsurprised when Vakarian didn't drop the matter; he had certainly been living up to his reputation for bucking the rules.
"General, that will not help anyone. I won't force you to sleep, but I insist that you join me for breakfast. The Reapers aren't going to come up with anything new in the next 30 minutes." As Victus started to protest, he held up a hand. "If not for your own sake, then for the sake of those you command. It's horrible for their morale to see you working yourself into the ground like this. Take the time to take care of yourself, and they will follow your example." When Victus sighed and nodded, Vakarian waved him towards the mess tent, falling into step beside him.
Apparently, making him eat wasn't the only plan Vakarian had made; when they both had trays full of food, Vakarian led the way to a mostly empty table, and sat down at the middle of it. Victus took the seat across from him, shooting the Advisor a dirty look. The plan worked, though, and soon the seats around them were taken; Vakarian had made the general more approachable while at the same time preventing him from taking two bites of his meal and retreating to the command tent. Victus leaned back in his chair reluctantly and prepared to stay for awhile.
The soldiers who had come to sit near them, however, ignored their general in favor of Vakarian. It wasn't surprising, most of the soldiers on Menae were young; few had ever met a human, and none had befriended or served with one for as long as Vakarian had. The soldiers never tired of hearing Vakarian's tales of serving with the legendary Commander Shepard; for his part, Vakarian seemed to have a never-ending supply of such stories, all beginning with, "There I was, watching Shepard's six..." Victus had heard several of those stories, and as he settled back to listen to another one, he picked idly at his breakfast.
One of the younger soldiers asked Vakarian, "Is there anything Commander Shepard wasn't good at, sir? It always sounds like she knows everything and does everything perfectly. Is that really true?"
Vakarian laughed. "No, she isn't good at everything. I'll tell you about the two things she was horrible at: driving, and swearing." His audience looked eager and interested as he began his story.
…...
"This was way back when we were chasing after Saren, and at the beginning of the mission too, so I didn't know Shepard very well. We'd spent some time talking - she is a great listener, as well as being fun to listen to; and we'd gone on a few missions together - she is frighteningly competent on the field. Another thing I had noticed was that she was always very calm - where others would be swearing a blue streak, she never did. I don't recall that I had ever heard her say anything stronger than "crap."
"This mission was on Therum, to find an asari archeologist at some prothean ruins. There wasn't anywhere to dock, so the ground team - which was Shepard, Wrex, and myself - were dropped in the Mako. Shepard was driving, and Wrex was on the guns. I should have known something was wrong when the crew started wishing us luck as soon as Shepard's back was turned.
"The Normandy's pilot is very skilled, the drop was excellent. There were rivers of lava everywhere, with only a relatively narrow path between them. The mako landed firmly on one of these paths, and Shepard immediately gunned it. And almost drove us straight into the lava.
"She backed up and started out again, without saying a word. Wrex and I were trying hard not to meet each other's eyes, but I subtly fastened my seat belt. She hadn't gotten much farther when a geth dropship flew overhead, leaving a few presents along our path. Wrex was taking them out pretty easily, until we got to the colossus.
"Those things are huge, and well armored; as if that isn't bad enough, they shoot energy balls that fry electrical systems. Wrex was working it's shields down, but it had already gotten a couple of energy balls headed our way - which is when Shepard decided to dodge it.
"A very sound plan, unfortunately she hadn't accounted for the lack of room to maneuver. She backed up, and when the rear end of the mako hit the edge of the solid ground, we started sliding towards the lava. The stupid machine lost all traction - and since the thrusters only fired in one direction, using them would have blasted us backwards into the lava.
"I was holding on, trying to think of how I could take over the controls and get us out of that mess; Wrex was still shooting the colossus, but he'd gone silent instead of his usual war cries; Shepard was clutching the controls so tightly I could almost hear her knuckles cracking.
"The only sound was Shepard swearing," here, he raised his voice in a poor imitation of a human female, "shit-shit-shitty-shit! Shit-shit-shitty-shit."
"Finally, Wrex took down the colossus and roared triumphantly, the mako found some traction, and we were back on track. Finished the mission without more than a close call or three.
"When we got back to the ship, Shepard made her usual rounds. She always came down to the cargo hold last; she'd stop by engineering to talk to Tali, then come out to talk to Wrex, Chief Williams, and myself before heading back out.
"Wrex isn't much of a conversationalist, so Shepard usually had to drag information out of him. This time, though, she'd barely gotten his name out before he started talking.
"What the hell was that, Shepard?"
"What do you mean, Wrex? We got through in one piece, got Dr. T'Soni out safely. Mission accomplished."
"That's not what I mean, Shepard. You swear like a pyjack! 'Shit-shit-shitty-shit?' What were you thinking?"
"Incidentally, you haven't lived until you've heard a krogan warlord trying to sound like a human female. Anyway, Shepard just stammered something about being told swearing was unbecoming in a lady when she was young, and never really picking it up. Which is when Wrex volunteered to teach her to swear like a krogan, and started yelling insults at her.
"Chief Williams and I headed over to enjoy the show, and when he was done, we both jumped in; Williams taught her human swear words and I taught her some turian ones. It was fun, we turned our translators off and learned the words in each native language. Shepard took every opportunity to practice, and the comm chatter on missions was a lot more entertaining after that.
"Wrex didn't know it, but he was creating a monster. Shepard started collecting curses and swear words after that. She harassed the crew endlessly; she got Liara to teach her asari curses and Tali to teach her quarian curses. The human crew got in on the action too, humans have many different languages on their planet, and she kept finding people who knew words she hadn't learned yet.
"She turned it into a hobby, almost; everywhere we went she was asking people to teach her new words. I think she talked a Salarian out of a couple swear words on Noveria, and a volus banker on the Citadel. Elcor curses are pretty disappointing*. She even found a hanar on the Citadel and asked him. That was the best one of all**."
…...
Vakarian sat back in his chair, grinning at the amused soldiers in front of him. They kept asking questions, and Victus had mostly tuned them out until he heard his name.
"What about you, General? Have you known many humans?"
Victus looked over as the table fell silent. The question brought his thoughts abruptly to his human; a fact which colored his subvocal tones with both pleasure and concern when he answered. "Yes, I met quite a few humans while I was stationed on the Citadel; I knew some better than others." He lapsed back into silence, remembering his human and wondering if she was safe; the Reapers had hit Earth as well.
He didn't say any more, and the younger soldiers gave up on including him in the conversation; but Vakarian had caught the unspoken emotions in his subvocals, and was watching him closely.
* "Insultingly: Your features are not symmetrical." ~Elcor curse
** "This one believes the enkindlers neglected to give you any intelligence." ~Hanar curse