Seduction via Puppy
"Remember the rules, gentlemen," Galahad said into their ears. "The goal is to acquire as many phone numbers as you can by seducing as many individuals as you can within two hours. You are only allowed to use your wit, charm, and puppy. You must stay within Hyde Park."
I was excited; it was my first Kingsman assignment ever. I didn't care that it wasn't a real assignment. It was training for when I got to work in the field with Merlin.
"Ready to get your ass handed back you, bruv?" Eggsy asked as he stretched his legs, showing his assets off to the other park patrons. He was standing at the southernmost entrance of Hyde Park.
"A gentleman does not speak to his superior like that," Galahad calmly replied, defending Merlin. "But if I were you, I would, as you so eloquently put it, prepare to have your ass handed to you." He chuckled over the comm. "I will judge and keep score. Good luck gentlemen. The clock starts now."
/
Merlin was dressed in a casual, pale blue button down shirt and khakis. He had one too many buttons undone, allowing his chest hair to peak through.
"Here's the plan," Merlin said to me, kneeling and scratching me behind ears. "I'm going to use our game of catch as a chance to initiate conversation with people. You must be as adorable as you possible can."
I wagged my tail. "When am I not adorable?" I barked.
Merlin chuckled and stood up. He cocked his right arm back and tossed the Frisbee towards a woman sitting on a park bench.
The Frisbee landed exactly at the woman's feet. She looked up from her cell phone just in time to see me come barreling through that grass at her. I dropped and rolled, landing in a big mess at her feet. I lied on top of the Frisbee and panted with excitement, daring the woman not to rub my belly.
"Pet me! Pet me!" I yipped at her.
She smiled and reached down to rub my belly. She wasn't as good as Merlin or Galahad, but I liked belly rubs. A bad belly rub is better than no belly rub.
Merlin came jogging towards us. He pushed his sunglasses up and smiled apologetically at the woman. "I'm so sorry about that," Merlin said. "My aim seems to be off today." Merlin whistled. I got up, picked up the Frisbee, and sat at Merlin's feet.
The woman chuckled. "You have a well-trained dog."
Merlin continued to smile. "This is Geoffrey. He's my best friend."
I liked the sound of that. Merlin would always be my best of all best friends. I howled in agreement, making the woman laugh.
Merlin continued chatting up the woman. "So," he finally asked. "May I take you out for a cup of tea sometime?"
The woman nodded. "Here's my number…"
"1-0 Merlin," Galahad announced.
/
I saw a little boy playing with a ball. I loved balls; I loved the way they bounced all over the place. Merlin had made me a machine that launches balls into the air so I could play fetch with myself when he was busy. The day my best of all best friends gave me that machine was probably the second best day of my life; the first best day when my master adopted me.
I trotted over to the little boy and nudged him gently with my nose. "Throw the ball," I yipped.
The little boy, startled, dropped the ball and began to cry. I didn't know what was happening. I had never seen anyone cry before. I did not like the noises that the little boy made.
I picked up the ball and dropped it at the little boy's feet.
The little boy stopped crying and looked at me. He didn't pick up the ball, so I picked up the ball and dropped it at his feet again. I panted with excitement.
Picking up the ball, the little boy nervously tossed it a few feet away.
I bolted to fetch the ball. I dropped it at the boy's feet again. The little boy laughed and clapped his hands together. He tossed the ball again, this time a little further.
Then the little boy's father noticed that his son was playing with a strange dog. He scooped his son into his arms and the little boy started crying again, upset over being taken away from his new playmate. That's when Merlin moved in.
Merlin shouted from a few feet away, "Geoffrey! Come here, Geoffrey!"
I ignored Merlin, knowing that if I ignored him, Merlin would be forced to come over and talk to the father. I jumped up and down a few times, barking, "Keep throwing the ball!"
"Geoffrey, stop!" Merlin ordered with fake anger. I sat on the ground and looked sadly up at Merlin. "I'm so sorry," Merlin apologized to the father. "My puppy doesn't have any manners; he thinks everyone is a playmate."
Merlin found out that the man was a single father, quickly chatted the man up, and got his phone number.
"2-0 Merlin," Galahad announced. "What are you doing, Eggsy?"
"We're winning," Merlin whispered to me when the single father and his son left. "Excellent work, Geoffrey."
"I love you," I barked at Merlin, giving him many big kisses. "I'm so, so happy I am helping you win." I wagged my tail vigorously back and forth. Merlin laughed and gave me a good pat on the head.
/
Unlike Merlin who dressed in a relaxed, but professional manner, Eggsy went for full-on youthful sex appeal. Eggsy wore a tight fitting t-shirt and jeans, with the latest style in sneakers. Eggsy and JB had made a few laps around the park, working up a sweat. Wandering eyes couldn't help but focus on and appreciate Eggsy's physique and the sweat dripping on his neck.
Eggsy dropped onto a bench and let out a deep breath, pretending to be winded. He scooped JB into his lap and said in his most playful tone, "You're a good boy, JB. You're a good boy, aren't you? Did you have a good run?"
The woman sitting next to him looked over and smiled. It warmed her heart to see such a masculine, young man showing his tender side. And JB was a cute pug.
"What does JB stand for?" she asked. "Can I pet him?"
Without waiting for permission, JB jumped into her lap and she giggled. "JB stands for Jack Bauer," Eggsy said, smiling at the woman.
"Like the spy on the telly?"
Eggsy nodded. "Do you watch 24?" Eggsy used the question to start chatting up the woman and get her phone number.
"3-1 Merlin," Galahad announced. "You have 90 minutes left."
/
Galahad gave a conciliatory pat on Eggsy's shoulder. Merlin had won the match by four phone numbers and Eggsy was pouting. "You have to clean up some more, Eggsy, before you play with the gentlemen," Galahad said.
"I wasn't expecting that at all," Eggsy whined. "Since when can Merlin turn on charm and sex appeal? He's bald for Christ's sake!"
"Remember, a man's dog is a reflection of the man himself." Merlin joked, winking at Eggsy. "I'm a well-trained ball of fun and games. Do not underestimate me because I prefer the laboratory over field work."
"I'm cuter that you," I barked at JB.
JB growled back at me, reflecting his owner's mood.
"Be nice," Merlin chided me.
I cocked my head sightly to the right. "But it's true," I barked.
I followed my master out. "Just because it's true," Merlin said, "doesn't mean you have to tell everyone." He smiled at me. I liked it when my best of all best friends smiled at me.
AN: If you have an idea for Merlin & Geoffrey's next adventure, please leave it in a review! Thanks.