Chapter 3: Realization
Lucky for me, Edward didn't feel like beginning his tirade of interrogation in front of Bella. Once we got to her house Edward stepped out of the car to walk her to the door. I could faintly hear their conversation, but I wasn't paying any attention to it. There was only one person on my mind. Alice sat next to me, gazing at my hand, deep in thought.
Before long Edward was back in the driver seat, the car racing away from the Swan's residence. Even with Bella's absence the silence remained. We weren't far from home when Edward pulled the car over. Both he and Alice looked directly at me. Edward seemed a bit frustrated, but not quite angry. Alice seemed, like before, concerned for me.
I was just about to speak, but Edward beat me to it. "You're keeping things from us," he said simply.
"No, I'm not," it was all I could get out. I myself didn't know what to think of today. I had experienced so many things that I was very unfamiliar with; I needed time to sort everything out in my head. Yet, still, there was a longing to see Angela again. It was a constant curiosity that vibrated at the back of my thoughts.
Edward's expression softened. It was all too clear that he didn't know how to respond either. "Angela had an effect on you." His eyes were studying my face carefully. His thoughts informed me that he was frustrated with not being able to read my mind.
"As I already informed both of you, she caught me off guard. Besides that, yes, I'll admit she is slightly interesting. One of two humans in that school that has a unique mind. The only one in which I can read. Yet it's not cause for any concern."
Both of them seemed to consider this for a moment. Neither believed me. Yet it seemed enough to close up the conversation. "We all trust you," Edward said before starting the car once again.
Alice placed her hand on mine, smiling now. "We really do. We know you'll be careful. After all, Angela is an interesting person, who could blame you?"
Don't encourage him…I heard Edward think to himself. His eyes met mine in the review mirror. We both looked away, feeling a bit uncomfortable. I was beginning to understand what they were thinking, that my attraction to Angela is very similar to Edward's with Bella. I shook this thought from my mind. It was too much for me to consider right now.
When we arrived home Esme was waiting to greet us. I briefly explained my day, skipping the part about Angela; I knew that Edward would talk to her about it later.
"I'm glad it turned out alright for you," Esme squeezed my arm gently, then went over to the couch and sat down. Rosalie came down the stairs, smiling slightly.
"Don't get too comfortable, David, we're going out," Rosalie informed me.
"Oh? Are we?" I asked skeptically.
"Yup, we're going to take you to Port Angeles to get some more clothes and anything else really," Alice chimed in. They had been planning this all day, and I had been too distracted to notice.
"I suppose I don't have any choice in the matter. Alright then," I shrugged and flung my arm around Alice. We spun around, heading out to Rosalie's red convertible. Going out to town would possibly distract me from the jumbled mess that was currently muddling my mind. Last time Alice and Rosalie took me shopping I barely had time to register all the clothing they were forcing me to try on.
On the way there the three of us talked casually. Alice was fully back to her peppy self, all concern from earlier gone from her face. I was relieved that she didn't feel the need to bring Angela up with Rosalie, who would assuredly react poorly.
Once we arrived in town we went to a men's department store where I obtained several new wardrobes. I tried to explain to Rosalie that I didn't need so many clothing articles, but she just rolled her eyes at me. "Don't be silly."
After spending an hour on clothes, Alice insisted I needed some art supplies. I enjoy painting and sketching briefly. By now I learned to just let the two get me whatever they wanted. There was absolutely no use in arguing.
"Anything else?" Alice asked me once we were back in the car. The back seat next to Alice was filled with various bags full of unnecessary items.
"No, I'm pretty sure we'll have a hard enough time fitting all this in Edward's room. But thanks," I couldn't help but laugh.
"Oh, we'll get ride of some of his stuff if we need to."
The ride home was too short, my distraction had come and gone much too fast. Edward was at Bella's by the time we got back. I decided that I might as well paint, which kept me preoccupied for a good portion of the night. But when I finished and realized what I had painted, I couldn't ignore it anymore. I sat down, and thought of Angela.
A few hours went by before I decided I needed something to at least keep part of my brain busy. I sat on Edward's couch, and began to doodle on a new pad of sketch paper, my mind still aimlessly thinking over today's events. I felt a bit out of place being in Edward's room, while he was out with Bella, using it as my own. Esme promised that she was cleaning out the room next door for me, and that it would soon be ready. I didn't wish to inconvenience her, but I couldn't deny that I'd feel much more comfortable with my own room.
A light rap on the door tore my eyes off my sketch book page. It was Jasper. Can I come in? I heard his thoughts loud and clear.
"Sure," I replied out loud, placing the pad and pencil on the floor. He opened the door, looking at me suspiciously.
"What are you doing up here all alone? Emmett, Rosalie, and Alice are having a "classic movie's marathon" downstairs, you know," it was easy to tell his enthusiasm was less than genuine.
"Just thinking, and drawing. Alice insisted on buying me all this stuff, I need to put it to use sometime," I shrugged.
Jasper grinned, "She's just happy, and wants to make sure you are too."
"I'm not complaining. Alice is a treasure. You're lucky you found her."
"Well, technically she found me, long before I knew anything about her," Jasper chuckled to himself, reliving the memory in his head. I knew this because it was playing in my mind as well, reading it straight from his. "How about we go hunting, you and me."
"Sure." During the past month I've been here Jasper and I hadn't gotten much time to catch up one-on-one.
Downstairs we informed the movie-watchers that we were going to head out, receiving a brief wave from each. "We're sure going to be missed," Jasper said with a chuckle.
Jasper knew which areas were the best hunting grounds far better than I did, so he took the lead. We both took off, hurtling over the ground like a group of cheetahs. As the trees began to thicken, causing us to have to weave in and out in an erratic pattern, Jasper spoke up. His verbal words were instantaneously engulfed by the wind speeding in the opposite direction of us, but his thoughts registered in my mind crystal clear, You're planning on explaining why you're so confused, aren't you?
Not really, I replied with a groan. All hope of distracting me from the topic of Angela was completely lost with this family. It wouldn't be long before Rosalie would be questioning me. I considered whipping Jasper's memory, but sadly rejected the idea.
You better change your plans then, because I want to know.
Perhaps part of the reason I'm so confused, is because no one is giving me a damn moment to organize my thoughts! Everyone just keeps questioning me. I was intent on staying strong. I didn't want to talk about this. Or think about this.
So something did happen, Jasper replied in his head with satisfaction.
Only a very vague something. A girl at school caught my attention today. Her scent was unusually alluring, yet it didn't make me ravenous, or as far as I could tell it didn't. She wasn't like all the rest of the humans. She reminded me of Bella, she was interesting. But that's it, nothing more.
It certainly seems like nothing. Jasper spat sarcastically.
And what makes you think it is something? How can you interpret that from just one day? I was getting a bit annoyed; at myself more than Jasper. Do you want me to go feed on this girl?
No, I know you won't harm her. It just seems similar to—
Well it's not, I snapped at him. It was very evident what Jasper was referring to, even before I heard the thought forming in his mind. We were both quiet for a while.
You'll let me know once you figure it out though, right? Jasper finally thought, breaking the temporary calm in my head.
I suppose I owe you that much.
The two of us quieted again, getting closer to the area Jasper had been leading us to. Roughly two hundred yards away, a pack of mountain lions were resting in a small clearing, having just finished their own hunting. Conversation would be over until after Jasper and I finished feeding, which wouldn't take long.
Letting go of all self control, I gave in to my natural, predator instincts. I leaped forward and attacked.
Jasper and I found a cliff, a drop-off revealing a view of the green, sappy sea below and perched ourselves on its edge. The luminous moon, accompanied by a couple million stars, broke the darkness of the sky, an unusual sight in Forks. Its glow reflected off our pale skin and exposed a better view of our surroundings.
"How much of your life was consumed by fighting?" Jasper asked. It was only natural that he'd want to know more about all the years I spent fighting Richard and the hunter. He too spent a portion of his life surrounded by violence. Jasper could empathize with me.
"It wasn't as bad as I may have made it out to be. True, I did get attacked frequently, but they were usually short attacks, followed by a couple of months in solitude. I was able to live among people quite often, actually. And due to me frequently having to relocate, it was easy to avoid too much suspicion."
Jasper nodded. "Richard always seemed like a coward."
"Believe me, friend, he was. A hate filled one at that," I shook my head, reliving the memories. In a way I hated Richard for keeping me from the Cullens; from becoming a Cullen. He took my chance of family, and sometimes I had considered hunting him. Yet I never could force myself to follow through with it, the "blood lust" never really came to court. I conjure that's a good sign. Maybe it meant I wasn't too much of a monster.
"You weren't ever tempted to change your eating habits?" he asked.
Jasper's question caught me off guard; I had been staying out of his thoughts since we fed.
"No…" I replied skeptically.
"Don't misunderstand me. I admire you for your dedication, Lord knows I do, but I just don't see how you did it. I struggle immensely every day, and I have a family, and my true love, to keep me going. You didn't have anyone to help you," Jasper's words were full of respect. I let out a soft chuckle.
"Jasper, I never willingly fed on a human. The few times I have were only the direct result of utter starvation and complete loss of mind. I, like Carlisle, didn't want to be a monster from the moment I was reborn. Although I can't quite be compared to him."
Jasper was quiet for a moment, gazing out at far off constellations.
"But I too had my own incentive. I still hoped I could one day find you guys again, and I knew that wish would be even more difficult to formulize if I let myself turn into a ravenous monster," I let out a slow breath.
"So how long did it take for Angela to "interest" you?" Jasper changed the subject quickly, purposely catching me off guard.
"Aw, come on, lay off!" I rolled my eyes with an exasperated sigh. "This has to be the fifth interrogation today!"
"I'm not interrogating you, we're simply having a discussion, brother-to-brother, pal-to-pal," Jasper shrugged.
"You know, it seems as if you want there to be something with Angela and I," saying her name felt odd, embarrassing almost. How utterly pathetic I had gotten, and in only one day. Jasper just shrugged again. "Wait… is there something you're not telling me?" Jasper had gotten quiet much too fast.
"You're right, I should lay off," Jasper retorted.
That wasn't obvious at all. Yet I suddenly felt unnaturally calm and at ease, all the tense confusion of today faded away into a white blur. I knew what Jasper was doing, trying to calm me to the point I would no longer find it necessary to take a little peek inside his head for the truth.
"Fine," I said smoothly, still sedated. "Enough for tonight." My emotions flushed back into me, practically internally hitting me with a thud. Even being back in my right mind, nothing having influence over me, I decided to stick with what I said.
Tomorrow I'd find out what Jasper was keeping from me, and something told me it connected with why Alice had been acting so weird before seventh period today.
Without speaking a word to each other, verbally or mentally, both of us got up and started to head back to the house. Upon arriving I headed up to Edward's room again while Jasper joined the movie-goers. There had to be something that could keep me busy for the seven hours left until school. Perhaps I'd explore Edward's music collection, it was quite impressive.
Before I knew it, morning had arrived. I had successfully covered most of the fifties classics Edward had in stock. Knowing his taste in music, I now had a newfound respect for him, as well as gratitude for unintentionally supplying me with something to occupy my time.
I quickly got dressed, trying to find something that might satisfy Alice more than yesterday's attire did. I settled on a dark red, button down shirt and dark jeans. Alice didn't even seem to notice when I walked down stairs, causing me to dramatically roll my eyes.
"What?" she asked, her eyebrows furrowing.
"Nothing, let's head out."
Alice and I drove Edward's Volvo to school; he was going to ride with Bella. I got the same reactions in the parking lot as I did yesterday. Alice warned me that it would take a little while before the intense curiosity simmered.
"Bella must be driving," Alice said and sat down on a small bench near the curb. "I guess we can just wait for them," she sang out with a sigh.
I sat down next to her and looked around. Everyone was congregated in little groups, each discussing their own pointless matters. Turning my attention towards the parking lot I noticed a small blue car pulling in a space away from where Alice and I had parked. When the driver of the car got out, I stiffened. It was Angela.
She was right there, fifteen feet away from me, and she too, was very aware of it.
"Hi Alice, David," Angela said with a meek smile. I was impressed, she was approaching us. Her scent met my nostrils, sang down my throat and into my lungs. Last night I had declared to myself that I wouldn't let it overcome me in any way. I had to keep control of all my senses.
"Hi, Angela. How are you?" Alice sang with a bright smile.
"I'm fine," Angela replied. "How—"
"Hello, Angela," I spoke up, a bit late with my response.
Silence hung in the air for a moment before Angela smiled at me, "Ready for a second day?"
"Not remotely," I shrugged and returned her smile. Angela was working very hard to keep her nerves in check. She was still gazing at my face when she spoke again.
"So where are Edward and Bella?"
"We drove separately today, they're running a little behind," Alice said.
Angela nodded, and the silence returned. She just stood there for a moment, trying to act as casual as possible. From the angle I was sitting at I was able to notice that Angela was actually tall for a girl, standing at about five feet nine inches. Her waist was thin and curved smoothly into her small hips. Very pretty…
Stop it! I growled at myself. It would be foolish for me to try and convince myself that Angela did not interest me, or have any type of affect on me. But there was a certain line I couldn't allow myself to cross. Whatever this weird feeling Angela caused in me, I couldn't let it get out of hand.
"Alice, I'll meet you in class. I'm going to walk Angela to hers," I said as I stood up. The words echoed from my lips, only half processed. Angela looked surprised, and I figured I probably looked a little caught off guard as well. Alice, however, looked completely normal. She just replied with a cheery, "Alright" and began to hum to herself.
I stood up and smiled at Angela. She tried to return the smile, but seemed slightly distracted. As the two of us began to walk along the sidewalk, heading towards Angela's class, it became apparent that there really was something different about Angela. I could feel a determination in her that she didn't have before. She was trying to focus on something.
That got me a little worried.
It wasn't long before we arrived at her Government class' door. Neither of us had spoken at all. Angela too had been so lost in thought that we hadn't noticed. I realized how silly this had been. Walking her to class? I barely knew her. And it needed to stay that way.
"I guess I'll see you in math class," Angela smiled up at me.
"Yes'm, I suppose you will," I smiled back, exposing some of my teeth. I heard her heart flutter, which of course made my smile widen.
"Thanks for walking me," Angela gave me a small wave and walked into her class. I took off, weaving through all the other students, and got to my own class within a few moments. Alice was already seated in the back.
I had been expecting her to ask several questions along the lines of, "What was that?" or, "Are you sure you're being careful?" but Alice didn't bring up the subject at all.
Classes seemed to go by a little faster than they had yesterday, and it was soon third hour. Sure enough Angela was seated two rows diagonally in front of me, just like she had said yesterday. Edward and Bella sat directly to my rear.
Conversation with both of them went just as smoothly as it had with Alice. It seemed that everyone was finally going to stop pestering about Angela. I felt a little guilty now, knowing that my feelings for her were more than slight interest. True, I hardly knew the girl, but it didn't really matter.
I fully knew that she confused the hell out of me. I knew she sparked emotions in which I was very unfamiliar with. And I knew I wanted to be around her, to protect her, and to take in her enchanting smell and features.
Was that wrong?
On one hand, I knew it was very wrong. It's the same as Edward felt when he first got involved with Bella. I wasn't someone that Angela should be involved with, regardless of how much I wanted to get involved with her.
Yet at the same time, I knew that Edward made it work with Bella. He had fallen in love, and now wasn't allowing him harming Bella to even be a possibility. I could do that…Again I cursed myself.
Angela turned around, getting something out of her bag that lay on the floor. Our eyes met while she sat back up, and something in her expression made me smile. At the very least, I could carefully befriend her. Although I very aware on the inside that my plan was a very pathetic and frail one. But it was good enough to satisfy me for the moment.
Not too long later did the bell rang. I was at Angela's side sooner than she could have anticipated. Oops. "I believe our next classes are in the same building."
Bella and Edward walked by us, his arm around her waist. "See you two at lunch," Bella said with a genuine, but distracted smile. The concern she had yesterday was gone. Bella and Edward had definitely been discussing this situation. I didn't want to go exploring both of their minds at the moment, but I was surely going to take my own turn at interrogating them tonight. They all were keeping something from me, Edward, Bella, Alice, Jasper, probably Carlisle and Esme as well, and I was going to find out what it was.
Angela stood up and flung her bag over her shoulder. Walking to fourth period was much like this morning, very little was said. But there was a slight comfort in being with Angela. Her frequent glances at my face, along with her brief smiles made me think that she shared the same feeling with me.
Fourth went by in a blink. I had spent the entire class thinking of Angela.
Alice and I met in the hall way and walked into the cafeteria together. There weren't quite as many heads turning to look at me as there had been yesterday, which added to my pleasant mood.
"Good day?" Alice asked, flashing her bright teeth at me.
"I suppose," I simply stated. It was almost like she was playing with me. I was about to give in and ask her what was going on that I didn't know about, but Edward and Bella's appearance took away my chance.
Angela joined us in the lunch line. Although her scent was still very mesmerizing, I was having luck with controlling myself. I also hadn't been breathing much. When we all sat down at our table I decided I couldn't take it anymore, I wanted to know what they were keeping from me.
I read Alice's mind, quickly finding what I was searching for. One of Alice's visions filled my head. It was of our family, Carlisle, Esme, Rosalie, Emmett, Alice, Jasper, Edward, myself, and two other girls – Bella and Angela.
My poster became very rigid and I could feel the outrage flowing over my face. It all made sense now. Alice had seen the vision yesterday and talked to me before seventh period because she knew I had it with Angela. That is why she wanted me to be careful. It was also the reason Jasper had been talking as if Angela and I were already in a relationship with one another. And it was also the reason everyone had been acting completely different from yesterday.
How could you have seen that, Alice? I barely know Angela! I snapped inside of her head. She eyed me, a bit shocked that I had chosen now to read her mind.
It was very vague, David. I had a very similar vision with Edward and Bella, you know that.
But they had known each other longer than a day! I replied, still outraged. How could her fate already be damned like that?
David, calm down. It is not set in stone, as you are very much aware. You are obviously attracted to Angela in an unusual way. What I saw was just a likely outcome of that attraction. Alice was trying hard to calm me down, to no prevail.
…How do I change it? I asked her after pausing for a moment.
Alice didn't answer right away. She was having trouble forming her words in her mind. ...We decided that it's up to you. It's your choice, David, just like it was Edward's choice.
What do you mean it's my 'choice'? I spat.
It is up to you whether or not you want to get involved with Angela. I'm sure you know what I mean.
I had to soak that in. No one's bothered by your vision, not at all?
Rosalie and Emmett don't know about it. We didn't find it necessary to inform them until you had made your decision. Esme and Carlisle were a bit shocked that this happened again, but they both agree that if you really are attracted to Angela, and if you really do begin to feel for her in "that way", then whatever you do they'll support you. Edward can empathize. He's shocked too, we all are, but he knows what it is like. David, you should talk to him tonight, he could help you. As for me and Bella, well we generally feel the same. I personally can understand it. You and Angela would be very good together…
Alice, enough. This is a bit more than I can chew at the moment. I've hardly begun to think anything through. There's also the fact that Angela has had no say in anything. Hopefully she'll have more sense than Bella and won't want to get involved with the eternally damned! I slowly closed my eyes and sighed.
David, you're the one that can access minds. If it's this clear to me that she feels that way about you, then you yourself should realize it. Just promise me this, you'll calm down and not do anything rash. We don't want you running off to Alaska like Edward did. Everything will be fine regardless of what you decide—
Not if I endanger this girl! What if I—
You won't, David. Just calm down. Take your own advice and let yourself get to know her.
Although I wasn't near satisfied with Alice's suggestion, it was all I could handle for the time being. Things seemed to be going so fast.
We're going to talk tonight, I heard Edward think to himself.
Yeah, I guess we need to.
"You're not hungry?" Angela asked skeptically. Hearing Angela speak threw me off guard, letting her scent lure me into its trance.
"Not very, I'm alright," I replied, making sure my voice was calm and even. I gave her a complimentary smile as well. Angela took a moment to process my response. She seemed to be thinking about it more than I would assume was necessary.
"Oh," she said flatly before shrugging, "I guess this food isn't very good anyway. Although, you should still eat."
Angela was testing me. That was all too clear. I partially thought that she wanted me to be aware of it. Normally Angela would mind her own business and wouldn't feel the need to pry for any further information. But she was going further with me. Maybe Angela was getting suspicious…
Of course she is, I thought to myself. This is a girl that spends a good deal of her time around vampires. Her best friend is in love with a vampire. Everyone in this entire school is suspicious of us Cullens. It's a wonder that Angela hasn't caught onto the truth yet. And if it weren't for her self-content nature, she probably would have already demanded Bella to tell her it.
"I eat; Esme makes us a big breakfast every morning. She is a brilliant cook, fills me up till dinner," I gave her a sly expression, sending my own signal of no-surrender. I wasn't going to make anything easy for her. Angela was the last person I wanted to be interrogated by.
We filled the rest of lunch with a combination of silence and small, meaningless chatter. Angela was more talkative then she had been for the past two days, for whatever reason, determined to overcome her shyness.
It was easy to see Angela had a comfort with Bella, Edward, and Alice. She was trying to get that way with me, but whenever our eyes met her heart skipped a beat. Although I wasn't particular pleased with it, there was a large similarity with Bella's response whenever Edward touched or kissed her.
The bell released us once again. PE went by fast. I subconsciously responded to what was going on around me, hitting the volleyball without taking any notice to it. There was just too much to think about.
When my last period arrived my head was swimming with dozens of concerns. I was confused, angered, and upset with everything. Seeing Angela's face changed that. The combination of her marvelous scent and soft, warm hello washed away all of my previous thoughts. I was only thinking of her.
I spent the class period studying Angela, taking notice into everything that appealed to me. We occasionally exchanged some small conversations. Angela's small talk had definitely improved, yet there were times when her shyness crept back up upon her. At one point she got side tracked, staring straight into my eyes, and burrowing deep into my pupils. She sat there for a long moment before I finally decided to break it. I too was starting to get entranced. There was such purity in her gaze and features that I just couldn't help it. Angela's cheeks then flushed into a rosy blush, and I couldn't help but laugh.
She was beautiful. And I would no longer try to deny that.