Last chapter was a bit mean to Suzie, so this one is nicer. She doesn't suffer as much. (Sorry Suzie! Don't hate me!) Some certain characters will be coming soon. (Not in this chapter, but the next.) ;) I realized that most of the chapter names are based off of bands or song lyrics (kind of like the title of this story). I thought that my title was pretty clever since the main character's name is Suzannah. (ha ha, jokes) It would be funny except that the title is kind of ominous...
Chapter Three: What Doesn't Kill, You Makes You Stronger
There were many flaws in her plan. It was one thing to sign up using one's dead cousin's name, but it was another to actually show up to the recruitment building.
Suzie knew that if she signed using her real name, she would never get accepted. Riley had died of pneumonia a few years ago, so Suzie decided to use his identity to enlist. It wasn't the best idea, nor was it morally correct, but Riley was a good kid and they were the same age.
Suzie realized with a shiver that she was the only living member of the Barnes family left. Bucky was probably, hopefully, alive, but she didn't know where he was.
The young woman stared at her reflection. There were dark circles under her eyes and her eyes were red from crying. Her hair was a mess, brown tangles of hair stuck up in every direction. She was wearing a brown pair of pants and a white shirt. She tried her best to look like a man, but there were many problems.
The first one was her hair. She didn't want to cut it shorter than it already was. She hoped that she could pass through the line with her hair pulled into a man-bun.
She didn't wear makeup; she never did, but her face was still slightly feminine. She wasn't a curvy girl. Her body was built more like a boy than a girl, so that helped a lot. There was just one other problem that she had to take care of.
Her chest.
The men who enlisted were sitting in the waiting room with their shirts off. There was no way that Suzie could pass as a man, nor was she going to take her shirt off in public. She had snuck into the building because she had a hat pulled low over her face and wore baggy clothes, but without those, she would be caught.
Suzie sighed and ran a brush through her tangled hair. She pulled it into a tight man-bun. It didn't look too bad. Not many men had man-buns or long hair, but it was not completely unusual.
The other problem, on the other hand, was a not an easy fix. Her chest wasn't as prominent as other girls her age, but it was still noticeably female.
There was a knock on the door.
"Sir?" a deep voice asked. "Are you alright?"
Suzie stopped fumbling through her bag and glanced at the door. It was locked. Good.
"Yeah, just nervous," Suzie replied, making her voice deeper. She was surprisingly good at impressions and making different voices, but she couldn't do it for long. She would have to choose her words carefully.
"Okay. Whenever you're ready," the voice said. Footsteps could be heard fading away as the man left.
Suzie returned to her task. She had brought her mother's makeup, tan paint, and some white duct tape. The newly invented tape was expensive, but she needed it.
Suzie pulled her shirt over her head. She wasn't wearing anything underneath since the baggy clothes covered her well enough.
She pulled a long strip of tape from the roll and torn it off with her teeth. She placed the strip on the left side of her ribs and taped her chest down. A few more strips covered her well enough. It looked good, except it was a bright white color.
It was time for the paint. She painted over the tape with the tan color, which matched fairly well with her skin tone. She then took the makeup and painted in the extra features. After she was done, Suzie looked at her work in the mirror. She wasn't an artist, that was more Steve's thing, but it looked passable.
Suzie carefully pulled her shirt on over her work. The paint had already dried so it didn't leave residue on the shirt.
She decided that her face looked too feminine, so she took a makeup brush and added stubble or a shadow of facial hair. She stared at the details.
"Nah. Too fake," Suzie thought. She rubbed her hands on her cheeks and chin in an attempt to remove the makeup. Instead it smeared the makeup, making the "facial hair" looked more like a realistic five o'clock shadow.
"Huh," Suzie said in surprise.
Suzie gathered her things, took a deep breath, and opened the bathroom door.
"Here goes," Suzie thought as she sat down in the waiting room. She deliberately sat in the corner, away from the men. "What could happen? The worst they could do is kick me out, right?"
Suzie picked up a magazine and pretended to read so it would cover her face. The words were a blur on the page. Doubt kept invading Suzie's thoughts. She tried to focus on her plan, but the thought of failing was almost too real.
It was about twenty minutes before it was her turn to go through the recruitment process.
"Riley Barnes?" the man at the desk called out. Suzie didn't hear him, so the man repeated. "Riley Barnes?"
Suzie looked up from her paper. "Oh, that's me," she said quietly to herself.
She stood up and looked around. There was no one else in the room besides her and the man.
"Right this way," the man opened a curtain that led to a small, enclosed area and Suzie followed him in.
A nurse was taking notes on a clipboard. The man from the desk closed the curtain and left the two alone.
"Please take off your shirt," the nurse said and motioned for Suzie to take a seat on the hospital bed.
Suzie compiled and gently pulled her shirt over her head. She was glad that the nurse was a woman; it was more comfortable than being around a man. The tape had stayed and the paint was still intact.
"You are Riley Barnes, right?" the nurse asked. She was wearing a white dress and a Red Cross hat on top of her blonde hair.
Suzie nodded.
The nurse smiled. "Not much of a talker, huh? Well that doesn't matter. You are from Cold Spring, New York." Another nod and the nurse wrote something down on her clipboard. "Good. I'm going to talk your blood pressure and heart rate."
The nurse put her stethoscope on Suzie's chest and told her to breath deeply. Suzie obeyed and tried to think about how any small movement from the nurse could remove the tape.
After a minute or so, the nurse removed the stethoscope and jotted down some notes. She attached a blood pressure machine to Suzie's arm and wrote down more notes.
"Good. Now if you could stand on the scale so I could take your weight."
Suzie stepped onto the scale. She was average for girls her age.
"A little underweight, but its fine. Your height please," the nurse said and pointed to the tape measure attached to the wall. "Five foot six, perfect."
Suzie sat back down on the bed.
"Do you have any health complications?" the nurse asked.
Suzie shook her head no.
"Allergies?"
Another no.
"How old are you?"
"Twenty," Suzie said in a deep voice.
"Oh, what caused you to wait until twenty instead of eighteen?"
"My mother needed help with her health problems," Suzie replied.
"And her health problems were?" the nurse prodded.
"A bad hip from falling down the stairs. She couldn't walk."
"Is she better now?"
"You could say that…" Suzie said quietly as she stared at the floor. The pain of losing her mother and brothers was still fresh.
"Is she living by herself?"
"No. She passed away a month ago. Heart attack."
"Oh, I'm so sorry," the nurse said. She wrote more words on her clipboard. The nurse stood up and extended her hand. Suzie stood up as well and took it. "Well, that's it for now. You should get a letter in the mail if you are accepted."
"Thanks," Suzie said. She put her shirt back on and grabbed her bag. The nurse held the curtain open for her and Suzie smiled in response.
As she left the building, Suzie couldn't help but hope that the letter would come quickly. The nurse didn't seem suspicious of Suzie's appearance. There was a good chance that she would get accepted, but it had to come soon. Bucky needed her help, and Suzie doubted that Bucky would be able to last much longer, wherever he was.
It was nearly a week before the letter came. Suzie was wandering around the train station after her mother's and brothers' funeral earlier that day. She couldn't stand being at the cemetery since it was painful to watch their caskets being lowered into the crowd. They were buried next to Suzie's father, Henry Barnes. It was hard to accept that she would never see them again.
Just out of pure habit, Suzie checked the post office and the little mailbox that held the Barnes' family mail. Usually it was empty except for bills, since there were no living relatives left. Today, however, there was a small envelope addressed to "Riley Barnes." Suzie pulled it out in a hurry and ran home before she opened it.
The house was a mess since Suzie didn't have the motivation to clean it. Dirty plates and dishes filled the sink. Clothes were scattered on Suzie's bedroom floor. A thin layer of dust had settled on everything. Usually this much dust wasn't noticeable for the average person, but since Lacey was a huge neatfreak, everything had to be spotless all the time.
Suzie plopped down the living room couch and tore open the letter. She tossed the envelope aside and read the first lines on the paper inside. She skimmed over the letter. It was clearly an enlistment letter. She was accepted!
For the first time in the past few days, Suzie burst into a genuine smile. She jumped off the couch and gave a loud "whoop!" She rushed upstairs to her room and immediately started packing. The ship that would take her and other recruits was leaving that Saturday early in the morning. It was Wednesday today, but Suzie wanted to be packed and ready. She didn't want to forget anything.
A small suitcase was nestled under her bed and covered in dust. She cleaned the dust off and opened it up. She threw in several pairs of pants, shirts, socks, and underwear. She only had one pair of shoes: an old pair of leather boots that were a hand-me down from Bucky. Travis would usually get all of Bucky's old clothes, but the shoes only fix Suzie. Travis had larger feet than Bucky, much like their father, so Suzie claimed all of Bucky's shoes. They were a little big on her, but she stuffed newspapers in the toes and tied the laces really tight so they wouldn't slip off.
A few more hygiene essentials went into the suitcase: a brush, a few hair ties, a toothbrush and toothpaste, deodorant, and some shampoo. With those packed, Suzie closed the suitcase and tossed her dark gray jacket on top. She loved that jacket. She had gotten it a few years ago but it still fit her. It was in surprisingly good shape because Suzie treated it with respect. She had forgotten where she had got it from, but she still cherished it.
With her suitcase packed, Suzie decided to make dinner to keep her mind off of what was to come. As she was busy making grilled cheese sandwiches, she couldn't help but wonder what would happen to the house. Should she sell it? Keep it standing for when or if she comes back? The questions seemed to keep coming with no end; Suzie just hoped that Saturday would come soon.
Saturday came soon enough. Before she knew it, Suzie was up and packing the last, little things that she needed. She had changed into a brown pair of pants, a white shirt, her jacket, and Bucky's old boots. She had her hair pulled into a man-bun with the makeup facial hair and a newsboy cap pulled low over her eyes. She had packed extra rolls of tape, paint, and makeup just in case.
Suzie grabbed the suitcase and slung a backpack over her shoulders. She stepped out onto the front porch and locked the door behind her. As she walked down the little driveway, Suzie turned and looked back at her home.
The paint was peeling and the grass was yellow, but it was home. A home that she might not return too.
Suzie sighed and tried to hold back her tears. She didn't want to leave, but the house reminded her of Travis, Corbin, and her mom. No, she had to leave. She had to find Bucky.
The walk to the pier wasn't long. A bunch of other men were already gathered there. They were standing in small groups surrounded by suitcases and other bags. Suzie nodded in acknowledgement when a man turned and waved or smiled at her, but otherwise she kept her head low and stood away from the crowd.
A loud boat whistle rang through the air and the men grabbed their belongings and boarded the ship. Suzie picked up her suitcase from the ground and followed.
A man dressed in a sailor's outfit was standing near the top of the gangplank holding a clipboard.
"You're name?" the man asked and looked up his clipboard.
"Riley Barnes," Suzie replied.
The man jotted down the name and waved her forward. "Follow the ladder to the right, and your bunk should be there. Choose whatever one you want, we don't assign bunks."
Suzie nodded and followed his instructions. She climbed down a ladder and found herself in a small room filled with bunk beds. There were a few men who had already claimed their spots.
"Hey," one man with a thick beard said. He was busy sharpening a knife.
"Is this taken?" Suzie asked and pointed at the top bunk in the corner.
"Nah," the man replied and went back to sharpening.
Suzie smiled and tossed her bags up to the top bunk. She was about to climb up when another man dressed in a sailors uniform dropped down from the ladder.
"Everyone is wanted on the main deck," the sailor announced.
Everyone dropped what they were doing and went up to the main deck.
Suzie followed behind and stood at the end of a long line of men. Everyone was lined up in single file and standing at attention. Suzie dropped her arms by her sides and stared forward.
A man dressed in a captain's uniform strode up and down the line.
"I am Captain Richard Smith. I will be the one who is in charge of you lot, well, at least until we get to our main base camp. Colonel Chester Phillips will be in charge of you once you land. I will seem nice compared to him, so take this seriously while you still can. Since it is the first day, I will give you this time, and only today, to explore the ship and make friends. The boiler and engine room is off limits, but feel free to wander around," Captain Smith announced.
The group dispersed and went in different directions. Suzie wandered over to the railing. The ship had already taken off and she watched as the harbor grew smaller. She watched as her old life slipped away and she sailed to a new one.
There was no turning back now.
Next chapter coming soon! Hopefully things get better for Suzie. I swear I have no idea where I get this ideas. If you ask my friends, they would say that I'm kind and possibly even sweet. Guess my mind is full of dark thoughts. Oops! Whatever, I'm rambling. I wonder who actually reads author's notes. Please review! I would love to here from you! :)